


Long Road Home

by puddleofgoo



Series: A Life Less Ordinary [7]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sex, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-19
Updated: 2008-02-19
Packaged: 2018-01-13 00:47:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 168,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1206655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puddleofgoo/pseuds/puddleofgoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Rodney must decide if going home to Atlantis is worth the trade-offs. And once they decide, are they able to live with the consequences?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is seventh in the "A Life Less Ordinary" series and is set immediately following the events in A Life Less Ordinary 6: Boys Just Wanna Have Fun and includes the events in SGA 2x02 "The Intruder".

Rodney McKay didn't like surprises.

And after the bed incident and the message General Landry left on his answering machine at his apartment in rapid succession, Rodney had put his foot down. He was not doing anything else until he had more information.

Well, not about the bed. The bed was self-explanatory: John had insane friends. The Landry call is what he needed further clarification on.

He'd managed to track down Elizabeth Weir, but she'd been less than helpful. They were all going back to Atlantis and he was to spend the next week picking out scientists from the pool of available candidates. He had better things to do, he'd insisted, but she'd been firm. Either he did it himself or he had no new staff.

Rodney wasn't sure what would be better: his current depleted staff or new staff who would probably run home crying after three days. Although technically, it would be hard to run home from the Pegasus Galaxy, so that did give him a bit of an advantage. Not much, but some.

The bed, though—the bed that absolutely screamed and ranted that he was into kinky sex—had been another story entirely. John had just been…gleeful. How could Rodney say "no" after seeing John's face and knowing just how inventive his lover could be?

So, after dismantling Rodney's original bed—and saving the prescription mattress—they'd managed to assemble the new bondage bed. Rodney still couldn't believe John's friends had given them a bed as part of their wedding gift. And also…wedding gift. That in and of itself still surprised him. Granted it wasn't _legal_ legal—and wouldn't be until some rules and laws were changed—but they were as close to being married as they could be without the official paperwork. And honestly, as soon as they could get it, Rodney wanted to, but that would take a little more doing.

So, with the new bondage bed in place, that meant Rodney had too many beds in his two bedroom apartment. His old one, along with the new mattress and box spring, ended up in the spare bedroom. The twin was sent to his storage unit along with the rest of the crap he didn't want in the apartment but couldn't throw out.

Carson Beckett caught up with them later that afternoon, checking in after his trip to Scotland and wanting to get the details of their trip to Vegas. Dinner was set up for Friday night—John was going to cook—and they'd do a lot more catching up in person.

Slumping down in the living room on the couch several hours later, Rodney let the phone drop from his hand, rolling to a stop just before it plummeted to the floor.

"Please tell me we're done."

"Well, we're never really done. But I think we can take a break for now." John Sheppard—his lover, his partner, and the continuing commanding officer of Atlantis—was full of nervous energy. While Rodney had been making phone calls he had gone to the store to stock the pantry again, and was now pacing restlessly around the room.

"I'm tired, sore, and sweaty for all of the wrong reasons," Rodney said, glancing up, trying to watch John pace but refusing to move any further.

"We can take a shower and I'll give you a massage if you want, work out some of the kinks."

"Oh, god, that sounds amazing," Rodney groaned, closing his eyes. "But it requires one vital element."

John had moved behind the couch at some point, because his warm hands came down to rest on Rodney's shoulders. "Oh? What would that be?"

"Mmm," Rodney said, opening his eyes and catching John's gaze. "I'd have to move."

Grinning, John gave him an awkward, upside-down kiss. "Yes, there would be that. But think of the rewards. Clean. Naked. My hands all over you. Oil."

"Help me up."

Laughing, John walked around the couch, holding out a hand to Rodney.

Taking the offered hand, John tugged him upward, Rodney's hands instinctively winding around Sheppard's waist to catch his balance. And besides pressing up against his lover was always a good thing. There was only one other problem: there were too many clothes between them. "It's weird to be alone and dressed."

Lips quirking, John fingered the buttons of his shirt. "We can fix that. I like you better naked anyway."

"And I like being naked with you." Rodney leaned in, pressing his lips to John's in a quick kiss. "Gives you a lot more opportunities for touching. Skin on skin contact."

John pressed closer, deepening the kiss, licking into Rodney's mouth until they were both a bit breathless. At some point while Rodney had been distracted, his lover had managed to get both his shirt and pants undone. "Strip for me."

Quirking up an eyebrow, Rodney moved just enough so he had room to pull off his shirt. His jeans slid to the floor with a shake of his leg and he stepped out, thankful that he left his shoes at the door before he'd gotten on the phone with Carson. Thumbs in the waistband of his boxers and they were dropping just like his pants. He stepped out of them and kicked both to the side—somewhere under the coffee table—before moving back into John's embrace. "Better?"

John's pupils had dilated, and he made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a purr. "Much. You do naked very, very well."

"Mmm," he said as Sheppard's hands drifted to cup his ass, tugging him closer, the rough fabric of John's shirt and jeans rubbing in all the right places. Leaning in, Rodney nipped at his lover's mouth before finally moving in, pressing close, opening his mouth to give John's probing tongue entrance.

John worked a knee between his legs and pulled him up, the denim creating friction where he wanted it most. John moved his leg back and forth just slightly in time to the thrusts of his tongue.

Groaning into the kiss, the sound mostly absorbed by John's mouth, Rodney shifted closer, his hands wrapping around to hold John tightly—one at the small of his back, the other at the back of his neck, fingers grazing the fine hairs.

One of John's hands slipped from cupping his ass to dragging a finger over his entrance, teasing at it.

Rodney pulled his head back slightly, panting, forehead pressed to his lover's. "Oh…John…"

Pushing the tip of his finger inside, John stilled his hand. "Mine."

"Yes," he panted, wanting to feel his lover again, "all yours."

John pushed his finger in a bit further pulling a small moan out of Rodney before withdrawing it altogether. "We need to get you clean so I can give you that massage."

He groaned but took a deep breath and nodded. It only took a few touches for John to ramp him up. He felt like a teenager—horny and desperate.

John tilted his head, his hazel eyes knowing. Sometimes Rodney hated the fact that John knew how to play him so easily. But he had to admit that most of the time that knowledge worked really, really well for both of them, so he shouldn't complain.

"Get the rubber cuffs and suction cups we bought to leave here and bring them into the bathroom. I'm going to start the water." John's voice bore no argument, the words clear, firm. He squeezed Rodney's ass with his hand before turning away, heading to the master suite.

"Where are they?" he asked, John already several steps away.

"I separated the toys into a 'going' pile and a 'staying here' pile in the guest room. They'll be there." John disappeared into the bedroom.

"Did you at least mark them?" Rodney yelled but John didn't reply. Grumbling to himself, Rodney slowly moved to the spare bedroom, his erect cock making it a little difficult.

But John made him feel so good.

One glimpse inside the spare bedroom and he had to stop in the doorway, his eyes going wide at the piles. Damn. They'd bought a lot of…stuff. The smaller pile looked like it was probably staying, so Rodney rooted through it, grabbing the entire suction cup cuffs shower system. He had no intention of coming back here so he grabbed the waterproof vibe, ball gag, and blindfold—just in case.

He took a step away, but then thought better of it, moving back. Grabbing the entire pile, he headed into the master bedroom. It needed to there anyway and it would save them time later.

When he got into the master suite, Rodney heard the water running in the bathroom, and his lover appeared a moment later—naked and aroused. That was such a good look for him. "Wow, you came prepared. Hmmm. So many options." He stopped Rodney with a gentle hand on his arm, picking up the waterproof vibrator from the pile in his arms before turning a smile on Rodney.

"I have no intention of walking back in there for anything, and we needed to store most of this in here anyway," Rodney said, moving the few steps to the bed and dropping it on top. He fished out the rest of the waterproof items, handing them to John who was standing just behind him. Everything else needed to get put away, Rodney knew, but it could wait. Instead, he picked up the rest of the pile and moved a few steps over to the chair in the corner of his bedroom, by the closet, dropping everything on top of John's clothes.

When he turned around, John was there, pushing him against the wall next to the chair, a determined expression on his face. A cock ring was slipped onto Rodney's dick, and as he started to moan, John slid the gag into his opened mouth, shifting him forward enough to fasten it behind his head.

Rodney knew his eyes were wide—partially in surprise, but also in arousal. This was a sure way to turn Rodney on—this dominant play—and John knew it. Rodney could see it in his eyes, in the way his body held Rodney to the wall as he fastened the wrist cuffs into place. And Rodney felt himself responding to John's unuttered cues, shifting where his lover wanted, where he needed.

John like this was really, really hot.

Rodney let John tug him into the steaming bathroom and right into the shower, the warm water running down his arm and side before John turned him, the water striking his back for a few seconds before John moved forward, gently pushing him against the wall. With his forehead resting on the cool tile and his eyes closed, John spread his arms upward and apart and then attached him the wall. Rodney could hear John shifting behind him and then there was a touch on his ankle as a cuff wound its way around the limb. Once both were in place, John made him shift his weight, spreading his legs apart before they, too, were secured in place to the wall.

Moaning in arousal and anticipation, Rodney listened intently, trying to figure out what his lover was doing. He didn't want to open his eyes, didn't want to look. It was better to feel. John had taught him that. He heard John fiddling with something for a few seconds and then there was a blunt object pressing against his ass, slipping inside. It started to vibrate as soon as it was fully seated, pressed firmly against his prostate.

Rodney moaned long and low, the gag muffling most of the sound as he pressed his forehead against the cool tiles of the shower, his hands tugging at the restraints.

Leaving the vibrator in place, John started to wash him, the rough washcloth and slick soap adding to the sensations flooding his body, making him tremble and twitch. John was bringing his body to life with each and every pass of the cloth.

John unhooked him, only to turn him around and attach him to the wall once again. Rodney's body was completely pliable as he trembled with need, already beginning to melt.

He paid just as much attention to Rodney's front-side as he had the back, cleaning away all traces of sweat and dirt. Once he was clean, John's hands moved to his shoulders and neck, massaging at the knots of tension that had formed when they had gotten back.

Moaning, Rodney tugged at the restraints. The vibrator in his ass, pressed against his prostate, was slowly driving him insane. If it weren't for the cuffs, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his feet.

Chuckling, John started to kiss the areas he was massaging, moving down to Rodney's collarbone. John's mark, which was always there now, had started to fade again, so his lover sucked on the little patch of skin, adding teeth and tongue until Rodney once more had a vivid bruise there.

Even after John leaned back to look, Rodney could feel it on his skin, the nerves alive, his pulse hammering in the mark John had made. He finally managed to open his eyes, only to find a pleased expression on John's face.

"Mine." John repeated it, licking the spot again a few times. "All mine."

Heavy-lidded, Rodney nodded, his low moan mostly lost with the ball gag filling his mouth.

John's eyes sparkled a bit with humor. "Do you want to come, Rodney?" He reached down to caress Rodney's erection, which was achingly hard and leaking continuously at this point.

Shaking his head, he groaned as John's touch ignited every nerve. He wanted to, but he wasn't ready. John came first.

"No? Good. I really wasn't done playing yet." John bent down so he was eye-level with Rodney's chest. He licked each nipple once before starting to tease one with teeth and lips, not relenting until it was hard and aching with the attention.

All Rodney could do was stand there, trembling and shuddering, groaning and whimpering under the assault. John knew exactly how to tease him and make him feel like he was flying. And here, like this, he could let go. Nothing else mattered except John and his touch and his needs and wants.

Here like this, he wasn't in charge of a department of scientists in the middle of a war zone, fighting a war that they might not win.

Here like this, he wasn't making the decisions that would send colleagues to their deaths.

Here like this, he could forget the letters he'd had to write, the faces that were engrained on his psyche with a branding iron, labeled as the ones he couldn't save.

Here like this, he was simply Rodney. And he was John's.

Kissing the throbbing nub, John looked up through his lashes. "You taste so good. You're perfect, Rodney. So perfect..." He turned his attention to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment as the first.

There was a time when Rodney believed that something like this was never possible—especially for him. But John changed his mind and now he didn't know if he could learn to live without it.

He didn't want to live without it.

Without a word, John finally moved down, leaving two bright spots on his chest to suck on the head of his dick. The suction was strong enough to pull deep, needy noises out of him.

Rodney's head fell back, thumping against the tiles, his eyes closing as the sensations began to overwhelm him. John made him feel so good.

He didn't even know John had reached behind him until the vibrator, which had been inside him driving him crazy with pleasure, started to move. It was pulled out only a few inches, only to be pushed back against his prostate, over, and over, and over.

Sobbing into the gag, all Rodney could do was simply hold on, his body shuddering and trembling as John continued to tease and play.

Lifting his head for a moment, John didn't pause the hand that was slowly fucking Rodney with the toy. "When I take off the ring, I want you to come."

With a whimper he nodded, his need for release nearly desperate.

John went back to sucking. After what felt like a really long time, and without any warning, he took Rodney all the way, flicking off the ring and tagging his prostate with a hard thrust of the toy.

Rodney saw stars as he shuddered hard and came, his muffled shout ringing in his ears as he sagged against the wall, John's hand on his hip and the restraints on his wrists the only things holding him upright.

John milked him through his orgasm, pulling off and pulling the toy free just when it started to get overwhelming. He used the washcloth to clean up any lingering trace of sex and then rested his head against Rodney's stomach.

They stayed like that for several minutes, Rodney's breathing and heart-rate slowing as the trembling finally stopped.

Without lifting his head, John looked up, smiling softly. "Feel more relaxed now?"

Rodney nodded, offering a contented hum in response. He was more than relaxed. He felt boneless, pliant and malleable.

Reaching back, John turned off the water and stood. Rodney saw immediately that he wasn't hard. Widening his eyes, he felt a wave of panic. Was it something he did?

John caught the look. "Hey. What's wrong?" His fingers were behind his head a moment later, pulling the gag free.

"You're not…what's wrong? I thought you liked this…liked doing this. Was it something I did? I could…we could do something else—"

Blinking, John put a hand over Rodney's mouth to stop the flow of words. He flushed slightly. "I came right after you did. I was enjoying it so much I didn't even need to be touched."

Rodney felt his eyes widen. John…

Lifting his hand, John brushed Rodney's lips with his own. "You were perfect."

"That's…wow…" Rodney finally whispered, words ghosting over John's lips.

"And hey, I wasn't even wearing pants this time." He felt John's lips curve upwards against his own.

"Good thing."

"Why don't we go some place more comfortable than the shower?"

"Whatever you want," Rodney said with a smile, meaning every word. He'd follow John to the ends of the Earth.

With easy grace, John released all four cuffs, tossing the suction cups onto a shelf in the shower. He led Rodney to the center of the bathroom and started to dry him off.

Removing each cuff, John put them on the bathroom counter, drying the skin underneath before moving on to the next. Once he was done, John quickly dried himself off before leading Rodney into the bedroom, sitting him on the edge of the bed and stepping back.

McKay raised an eyebrow toward his partner. "What?"

"Admiring the view. Why don't we eat an early dinner, then I can spend the night ravishing you."

"Okay," he said quickly with a smile. "Do I still get a massage? I distinctly remember you offering one of those."

Laughing, John nodded. "Yes. But I know you well enough to know that if I start that before food, we'll never get around to eating."

"That's fine. I have no issues about waiting—as I think you know." Rodney's mouth twitched.

"You're a pretty patient guy." John didn't even bother to try and hide his grin as he held out a hand for Rodney.

"With some things," he said, letting John pull him up and lead him into the kitchen. "I don't tolerate stupidity."

"Good thing I could have been MENSA then, huh?" Seating him at the table, John started to root around in the pantry. "In the mood for anything?"

"Besides you? No, not really. We could always order pizza or something if you don't feel like cooking."

John shook his head, digging out a box of pasta. "I actually don't mind. I won't get to do this once we go back, so I'll get my fix in now."

Rodney shivered, the coolness of the room after the shower giving him a chill. "I'm not going to complain," he said, rising to his feet as he headed to the thermostat control, putting the heat a little higher. "I like real food."

Glancing over to track Rodney with his eyes, John started boiling the pasta, then actually started making sauce—not from a can. Apparently he had bought stuff when he went out. "Did I hear you tell Carson I'm cooking for him tomorrow, too?"

Rodney glanced over his shoulder on his way to the table with all of the mail. He'd only gone through part of the stack this morning. "Maybe."

Shaking his head, John chuckled. "It's okay. I bought a couple of steaks. I can make those."

Rodney paused, looking up at John with wide eyes. "You did all of this shopping when I was cleaning out the master bedroom?"

A faint flushed stained the back of John's neck. "After the message from Landry, I needed to move, and I was just getting in your way. I probably bought three times the amount of food we can actually eat in a week."

"We can ask Elizabeth over. We probably want to talk with her anyway."

"Sure. How about next Wednesday? I called in, and they have some kind of ceremony planned for Tuesday—something about O'Neill recognizing the Atlantis expedition, and Monday will be a hectic mess."

"Sure. I'll invite her when I see her on Monday. And who told you about the thing on Tuesday? Elizabeth didn't mention it to me."

"Walter Harriman. I called him when I was out. He seems to know everything about everything. I tried to hire him away from the SGC, but I couldn't find anything good enough to sweeten the deal. He mentioned not to make plans for Tuesday because of it, and I have to go get fitted for a dress uniform at some point Monday since I don't know where mine is stored now."

"Oh, really?" Rodney looked at John, his eyebrow rising as he considered the possibility of Sheppard in dress blues. He liked the thoughts he had and the mental image…mmm. But if John had to be in dress blues…" Does that mean I have to be in a suit and tie?"

"Probably. That was near the end of the conversation—we didn't talk long—and I started to panic when he mentioned the uniform. I haven't seen mine since my hearing, and that was several continents—and galaxies—ago. That was when he said they keep spares on base, so I should be able to find something that fits me with a little alteration."

"Damn," Rodney said, blushing slightly. "I don't know if I have ties we didn't mangle."

John laughed, rolling his eyes. "We can try and salvage one of them."

Rodney moved back toward the kitchen, offering John a timid smile. "I guess we have enough replacements. Lots and lots of them."

Humming, John reached out to pull Rodney close enough to kiss. The smell of fresh garlic, tomato paste, and other herbs filled the air in the kitchen. "You look so beautiful tied up, we have to make sure we have plenty of options for every occasion."

Wrapping his arms around John, Rodney deepened the kiss, relishing the feel of skin and closeness.

"Love you." John whispered it against his lips before turning his head enough to stir the sauce.

"I should let you work so you don't burn dinner."

"You could stand behind me. Put your arms around me and keep me company."

"I could," Rodney said with a hum, pressing a brief kiss to John's lips as a thought occurred to him. They had restraints and they had the time. "I'll be right back."

"Okay." John smiled at him, nuzzling briefly into the curve of Rodney's neck before letting him go.

Padding into the bedroom—glad the apartment was finally getting a little warmer—Rodney grabbed two items off the chair in the corner along with the small tube of lube. He walked back out, handing John the metal plug, blindfold, and lube with a hesitant and hopeful smile. "In case you wanted to make dinner a little more intimate."

Raising an eyebrow, John smiled before leaning in to kiss him deeply. "Never stop surprising me. It's got to be one of the sexiest things about you."

"We're not going to be able to do this for much longer."

"Well, not publicly. But you can wear a lot of this stuff under your clothes with no one the wiser." John reached around the drag the cool metal across Rodney's entrance. "Imagine spending the whole day in the lab knowing this is in, knowing it means I'll make you fly that night."

Rodney shivered from the thoughts and sensations, letting his arms wrap around his lover. "I think I'd like that."

"Hmm, I thought so. And the chastity device will disappear in your clothes as well. So you'll have that on a lot—well, that or our vibrating cock ring. I miss that, so I'll want to play with it when we get back."

"I imagine you do." And honestly, so did Rodney. There was something so…freeing and naughty and hot when someone else controlled your orgasm, held your pleasure in their hands. And John had some very talented hands.

John got a dreamy look on his face. "I'm thinking the cock ring vibrating—I think I've figured out how to make it pulse—and a vibrator buried inside you while you're hooked into the suspension gear. Maybe nipple clamps. I wish they had a vibrating version of those, too."

"They do. I thought you saw them." Rodney remembered them from the adult store in Vegas. He thought he'd pointed them out to John. He could even picture them hanging on the hook near where the other nipple clamps had been.

John blinked. "Huh. No, I missed those. Darn it—I guess we'll have to get a set next time."

"We're here for a week. I'm sure you can get it delivered. Why go out when you can just order in? The Internet is great for that. You can even price shop."

"Mmm, good point. I'll look online later." John glanced over to stir the sauce again. "This is almost done."

Rodney pressed a kiss to John's jaw before turning around, moving the few steps to the table. He leaned over, placing his hands on top before shifting his stance, spreading his legs and waiting.

He heard John suck in a breath, followed by lips pressed against his ass. "So beautiful," John murmured into his skin.

Glancing over his shoulder, he watched as John quickly lubed the plug, pressing the cold metal against his entrance for a few seconds before pushing it inside. Rodney felt himself stretch for a brief moment and then moaned as it settled into place.

John bent down and kissed both of his ass cheeks before he tugged him up straight once again. Without turning him around, John settled the blindfold into place, the silk smooth against his skin, warming almost immediately. A few tugs and it was secured, John's hands drifting down to his shoulders. "Do you want to stay here while I finish dinner, or do you want me to take you to the chair?"

"I figured I could do what you asked before…if you wanted." Rodney shrugged, feeling John's hands rise and fall with his shoulders.

John hummed, pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck before guiding Rodney to stand behind him, pulling Rodney's arms to settle around his waist. "It really doesn't get any better than this, does it?"

Rodney rested against John's back, fitting his chin on his lover's shoulder. He kept his voice low when he answered. "Only when you're fucking me."

He felt John's slight tremor. "Later. We'll get to that after dinner and the massage."

"I can wait. Until then, this is good…very good." He settled against John as the other man continued to cook, moving as little as possible. It felt so good to be pressed up against John like this, simply holding him, his fingers rubbing lightly on his lover's stomach. He didn't want to distract him when he was cooking, but he did want him to feel good—just like Rodney did.

Letting his mind drift, Rodney simply enjoyed the smells, the touch, the quietness between them. John's voice, when he did speak again, was hushed, but firm.

"Open your mouth." When he did, John slipped a finger in, coated in sauce. "How is it?"

Licking the finger clean, Rodney let John pull it out. "I may need more to check."

John chuckled but slipped another sauce-coated finger into Rodney's mouth.

Sucking off the sauce, Rodney offered John a smile as he licked his lips. "I think it's pretty good."

He heard a pop, and assumed John was testing the sauce too. "Hmm. It needs something..." He moved a bit, and the sounds of things being added to the pot clinked around them. "Open your mouth again and try this now."

This time the tip of the wooden spoon grazed his lip and he sucked at it, getting all the sauce off. "Mmm…better."

"Hmmm, it still seems like it's missing something. Hang on." John gently untangled himself from Rodney and disappeared for a moment. Rodney could hear him rummaging in the pantry again. "Where did I...? Ah here we go."

"John?"

"Yes?" John was suddenly there again, pulling Rodney's arms back around his waist.

"What did you get?"

"Olive oil. I don't add it to a sauce unless I think it needs it, and even then not much but here, try it now." A spoon bumped his lips again.

Rodney sucked the sauce off the spoon, licking his lips clean a moment later. "It still tastes good."

John chuckled. "It's not my best, but for a thrown-together thing over store-bought pasta, it will do. Stand here for a minute while I set the table. I want you straddling my lap when we eat."

Rodney let John move him to the side, bumping his hip against the counter while the other man moved around him. "How is that going to work?"

"You'll see." After a few more minutes, John took his elbow and led him to the table. He heard John sit and then he was directed to lower himself so he was facing John, sitting on his lover's knees.

Rodney knew he wasn't exactly a lightweight, but this couldn't be good for John's legs. "Are you sure about this?"

A hand caressed his cock, making him purr quietly. "Not comfortable?"

"I'm…I'm okay."

"Keep your mouth open a bit when you aren't chewing so I can feed you." A fork slipped between his lips with pasta and sauce before he could respond.

Chewing, he nodded, letting his hands rest on John's hips, his thumbs making patterns on his skin.

They were both quiet for a while, John feeding him slowly, hands roaming his body in between bites.

Rodney let himself drift again, losing himself in the sensation of his hands on John's skin while his lover caressed and touched him, feeding him bite after bite.

He opened his mouth expecting another bite, but suddenly his lover's mouth was there instead, tasting like dinner and some indefinable flavor uniquely John.

"Mmm," Rodney hummed, licking his way into John's mouth before the other man took control.

A hand came up to cup his neck, holding Rodney in place while John chased all the lingering traces of sauce out of his mouth. The other hand was between them, wrapped loosely around his dick with just John's thumb rubbing circles on the head.

Rodney moaned, his body squirming a little, but held in place between John's hands. His own hands were busy, stroking and running up and down his lover's sides, trailing around to feel the muscles in John's back as he moved and shifted.

Breaking off the kiss, John leaned back in the seat, thumb still moving lazily, but his other hand dropped to rest on Rodney's thigh. "I want to feel you touch me. However, your cock is mine, and I'm not letting go, so you'll have to work around that."

Rodney leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of John's mouth—missing his intended target, but not caring. "I can do that," he said, letting his hands roam over John's body, skimming lightly. With John casually holding onto his cock—his grip firm, but not too tight—Rodney slowly lost himself to the feeling of John—surrounding him, anchoring him—as he mapped every piece of his lover's body he could reach with fingers and lips.

John was panting softly, arching up every time Rodney hit a sensitive spot. But his thumb never stopped or wavered, connecting them, giving Rodney something to focus on.

Sliding his hands over John's jaw, he followed with his lips, loving the feel of stubble, the feel of John—his solidness, his sureness, the firmness of his hands and voice as he instructed him, never doubting. He felt safe, secure. He was home.

***

John was fighting to keep his breathing even, his fingers steady and firm.

It was hard. Damn hard.

Rodney was touching him, and it felt so good. He wanted to throw his head back and just go with it, but right now, this was more about Rodney than him. So often when they played Rodney was restrained, but he knew his lover ached to touch him sometimes. This was his attempt to give him that, to let him touch wherever and however he wanted.

“Oh…” He couldn’t help the moan that escaped when Rodney hit a particularly good spot, however.

Rodney chuckled low in his throat, but didn't stop what he was doing, his lips drifting toward an earlobe.

John let his head fall to the side to give Rodney full access.

He sucked on John's earlobe, his tongue licking for several minutes before moving to the sensitive spot behind he ear, nibbling and licking, tonguing the area. Rodney slowly eased his way down the side of John's neck while his fingers traced patterns on John's skin.

Swallowing hard, John sucked in deep breaths, fighting his urge to let his eyes close.

Rodney had started murmuring as his lips traveled over John's collarbone, the words indistinct, lost between McKay's mouth and Sheppard's skin. His hands never stopped, even as they drifted across John's nipples, the agile fingers playing with the rings before moving away once again.

John moaned as Rodney hit his hot spots, then moaned louder when he left them alone, knowing it was moving into the 'whine' category and not caring.

As Rodney drifted back to his neck, finally switching sides, John finally caught some of his lover's whispered words. "…John…love…feels…can't believe…no one…John…home…"

Groaning again, John arched his body into Rodney's, gasping. "Rodney...God, love you..."

Rodney moved again, ducking his head into the crook of John's shoulder, his hands finally stilling, clutching at John, panting as if he'd just run a marathon.

"Yours, Rodney. All yours. Always."

"I want you inside of me," he finally whispered, lips ghosting over John's skin.

Reaching for the lube Rodney had brought out, John slicked up his cock. He encouraged Rodney to stand, which gave him enough room to slip the plug out. Then, he guided Rodney down, lowering him onto John's cock. They both groaned as John entered him. "Ride me."

"Feels so good….so full…perfect…want you so much…" Rodney was murmuring, whispering, an openness on his face.

John took a few deep breaths to steady himself, and then let his hands rest on Rodney's hips. "Use me, Rodney. Ride me."

"No…nonono," Rodney shook his head, hands clutching a little more tightly around John's shoulders.

"Rodney..." John was going crazy with Rodney just sitting on him, around him. He really needed his lover to move.

"You feel so good, John…filling me, stretching me…"

John groaned, fighting the urge to buck up. "T...take what you need."

"So good…so full…"

John reclaimed his hold on Rodney's dick, caressed the head, smearing the pre-come around.

Moaning, Rodney didn't move, possibly settling more fully in John's lap instead.

John finally let his head fall back. He knew Rodney loved being filled, fucked, taken. And a dildo just wasn't the same. He would hold out for as long as he could, give his lover as much as he could.

Pressing his face against John's neck, Rodney panted into the skin, his body trembling.

John started to stroke him, using long, steady strokes he knew would bring Rodney to the edge slowly.

"God…no…" he moaned, pressing closer. "Don't…John…please…"

"You don't want me to touch you?"

"I do…I do…don't want to come…"

John shuddered, knowing Rodney could feel the movement deep inside him. "Rodney... Oh, god..."

"Want you to take me, use me…please…just want you…"

"For me to...do that...will require you...moving off my cock."

Rodney moaned again, clenching down on John's dick buried deep inside him.

"Fuck!" John couldn't help bucking up a little at the sensation.

"Please…John…please…"

John couldn't help the series of small thrusts he made up into Rodney before he regained his self-control, settling back down into the chair. "...killing me..."

Rodney whimpered, his muttered 'please' ghosting across skin.

"Can't take this much longer... Need to feel you, fuck you..."

"Please, yes…John…please…"

Shifting, John forced Rodney to stand, pulling out of his body. He turned his lover around, putting McKay's hands flat against the table. Then he slid home again, groaning as he claimed Rodney, made him his own yet again.

McKay whimpered and moaned, but pushed back to meet John.

John had held off too long for finesse and being careful. He pounded into Rodney, only pausing to adjust his angle enough to ensure he was hitting the sweet spot on every thrust.

"Oh…so good…so good…" Rodney was chanting and panting, his body taking each and every thrust easily, beautifully.

John growled, feeling his orgasm pooling quickly. "Come."

Rodney bowed his head and groaned long and loud, his dick erupting with a stream of come as he climaxed, managing to spray himself, the kitchen table, and the floor. The muscles in his ass clenched down on John's cock as he came, shuddering through the aftershocks.

John couldn't hold back the deep groan as his own orgasm was ripped out of him. He pulled out and slid to the floor, his knees no longer capable of holding him up at the moment.

His lover was panting hard, still holding onto the table exactly where John had placed him.

John drew in a few unsteady breaths. "Feel free to join me down here. I don't think I can move for a few minutes."

Rodney shifted slowly and John could see come seeping out of his ass, trailing down the back of his thighs as he eased himself down to the kitchen floor, turning toward John, hand reaching out tentatively.

John grabbed it, pulling Rodney into the curve of his arms, pushing his nose into Rodney's neck. "Hey."

McKay settled in close, his body still trembling a little. "Hi," he whispered after a moment, his hands wrapping around John. "Best dinner ever."

John laughed into Rodney's skin. "Yeah. Every dinner should be that good."

"I don't think we can do this the night Carson comes over."

"I don't know, he might want to give that cock ring a trial run."

Rodney groaned. "I do not need to know what Carson's like in bed."

"Oh, I wouldn't let him touch you. I reserve that right for myself. But if he wanted to watch..." John felt his ears get hot. "You're married to an exhibitionist, I'm afraid."

McKay hugged him tighter; his voice when he finally replied was quiet. "If that's what you wanted…"

John hummed. "I'll keep that in mind. But I'll do my best to curb that particular urge. Not many people want to watch me claim you anyway—at least not many people outside certain circles."

Sighing, Rodney shivered. "Do you think we could get off the kitchen floor soon? My back and my ass aren't happy with their current location."

"Yes. Hang on, let me get up, then I'll bring you into the bedroom. I need to get the kitchen cleaned up before all this stuff has a chance to get too sticky." John pushed himself up, joints popping a bit. Getting older sucked.

"I can help—" Rodney began as John rose to his feet, pulling McKay up with him.

John covered Rodney's mouth with his. "How about I sit you in one of the chairs after I clean you up a bit? You can keep me company while I take care of everything else."

"I…sure." He nodded as his hands slid up and down John's arms.

John kissed the corner of Rodney's mouth again, and then grabbed a washcloth, getting it damp and carefully cleaning both himself and his lover up. There was still plenty of lube on the plug and with an evil thought—and without warning Rodney—he slipped it back into his lover's ass.

Rodney moaned, turning his head toward John. "If you'd done that earlier, I'd still have your come in me."

John bit the side of his neck gently. "Maybe later. When we get back, I'll fill you, then you can walk around all day knowing you still have part of me inside you."

"Hmm…" Rodney said as John sat him in one of the kitchen chairs.

John ran a thumb along Rodney's jaw before turning his attention to the rather messy remains of dinner and after-dinner activities.

"I wonder what's been going on there," Rodney said, his voice quiet, wistful.

"Where?"

"Atlantis. Been thinking about it."

"We'll know soon enough. I can't imagine they aren't keeping in touch while we're here. Hopefully the Monday briefings will include that information. But I'm sure they're fine."

"I guess."

"Zelenka is a good guy. He won't let the city sink while you're away." John paused, several other things clicking in his head. "They're going to give me a new XO. Shit. I hadn't even thought of that. But with Ford MIA..."

"Whoever it is will be better than Bates." There was no love lost between Rodney and the Marine and John still didn't know why they rubbed each other so wrong.

"Well, once he's healed, as far as I know, Bates will resume his position as head of security. But, yeah, my guess is they'll give me someone new as an actual XO. Hey, maybe they'll send more AF guys in addition to the Marines."

"Great. More hot-shot pilots." If Rodney wasn't blindfolded, John knew his eyes would be rolling upward just from the tone of his lover's voice.

"We're out to take over the world." John snickered. He got the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and turned his attention to scrubbing the come off the furniture and floor.

"We've been gone a long time. A lot could have happened."

"True. But we're not there, so there's nothing we can do about it right now. Just relax. Zelenka will check in before we board the Daedalus, and you'll get a full report when we get back."

"But what if they screwed up my projects? I gave him very specific instructions and knowing that Czech he probably forgot something and everything will have to be started all over again."

John stood and straddled Rodney's knees, pulling his lover in for a deep kiss, before pulling back. "Don't worry about it right now. You'll have plenty of time later."

"But—"

"No, buts," John said firmly, cutting off Rodney before he could get started. "We're still on vacation, and you aren't going to drive yourself crazy worrying about things you have no control over right now."

"I just can't forget about it."

"I'm not asking you to forget about it. I'm asking you not to worry about it."

"One is directly connected to the next." Rodney sounded huffy.

John kissed him again. "Then think about me and all the things I like to do to you instead."

"Right now Atlantis is front-of-brain."

John reached down to get a hand around Rodney's dick, still limp from their earlier play. "Wrong. Right now I'm the only thing that's front and center."

"I can't help it…" Rodney began, his voice trailing off as John tightened his grip a little.

"No. Stay here." John rose and went into the bedroom, spotting the toy he was looking for. The vibrating cock ring of Atlantean design was better—anything mind-controlled fell into the 'better' category—but this would do for now. When he got back to the kitchen, he stroked Rodney until he was semi-hard again and then put the ring on him, turning on the vibrations. "Focus on that, and me, and nothing else."

Rodney moaned, leaning into John, head on his shoulder as he shuddered. "Oh…"

John kissed the side of his cheek. "I need to finish cleaning. Don't move. Just stay there and feel."

He nodded, letting John lean him against the chair back as he turned to finish cleaning, Rodney moaning softly as the cock ring vibrated around his shaft.

John made quick work of the rest of the kitchen. When he was done, he slowly turned around a few times, making sure there was no incriminating evidence left to find. Nodding to himself, he slipped his hand into Rodney's pulling him upright. "We're going into the living room. Lie down on the couch, feet flat on the cushions, legs spread as far as you can get them without falling off."

Rodney nodded in understanding as John let him into the other room, sitting him on the edge of the couch. It took a moment got Rodney to get his bearings with the blindfold still on. He shifted after a few seconds, getting into the position John wanted, his cock standing proudly, red and leaking.

John quickly went into the bedroom again, grabbing one of the slim vibrators along with several other items. When he returned, Rodney hadn't moved. He pulled the plug out and slipped the vibrator in immediately, flicking it on to a pulse setting.

"Oh!" Rodney yelped, obviously not expecting the sensation. John loved those reactions. They were pure Rodney—pure reaction without coaching or censor.

John had grabbed a few of the straps and the cuffs at the same time as the vibrator—he quickly put them on his lover and rigged a set-up to keep Rodney firmly in place in his current position.

Tugging at his now-bound wrists, Rodney moaned. From his shifting body and continuous sounds, the vibrations around his cock and his ass had to be driving him insane.

John sat back to enjoy the view of Rodney writhing on the couch, moans getting louder and louder. It was beautiful.

The ringing of the phone jolted John back to reality, Rodney's moans not even abating as he got lost in the sensations.

Quickly dialing down the vibrations to the lowest settings, John grabbed the cordless phone and moved into the other room, half listening to Rodney as he answered. "Hello?"

"Hi. Rodney McKay?"

"No. He's a bit tied up at the moment. May I ask who's calling? I'll give him a message."

"This is the correct number?" The caller was speaking quietly, the caller-ID giving him a 'private caller' message. There was something distinct about the voice, but John couldn't place it.

"If you tell me what you want, I might be able to help you. Otherwise I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you."

"I will call back."

"He won't be available then, either I'm afraid. This is an answering service, and we don't pass along calls unless we know who is calling." John figured a little white lie never hurt anyone—and he was starting to get a bad feeling about this.

"I…" the caller trailed off. "I'm an old friend. I'll call back." The line clicked and John knew he'd disconnected.

Huh. John hung up the phone and shrugged, tossing it on the counter before returning to Rodney. His lover was continuing to squirm and moan, a light sheen of sweat covering him. "Hey, how are you doing there?"

"John…god…killing me."

"You want to come?" John took a nipple between his fingers, rolling it a little, pulling a heartfelt and desperate moan from Rodney. "But you look so pretty like this. I could sit and admire you all day."

"What good…good would that do?" Rodney was panting, writhing on the couch as if he could get away from the vibrations.

"You're amazingly hot like this. It's like live porn on my couch." John pinched the nipple a little harder before going back to gentle rolls.

Rodney moaned loudly before going back to his panting breaths, his body continually in motion. "Surprised…surprised you don't have a video camera, then."

"It's more fun to watch it live. And I can always tie you down and do it all again." John used his free hand to dial the vibrations on both the ring and the dildo up a notch.

His lover bucked up, groaning loudly as his body shuddered hard. "Oh, fuck…John…"

"How much can you take, Rodney? How long can you stay like this? Can you hold out until I push the vibrations up to the max?"

"Don't…don't know…"

John petted him for a minute before increasing the levels again. "I think you can take it. I think you want to be pushed like this."

Rodney keened, long and loud, as he tugged hard at his bindings, his body shaking, demanding release.

"Not yet. You still have a few settings to go. Take it, Rodney." John left the poor nipple alone, letting his hand rest on Rodney's stomach to give his lover something to center on. "God, you're amazing like this."

Rodney settled a little at John's touch, but John could feel the tremors wracking his lover's body as John pushed him higher and higher.

It was beautiful.

When it appeared that Rodney had adjusted, John increased the vibrations again. "Just two more up after this. You're almost there."

"Please…John…please…" Rodney's whispered words sounded so desperate, nearly a sob as he groaned and trembled. Beautiful. So perfect.

"Soon. I promise, I'll let you have release soon." He increased the vibrations again.

This time Rodney's bucked again, not as much as before, as his overly sensitized body started to completely overwhelm him. This time John was certain Rodney sobbed, the only sound he uttered.

John leaned down and captured his lover's mouth in a kiss, swallowing Rodney's moans. He reached down to increase the vibrations to their highest level, even as he deepened the kiss.

Rodney trembled, barely cognizant of anything other than the vibrations.

Knowing when he came it was going to be hard, John left Rodney's mouth and moved to his dick, kissing the tip. "When the ring comes off, I want you to come."

Rodney only moaned loudly, the sound ending in a sob. It was time.

John swallowed him down, sucking for a few minutes, enjoying the way he could feel the vibrations all the way up Rodney's shaft. But he knew it was getting close to pain for his lover, so he took pity on him. With one hand, he grabbed the vibrator, and with the other he fingered the catch to the cock ring. He pulled the dildo free at the same time he freed Rodney to come, sucking hard.

With a choked off shout of John's name, Rodney came hard, his body rising off the couch as much as the restraints and John's mouth on his cock would allow before slumping bonelessly back down, head lolling to the side even as his body continued to shake and tremble through the aftershocks of his orgasm.

John milked him, swallowing until there was nothing left. He licked Rodney completely clean, and then tossed the toys aside, undoing the restraints so he could blanket Rodney with his body. He rested his head on his lover's chest and waited for him to wake up.

It didn't take as long as John thought it would. Apparently his lover was getting used to these kinds of sessions. "John?" His voice was breathy and a little raw.

Turning his head, John kissed his mark on Rodney's body. "I'm here."

"Gonna kill me."

Huffing his amusement, John shook his head. "I'm the one who hasn't gotten to come yet."

"Just flip me over and fuck me. I’m not moving for a while," Rodney whispered.

"Mmmm, tempting as that sounds, I haven't been kind to your poor ass today. I do want you to be able to walk tomorrow. I'll jerk off in a minute."

"Fuck my mouth?"

"I thought you couldn't move."

"You don't even have to flip me over. How's that for not moving?"

"Well, I would like a little participation..."

"Jerking off is a solitary endeavor."

John moved his hips a bit restlessly. He could ignore his own need when he was pleasuring Rodney, but now his erection was starting to get uncomfortable. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. Take whatever you need."

Sitting up, John took in the angle Rodney was at. He sighed—it would require moving him to get the angle right. "I don't think I can like this. I appreciate the offer, but unless you're up to sitting up a bit..."

"Do whatever you need. I'm here for you." Rodney sounded sincere…

Helping him move, John got a pillow under Rodney's neck and shoulders. "God, I need you. Suck me, Rodney. Take me..." He positioned himself carefully, keeping the thrusts shallow and easy.

Rodney took him in eagerly and, even as much as Rodney complained he wasn't going to move, began sucking like a pro, humming as John thrust in and out.

Taking deep breaths to steady himself, John was glad he had come a few times already today. He wanted to draw this out as much as he could. He was vaguely aware that he started talking, telling Rodney how amazing he was, how much he loved him, how crazy he drove John with need.

His lover continued to suck and hum, using his teeth and tongue to bring John to the edge. As John's thrusts got deeper, Rodney moaned, relaxing the muscles in his throat to let John fuck his mouth a little better, to go a little deeper.

"Oh, oh, oh... gonna...Rodney..." John thrust a bit deeper a few times, then stiffened, pouring himself down Rodney's throat.

Rodney gagged a little at first, but managed to swallow everything down, holding John's softening cock in his mouth until John was ready to pull out.

John tumbled off the couch as his body relaxed. He stared at the ceiling. "Ow."

"Ow? I didn’t think that was the way sex was supposed to end and where the hell did you go?"

"I'm on the floor. I sort of… fell off. And I'm too post-coital to rectify that."

Rodney shifted on the couch so he was aligned along the edge, aiming his head in the right direction, but with the blindfold on it wasn't like he could see anything. "Are you okay? And I moved. Was I supposed to? I don't remember if you told me if I could or not…"

John laughed. "You can move. We're post-orgasm, so the slate has been cleared until next time."

"I didn't realize there were specific times when we were in the middle of a sex-thing that the whole 'don't move' thing didn't apply."

"If I say don't move, then I don't want you to move. Otherwise, it's okay. And really, if I don't want you move I'm more likely to just tie you down." John rolled to his side and climbed back up on the couch, blanketing Rodney again.

"Or do this," Rodney said, his hands resting in the small of John's back, the leather of his cuffs warm against John's skin.

"Mmmm." John snuggled in a bit more. "Nap?"

"Bed's comfier."

With a huff of agreement, John got his body online again, pushing up and pulling Rodney behind him. "I need at least a few hours after coming that hard three times."

"Surprisingly I’m not too tired," Rodney said, a smirk on his face, no longer hesitating or second-guessing John as he was tugged through the apartment.

"Okay, then you can take the blindfold off at any time and watch me sleep. Feel free to touch. Just be there when I wake up again."

"Only one way to guarantee that." Yep, the smirk was definitely in place.

"You wouldn't stay if I ordered you to?" John raised an eyebrow even though Rodney couldn't see it as he guided his lover to the bed.

"Maybe."

John got Rodney into the bed, attaching one strap to his ankle, but leaving the rest off. "The only thing you can take off is the blindfold."

"Not like I have any other options. You probably locked everything in place."

John hummed his agreement and then curled against Rodney. His own body was getting heavy, and he knew he was starting to slur his words a bit. "Love you."

"Mmm," Rodney said, shifting slightly so that John settled against him a little closer.

Breathing in the familiar and comforting smell of Rodney, John let himself slide into his nap, thinking he still owed Rodney a massage when he woke up again.

***

It was strange to walk around with clothes on when it was just him and John. But with Carson expected at any moment, clothes were a requirement. Granted, John had put the chastity device and metal plug in place after he'd come in the shower just before John had started cooking. Rodney had used the same time to straighten up a little, making sure all their toys were put away.

He'd even run out to the store at one point, grabbing some beer, alcohol, and a few other odds and ends they needed. But now, all he could do was wait, and he was never good at that part.

"What time did he say he was coming?"

"I have no idea. You talked to him, remember?" John glanced back at him from where he was cooking, grinning. "It's 1900 now—he'll probably be here soon."

"Yes, I do remember talking to the man. What we discussed is another matter entirely."

John laughed, shaking his head. "Since you have so much energy, come keep an eye on those vegetables for me. When the colors are bright and vivid, they're done."

Rodney grumbled, but moved over to the stove, peering into the pot as John walked out of the kitchen. "Where are you going?"

"To get ready. I won't be long. Just watch those, and when they're done, pull the pan off the heat."

"But your definition of bright and vivid might be different than mine. What then?" Rodney called over his shoulder, his eyes firmly fixed on the vegetables in the pot.

"Don't worry about it!" John called out, his voice slightly muffled for a moment. "I'm right here, and I'll be right back."

"I know you. You'll blame me if they're overcooked."

"No, I won't. How is that knowing me?" John's voice came from right behind him. "And they look fine. Another minute or so, and they'll be ready."

Rodney jumped, turning around and getting an eyeful of John in tight black jeans and one of the shirts that hugged his body in all the right places. "Oh…" He felt his eyes widening as he stared.

Grinning, John took the spatula from Rodney's hand and stirred the veggies. "I look okay?"

"Can I strip and you fuck me in that?"

John's eyes widened slightly. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted by the doorbell. "Hold that thought. Later."

"Nonono. You're quick. Let him wait a few minutes."

John laughed, leaning in to kiss Rodney. "We can't make him stand outside while we have sex. But later. I'll strip you and only open my jeans enough to get my dick out while I take you."

"But I have to stare at you all night like that," Rodney whined, gesturing to John's crotch.

John turned to get the door, wiggling his hips. "Carson knows about us. So feel free to ogle as much as you want."

"Dead man. I'm a dead man," Rodney muttered, following John as he walked to the door, his eyes on Sheppard's ass.

John opened the door, to find a smiling Carson. The two hugged, and that, of course, meant John bent a little, highlighting his ass even more. When he turned, the shirt was pulled tight enough to outline the nipple rings. John looked amused. "Don't mind him, Carson. I surprised him earlier and he's still recovering."

Rodney shot John an annoyed look—hued with arousal—before turning to his friend, patting him on the back when the Scot hugged him tightly. "Welcome home, Carson."

"Same to you, my friend. So what did John surprise you with? If it was anything like the last surprise the lad sprung on me, I'm not surprised you're a bit stunned." Carson followed them into the kitchen.

"Just…" Rodney said shaking his head, breaking off the thought. "How was Scotland?"

John laughed, a dirty sound, answering Carson's question instead. “I changed clothes.”

Carson raised an eyebrow toward John, but answered Rodney. “Scotland was lovely. My Mum was happy to see me, and I had the chance to catch up with the family. And why would you changing clothes be a surprise?”

"Have you seen the way he looks?" Rodney finally said, pointing to John's ass.

John had gone back to the stove to check dinner, and wiggled the body part being pointed out.

Rodney groaned, feeling his face flush as Carson chuckled. The Scot shook his head. "It's nice to see the two of you so relaxed. Vacation did you both wonders. And that smells heavenly—I did'na realize how hungry I was until I walked in."

"Dinner’s almost ready. How does steak and sautéed vegetables sound?” John glanced back, grinning unrepentantly. He was apparently in the mood to tease.

"It's not my fault that you affect me like that with just a change of clothes. You drive me crazy and I lose all of my concentration," Rodney complained, waving his hands around.

John just laughed again. “What about you, Carson? Enjoy your new toy on vacation?”

Carson turned bright red, looking over at Rodney. “Has he always been this cheeky?”

"This is worse," Rodney said, looking at Carson, his expression serious. "Much worse."

“Does he plan to see how red he can get the both of us by the end of the night?” Carson grinned, eyes gleaming. “If so, we should probably plan to turn the tables on him at some point.”

“Hey, don’t forget who’s doing the cooking.” John was putting the food on the plates, motioning for Rodney and Carson to sit down.

"Like I can forget. You remind me about it all the time," Rodney said as he slid into the seat John had indicated.

"Ah, but the key here is that I can actually cook better than you." John poured wine for all three of them.

"I choose not to cook. There is a difference." Rodney eyed the wine as John sat down. "You're drinking?"

John's lip quirked up, and he raised the glass to let Rodney see it was only three-quarters full. "One glass won't affect me that much." He looked over at Carson, "I don't have much tolerance anymore."

"Aye. I was a tad bit surprised when the Scotch mum had knocked me for a loop. And I've been drinkin' Radek's rotgut."

"I haven't even touched that stuff. First time I had real alcohol again, I was drunk before I even knew what was happening. I've built a little resistance back up, but Rodney doesn't want to try and keep me in check if I get loopy again." John's free hand slid over to Rodney's thigh under the table, squeezing lightly before letting go.

"He gets…more amorous than usual," Rodney said, feeling his face flush as both John and Carson chuckled. They moved onto less arousing subjects for a while, exchanging vacation stories, what they had all been up to, what they were anticipating going back. It was actually a pleasant dinner.

When they were done, John gathered up the dishes. "Why don't you guys wait for me in the living room. I'll clean up and be right there."

Carson shot Rodney a long look as soon as he rose, heading for the living room. "What?" he asked as soon as Carson stepped beside him.

"Is he always that bossy?"

"Uh…" Rodney glanced over his shoulder toward the kitchen. "With me? Yeah, usually. Why?"

Carson tried for a casual shrug, sitting on the couch. "He's usually so laid back, even when he's giving orders to the Marines."

"We've…we've found our balance, I think," Rodney said after a moment's thought. "I wasn't sure we would be able to."

"Good." Carson said. "I'm really happy for you both."

"Thanks," Rodney said, feeling his face flush again. "It's…it seems to be working."

"You two look amazingly good together, and I don't think I've ever seen you so relaxed and happy. John Sheppard was probably the best thing that could happen to you." He finally looked up, smiling.

"Well, if a week and a half of fantastic sex doesn't make me relaxed I'm not sure what would—short of a stick to the head and days of unconsciousness."

John, with his odd sense of timing, chose that moment to walk in. "No sticks to the head, not if I can help it. And are we talking about sex again?"

"Again, yes," Rodney said glancing up, his breath catching as he let his eyes drift over John's body.

Grinning, John moved to Rodney's side, draping himself over the couch, which had the added benefit of showing off his curves. "So are we proving all those studies right that guys really can't go more than a minute or two without thinking about sex?"

"We're just talking about it," Rodney protested. "Actually, Carson was complimenting us."

One of John's eyebrows went up. "Complimenting us?"

Rodney's eyes slid to his friend. "Carson claims we look good together and that the vacation did us good."

John moved around to sit next to Rodney on the couch, bumping him with his shoulder. "Well, I can't disagree with him. We do look fucking awesome together."

Rodney rolled his eyes as he leaned back against John.

Carson laughed softly, shaking his head. “Aye, you two are very good for each other. You fit together.”

John pulled Rodney closer, wrapping an arm around him. “It’s going to be hard to go back to being Sheppard and McKay again after this week. We’ve gotten spoiled.”

Rodney nodded, offering a light sigh. "The flight home will be miserable."

John sighed. "I can't really dislike Caldwell. He had impeccable timing, and he did save my life. Not to mention, I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of him from now on, if they start doing regular runs to and from Earth."

"We'll see," Rodney said, refusing to cast his opinion. There was something about the man that rubbed him the wrong way and he hadn't figured out what it was—yet. He would, but it would take some time.

John tugged him closer, squeezing his arm. "Well, with the exception of when we're all heading back, neither of you will probably see much of him. Elizabeth will coordinate with him on supply runs, and I'll deal with him on a military level. But other than submitting requests for supplies—which I doubt he'll handle personally—you can probably avoid him."

"So, what are you plans for the weekend, Carson?" Rodney asked, abruptly changing the subject, needing to talk about something else. "On the phone you had mentioned you had something to do."

Carson shrugged. "I was going to catch a movie, and enjoy my last weekend on Earth. What about you two?"

Rodney glanced at John, raising an eyebrow. "We hadn't gotten that far yet."

John shook his head. "Nope. Other than enjoy our last few days of freedom, I don't have any plans. What movie are you going to try and see?"

Shaking his head, he shrugged. "I'm not sure. I'm trying to soak up as much as I can before we head back. I think Elizabeth mentioned she wanted to go, so I might just wait for her to decide."

John nodded. "Let us know when you pick something. If it's any good, we might tag along." He grinned. "Of course, I can't guarantee we'll actually sit still and watch the whole thing without comment..."

Rodney felt himself blush as John's hand tightened a little where it sat on his leg.

They ended up chatting for most of the night about everything and nothing, John eventually getting up to make coffee and bring dessert into the living room, leaving Rodney and Carson alone again.

"Did he make the dessert, too? If it's anything like the dinner, forget the military, you should pimp him out for meals." Carson grinned at him.

"I…I'm actually not sure. I was out of the apartment for a while this afternoon trying to get a few things done." Rodney glanced toward the kitchen, but couldn't see anything. The smell of coffee, though, was hard to ignore.

Laughing, Carson shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'm actually pretty impressed. It's too bad the rooms on Atlantis don't have kitchens." His face got serious. "Are you two going to be okay going back?"

"Actually, some of the rooms might. We've only explored such a small section of the city. According to the database, there are larger rooms—apartments in a way, like the one you keep sending John and me to—throughout the city. The Ancients used to have families in the city. Maybe now with the ZPM we'll be able to make use of those sections."

"Ach, that would be nice. I wouldn't mind a bit more room myself. And if you find multi-room apartments, you and John could move in together. Two rooms would let you maintain the roommates image, even if you kept the doors closed and used that second bedroom as an office."

"I doubt that would go over well."

"Oh? Why not?" Carson looked confused. "Everyone already knows you're both friends, so being roommates would'na be looked upon as funny. And if we're trying to free up some of the single rooms for new personnel, Elizabeth would probably see it as good leadership for senior staff to volunteer to share quarters."

"John doesn't need any more problems. Us sharing a room on Atlantis, even an apartment, will look horrible for him." Rodney paused for a moment, pursing his lips before he continued. "Have you gotten the chance to get back to the SGC much since you've been back?"

Carson shrugged. "It's up to you, I just wanted to point it out as an option. And I've been around, but mostly in the infirmary going over re-supply and re-staffing needs with Doctor Lam."

"I should probably tell you that you're going to be getting an update to my medical file."

One of the doctor's eyebrows went up. "An update?"

Rodney nodded. "John now has power of attorney and final say regarding my medical treatment in the event that I am unable to make the decision. All the paperwork should have been forwarded to you."

Carson's mouth gaped open a bit. "You..."

"John, I think, is still finalizing his paperwork."

"And he..."

"You have to ask him about the details, but I think it's similar."

"That's...a big step." Carson was blinking slowly, trying to process it.

Rodney dropped his eyes, not quite able to meet Carson's stunned gaze. "I trust him, always have. It's not like I have family I can rely on. Besides you and Elizabeth, he's all I have."

"I'm not... I don't think it's a bad idea. Quite the contrary. It just surprised me that you took that step." Carson rose and came over to give Rodney a hug. "For what it's worth, congratulations. I know this is about as close to tying the knot as you two can get."

Rodney returned it awkwardly, Carson quickly moving back to the other couch. "We could, technically, get married, but that would require John joining me north of the border. I don't think he's ready to do that." Fingering the ring, he held up his left hand. "We did get these…not that we'll be able to wear them."

Carson looked stunned again, and he surreptitiously wiped his eye. "Aye. And that's beautiful, Rodney. Congratulations, and I hope one day you can actually say the vows. The American military can't resist forever."

Shrugging, Rodney glanced toward the kitchen and spotting John standing in the door quietly listening. "We'll just have to wait and see."

John slipped in, with a tray filled with cake and coffee. He sat back down next to Rodney, squeezing his leg as he did. "Sorry to keep you waiting so long. I had to track down where Rodney hid the good coffee."

"I do not hide my coffee," Rodney said with a scowl, keeping his eyes on the tray.

"Yes, you do. You keep the half-way decent stuff out for me to find, but I knew if I looked long enough, I could grind the really good stuff." John took a sip, his expression blissful.

Carson reached out for his own mug, placing it on the coffee table next to him before reaching for the cake. Rodney grabbed the last cup for himself, adding sugar and milk before he leaned back against the couch, breathing in the smell. He'd miss real coffee.

They all ate in silence for a moment, enjoying the good coffee and cake—it was some sort of chocolate raspberry thing with a cream cheese frosting. John swirled his coffee in the mug a bit. "How much of this do you think we could smuggle in?"

"Nothing else is going in the science shipments. We have enough already," Rodney commented immediately. He hoped no one actually opened those crates. They would be so screwed.

"Spoken like a man who has never had to fit all he owns into one duffle bag. Give me ten minutes with your crates and our personal bags, and I can fill every nook and cranny." John blinked when both Rodney and Carson just stared at him. "What? The first thing any soldier learns is how to smuggle in the most amount of shit in the least amount of space."

"Fine. You're packing my crap."

"I was planning to anyway." John bumped his shoulder.

"You bought most of it. Only makes sense," Rodney said, sipping at his coffee, his piece of cake still sitting on the table.

Carson actually scraped up the last of his cake, getting the last few crumbs. "God, man, where did you learn to cook like this? And what all did the two of you buy? You canna have that much..."

Rodney shook his head as he put his coffee cup down on the table, shifting forward as he climbed to his feet. "I'll let John explain that one. I’m going to the bathroom."

John spluttered a bit, but Rodney didn't hear what he said.

It didn't take Rodney long to take care of business, but he took his time, his nerves a little on edge after Carson's reaction to his news. He knew it was a big deal of sorts, but had never expected the Scot to get all teary-eyed and serious on him. John would have made some of the decision already if Rodney were unable, the paperwork just made it official.

Pausing in the bedroom, he let his eyes drift over the bed, still surprised that they had one, that he'd actually accepted the gift.

But Carson had been right, they'd taken a big step. Between the rings, the paperwork, even the bed, they'd made some serious commitments to each other. And oddly enough, Rodney was okay with that. Patting the corner post of the bed, Rodney headed back into the living room. John had moved over on the couch to get closer to Carson and they were talking quietly. As soon as he stepped into the room, John's head came up, his eyes meeting Rodney's across the room.

Holding out a hand, John gestured him over. "Carson was just asking me who, in the likely event we're both in the infirmary, we want to make decisions. The paperwork makes things a little more formal. I was thinking we just sign something that says if we're both injured, Carson calls the shots."

Rodney nodded slowly as he circled the couch, sitting down next to John. "Either him or Elizabeth."

John pulled him so they were pressed together, one arm sliding around his back to hold him close. "That works. And that doesn't need to be something as paperwork-heavy as the other stuff. When we get back to Atlantis, we can just sign something that will go in with our files."

"We need to talk to Elizabeth."

"We will. She has to sign all the paperwork anyway, as my commanding officer and your superior. Which I suppose means we need to tell her why we're filling it out in the first place..."

"Actually, she doesn't," Rodney said, shaking his head. "This is personal. It has nothing to do with work really. It's just a record in our personnel file. We don't even have to tell her, but it might be a good thing if we did."

John shrugged. "I think it would be easier. It will save on some confusion down the road." John pulled him closer, leaning in to press a kiss in the corner of Rodney's mouth. "As long as we don't out me to any military officers with a grudge—and there are a few, admittedly—I'm not against telling people. You're mine, and the more people who know, the less people I have to worry about ogling you."

"The less people the better," Rodney said, shaking his head. "You don't need any problems because of this."

"DADT isn't meant to be a way to lynch people. It's meant to provide a measure of protection to those officers who swing that way, and allow them to serve. Yes, it can be used to discharge soldiers—and with my black mark, and the people who think I should have been discharged then, I do have to be careful, but an officer doesn't have to bring you up on charges. He or she can choose to look the other way."

"We've had enough trouble already. We don't need any more."

John sighed. "I'm not disagreeing with you. I don't plan to wax eloquent about how much I love you in the middle of the gate room, tempting as it is. And I will refrain from kissing you senseless where there are witnesses. But I don't want you to worry that one little slip here or there is going to bring it all crashing down around our ears."

Rodney shifted on the couch, turning toward John, his lover's arm dropping from where it held him. He'd all but forgotten that Carson was sitting there next to them, listening to every word. "But that's just it. One little slip is all that it would take."

"The people in the SGC—and even more so in Atlantis—were chosen because they're open-minded. If they're prone to homophobia or too closed-minded to deal with different lifestyle choices, they wouldn't have been allowed to join a program that regularly has contact with alien races and customs. I'm not saying it doesn't exist and that we don't have to be careful, but we don't have to worry about it obsessively." John had apparently forgotten Carson for the moment, too.

Rodney shook his head. This is the stuff that John didn't think enough about. Someone had to save him from himself. "You don't know that."

John shifted, capturing Rodney's mouth in a kiss before he had a chance to pull away. He didn't relent until Rodney opened his mouth and let John inside, where he deepened it for a long moment before releasing Rodney again. "I don't care. If someone wants to hate me because I love you, that's their business. I'm not going to shout it from the balconies, but I'm not going to pretend I don't know you either."

Carson cleared his throat quietly, snapping both Rodney's and John's gazes to him.

"It's getting a bit late, so I should probably be heading out. I'm getting in touch with Elizabeth in the morning. I'll call you to let you know what movie we decide on." He stood up, his face reflecting both his amusement and his friendly affection for them both.

Rodney felt his cheeks flush immediately. "You don't have to leave. We just got a little carried away but we can—"

The doctor shook his head. "It's all right. It is getting late, and I do need to get going. Thank you both for dinner—it really was lovely. After seeing you both almost every day for a year, I found myself missing you a bit while we were all vacationing. Some day I'll have to take you to Scotland and show you around."

Rodney nodded silently as John rose to show Carson out.

He heard the men talking quietly, before the door closed, John moved back in to the living room alone, dimming the lights as he came. The resulting shadows highlighted his lean body in new ways.

"I didn't mean to argue with you in front of Carson," Rodney started even before John moved close. "You just don't see just how wrong this could go with just one slip of the tongue."

Pausing, John propped his hip against the couch instead of closing the remaining distance between them. "It's okay. I do see your point, and believe me, I know better than you how fast things could go downhill if the wrong person decides to try and find something to use against me. But I won't live my life in fear. There's a difference between being careful and restraining ourselves so much we end up smothering everything I love about us."

"I'm not talking about living in fear. I'm talking about making sure we're both living in the present, in our reality. If Carson and I shacked up it wouldn't make a difference. Hardly anyone would even bat an eyelash. But with you it's different, very different."

John ran a hand through his hair. "I know. I can't change the U.S. Military. As much as I might want to, I'm not the one who makes those decisions. I care about my job for more than just the flying for the first time in years. I'm in no hurry to get myself discharged. But I love you more. If I'm forced to choose, there is no choice."

Rodney wrapped his arms around his chest in a self-hug, his eyes wide as he looked up at John. "I'm sorry…it just hit me all at once and after the past two weeks…"

John moved to his side immediately, wrapping his arms around Rodney and pulling him close. "It's okay. I know. It's really going to suck going back to not being able to show each other affection in public. But we got around it before, and we will again. Not to mention, everyone knows we're close friends anyway—they don't think anything of it when we spend a lot of time together. That won't change."

"I know. I just…I don't want anything to ruin this."

John pulled him closer, nuzzling into the side of his neck. "Nothing will. Even if we have to deal with crap from other people, it doesn't change how we feel about each other."

Rodney finally let his body unwind a little, his hands finding their way around John's waist. "It still doesn't mean I like it."

John's sigh made a hot, damp spot on his neck. "I know. I don't like it either, and I wish I could change it. But since I can't... we'll find ways to live with it."

"And we will."

"Mmmm. And I think right now you need to let me feed you cake, and then fuck you senseless." The nuzzling turned into light kisses.

"I’m not really hungry."

John sat back and grabbed the last piece of cake off the table. Getting a bit on his finger, he touched Rodney's lips. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Rodney couldn't answer until he opened his mouth and as soon as he parted his lips slightly, John's cake-covered finger dove in. Automatically cleaning off the digit with his tongue, Rodney leaned back, letting John pull his hand away. "For once in my life I don't need to eat."

One eyebrow went up, but behind the teasing Rodney could see the genuine concern in John's eyes. "Feeling okay?"

Shrugged, Rodney shook his head. "Little unsettled."

"Why don't you go to the bedroom and strip? I'll clean the last of the dishes and be there in a minute."

Holding John's gaze for a moment, his mind trying to figure out what Sheppard was thinking, Rodney finally nodded when he realized that he wasn't worried. John would take care of things. "Okay."

Nodding once, John stood, holding out a hand to pull Rodney up behind him. "Trust me. Let go and just trust me, okay?"

Nodding again, Rodney squeezed John's hands before letting go and padding quietly across the apartment into the bedroom. He stripped efficiently, leaving the clothes in a pile on the floor as he crawled onto the bed. He pulled his knees up toward his chest, wrapping his arms around his upraised legs as he leaned his chin on top. Closing his eyes, he waited for John.

He knew his lover had arrived when he heard the sharp intake of breath from the direction of the doorway. After several heartbeats, he heard John moving towards the bed. "Rodney..." It still amazed him how much love and awe John could infuse into his name.

Opening his eyes, he turned toward John, an eyebrow upraised. "What?"

"God, you're just so beautiful..." John's eyes were wide, and hiding nothing.

Shaking his head, Rodney rolled his eyes. "You're just biased."

Climbing onto the bed beside him, John kissed him sweetly. "Maybe. But that doesn't make it less true."

Humming into the kiss, Rodney replied once John pulled back. "Biased is biased."

"Biased or not, truth is truth. Just because someone else might not agree with me—and they're stupid if they don't—doesn't change the basic truth of what I believe." He grinned slightly.

"You need your eyes examined."

"Because I happen to find my lover and partner attractive?"

"I'd rather you find me attractive than not. I never wanted to be a pity fuck."

John kissed him again, deeper this time, before responding. "Never. I think about you all the time. Think about your body, how much I love to touch it, make it come alive. I think about your mind, how fucking brilliant you are, and how amazingly sexy it is to watch you in action. I think about your mouth, how perfect it is for kissing..."

"Biased." He sighed quietly, hating how needy he felt.

One of John's hands started rubbing up and down his leg, caressing. "Does it really matter if my opinion is biased? I love you and I'm incredibly attracted to you. You're mine."

"No, I guess it doesn't matter if you're biased when you put it like that."

Laughing softly, John finally put his arms around Rodney, pulling him close so skin rubbed against fabric. "Promise me you'll never change."

"Not planning on it."

"Good." His lips ghosted over Rodney's neck and shoulders.

"I am guessing that you have a plan right now."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Maybe I have a plan. Maybe I don't."

"If you don't I’m considering going to sleep."

"If you're tired, we can sleep." John lifted his head, and the concern was still there. "Tell me what you need, Rodney. Whatever it is, I'll give it to you."

That was the real question, wasn't it? What did he need? Want? Everything returned right back to John and sometimes it was just simply overwhelming. Part of him dreaded going back to Atlantis, losing this, while another part couldn't wait until his feet touched the gateroom floor.

"I don't know," he finally replied, lifting his eyes to meet John's. "I really don't know."

Kissing the corner of his mouth, John climbed off the bed and started to strip. "Sleep then. It's been a long day. Anything else can wait until tomorrow. Right now, just let me hold you, okay?"

Nodding, Rodney let John arrange them under the covers, sighing as his lover slipped his arms around him, his leg squeezing between Rodney's.

"I love you. No matter what else happens, or what other shit we have to deal with, that isn't changing. Just remember that when it starts to be too much, okay?" John pulled him closer.

"I'll try. I promise."

"Then go to sleep. We can decide how to spend the last few days of our leave tomorrow."

Rodney hummed in response, letting his eyes close as he drifted off to sleep.

***

John paced the living room, tidying up almost obsessively. It was probably a good thing Rodney wasn’t paying him any attention—too busy checking email, muttering about the stupidity of some physicist or other.

It was one thing to out yourself to old friends who already knew of your tendencies, or to your doctor, but to out yourself to someone who was, essentially, your commanding officer… Of course, Elizabeth was his friend, too, or so he’d like to think. So she would be happy for them.

Right?

Right.

They had talked about it, and decided it really was better to tell Elizabeth about their relationship, and warn her about the paperwork that would probably cross her desk at some point. Since the four senior staff members were getting together for dinner and a movie as their last night of official leave, it seemed like a good time to do it.

He had chosen his outfit for the day rather carefully—this was the last time he could bum around in civvies for a while, and the rings would have to come back off tonight, so he wanted to enjoy it. Not to mention, he always felt more confident when he knew he looked good, and this was the sort of situation where he wanted to seem calm and in control. Elizabeth didn’t really need to know how nervous he was.

He had walked into the living room after Rodney was engrossed in his laptop, so his lover hadn’t actually noticed him yet. He had put on the tight black jeans and black shirt that always made Rodney’s fingers itch to touch him. He loved that reaction—which was the other reason John had chosen this particular outfit.

To pass the time until Elizabeth arrived—they had asked her to come a little before Carson—John started running through a basic set of stretches, which never failed to help him calm down.

Rodney was nursing a cup of coffee—his third and last for the day. He didn't realize it yet, but more caffeine was not necessarily a good thing for his lover. Yesterday he had almost been bouncing off the walls of the apartment in between their fucking.

John finished his set, working a few lingering kinks out of his neck. "Almost done making the Earth-bound geeks cry as you tear their theories to shreds?"

Rodney shook his head, his eyes never leaving the screen. "This is no fun. It's too easy. They have no backbone whatsoever."

John shook his head, grinning at Rodney's back. "Go easy on them. They don't have the benefit of living and working in another galaxy."

"They should know better than to even suggest half of this stuff!"

"Come on, buddy, you can spend the next week poking holes in all the major theories. This is our last day of leave..."

"You're the one doing calisthenics."

"I was stretching. And I didn't think you were even paying attention to me."

"I always pay attention to you."

"Hmph." John went back to stretching, running through the routine again.

When John turned around after one stretch, he was surprised to find himself face-to-face with a smirking Rodney. He was surprised Rodney could move that fast and that quietly. "Don't think I didn't notice you."

"What?" He tried for innocent, wrapping his arms around Rodney's waist. "I happen to like stretching."

"The shirt. The pants. The nervous pacing. Should I go on?"

"I like this shirt and pants. And I won't get to wear them for a while. And it wasn't nervous pacing. It was... manly cleaning."

"Pacing. There's a difference." Rodney leaned in, offering John a light kiss.

John grinned against Rodney's mouth, deepening the kiss briefly. "Want to watch me bend over again? Now that I know you're watching, I can wiggle my ass a bit."

"And here I thought bending over was my job."

"That doesn't stop you from admiring." John wiggled the ass in question a bit under Rodney's hands.

"True. Besides, my ass is busy right now."

"Busy? When is your ass ever too busy for sex?" John let his own hands drift down, cupping each cheek and pulling their groins closer together.

Rodney moaned at the contact, his eyes drifting closed. "Well, you did plug me this morning, or did you forget already?"

"So? There's nothing stopping me from pulling it out, fucking you silly, then putting it back in again." John found the small bump of the toy under Rodney's clothes, running one finger across it over and over, just hard enough for Rodney to feel.

Rodney opened his eyes and smirked at John. "No, there's not. How much time do we have?"

He glanced up at the living room clock. "About ten minutes. Plenty of time." He moved into the kitchen, grabbing a handful of paper towels and wetting them slightly before returning to the living room. He turned Rodney around, positioning him with arms braced against the couch. He reached around to unfasten his lover's pants, pushing them down to expose the perfect ass. He was glad he hadn't put anything on Rodney's cock for the day—he wanted him paying attention to the plug and nothing else. "Don't come. I'm going to fuck you and put the plug back in, then I'm going to blow you. You don't come until you're in my mouth and I'm ready for you."

"Yes, sir," Rodney whispered, the arousal evident in his tone.

He had used a good amount of lube with the plug, and Rodney was fairly loose from all the sex they had been having—not to mention he almost never went without a plug now. John got the impression he almost felt naked without it, and that sent little shivers of pleasure up and down John's spine. Slipping the plug out, he eased three fingers in, making sure Rodney was ready for him.

Rodney moaned at the intrusion, but didn't press back, waiting as John fingered him, submitting to whatever John was giving him.

Satisfied he wasn't going to hurt his lover, John worked his own pants open and pulled his cock out, slowly pushing into Rodney, giving him time to adjust. "Oh god, so good..."

Dropping his head, Rodney adjusted his stance as John filled him, groaning long and loud. "John…"

Giving Rodney a moment to adjust, John started to thrust slowly, adjusting his angle to hit Rodney's prostate before starting to fuck him in earnest. "Rodney, oh, Rodney, so good, feels so good..."

"Come on, John…fuck me…please" The words were harsh and needy.

Putting his hands on either side of Rodney's hips, John picked up the pace, slamming into his lover, panting hard as he tried to hold back the orgasm already starting to gather in the base of his spine.

Rodney moaned loudly, taking everything John was giving, even rocking back to meet his thrusts.

With a low groan, John came, spilling himself into Rodney. With a hard swallow, he pulled out as soon as he started to soften, slipping the plug back in before anything could leak out.

"Oh, god…" Rodney whispered. "So good…"

"Mine," John whispered, laying his head on Rodney's shoulder to catch his breath. "All day you'll walk around now, knowing you belong to me, that you're carrying around a piece of me."

"Yours," he whispered, turning around to hold John, burying his face in his shoulder.

John kissed him hard before taking the paper towels and cleaning off his cock and tucking himself away. He slid to his knees a moment later. "Don't come until I tell you to. I want to taste you for a minute first." He pulled out Rodney's hard and leaking dick, licking the head.

"Make me wait…please…I want to wait for you…"

John looked up at him through his eyelashes. "You're waiting until I'm ready to taste all of you."

Rodney nodded. "Yes. Want to wait. I can wait…for you."

Kissing the head of Rodney's dick, John swallowed him down, sucking hard. He used one hand still on Rodney's hips to hold his lover in place, the other one fondling his balls.

McKay moaned and groaned as John tasted him, played with him, but he held still, his hands holding on tightly to the back of the couch. His head was thrown back, his eyes closed, as he let the sensations run through his body. Rodney had been almost desperate to get off yesterday, his impatience unusually high. Today, though, seemed to be a different story.

John teased for as long as he thought it was safe—they were expecting company, and Rodney would need a minute or two to recover. He pulled off briefly to tell Rodney to come, before returning his lips to Rodney's erection.

"No…god…no," Rodney groaned even as he poured down John's throat.

John licked him clean before tucking him away. "Later. I'll tease you long and hard tonight, make you weep with the need to come."

Rodney nodded as he panted, trying to drawn in a breath without trembling. John stood, pulling him close as he slowly eased himself down. "Wanted to wait…" he whispered, words ghosting over John's skin.

"I know. But I wanted to taste you, and we didn't have much time." John plastered their bodies closer together, holding Rodney tight. "Tonight. We're going to play hard tonight."

Finally releasing his death grip on the back of the couch, Rodney wrapped his arms around John, tucking his head into the crook of John's neck and shoulder.

John tilted his head, leaning it against Rodney's and just breathing in his lover. They both jumped when the doorbell rang. "That would be Elizabeth. Are you ready?"

"Not really, no."

John wrapped his fingers around Rodney's chin, tilting his head to kiss the other man briefly. "I love you. And it will be fine."

"As long as she doesn't die from a heart attack in my living room."

Grinning, John kissed him one more time and then stepped back. "I'll go get the door before she starts to wonder what's taking us so long. Be right back."

Rodney nodded, taking a deep breath as he straightened up next to the couch.

John went to the door, checking one more time to make sure his clothes were all in place after the quickie. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door, the smile on his face genuine. "Elizabeth! Hi! It's great to see you. Please tell me you actually took some vacation time."

"Yes, John, I took some vacation time," she said, a teasing smile on her face. "When you didn't answer I thought you might have left already. I'm a few minutes late…"

He stepped aside, letting her in. "Nah, just took me a minute to get to the door. And good, that means I don't have to find a Ferris wheel somewhere to drag you off to before we all leave the galaxy again."

Handing John the bottle of wine in her hands, she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before moving toward Rodney who'd stepped forward. He still looked a little rumpled and sated, but it wasn't too noticeable—he hoped. Elizabeth gave him a hug and kiss before offering them both a broad, relaxed smile. "It's good to see the two of you. You had a good time in Vegas? And where's Carson? I thought he'd be here already."

John exchanged a look with Rodney. "We had a great time—I actually ran into some old friends, so Rodney got to hear all kinds of embarrassing stories from when I was younger." He took a deep breath. "We, ah, asked you to come a little early because we had something we wanted to tell you about, and we already told Carson... Why don't we sit down?"

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them, letting John lead her to the love seat. "Why do I feel that the two of you are up to no good?"

"Depends on how you define 'no good'." John flashed a grin at her. This was the first time he was deliberately coming out to someone who didn't either already know or suspect he swung both ways. He perched on the arm of the couch, fighting the urge to lean into Rodney when he sat next to him.

"You're, ah, going to see some paperwork cross your desk, probably fairly soon. We…well, we named one another 'next of kin', with the authority to make medical decisions and all that other stuff. We're also going to put something in our medical files that say in the event neither of us is fit to make a medical decision, we're deferring to you and Carson." John rested his hand on his thigh so the wedding band he hadn't yet removed was visible.

Elizabeth's eyes had widened slightly, but her diplomatic face quickly slid into position as she leaned back. "Well, I can't say I was expecting this, but I think congratulations are due to the two of you."

John fought his urge to put on the bland mask he usually used to hide what he was thinking. Most people never suspected it was all an act, but he had a feeling Elizabeth saw through it. "It's... thank you. We've been...together...for about six months now. We decided that since we're more or less making it as permanent as we can, given our...positions...it was probably a good idea to let you know."

She nodded, her eyes drifting over to Rodney who was sitting next to John as tense as he'd ever been. "I should have known better with all of the…foreplay that was going on, but you'd always been at each other's throats one minute and then best friends the next." A sincere smile appeared on her face. "Personally, I am pleased for the two of you and I wish you the best. Professionally, I'm…worried. Are you sure you want to go back to Atlantis given the situation there?"

John relaxed a bit, moving a hand to Rodney's shoulder. "Thank you. I have to admit, we hoped you would react this way, but you never know... But what situation? We've been out of touch, and we don't get briefed until tomorrow."

"You know the situation, John. Nothing's changed." Elizabeth sighed slightly. "Atlantis isn't exactly the ideal place for relationships. The military presence there alone would be enough to chase anyone off."

He shrugged. "Oh. That. We've talked about it, and you're right, it's not exactly a safe place. But at the same time... we live dangerous lives. One or both of us could be injured or killed at any time. We like what we do, and neither of us wants to give that up if we don't have to. Personally, I'd rather go into it knowing I have something—someone—to fight for. I'll fight harder, and," he glanced at Rodney, smiling slightly, "I'm less likely to take stupid risks."

Elizabeth's mouth twitched. "Of that, we can only hope."

John grinned. "Believe me, I'll hear it if I do." He bumped Rodney's shoulder. "So we're okay? We know it will be hard, and we will have to be careful. Other than you, Carson and Teyla know, and I think Zelenka has guessed. We don't plan on making it any more public than that."

"That's a very good plan. Why I don't agree with the policies currently in place, there are some who strongly uphold them—even on Atlantis." She turned toward Rodney again, her face softening a little. "And for someone normally verbose, you're awfully quiet."

He shrugged, reaching out to put his hand on John's leg. "John and I have been through a lot of this already and we have no intention of outing ourselves to anyone else—trust me. We're also very…cognizant of what can go wrong and how badly it could go wrong. The fact that you had no idea we were…together prior to this means that we'd been doing a good job of keeping it quiet."

Nodding, John moved his hand to link their fingers together. "We were careful before, and while it's been really nice to not have to worry about it while we were on leave, we'll be careful again. These," he pointed to the band on his finger, "will disappear, and publicly we'll return to being close friends, but nothing more."

"Six months?"

"Yes. It was right after that...incident...with Brendal's people. I was attracted before that, and after…I got angry, made a move, and was more than a little surprised when it wasn't rebuffed immediately."

"Wasn't rebuffed, no, but it did take a fair amount of convincing," Rodney said, offering John an unguarded smile.

John felt his own expression soften. "You were worth the effort."

"And before we chase Elizabeth away like we did Carson the other night…" Rodney started, rising to his feet. "Do you want anything before we leave for the theater? Carson should be here…soon. There's coffee, water, juice, tea if you insist." He was already moving around the couch and toward the kitchen.

John moved quick enough to lift Rodney's coffee cup out of his hand before he moved out of range. "No more coffee for you—not until later, anyway. Yesterday you were practically vibrating across the room."

"I was not," Rodney said with a scowl. "And taking my cup away is not going to stop me if I really want coffee."

"You were. And do you really want to argue about it?" He glanced over at Elizabeth, whose startled expression was fading into amusement. "Humor me and lay off the coffee for a little while, at least. What about you, Elizabeth? Did you want anything?"

"No, I'm fine," she said as Rodney disappeared into the kitchen. "So…that was unexpected."

John actually sat on the couch this time, setting Rodney's cup on the coffee table. "What was? He was bouncing off the walls yesterday, and he's had three cups already today."

She chuckled, shaking her head. "Not the coffee. Less for him is always better. The two of you. I would have never guessed."

Leaning back into the couch, John let himself sprawl a little. He was still feeling pretty loose from the sex, and now that his nerves were gone, he indulged a little. "No offense, but good. You're a hard person to fool, so if we managed to hide it from you, I'd like to think no one else has guessed." John's eyes strayed to the kitchen, where they could hear Rodney moving around.

"How did Carson take the news?"

John laughed. "He's like a yenta. I have no idea how he figured it out, but he guessed even before we were officially together. Locked us in a room together until we had talked, and whenever he decides we both need to relax, he finds an excuse to send us away for some 'medical down time'. We need to find that man a hobby."

Her eyes widened. "So those times you were on medical leave…"

He shot her an impish grin. "Were an excuse for us to actually spend some time together that wasn't rushed. Granted, Carson only takes us off duty if one or both of us is starting to get a little too stressed to be healthy, but still..."

Rodney appeared a moment later, a soda in his hand that he was sipping on. "He's the worst yenta you've ever seen."

John raised an eyebrow at the soda. When Rodney sat down next to him on the couch, he took it and drained half before handing it back. "I'm telling you, we need to find him a hobby. Or a woman. Either will do."

"Or a man," Rodney said quietly with a scowl in John's direction.

"Or a man," he agreed, unrepentant. He had meant it when he said he didn't think Rodney needed any more caffeine today, but he was willing to compromise. "No one who takes this much of an interest in other people's relationships is totally straight, no matter what they say."

"And technically we never asked him which way he swung," Rodney pointed out as the doorbell rang again. Groaning, Rodney got to his feet. "I'll get it."

John watched him go, unaware of his expression until Elizabeth said something.

"You actually care about him."

Blinking, he looked back at her. He dropped his voice slightly. "Yes. I love him, and that's not something I ever thought I would think about someone, much less be willing to admit out loud. But, Rodney...I'm not giving him up again. I lost him once—we were apart for a while after the whole Chaya thing—I don't intend to let that happen again."

She nodded, her eyes knowing. "I remember. Carson and I were very worried about him then. I'm glad you were able to work things out. Rodney deserves a lot more than what he's had through the years. You'll be good for him—probably more than you'll ever know."

"I agree. He needs—deserves—someone to take care of him and care about him. I get the impression he hasn't had that much, and what little I know of his past liaisons, they were mostly one-night-stands." He ran a hand through his hair. "I can't promise I won't fuck up again, but I do plan to do the best I can for him."

Elizabeth leaned forward, putting her hand on his knee. "You'll be fine and you're right. He's been on his own for a very long time—since he was a teenager. He doesn't like to talk about his past, but if you ask, he might. I only know the bits and pieces I've read in his file and the little he's told me when we were in Antarctica." She paused, her mouth twitching up in a half-smile. "So the warning to you not to break his heart is probably not needed, right?"

He smiled, shaking his head. "Not necessary. I don't plan to walk away. He's mine now." John looked up as Carson and Rodney came back in. "We about ready? What time does the movie start?"

Rodney shot him a look, obviously catching the tail-end of his comment to Elizabeth.

"In about an hour, but we should get moving," Carson said, palming his keys before sliding them into his pants. "Who's driving?"

John rose, holding out a hand to Elizabeth to help her up. "Whose rental car is bigger? We have a dinky thing."

"My car is not dinky. It's safe and fuel efficient," Rodney huffed.

Without stopping to think about it, John leaned in to brush his lips across Rodney's. "It is dinky. But that's okay, not every car can be a thing of pure beauty like the Ferrari."

Rodney tensed for a brief moment, before returning the kiss soundly. "I don't have to compensate for anything," he teased once John pulled back.

"Hmph. I haven't heard any complaints." John wiggled his eyebrows in Rodney's direction.

As Rodney blushed and glanced away, Carson and Elizabeth laughed. "Come on, you two," Beckett said, tugging Rodney forward. "I'll drive."

Laughing along with them, John held out an arm to Elizabeth, and they followed behind. "So who's taking the bets as to how long we last until someone has to comment on the science of the plot? I'll vote thirty minutes."

"The original trilogy was much better," Rodney commented as they walked into the parking lot.

"How do you know, you haven't seen the last installment of this one yet. Who knows, Lucas could blow us away." John slid into the back seat with Rodney, immediately reaching over to rest a hand on his lover's thigh.

"Doubtful if the first two from the new trilogy are any indication." Rodney moved closer, leaning against John with a sigh.

John shifted so they were both more comfortable, letting his hand slip further between Rodney's legs. "Yes, but the second was a hell of a lot better than the first. So if that holds true for this one..."

"They were both horrible. The visual effects and computer graphics were top notch, but I expected much more from these movies." Rodney shifted again, John's hand slipping a little further, fingers brushing against the fabric covering his cock.

With a small grin, John slowly began to move just the tip of his finger, caressing Rodney through his pants. He knew the movement was slight enough that unless they were really looking, Carson and Elizabeth wouldn't notice. "So maybe this one will be the one that redeems them all. You never know."

"Doubtful," Rodney said with a sigh, his body relaxing against John's.

"What does it matter?" Carson asked from the front seat, glancing at John in the rearview mirror. "It's a movie."

John pretended to be shocked. "It's not just a movie. It's Star Wars. Only the best scifi movie franchise of all time."

"It's a recent movie that we won't have to watch on a small laptop screen," Carson corrected.

Shaking his head, John moved enough to press his hand more firmly into Rodney's groin. "Granted. But it's also Star Wars. It should be held to a higher standard."

Rodney tensed for a brief moment, before relaxing once again and John swore he caught the briefest of contented sighs from the other man. "It's going to be a train wreck, but I'm willing to sit and watch the carnage."

The movie theatre wasn't far, but John had rubbed Rodney until he was half-hard before they got there. With a grin and a quick final caress, he slid out of his side of the car once they were parked. "I'll get the tickets if someone else wants to grab the popcorn."

Rodney scowled at him and rolled his eyes over the roof of the car as Carson and Elizabeth volunteered to get the snacks. Bumping his shoulder against John's as they walked in, McKay glanced over. "Having fun?"

Bumping back, John grinned again. "Always. You?"

He nodded. "Relieved the big part is over."

"Me, too. We can celebrate tonight." John's fingers itched to be threaded through Rodney's, but he knew it was too dangerous here.

"I certainly hope so." He glanced away and John caught the hint of the blush highlighting Rodney's cheeks.

John got the tickets, and they found four seats together near the back of the theatre. He grinned when they realized the seats had the armrests that lifted up. He moved the one between him and Rodney, keeping his hands to himself while the lights were up, but anticipating a little play once the movie started.

"You're planning something, aren't you?" Rodney asked as he leaned over just as the previews began rolling.

With the lights now down enough to hide what he was doing, John casually flicked the button on Rodney's pants open, without taking his eye from the screen. "I can't guarantee the movie will be good, but I can guarantee you're going to enjoy yourself," he whispered.

"Carson and Elizabeth are sitting right next to you!" he hissed and John could see the whites of his eyes.

He worked his fingers just inside Rodney's pants, finding and stroking the head of his lover's growing erection. John was amused that, despite himself, Rodney wasn't stopping him and was getting aroused. John kept his voice low, and his eyes, mostly, ahead. "Just sit back and relax, and no one will be any wiser."

"Easy for you to say…" he grumbled, but leaned back in his chair, his eyes focused forward.

Smiling to himself, John got comfortable. Rodney had said he wanted to wait—John was going to make it interesting. He spent the entire movie stroking and caressing, getting a little aroused himself when he felt Rodney start to leak a little pre-come. Taking pity on his lover, he withdrew his hand when he guessed there was about twenty minutes left of movie, re-buttoning Rodney's pants carefully around the hard dick, letting his hand rest on his thigh.

Rodney shifted slightly, his one hand clutching the armrest on the far side, but other than that and a few very quiet moans, he'd been absolutely silent throughout the movie. Huh. One way to keep Rodney from commenting during movies. He'd have to make a note.

When the credits started to roll, John moved his hand away, and when the house lights came up, he checked to see how uncomfortable Rodney would be. His lover was still hard, but it looked like he had managed to get it under control enough that it wasn't noticeable unless you were looking for it with those pants. They were waiting for the crowd to thin out a bit, so he looked over at Carson and Elizabeth. "So? I thought it was pretty well done actually. I have to agree with Rodney that it just wasn't the same as the original trilogy, but it was a good ending to this story line."

"Is Rodney still awake?" Carson asked, glancing over as McKay rose to his feet. "I expected to hear him complaining the entire time."

"Just because we talk through movies on base doesn't mean we aren't capable of watching them quietly." John grinned.

"Sure," Carson said with a knowing smile. "Were you cooking tonight, John, or were we heading out?"

John shook his head. "I wasn't planning to cook, but I can. I have some stuff floating around the apartment. And before I forget, you're both invited to dinner Wednesday night. We figure we'll have one last party before things get crazy."

"Steakhouse, then?" Elizabeth asked. "There's a good one not far from here."

He glanced over at Rodney, who was still quiet. John knew it was because he had thrown him somewhat into headspace, so he smiled a bit softly as they all slid into the car. "Sounds good to me. How about you?"

"It's not O'Malley's is it?" Rodney asked instead, his eyes finally focusing on Elizabeth as he settled in next to John. So Rodney had been listening to their conversation. That was good to know that his lover could track a little even when he was under.

She shook her head, giving Rodney an odd look. “No. I know O’Malley’s but this is a little out of the way place. They have fantastic Prime Rib.” 

John slipped his arm around Rodney’s shoulders and pulled him a little closer. He loved holding him when he was loose and relaxed like this.

"Good. After O'Neill's antics there a few years ago, most of the SGC can never go back there." Rodney shifted again, his eyes sliding to the side window as Carson pulled out, Elizabeth giving him directions.

John took the opportunity while they were a little distracted to whisper in Rodney's ear. "You going to be okay?"

He nodded slowly, his voice a whisper as he turned to John. "I should run to the bathroom when we get there just to…ah…check…make sure nothing's leaking."

Nodding, John nuzzled the side of Rodney's head a bit. "Fine. But don't touch anything more than necessary to take care of business. It's mine for later."

"I know. I just don't want to embarrass you at dinner."

"Never." John kissed his ear and then sat up a bit, starting a big guiltily when he saw Elizabeth watching them. "Ah, is it far?"

Her eyes narrowed, but she didn't say anything about their behavior. "A few minutes. Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just need to hit up the little boy's room. Probably should have gone before we left the theatre." He threw a hopefully disarming grin in her direction.

With an eyebrow on the rise, she shook her head. "Is that what they call it these days?"

"Well, I know a few less polite terms, but you're a lady. I was trying to behave."

Chuckling, she rolled her eyes. "We are in public, gentlemen."

"What? I was behaving." He gave her an injured look, probably ruined by the twitching his lips were doing. "I'm wounded that you think so little of me."

"If it's anything like I observed the other night it's more along the lines of 'boys will be boys'," Carson commented, obviously teasing the two of them.

John huffed. "You're mistaking flirting—which I do with everyone, in case you hadn't noticed—with seducing. This," He turned Rodney's face and kissed him, deeply, swallowing his lover's low moans before he pulled back a bit breathless. "Is seducing. The other stuff? Harmless flirting."

Rodney's hand was clutching John's shirt as he tried to bring his breathing back under control, while Elizabeth's eyes were wide, a sea of white around the brown. Carson just shook his head and chuckled.

"I…can see the difference now," she finally managed to say, turning back around in her seat.

John laughed softly. "Sorry. I've been able to do that whenever I want for the last few weeks, and I know this is the last night I can say that. Still getting it out of my system, but I promise I'll behave myself. Mostly."

"If that's getting it out of your system, I'm not sure I want to know—or see—what you've really been up to these past few weeks." She paused for a brief moment as Carson turned into the parking lot. "And here we are."

"You probably don't, since it's likely exactly what you're thinking it was." John grinned again. "So try the prime rib, eh?"

"How can you go to a steakhouse and not get the prime rib?" Rodney asked, finally joining the conversation.

"Well, there are other cuts of beef." They all got out of the car, and John had to resist the urge to take Rodney's hand again, stuffing both his in his pockets instead.

"But why settle for something less than the best?" he asked, following Carson inside. It was dark and warm inside, lots of wood on the walls. Every sound was muted, huddled together. The smell of meat, though, was unmistakable and it was marvelous. Steakhouses were heaven.

They had a twenty-minute wait, so Carson and Elizabeth headed to the bar while Rodney caught John's eye and gestured to the restrooms. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Need me?"

"I can go to the bathroom on my own."

Nodding, John squeezed his arm. "Meet you at the bar then." He ambled in, the bar surprisingly brighter lit than the rest of the restaurant. It was decorated the same way—wood everywhere—but the lighting was brighter, mixed in with neon signs proclaiming the various brands of beer they carried. Claiming a well-worn barstool next to Elizabeth, John grabbed two Molson's—he'd give one to Rodney when he got back.

"Rodney okay?"

"Yeah. Just needed to run to the restroom." He glanced at her as he took a few sips of beer. They were in public, so he had to be careful how he phrased things. "So, you're really okay with everything?"

She didn't answer immediately, instead sipping on her glass of red wine., her expression carefully neutral "It's a little hard to put my head around. To you, this is normal. To me…you were friends and colleagues and nothing more than that a few hours ago."

"I know. And I'm sorry we sprung it on you. But we did think it was better this way, than to either hope you never noticed, or have you find out some other way."

"I agree," she said with a nod. "I can also help to deflect if things become…tense. I wish it wasn't this way, but unfortunately we need to be very aware of the situation."

"I agree. Honestly, I'm not as worried about it as...others...are. I probably should be, and I will be later, but right now?" He shrugged. He wasn't trying to tank his career—he really wasn't —he had just realized that even without it he would be happy as long as he had Rodney. "But I've also been in Vegas for a week and half, and far away from military protocol. Tomorrow is soon enough to get all the civvies packed and to become Major Sheppard again."

"Aye, and Rodney'll get the chance to dive head-first into thousands of sheets of paper," Carson said sipping on his own wine.

John moaned and dropped his head into his hands. "Oh, God, I hadn't even thought of that. There's going to be a shit-load of paperwork, isn't there? And no one I can bribe to do it for me."

"You'll be working with me for most of the re-supply order," Elizabeth said. "Rodney has personnel files to go through."

"What about military staff? Obviously this means I'm headed back, but am I getting a new CO? And if not, who's taking care of the military re-staffing?"

"Most of that was done while you were on leave. There were a number of people who were re-assigned and needed time before the next deployment."

He noticed she avoided answering the question of who was in charge of the military contingent. Great. That probably meant she had managed to keep him assigned to Atlantis, but he had a new commander. Probably a hard-ass who would hate John on sight. "Makes sense. I had already started making notes about the re-supply of military items. It shouldn't be too bad."

"How about we enjoy our last evening?" Carson asked leaning forward on the bar.

John realized at some point he had finished his beer and started on Rodney's. He carefully set it down. Getting drunk the night before returning to duty was never a good idea. And he had plans for tonight. "Sorry. Didn't mean to sidetrack us. So, Elizabeth, you said you vacationed, but you haven't given out any details yet."

"Why don't we wait for Rodney to get back so I can go through it once? Besides, I want to hear about your vacation, too," she said easily.

Grinning, he nodded. "We crammed as much in as we could. Saw a few shows, got out to the Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon. We actually ran into some old friends of mine, so we spent some time with them, catching up. I think they took far more pleasure than was healthy telling Rodney every embarrassing story about me they could remember."

"Really? You have embarrassing stories?" The teasing lilt was back in her voice.

John felt the faint blush start to ride up his neck. "Ah, doesn't everyone?"

"Aye, but other people's are far more interesting, wouldn't ya say, Elizabeth?"

Of course, that would be when Rodney chose to arrive. John pushed the beer—still three-quarters full—at him. "Hey! You're back! I was just telling them about our vacation, all the stuff we saw."

Rodney scowled at the level of the liquid in the bottle, but took a quick swig. "Don't let me stop you."

John raised an eyebrow at him. He hoped everything was okay. "Back me up here—the stories they told you about me weren't really interesting at all, were they? I mean, just stupid kid stuff, no sense in repeating it."

Rodney's lips twitched. "You mean the ones where you were drunk off your ass? No, they were pretty amusing."

John groaned as both Carson and Elizabeth perked up, making interested noises at Rodney. He picked up his bottle, remember it was empty, and set it back down.

"Typical college-type pranks," Rodney said after swallowing another mouthful of beer. "But the way they told it…and the pictures…that's what made the whole story so funny."

Elizabeth's grin had gotten huge. "There are pictures floating around?"

"Remind me when we get back. I'll show you." At that moment, the hostess walked up to Carson, letting him know that the table was ready. Saved—for now.

Dinner was more of the same—they were all friends, and they easily fell into the teasing and camaraderie they shared on Atlantis. Eventually, they made it back to Rodney's apartment. John found a bottle of Scotch, and they decided to share a last drink before Elizabeth and Carson headed out.

They laughed a bit more, then John and Rodney saw their friends to the door, making sure they were sober enough to drive. Once they were gone, John wrapped his arms around Rodney and backed him into a wall, burying his face in his lover's neck. "Mmmm, I've wanted to do this all night."

"You could have. Fun to watch Elizabeth's eyes pop out of her head."

Chuckling, John mouthed carefully on a patch of skin, making sure he didn't leave an actual mark. "That was pretty funny. Think she'll wonder what we look like when we're doing more than kissing?"

Rodney hummed, leaning his head to the side, hands sliding up and down John's back. "Of course. What else would she be thinking about?"

John inhaled deeply, moaning softly at the scent of McKay—it was like an aphrodisiac. "Think she'll go home tonight and think about us, what we're doing right now?"

"I bet she's still outside talking to Carson about us."

"I think they both want to watch us. They both think we're hot together, and they get aroused thinking about me doing this." He reached down to cup Rodney's groin, feeling his lover already straining against his fabric prison.

Rodney groaned, hands clutching at John harder. "They're not the only ones getting aroused."

Flicking open Rodney's pants, John worked his hand in to caress skin. "But you aren't going to come. Not any time soon. You're going to wait for me. You're going to stay hard while I play with you, touch you."

"Yes…" he groaned, head leaning back against the wall, his eyes closed. “Wait as long as you want. Make me feel so good."

John positioned Rodney's hands above his head, pushing on them a little. "Leave them there until I tell you to move." He growled the words, letting his hands skim under Rodney's shirt to play with pert nipples.

Rodney trembled, but nodded his head, moaning as John's hands slid across his skin, fingers finding his nipples easily, latching on and tweaking and twisting them as his lover continued to groan and moan in pleasure.

"Mine. You're mine and I've wanted to do this all day. Wanted to make you squirm and moan for me, pant for me." John pushed Rodney's shirt up high enough to expose his mark. It was starting to fade, so he latched on to it, deepening and darkening it, making Rodney his to the accompaniment of the scientist's almost desperate cries and shifting hips. It was another noise that jarred him though, a small moan from behind him where there shouldn't be anyone. He stood and whirled, reaching for a weapon he wasn't carrying. It took a moment to process Elizabeth standing there, eyes wide and dilated, watching them.

"Purse…I'd forgotten my purse…" she finally stammered, lifting the hand that was clutching her black bag.

Rodney's whimpered shriek would have been funny under other circumstances as he tried to pull himself into some semblance of order.

John glanced back at his lover. "Don't move. I'm not done with you yet." He noticed Elizabeth was breathing a bit heavy when he turned back to her. He was too aroused and too much in headspace to play diplomat, but she was his friend—and he did have an admitted kink for exhibitionism. "Is this going to be a problem? It's one thing to see us kiss, but if it's going to make you uncomfortable having seen a bit more..."

"I…you didn't answer the knock and the door was unlocked…" She blushed, her cheeks nearly as red as the shirts she usually wore on Atlantis.

"Elizabeth, as Rodney can tell you, I have no problem whatsoever having sex in front of an audience—it's one of my kinks. But I need to know if you're going to be uncomfortable around either of us now." John was aware that behind him, Rodney had gone still, obeying his order, panting a bit. A quick check showed that his lover was still hard for him. Good.

"I…no," she finally answered, shaking her head. "I shouldn't have barged in. I’m so sorry. I didn't mean—"

He smiled at her. "It's okay. I should have either locked the door, or paid attention to the knocking." He shifted, and watched her eyes skim his body, taking in his own bulging pants and the nipple rings, which were more evident under his shirt in this light.

She pointed toward the door, but her feet were rooted to the floor. "I'll…I'll just be going. Carson was waiting. He'll want to know what's taking me so long."

"Rodney, wait for me in the bedroom. I'll be there in a minute." He glanced back, knowing Rodney was a lot shyer than he was. When he caught the flash of thanks in McKay's face as he disappeared around the corner, John knew he had made the right choice. He turned back to Elizabeth, taking a slow step towards her. "Are you going to be okay?"

Her eyes drifted up to his face immediately, the red descending down her neck. "Fine. Fine. Why would I be anything but fine?"

"I wasn't kidding when I said I don't really mind if people watch. So it doesn't bother or embarrass me to be caught. Especially when I was with my lover and partner. But you look a little stunned." He took another step towards her, getting a hand under her elbow and gently steering her to a stool in the kitchen when her legs buckled a little.

"I was just looking for my purse," she said quietly as another knock sounded on the door.

"Stay here and breathe for a minute. That's probably Carson." He patted her shoulder, moving back to the door. Sure enough the doctor was standing there, looking a bit concerned. "She's in the kitchen. We didn't hear her knock, so she caught us playing a bit in the hall before I realized she was there."

"Oh dear. You know they make door locks for a reason," Carson said rolling eyes as he moved past John into the apartment. "Where's Rodney?"

"I sent him into the bedroom." He grinned as Carson gave him the once over as well, noting his mussed and still aroused state. "And I guess I was sort of in a hurry and forgot about the lock."

Heading to Elizabeth, Carson glanced over his shoulder briefly. "Why don't you go check on Rodney? This is probably as much of a shock to him as it is to her. I'll tend to Elizabeth."

John nodded. "Thanks." He moved into the bedroom, finding his lover sitting on the bed. He went to him immediately, wrapping his arms around him. "Are you okay?"

"Are they gone?"

"Elizabeth is still a bit stunned. Carson is taking care of her. I think she was just surprised."

"She was watching us."

"Yes." John pulled him closer, pressing light kisses into his jaw.

"She liked it."

"We're pretty hot together. Can you really blame her for liking it?"

He shook his head, pressing closer to John. Sheppard could feel McKay's heat beating, feel the tension in his body. This had not been in the plan for tonight.

"John?" Carson's quiet call from the other room, jolted them both.

Sitting up, he caressed Rodney's face. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Rodney nodded once, arms curling around his body as he waited. Apart from tugging his shirt back in place, he hadn't touched anything John had done which meant he was sitting there with his pants open.

John ran a thumb over Rodney's groin as he rose, pleased to find that while he wasn't as hard as before, he hadn't completely lost his erection. John pulled the door closed behind him as he moved into the hallway to find Carson. "Is Elizabeth going to be all right? We didn't actually mean to put on a show for her."

"Aye, the lass'll be fine. Just took her by surprise. She's more embarrassed than anything," Carson said, eyes sliding past John to the closed bedroom door. "Rodney okay?"

"I think he's about the same. A bit embarrassed, but more because she was embarrassed than anything else." John flushed a little. "This isn't the first time we've, ah, had an audience. It's sort of a kink of mine, and there's a club in Vegas...Anyway, I'll take care of him. I'll show you guys out and make sure I lock the door this time."

Carson's eyebrow rose, but he didn't comment as they moved back to where Elizabeth was sitting, a glass of water on the counter beside her. "Ready to go, lass?"

John smiled at her. "You look a bit better."

She nodded to both of them as she climbed back to her feet. "Please let Rodney know how sorry I am. I don't know what came over me. Instead of turning right back around…"

John grinned at her. "I can understand the fascination. He's pretty damn hot like that."

Elizabeth blushed again. "You both are. And on that note…have a great night and please try to get some sleep."

Chuckling, John showed them to the door. "I'll see you at the SGC in the morning."

They said good night and slipped through the door, John locking and bolting it before turning back to the bedroom, shutting the lights off as he walked through the apartment to the bedroom.

He found Rodney where he had left him, so he returned to hold his lover. "They're gone. Elizabeth says you're really hot, and she's sorry she embarrassed you."

"There are some things your female boss should never see. That was one of them."

John pushed him until Rodney was on his back, John blanketing him. "We were in a private apartment, and we thought we were alone. She feels really bad about not just turning and leaving, but I think she was really, really turned on."

"Carson might get lucky, eh?"

John started to skim Rodney's body with his fingertips and lips, slowly stripping off his clothes. "Mmmm, I think he's turned on by the thought of us together too. I bet he's jealous he didn't get to see anything."

"Ask…him the…next time you see…him if he was…" Rodney whispered, the words coming out between moans and panting breaths.

John latched on to a nipple, sucking until Rodney was squirming underneath him. "I could ask him if he wants to watch. Tie him to a chair and gag him so he couldn't touch himself, just watch me pleasure you."

"But…oh…Carson?"

"I bet he would be in to it. I bet he would be so turned on he would be aching."

Rodney moaned as John continued to stroke his body, playing absently with both nipples. "Oh…John…"

"You're so amazing like this. So responsive. No one could resist getting turned on by watching you. It makes me want to do very naughty things to you."

"Yours…" he whispered, eyes finally closing as he arched into John's touch.

"Mine. No one else gets to touch you. They can watch, but they can't participate, no matter how much they want to."

"No one but you."

Humming, John moved down to Rodney's erection, which was once more rock hard and leaking. He lapped at the head.

Groaning, Rodney bucked up a little, his hands clenching at his sides as John's tongue licked at his cock before pulling off.

"I think you need to be tied down, since you can't stay still on your own. What do you think?" It was redundant, since John was strapping him down either way, but he enjoyed Rodney's reaction.

He moaned loudly, the sound low and deep. "Please…take me…use me…yours, all yours…"

John quickly locked all four cuffs in place, and then added the chest harness. Adding a pillow under his ass to shift Rodney up slightly, John strapped him down completely, making sure he couldn't even squirm. Then he sat back to admire. "So beautiful."

Rodney moaned quietly, head turned to the side as he met John's gaze.

John added a tight cock ring to his lover, smiling since it meant he could play as hard as he wanted for as long as he wanted. He put one of the ball gags on him and then used a few pillows to ensure Rodney wouldn't be able to move his head. "Keep your eyes on me."

Moaning in understanding, Rodney tried to shift in his bonds, but John had tied them extra tight, making sure there was no give in the tethers. All he could do was lay there and take whatever John wanted to give him.

With a smile, John got one of the vibrators out that had a variable speed. He saw Rodney's eyes widen as he slowly slicked it up where he lover could watch. "I'm replacing the plug with this. It's going to be against your prostate, vibrating, until I'm ready for you to come."

Tugging again at his wrist bindings, Rodney keened long and low as John removed the plug, come leaking out of his lover's ass.

Flicking the vibrator on, John slowly slipped it inside Rodney's body, knowing he had found his prostate when Rodney's moans got higher pitched. "This is just the beginning Rodney. I'm not even close to being done with you."

McKay's choked off moan accompanied a full body shudder as the vibrator settled into place, pressing down onto Rodney's prostate. John adjusted the speed and intensity a notch before sitting back, watching as Rodney's body trembled in time with the vibrator. The low moans began again, his eyes drifting closed but he forced them open, remembering John's order.

Smiling, John returned his attention to Rodney's nipples, fondling one while he used his mouth to tease the other.

And Rodney responded beautifully, his body trembling as he moaned and whimpered, the sound trapped in his throat as he watched John play with him.

When both nipples had received equal treatment, John put his cheek on Rodney's stomach, rubbing against him, knowing he was leaving beard burn from his five-o'clock shadow.

He got a whimpering groan in response as Rodney tried to shift away. But John knew that with nowhere to go, all Rodney would end up doing was clench his muscles, increasing some of the pressure in his ass.

So beautiful. So perfect.

Sitting up, John smiled at his lover. It was past time to get out of his own clothes. He stripped slowly, making sure Rodney was watching as every button was carefully unfastened, every piece of clothing set aside.

Rodney's eyes were nearly all pupil, a sliver of blue ringed around the edge. In the dim half-light of the bedroom, the shadows on his body were deep.

Once he was naked, John moved to the end of the bed. He started an all-out assault on Rodney's body—beginning with his toes, John made sure he touched, licked, and kissed every available inch of skin, working his way up slowly and avoiding both his lover's weeping dick and already-swollen nipples.

While Rodney was hard as a rock, some of his neediness and desperation had worn off as he slid into subspace, letting his body simply feel and experience everything John was giving to him. The tension was gone, his muscles relaxed as John pleasured him, as he slid deeper into subspace.

When he finished with Rodney's fingers, he moved back down to nuzzle at his lover's neck again, one hand resting on his chest. "You're so good, Rodney. So perfect."

Rodney regarded John through heavy-lidded eyes, his heart beating steadily under John's hand.

"When I take off the cock ring, I want you to come."

Rodney blinked once, understanding in his eyes.

John went back to his exploration of his lover's body, returning to a few of the sensitive areas he had made note of before.

The body under his hands, while trembling with need, also became much more pliant, the sounds of pleasure and contentment given up easily. The trust Rodney showed him when he was like this…it still took his breath away.

For now, John new he had pushed Rodney about as far into subspace as his lover could go. He was deep into it, and to drag this out more would run the risk of turning pleasure into pain. John finally turned his attention to his lover's erection, kissing the head before slowly swallowing it down. At the same time, he found the vibrator and slowly began to fuck Rodney with it.

The moans that had quieted quickly rose in volume once again as Rodney's body shuddered hard, the sounds turning into whimpers as John continued to push him.

Without pulling off, John used his free hand to flick off the ring, freeing Rodney to come whenever he wanted. At the same time, he tagged his lover's prostate with the dildo, and sucked hard on his head.

Rodney's body shuddered again, breath catching before he was pouring down John's throat again and again, his fists unclenching as pleasure rolled through his body. He'd kept his eyes on John the entire time until this very moment when the sensations finally overwhelmed him, consciousness fading briefly.

John cleaned him up and pulled out the vibrator while Rodney was still out cold. Then he straddled him, shifting his hips restlessly as he waited for his lover to wake up.

It didn't take much longer before Rodney's eyes were fluttering, before he was gazing at John with a sated expression.

John's voice felt rough, harsh, and now that Rodney was taken care of, his own erection was starting to get painful. "I want to fuck you. Nod your head if you're not too sore."

Rodney nodded immediately, arousal growing in his eyes once again.

Grabbing the lube, John slicked himself up, trusting that the vibrator and their earlier activities had loosened Rodney up enough to accept him. With a deep groan, he pushed inside his lover's tight heat.

Rodney clenched around him before relaxing once again with a moan, allowing John to slip in deeper. He did that several times until he was fully seated within his lover's body. And even though Rodney had just come, his cock was already beginning to harden once again.

Growling, John got a hand around Rodney's dick, stroking it in time to his thrusts until it was completely hard again. Then he let it go. "Don't come yet."

Rodney moaned, nodding slightly as he watched John thrust into him over and over again. Letting go of his cock, John shifted so he could get a better angle, so he could take what he wanted as he began pounding into Rodney's body, hitting his prostate with each and every thrust.

He was close and he needed to come. "Now, Rodney. Come now, take me with you." When his lover started to spasm around him, John lost it, coming hard, pouring himself into Rodney's body. When it was over, he blanketed Rodney with his own body, using his elbows to keep from crushing the other man.

Rodney breathed heavily through his nose, low moans and sighs rumbling in his chest and throat. His eyes were still open, although glazed over, and John guessed he probably wasn't seeing much at this point.

With another groan, John got himself moving enough to pull out of Rodney and slip off of him, curling against his lover's side. He would clean them up and release the straps in a minute.

From where John rested his head, Rodney's heart beat steadily, the sound loud and comforting under his ear.

When he had gotten his breath back and his limbs no longer felt like Jell-O, John sat up, freeing Rodney and rearranging him more comfortably, then grabbing a washcloth to clean them both up. Once that was done, he curled back against his lover, wrapping his arms around him.

Rodney groaned a little as he moved to pull his arms around John, the leather cuffs rubbing against John's back. Turning his head, he pressed his forehead against the top of John's head, sighing quietly, most of the sound still absorbed by the ball gag.

John nuzzled the gag with his nose. "Is this getting uncomfortable?"

He shrugged, the gesture barely noticeable.

Kissing the corner of Rodney's mouth visible under the gag, John reached back to fumble with the clasp. "I don't really want your jaw to ache in the morning, so I'm taking this off now."

Rodney lifted his head to give John better access, letting the ball gag spill out of his mouth once it was unlocked. He stretched his jaw muscles, wincing a little before he turned toward John. "Thanks," he whispered, lips just out of John's range.

He traced the edges of Rodney's mouth with a finger. "How are you otherwise? Comfortable?"

"Good." His tongue flicked out, touching John's finger tentatively and Sheppard moved it into his mouth, letting Rodney suck on it for a few seconds.

John let his eyes close halfway, breath catching as Rodney teased his finger. "Rodney..."

Lifting his head slightly, John's finger pulled out of Rodney's mouth for a moment. "Yours, John. Anything you want," he whispered, his eyes still gazing at John with desire and longing.

His hips stuttered a bit—he hadn't thought he could get aroused again this fast, but his dick had other ideas. John pushed Rodney on his back again, claiming his lover's mouth, losing himself in the taste and feel of the kiss.

Rodney gave as good as he got, battling John's tongue before surrendering to the kiss, his hands roaming all over Sheppard's body, wherever he could reach, fingers digging into John's back, nails scraping against skin. They moaned and panted as the kiss got wetter, dirtier. Tonight it seemed that neither of them was easily satisfied, wanting it hard and fast, wanting to feel the remnants of tonight long into tomorrow.

John could feel that Rodney was getting hard again, so he wiggled down his lover's body, using his mouth to bring him to full-mast. "I'm going to ride you. I want to feel you in all my briefings tomorrow."

Rodney's eyes widened as he groaned. "Oh…John…whatever…yours…here for you…"

Taking one of Rodney's hands, John put a little lube on his fingers and then rose up on his knees. He knew Rodney was still nervous about touching him this way, so this was a good time to give his lover a bit more practice. Not to mention it felt good when he did it to himself, but it was fucking fantastic when he could get Rodney to do it for him. "Stretch me."

Rodney paused for a moment before nodding and shifting up immediately to get himself in position. "Can you…" he started to say, hand gesturing for John to lay down on his front.

John laid flat, pillowing his head on his arms and spreading his legs as wide as they would go. "Mmmmm."

John heard the click of the lube cap as Rodney obviously decided to add more to his fingers. A few seconds later, John felt the first tentative touch, the cool lubricant-covered finger trailing down the crack of his ass. After a moment, Rodney's touch increased sliding into John slowly. The slow and careful movements became more sure as Rodney continued to stretch him, adding more lube and fingers as John relaxed. When three fingers were finally sliding in and out easily—and John was about ready to come just from Rodney's fingers—he shifted on the bed, ordering Rodney to stop.

Panting, John knew his eyes were completely blown with pleasure, and he was hard and aching, pre-come leaking out of his dick. "On your back. You're going to come inside me."

Rodney moved, but not quickly enough for John. With a shove of John's hand, McKay suddenly found himself sprawled sideways on the bed, Sheppard straddling him a moment later. Much to John's pleasure, Rodney was very hard, eyes filled completely with arousal.

John didn't waste time, positioning himself over Rodney's erection and sinking down with a moan. When he had taken Rodney all the way, he had to pause, trying desperately not to come yet. He threw his head back and panted, hands gripping Rodney's thighs.

"God…John…" Rodney moaned staring up at his lover.

"Just...hold still...a minute. I'm not as...used to this anymore...as you are. God...so full..." John shifted, moaning as he felt Rodney settle deep inside him. "Don't want to...come too...fast..."

"Not…not going anywhere," he began, trying his best to remain still. "Take what you want."

John finally had to resort to pressing hard against the base of his dick—he had considered, briefly, just grabbing Rodney's cock ring and using that, but he wasn't sure how his lover would react. Once his orgasm had faded back enough to let him feel like he had some control, John started to move, slowly at first, caressing Rodney's erection with his body. He had to pause again with a whimper when a slight adjustment in angle let him find his prostate.

Pausing, he leaned down slightly, running his hands up Rodney's body to his arms, drawing the limbs together above his lover's head. Rodney wanted him to take…and tonight he would. One of the tethers was within reach and John snagged it, clipping Rodney's wrists together before slowly sitting up once again, his hands tracing a path back down to Rodney's nipples.

"How long can you stay hard inside me without coming?" He started to gently fondle one of the abused nubs.

Rodney moaned, head tilting to the side. "Never timed it."

John decided if he was going to push Rodney, he was going to need the help after all, He leaned enough to snag the cock ring from earlier, slipping it over his own dick. "I think I want to know how much you can take without any help holding off the orgasm."

"Oh…god…" he groaned, tugging at the restrains holding his arms in place.

With an evil chuckle, John wiggled his ass, biting back a gasp at how good it felt.

Rodney's hips thrust up in response, making them both moan at the sensation. "…don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. God...so good. One of these days, I'm going to get around to having you really fuck me. You always manage to sidetrack me." John ran his hands up and down Rodney's sides as he started to move again. He kept it small for now, rising up only a few inches before sliding back down slowly. God, it was a toss up as to who was going to break from this first, him or Rodney.

"We'll see," Rodney said, the smirk on his face quickly turning into a moan of pleasure as John started to fuck himself.

John continued to move, speeding up as he went. Although the ring would prevent him from coming, the pleasure was starting to build. He planted his knees more firmly on either side of Rodney's hips, and started to really ride him. He found his prostate again and got into a rhythm that let him slam down into it every time. He was vaguely aware he was making a noise that could only be called mewling, but the recognition was quickly lost again in the haze of sensation.

Rodney's hips were thrusting up to meet John stroke for stroke, his moans and whimpers joining with John's in a strange symphony of sounds.

Throwing his head back again, John lost himself. His world narrowed down to Rodney and the way he felt inside, to the arousal so hard it was sending sparks of pleasure and pain shooting through him.

It was rough and hard and fast and exactly what he wanted, needed. He'd be sore tomorrow—Rodney probably even more so—but tonight neither of them seemed to care. They just wanted skin and sex and to be fucked within an inch of their lives.

Forcing himself still, John knew he was trembling, but he couldn't stop it. "How... close...?"

"Can…can hold on…"

John swallowed hard. He was determined not to be the one who broke down this time. He was always reduced to a shameless slut when he bottomed, even when he did it this way. "I think...training you to...deny your orgasm...might just...kill me now."

Rodney chuckled, the sound low and deep and edged with his arousal.

"So fucking good..." Instead of impaling himself again, John picked up a rocking motion, moving his hips in circles. "Love...you..."

Rodney's back arched from the motion and he moaned loudly, the sound ending in a whimper.

That was it, he couldn't take it anymore. His whole body was screaming with the need to come. He started to fuck himself hard on Rodney's dick again, begging his lover to come even as he flicked the ring off his own dick. He felt Rodney pulsing inside him, aware that he screamed as he came, toppling down over his lover. The world went white.

John didn’t know how long he had been out when a soft whisper dragged him back into consciousness.

"John?"

"Mmmmm." He could still feel Rodney inside him. It was nice.

"Did I break you?"

"Mmmmm."

Lips pressed against the side of his face. "Get what you wanted?"

John turned his head enough to push his nose into Rodney's neck. He knew he was almost purring in contentment, but didn't care.

Rodney sighed deeply, thrusting up slightly with his hips.

John moaned, clenching around his lover. "So good..." he whispered.

"I don't think I can get it up again…even for you. I'm sorry."

"S'ok. I don't really think I can take much more anyway. You just feel so good inside me."

"That's my line," Rodney grumped. "And I have no intention of giving up bottoming."

John chuckled. "I have no intention of giving up topping. Doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good fuck now and then."

"I prefer the fuck myself."

"Mmm, you have a greedy ass. It really needs to be fucked a few times a day to keep it happy."

"It does," Rodney agreed and John could hear the smile in his voice. "Think you can help with that?"

"It's a challenge, but I think I'm up for it." He finally sat up enough to look at his lover, smiling softly. "I think we have sexed ourselves into oblivion for the night."

"You sure you have everything you wanted?"

"That's my line. I'm the one who makes sure your every need is filled."

"That's also my job and I know I haven't been doing a very good job of it."

John blinked. "What? You're perfect."

Shaking his head, Rodney held John's eyes. "You're too good to me—and I’m not really going to complain about it—but I know I'm needy, moody and I don't always fill your needs. I'm yours, John. You own me—body, soul, heart, mind. I just want to make sure you're happy. Take me, use me, abuse me, challenge me, play with me. I…I need all of that, too."

John sat up and let Rodney slide free of his body with a groan. He unhooked the straps on Rodney's wrists and pulled his lover into his arms. "I love you just the way you are. You're mine, and you fill every need I have, I promise. Knowing I can take care of you, all of you, every need you have, is more than enough."

Rodney settled half on top of John, his leg sliding between Sheppard's. He shifted slightly to kiss along John's jaw.

John let his head fall to the side, giving Rodney access. "You know that as much as I own you, you own me, right? You've ruined me for anyone else, and now you're stuck with me." He hummed a little as Rodney's tongue found a sensitive spot.

Rodney spent some time there, smiling against John's skin as he squirmed and shifted.

John was more than a little surprised to feel himself getting hard again. He hadn't thought he would be able to get it up again at all tonight, much less this soon. When Rodney moved down a bit, John couldn't help pushing his chest up, hoping his nipples were the goal.

"See. You obviously need something else," Rodney whispered, his hand wrapping around John's cock while his lips closed around a nipple.

John keened, his over-sensitized body responding stronger than usual—and he was usually pretty damn responsive. "Ohgodohgodohgod I didn't know I needed this..."

Rodney simply held him in his hand as he played with John's nipples, licking, sucking, tonguing, and nibbling until John was moaning and shuddering under him. And then suddenly, Rodney backed off, drawing himself completely away from John.

It took him a moment to realize he'd moved and he turned his head only to find Rodney's ass directly in his line of sight as he knelt on the bed on all fours.

Waiting.

Moaning and panting, John managed to push himself up. He saw Rodney wasn't hard again. "Don't want to hurt you... I can...I can come just from... You have to be able to walk tomorrow..." Even as he said it, his fingers were trailing over each cheek, and his body was throbbing with the need to be inside that beautiful ass.

"John." It was only one word, but Sheppard could hear the exasperation, the desire, the need, and the proof of Rodney's earlier words.

He didn't ask again. With a swift thrust, he buried himself inside his lover. He was too close and too sensitive to drag this out. With one hand he found his own nipple and twisted it hard, thrusting once, twice, three times before he was coming again. With a moan, he pulled out and fell backwards onto the bed.

Rodney stayed there for several minutes, come leaking down the back of his thighs before he slumped to the side, crawling over to John.

"We should shower. But I don't think my limbs work anymore."

"We have five hours before we have to be up. It can wait."

"We'll be stuck to the sheets." John twitched his leg, trying to see if he could work up the energy to at least go get a damp cloth.

"We can shower with them—they have to be washed."

"We're both covered in come. Let me at least get something to clean up the worst of it." He crawled off the bed with a sigh, feeling come leaking down his own ass. He was a bit surprised when his legs threatened to buckle underneath him as soon as he stood.

"Don't make a trail of come through my apartment."

Grunting, John wobbled his way into the bathroom. He cleaned himself up haphazardly before heading back out to Rodney. He did a bit better job cleaning his lover, making sure there was nothing left to make him uncomfortable.

Tossing the cloth on the floor with their clothes, John took off the chest harness, his fingers trailing over the reddened skin underneath.

His fingers drifted up to the wrist cuffs. "I'll take these off in the morning."

"Mmm," Rodney said, glancing up, his eyes threatening to slide closed entirely. "It's already tomorrow morning."

John curled his body around Rodney's. "We should probably sleep then."

"Probably. I might be late in the morning."

"I can't be late. Landry is expecting me for briefings."

"Two cars. We have two cars."

"You'll make me drag my ass in without you?"

Rodney opened his eyes, turning toward John. "Do we even know what our schedule is supposed to be?"

"I have to report at 0800 for my first briefing. After that, I know I'm in meetings again all day. I can pretty much guarantee I'm going to need comfort sex tomorrow night. Tuesday is the ceremony thing O'Neill is holding, and we're required to be at that—you'll get to see me all decked out in my formal gear."

Rodney mumbled something that John didn't catch.

"What?" John lifted his head to see his lover's face.

"I might need a cock ring or something."

Chuckling, John put his head back on Rodney's chest. "That can be arranged. Don't let me forget to pocket one when we leave tomorrow morning. We'll change on-base, so I can put it on you then."

Rodney groaned. "You will kill me."

Closing his eyes, John smiled into Rodney's skin. "But what a way to go."

Sighing, Rodney shifted slightly, tugging the blankets up over them. "We're never getting up in the morning."

"I set the alarm." John felt himself being tugged down into slumber. "Night, Rodney."

"Never."

"Have to. Gotta report."

"I'm a civilian and the head of my department. I don't 'report' to anyone."

"Lucky. If I don't show up, I'll be charged with going AWOL."

"Can't have that."

"Mmmm." John was relaxed and content and completely well-fucked. "Sleeping now."

"No, you're not."

John hummed and curled in closer to Rodney's heat.

"And yes, your own personal space heater is shutting up now."

Laughing softly, John pressed a kiss into Rodney's chest. "Love you," he whispered softly as he drifted off to sleep.

***

Rodney was actually surprised he listened when John told him to get out of bed. His body didn't like it—his ass was thoroughly not enjoying it—but he also knew that it would get better throughout the day.

They ended up taking separate cars to the mountain because neither of them knew what their schedules would be like and being trapped at Cheyenne was no one's idea of fun.

Once they parted on level twenty-eight, Rodney was immersed in the science department, Carter talking his ear off on one side, while Lee did it on the other. They had questions, comments, demands…Gah! It was like Atlantis all over again but without the humidity and the Ancient technology.

After getting the one-hundred-and twenty question torture, Elizabeth managed to whisk him away to something worse: personnel reports.

Sitting him down in a small, windowless, dismal grey office—with only a desk, chair, overhead light, and glass of water—with a mountainous pile of folders on the corner of the desk was tantamount to cruel and unusual punishment.

Standing in the door way, he glanced over his shoulder. "This is payback for last night, isn't it?"

She blushed faintly. "I am so sorry about that. I don't know what came over me. This isn't punishment, no," she said shaking her head, a rueful smile on her face. "We need your approvals before we can finalize these changes to the science staff."

"Then why is it that I saw Carson in the main briefing room?" He really wasn't angry with her. He was tired and sore and he missed John. Granted it had only been a few hours, but this was probably the longest they'd been apart in two weeks.

She put a hand on his elbow and steered him to the table. "He was actually being briefed. I promise, we locked him a room like this one until his approvals were done, too. And you'll be in the briefing room yourself soon enough." She squeezed once before she let go. "I know it's a lot to go over your first day back, but we need to get these through today so we have time to get everyone ready for the ride back home."

Rolling his eyes, he nodded. "Fine. Any idea where John is?"

She smiled gently. "Last I heard he was in briefings with Generals Landry and O'Neill, as well as the IOA. I heard they called for lunch to be brought in."

"Oh. How long do you figure he's going to be?"

She shrugged. "I’m not sure, but it might take a while."

"Doesn't matter. We came in separate cars."

"I know. But I'll still do what I can." She pointed to the stacks of paper. "And the sooner you get through these, the sooner you can escape this room."

"I get it. And it'll be done." He sighed as Elizabeth patted his arm as she left, closing the door behind her. He tried not to think about how far he was underground or just how small the room was. That wouldn't make this exercise in mind-numbing futility any better.

Sitting gingerly, he started on the pile, his pen marking the pages inside, comments written into margins. He took several breaks throughout the afternoon, grabbing a snack here and there until he finally reached the end of the pile.

There wasn't anything too impressive, but he'd narrowed it down to about fifty possible candidates. It was better than the three hundred they had before.

Leaving the files on the desk—one with a big "garbage" sign on top—he eventually found Walter Harriman who unfortunately informed him that Sheppard was still in meetings.

"I'm sorry, Doctor McKay, but General Landry was pretty insistent that they not be disturbed unless it was an emergency. However, I wouldn't guess they'll be later than about 2100 or so. And Colonel Carter was looking for you."

"Thanks," he said, trying not to sigh. That meant he wouldn't see John until nearly eleven. "And where's Carter hiding?"

"I believe she was headed to Doctor Jackson's office. Do you need me to show you where that is?"

"No," he said, waving off the other man with an absent gesture. "I know how to get around in this god-forsaken excuse for a base. Have a good night."

"You too, sir. I'll let Major Sheppard know you were looking for him."

"Tell him I'll meet him at my apartment."

Walter nodded, and Rodney could tell the man was committing it to memory. It was amazing how much he could remember at any given time.

Heading out, his feet took him to the elevator and onward to Jackson's office while his mind spun a little. If John was going to be home around eleven… Huh. There were several intriguing possibilities that were entirely within his current abilities.

Maybe he'd give John a welcome home to remember.

Two heads popped up when he rounded the corner to Jackson's office. "McKay! I was beginning to wonder if someone had finally followed through on the threats and stashed your body in a closet somewhere." Carter grinned at him.

Rodney rolled his eyes, trying to remember what he'd seen in her before. But then he remembered. Blonde hair. Brains. And a body. "Hardee har har. You slay me with your wit. Radar said you were looking for me."

Jackson blinked. "Radar?"

"Radar O'Reilly. MASH. Television show. You do watch television, Jackson, don't you? You can't turn the damn thing on without hitting a MASH re-run."

Carter raised an eyebrow. "Did you do anything except watch old television shows on your vacation, McKay? You do know you're supposed to actually get out and do something fun once in a while."

"You're just jealous because I have a life outside of this base." He turned back to Jackson. "And for your information, I was referring to Walter's uncanny ability to know everything about everyone and know exactly what you need even before you need it." He turned back to Carter, his fingers snapping. "You wanted something."

They both laughed. "Actually, I was looking for you to see if you wanted to grab dinner. Generals O'Neill and Landry aren't going to let your roommate loose until later tonight, and I wanted to go over some of these schematics with you. Daniel had some Ancient texts you had sent back that he had questions about, too."

"Not tonight," he said shaking his head. "I have my eyes on leftovers and my bed. Sorry."

Daniel's eyebrows went up. "Weren't you going home to leftovers last time we invited you out, too?"

"It's not my fault Sheppard's a good cook."

Carter shook her head. "He just doesn't strike me as the cooking type."

"He can cook just about anything," Rodney said, his hands waving a little. "It's amazing what he can come up with from the crap that I have in my kitchen. I still have leftovers from the other night, but he's cooking again Wednesday night for Carson and Elizabeth."

Both of them perked right up. "Wednesday it is. We'll be there. Mind if we bring Cameron and Teal'c too?" Carter grinned at him.

"What? Why?"

"You've raved about Sheppard's cooking every time we've seen you since you got back. You didn't really think we wouldn't try to get an invite, did you?" Carter hooked an arm through Rodney's and steered him towards the elevators. "Go enjoy your leftovers, and we'll see you tomorrow."

"I need a suit for that…thing, don't I?"

"You probably want to wear one, yes." She pushed the elevator call button for him, then winked. "Trust me, you'll want to look nice."

Rolling his eyes, he let her shove him into the elevator, his mind already trying to remember where he last saw his suit.

After checking out of the Mountain, it didn't take him long to get home. Putting some food in the microwave to heat, he hunted through his closet for his suit and managed to find a shirt. He still needed to find an un-mangled tie, but that could wait until morning.

He had an idea, but was a little nervous actually going through with it. But he was sure John would like it.

So, about forty-five minutes before he figured John would come home he headed into the bedroom, cleaning himself up a bit before he stripped down to his skin. Standing there for a long moment, he finally moved to the drawer and pulled out various items, putting them aside on the bed. It would take a bit of doing, but he wanted something special for John to come home to.

Starting with the cuffs, he put them on his ankles and locked them in place, putting the key on the bedside table. Adjusting the tethers, he attached two of them to a single pair of open handcuffs. He'd put them on last, but he wanted to make sure everything would reach.

Digging out the lube, he quickly reached around and began stretching himself, making sure John could just slide right in once he got home. When three fingers moved easily within and his cock was hard, he stopped, not wanting to come before John returned.

A quick glance to the bedside table confirmed that the keys for the locks and handcuffs were in place. So, he added a cock ring to his dick before climbing onto the bed, locking the spreader bar into place on his ankles. The tethers to the side of the bed came next, making sure that he could only kneel until John released him.

Taking a deep breath as he glanced at his locked ankles, he reached for the ball gag next, pulling it in place and locking it with the last padlock he'd taken out.

Making sure he knew where the handcuffs were, he tugged the blindfold on, tying it tightly in place before leaning down and putting his left hand into the cuff, snapping it securely around his wrist.

One more to go.

With his heart pounding a little, he reached forward and managed to snap the other cuff around his wrist, locking him in place, leaving him completely open and at the mercy of anyone walking into the apartment.

Forehead pressed into the bed, he waited. Seconds seemed like hours, but the quiet settled over him and he slowly slid down.

John would come home and take care of him.

He was slipping into what John called subspace when he heard the door close and John call out. "Rodney? Where are you? I saw your car in the lot."

If he could answer, he would have, but all he could do was wait, listening to the sound of John's footfalls against the floor. They paused in a few locations before heading toward the bedroom.

"Ro—Oh fuck..." John had found him. A moment later a hand was on his back, running down it until a finger dipped slightly into his ass. "Oh god, you... Rodney, this is..." He heard the sound of clothing being removed, and John's harsh panting. His lover stripped in record time, and suddenly there was the feeling of a cock pushing into him, claiming him.

He moaned as John filled him, feeling the burn from the night before and his own stretching. John always did a better job. But this was so perfect, so right.

"Oh god, you're perfect. This is... so tight... I needed you so much..." John was almost babbling as he pulled in and out slowly a few times, adjusting his angle and giving Rodney a chance to adjust before picking up the pace.

With the little movement he could do, Rodney rocked back to meet John's thrusts, needing it rough and hard, wanting to give John everything he needed.

John hit his prostate hard, then continued to hit it, over and over again, moaning his own pleasure as he took Rodney.

He groaned and whimpered, clenching down on John's cock. And with a shudder, he felt John come, filling him with a wet warmth even as John continued to thrust into him, riding out his orgasm until he finally slumped against Rodney's back.

John nuzzled at his neck, kissing the crease between his neck and shoulders lightly. "Perfect. You're so incredibly perfect. I love you so much."

Rodney moaned in response, in contentment, knowing he'd given John exactly what he wanted.

He felt John shift and then a hand was on his dick, stroking him. John moaned softly when he encountered the cock ring. "You went to all this effort, it would be a shame to end it too soon. I think I need to play with you a bit more before I let you come."

Rodney shuddered from John's touch, moaning in agreement, grateful that John knew what he wanted—needed—without him uttering a single word.

Hands skimmed his body, touching and testing everything Rodney had put on. By the end, John was purring softly. "Good. Very, very good."

John's praise warmed him, glad the other man approved of his efforts. He trembled in anticipation, but forced himself to remain still as Sheppard's hands skimmed over his body.

He felt a finger trace the metal handcuffs, slipping underneath slightly to test how tight they were. "Couldn't use the regular cuffs, hmm? I'm going to give you an option, and this will probably be the last one tonight. I can change these out now for our usual leather cuffs if these are rubbing. But if I don't change them now, you're wearing the handcuffs for the rest of the night. Either nod your head yes, to get your cuffs, or no to keep these."

Rodney nodded, knowing that his wrists would be killing him by the end of the night. He hadn't been flexible or bendy enough to lock the regular cuffs together.

John was gentle removing the cuffs. Rodney shivered as a tongue traced what he assumed were grooves, over and over again until he moaned. John chuckled and pressed a last kiss on the inside of each wrist before the familiar leather was slipped into place and locked back into the same position he had been in earlier. "Perfect. You're so perfect."

A murmur of contentment escaped from him, a result of both John's words and the feeling of leather on his wrists. The material was cool, but he knew it would warm quickly, conforming to his skin, holding him securely.

He heard John move around the room a bit, and then a warm cloth was cleaning him, dipping into his ass. Once the come was gone, the damp, rough cloth was dragged all over his body, both cleaning and arousing. John wasn't following any sort of pattern, so Rodney couldn't anticipate where the sensation would come from next.

Once the cloth left his body, John was silent, but Rodney could feel the bed dipping slightly as the man moved. The hands trailing over his lower back were warm and sure as they dipped lower, framing his ass, spreading him. A warm tongue licked a trail up his crack dragging a moan from his throat. John then proceeded to rim him, his tongue licking and dipping into him driving him nearly insensible with pleasure.

"Mmm, I don't want to stop, but my jaw is starting to ache. So for now..." A plug was gently pushed inside him—and it started vibrating.

Moaning, Rodney shifted slightly as the plug settled in before he stilled once again. John was shifting on the bed again, moving along his side, one hand trailing up Rodney's back.

John used his nails lightly, running them up and down Rodney's back. "Mmmm. All mine. So much to choose from, I don't know what I want first."

Tugging at his wrists, Rodney whimpered again, most of the sound lost in the gag. John's voice was deep, the one he only used with him. It was the same voice he used to whisper in his ear that sent a jolt right to his dick—just like now.

John's chuckle sent spikes of need through Rodney's body. He started to nip at various patches of skin, then soothing the tiny bite marks with his tongue.

Rodney let himself get lost in the feel of John's hands and tongue and teeth and lips, one sensation merging into the next, the plug's vibrations keeping him constantly on edge. The thoughts about today's coffin-sized rooms and the pathetic excuse for science department personnel files had long since absconded, only to be replaced by one single thought: John.

In between his play, John continued to talk, his voice even and seductive. "I'm getting hard again. Touching you, tasting you, it drives me crazy with need. All day long, all I wanted to do was come find you and bury myself in you."

God, Rodney groaned. He could picture John finding him, closing the door of that small windowless room and bending him over the desk after tugging his pants down around his ankles. John would order him to be silent, to hold everything in—even his moans—to make sure no one heard them.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd like being bent over a lab table somewhere, swallowing your noises while you were being fucked fast and hard. I'd bring the plug with me, so after I came, you would carry it around with you, knowing you were mine."

The high-pitched whimper was John's only reply and the other man chuckled.

"We have to get changed on-base tomorrow before this ceremony thing. Make sure you have a plug in your pocket before we leave the apartment."

A jolt of desire shot through his body and he groaned, tugging against the restraints. To be standing in front of the entire SGC with a plug filling his ass, holding in John's come from a quick fuck…

John just chuckled again, wiggling the plug inside him slightly. "God, you're beautiful like this."

Contentment and arousal rolled through Rodney's body, John's words warming him from the inside, while the tone of his voice continued to titillate him.

"I'm going to take you again soon. Fill you, claim you. So fucking beautiful..." Hands swept his body, caressing and arousing him further.

Rodney moaned loudly wanting to feel John again, wanting to be filled again.

The plug disappeared all at once, leaving him feeling almost empty. John didn't immediately fill him again, instead continuing to run his hands over Rodney's back.

They soothed him, comforted him, bringing him down from the edge and allowing him to cool off a little. The hands, though, didn't remain on his back. Instead, John moved his attention to Rodney's nipples, rubbing and tweaking them until he was moaning and whimpering continually, his body trembling from every sensation.

"So responsive... God, I could do this to you all night. But when I'm inside you again, I want to feel you come."

John continued to play with his nipples for a while, sending Rodney higher and higher toward his climax while at the same time pushing him deeper and deeper into submission, into his headspace. Right at this moment Rodney didn't care about anything except John—his hands, his cock, his touch.

John somehow managed to move into position without letting go of one of Rodney's nipples, because all the sudden he was pushing inside Rodney, filling him. "Oh god…so good, Oh, Rodney..."

If Rodney could speak he knew he'd be babbling incessantly, begging John to fuck him hard, to fill him once again.

Once he was all the way inside, John paused. "I'm going to take the ring off now, but I don't want you to come yet. Not until I tell you to."

Even before Rodney could acknowledge John's comment and order, his fingers were already taking off the ring before moving back to his nipples and he stayed still within Rodney's body.

"How long can you take this without coming?" John was holding completely still inside him, tweaking and fondling his body.

Rodney trembled, unable to answer with the gag in his mouth, but he knew that even if it wasn't there responding to John's question in any coherent way was next to near impossible.

John drove him higher and higher, until Rodney knew he was making a high-pitched noise. "When I start to move, when I hit your prostate, you can come. But not before. Hold it back for me, Rodney. Let yourself fly."

Releasing that small piece he'd been holding onto, Rodney let himself fall knowing John could catch him.

***

John felt when Rodney let go of himself. It was absolutely amazing to see his lover slide completely into submission. He gave up everything, trusting John to take care of him, and it was almost overwhelming. John had never been needed—never had someone give themselves to him—like this before.

God, he loved this man.

Rodney’s complete surrender had pushed him close to the edge again. He was going to need to come again soon. John pulled out slowly, adjusting his angle. With one hard thrust he slammed into Rodney’s prostate.

Rodney keened and contracted around him. John sucked in a breath and rode it out. Once Rodney had started to settle down again, John thrust a few more times before his own orgasm overcame him.      

John pulled out and let himself fall to the side. When he caught his breath again, he reached up to run a hand down Rodney’s back. “Ready to get into a more comfortable position?”

His lover moaned, half slumped on the bed, but unable to stretch out at all because of how he'd secured himself.

And Rodney had done this to himself. God…

John shuddered, and his dick made an attempt to get interested again. But it was just too soon. In the meantime... "I'm going to take off the bar and get you onto your back so you can get comfortable. And this? Was the best surprise I have ever gotten."

Grabbing the key from the bedside table, John unlocked the tethers and the bar, leaving the cuffs in place on Rodney's ankles. McKay stayed in the same position until Sheppard moved him, using his hands to carefully turn his lover onto his side and roll him onto his back. Rodney groaned, his muscles obviously sore from holding the same position. And who knows how long he'd been like this waiting for him.

John pulled the gag free and claimed Rodney's mouth, diving in deep until they were both gasping. "Love you. Oh, God, you're so fucking perfect."

John ducked back in once again and Rodney moaned into his mouth while he tugged at his still bound hands.

He climbed on top of Rodney and used his body to press his lover into the mattress. He didn't break the kiss, and was aware that he was trying to climb inside Rodney's.

"John…oh God, John…" Rodney whispered once John's pulled off, lips moving to McKay's jaw line and trailing down his neck.

"Here, I'm here. Always." He buried his face in Rodney's neck.

"Can I…want to hold you."

John sat up enough to unhook Rodney's arms, returning to his nuzzling. "Thank you."

"For what?" Rodney wrapped his arms around John, groaning again from the movement. Yes, John realized, he had been like that for longer than he originally thought.

"How long were you waiting for me?"

"What time did you come in?"

"I got in at 2330." He looked up at the clock. "It's 0100 now."

"Um…wow."

"Wow? And thank you. You have no idea how much I needed this. Coming home, finding you like that... it was breathtaking."

"You were later than I thought."

Sitting up, John stroked his thumb along Rodney's jaw, liking the feel of the stubble. "I can't believe you did this for me. In the morning, I'll massage your body a bit to work out any kinks."

"I’m okay. You're worth it."

John hummed, continuing his caress. "That's my line."

"I thought…" Rodney began, his words slow in coming. "…thought you might need something to come home to."

"You have no idea. I get the impression Landry doesn't like me much. But if I get to come home to you laid out for me like a feast, I can put up with all the political bullshit they can throw my way."

"I'll try to come up with something for tomorrow."

John hummed again and pressed a few light kisses into Rodney's neck. "We should probably sleep."

"Probably. We carpooling?"

"Yes. We can leave after the party thing. I'm thinking they'll say a few nice things about us, tell everyone they think we're doing a great job. Then we mingle for an hour and eat bad food. After that, we make our escape and come home to have hot sex."

"Mmm," Rodney said, shifting in John's arms, moving in closer. "I can live with that. Sleep now would be good, though. And we need to wash the sheets again."

"I'll throw them in before we leave in the morning." John got them arranged so they were both comfortable, clinging to one another. "Night, Rodney."

"Mmm…night." Rodney's breathing evened out quickly as he fell headlong into slumber. John tugged him closer as he slowly let out a long breath.

John quickly followed his lover into sated sleep, letting his awareness slip away.

The next morning, they managed to get up with enough time to share a quick shower, and John tossed their bedding in the washing machine. He made sure Rodney had one of the small silicone plugs and a disposable tube of lube in his pocket before they left the house.

When they arrived at the base, both of them changed into their on-base gear quickly and agreed to meet, loudly for the benefit of anyone listening, to get changed later to make sure they both looked presentable.

John was actually looking forward to seeing Rodney’s reaction to the dress blues.

He spent the rest of the day in mindless, boring meetings. O’Neill looked like he was sympathetic, but even he couldn’t liven up the endless talks about war supplies, staffing, munitions, and, God help him, chain of command.

The only good thing to come out of the day was that John finally got to meet Major Evan Lorne, who was being sent as his new second-in-command. He had seen a bit of humor in the man’s eyes—not to mention he was a fellow pilot—so he had high hopes that maybe they could make it work.

By the time they were all dismissed to get changed for the ceremony, John was more than ready to leave. He caught O’Neill smirking at him as he left, but wrote it off to the man just being fucking weird. How he ever made General was a mystery.

Slipping into the small changing room, John saw he was alone. Damn, he hoped Rodney would still be able to meet him. He started to strip down, setting aside the BDUs and jumping in the tiny shower the room offered.

The slam of the door made him jump and he ducked his head around the shower enclosure, trying to see into the changing area of the locker room.

"Hello?"

"Carter is a class-one idiot."

Rodney. John's lips curled up. "I take it your day was as much fun as mine. How did O'Neill make General anyway?"

"He's a whole lot smarter than he appears to be. Never underestimate him," Rodney commented, his voice slightly muffled.

"Yeah, what's scary is that I think we're probably more alike than I'm comfortable with." John hummed appreciatively as Rodney ducked into the shower with him, completely naked. He stepped forward to press a kiss into his lover's mouth. "Hey."

"Hi," he said with a small smile. "I locked the door, but I don't think we have a lot of time."

"My thoughts exactly." John trailed a hand down Rodney's body until he found his entrance, teasing at it lightly. "Where's our toy?"

"Oh…in my pocket," he replied, gesturing with him thumb into the locker room.

"Mmm, wait here while I grab it." John hopped out of the shower and found both the lube and plug. When he got back, Rodney was exactly where he had left him, which made John smile again. He opened the lube and used a little to slick his finger. "So good, Rodney. And you've had a long day. I think you deserve a reward." He wrapped his arms back around his lover and slowly worked his finger inside.

Rodney moaned quietly, pressing closer to John as the other man coated and stretched him. With all the sex they'd had, Rodney didn't need much, but John loved the intimacy of putting his fingers in Rodney's ass. "I put up with idiots on a daily basis. So does this mean I should get a reward everyday? If so, I think I could learn to…cope a whole lot better."

Chuckling, John made a point of brushing over Rodney's prostate. "I think that can be arranged."

McKay pushed his face into the space between John's neck and shoulder, muffling his moan against John's skin before coming up for air. "John…oh god…" he whispered. "I can't believe we're doing this here."

"Just making sure we're both relaxed enough to put on a good show for the nice politicians." John loved it when Rodney's voice turned broken and breathy, so he continued to stroke over his lover's prostate again and again and again. He couldn't drag this out too long, or send Rodney too deep into headspace, but he could make sure they both enjoyed it.

His lover just pressed in closer to him, quietly moaning into John's skin, hands clutching desperately as his hard cock pressed into John's thigh.

The shower was small, so they didn't have much room to maneuver. Slipping his fingers free, John gently disentangled himself from his lover and turned him around. He slicked himself up with the last of the lube, and slid in, the close confines making it seem more intimate.

With his arms braced on the wall, Rodney leaned forward, trying to give John the best angle he could. Except for a few slips, McKay managed to keep his moans nearly silent, holding them in the back of his throat as John thrust into him. That Ancient sound suppression device Rodney had found back on Atlantis months ago would have come in really handy right now. Too bad they hadn't thought to bring it along. Well, that and the mind-controlled cock ring.

God. He loved that the Ancients were horny, kinky bastards sometimes.

John reached around to get a hand on Rodney's cock, caressing it in time to his thrusts. He knew Rodney would be wearing a collared shirt and jacket—not to mention a tie—so he started nipping and sucking at a small patch of skin on his shoulder, marking him.

Rodney shuddered beneath John, a broken, moaning sob finally sliding from his mouth as he clenched down on John's cock, squeezing him and making his pace falter slightly. Biting down a little more, Sheppard managed to give Rodney's ass a slight smack to get him to knock it off.

He let the little patch of skin slip free for a moment. "Take it, Rodney. When I'm satisfied with my mark, you'll be allowed to come, but I want you to just take it for me. Let me make you feel good."

"Oh God…John…" he whispered, the sound broken and needy. Rodney was such a bottom, begging for it even though he'd been fucked last night and blown this morning.

Satisfied his insatiable—and that was something he was never, ever going to complain about—lover was going to do as he was told, John went back to his mark, working at it even as he continued to fuck and stroke Rodney higher and higher. When he was satisfied with the little bruise, he let the skin slide out of his mouth again. His voice felt rough, needy. "You can come now. I need to feel you."

With a quiet, high-pitched keening, Rodney came, spilling over John's hand, his cock pulsing until he slumped against the wall, John's last few hard strokes pushing him to his own climax.

John buried his face in Rodney's neck, using his lover to stifle his own moan of completion. Once he had recovered enough to move, he grabbed the plug off the shower shelf. Pulling out slowly, he replaced his dick with the plug, trapping most of his come inside his lover.

"Ohgodohgodohgod." Rodney was muttering and whispering, his body still trembling slightly.

He kissed the spot behind Rodney's ear, enjoying the way it made his lover shudder again. Then he grabbed a washcloth and cleaned away any lingering traces of their activities before shutting off the water. "All right, let's go get presentable."

"You're…you're really going to leave me like this?" Rodney's blue eyes were wide, his expression astonished.

John ran his thumb along Rodney's jaw. "Yes. It stays in until tonight when we get home."

Rodney whimpered, hands gripping John's hips as his eyes went right from shocked to aroused.

With another chuckle, John captured Rodney's mouth, keeping the kiss light and lazy. "We need to get dressed. Go put your suit on while I remember how to get into dress blues without wrinkling anything."

His lover finally nodded, peeling his hands from John's body as moved to the towels, drying off quickly. Then, he stumbled over to where he'd left his dark suit and shirt. John had to help him find an un-mangled tie this morning that matched the suit. It had been a challenge, but John hadn't minded. Mangling the ties in the first place had been a whole lot of fun.

He quickly got into his own uniform, tugging everything straight and pinning on his medals and ribbons. Something about wearing it always made him forego his customary slouch. He turned to see Rodney still had his back turned. Grinning slightly, he got his lover's attention. "So, how do I look? Did I miss anything?"

Rodney turned, his dress shirt hanging open and unbuttoned to reveal the white undershirt he wore and holding the tie in his hands. He stopped as soon as he caught sight of John—his eyes going saucer-wide, his mouth slack-jawed. "Oh…John…"

Snapping himself to attention, John couldn't help but grin wider as Rodney's eyes just got bigger. "So, I look okay, right? Presentable? I'm not going to embarrass Elizabeth out there?"

Rodney's words were strangled. "We should have brought a chastity thing because I might."

John walked over and took the tie out of Rodney's unresisting hands. He quickly buttoned up his lover's shirt and finished dressing him. "You'll be fine. And if you're a really good boy, I'll keep it on when I claim you again later."

"You promised!" he hissed, his cock making a rather nice tent in his suit. That, unfortunately, would not be a good thing to have in the middle of the SGC gateroom surrounded by all the top brass.

"I promised what?" John cocked his head a bit, then stepped forward to straighten Rodney's jacket, smoothing down his hair.

"The whole uniform fuck thing." Rodney's hand waved absently, nearly hitting him.

He blinked, not quite getting where Rodney was going with this. "You do want me to fuck you while I'm wearing it, right?"

"Oh god yes."

"So what's the problem again? I walk around knowing you're wearing a plug and panting for me, you walk around knowing I'm going to fuck you in a few hours in full uniform. It's a win-win situation."

"Just making sure that you remembered that you promised me you would fuck me in your dress blues. And I've been good!" The last part rose in pitch and volume.

John finally got it. He tilted Rodney's face for a deep kiss. "You've been very, very good. You're going to get your kinky uniform sex, don't worry. I wear this thing so infrequently, there's no way I'm passing up the chance to fuck you in it tonight."

Rodney's face lit up. "I can't wait, sir."

John moaned and kissed Rodney again hard. "God, I can't wait to get through this so we can go home and play."

The rattle of the door handle jolted them immediately out of their little world, Rodney immediately stepping back, moving away from John.

John straightened back to semi-attention and went to answer the door. "Hello?"

"Sheppard?" It was Carter. "I’m trying to find McKay. I thought he might have come here to get changed for the ceremony."

John opened the door, finding the Lieutenant Colonel in her own dress uniform. "He's here. They put us both in the same room, and since we've shared enough times off-world, it was more trouble than it was worth to go find somewhere else to change." He stepped back to allow her entry.

"What do you want now?" Rodney asked stepping forward, his lips a little swollen, but not noticeably so—at least John didn't think so.

"I wanted to go over some calculations with you before—"

"Can't it wait until tomorrow? We'll have all day to go over whatever you want after I read through countless more personnel files."

John cleared his throat, pulling the attention of both scientists to him. "Don't we have to be in the control room in a few minutes?"

"They postponed it. One of the Generals coming in from Washington is late. Flight delay. We have about an hour."

"Oh." John sighed, shifting a little in his uniform. "Do you happen to know where Elizabeth and Beckett were changing? She had mentioned wanting to get in an Atlantis senior staff meeting at some point, so this would be as good a time as any."

"And when were you going to mention this postponement to us? When we were standing in the gateroom waiting?" Rodney threw up his hands, pushing past Carter. "I’m getting lunch."

John winked at her as they both started to follow Rodney. "What equations are you guys going over? Any huge honkin' space guns, by any chance?"

"Power conversion ratios for the next generation of naquadah generators," she replied. "We want to incorporate some of the Ancient technology to try and boost the power."

"To…mor…row," Rodney sing-songed as he stepped into the elevator. "You do understand the meaning of the word, correct?"

"Sorry, you can't blame a guy for hoping." He turned to Carter, flashing her a lazy smile. "So, any hints as to what, exactly, is going to happen at this ceremony thing? I don't even know who's supposed to be there other than us."

"They haven't told me," she admitted as the elevator rose a few levels, dumping them out near the mess. "I just know it's a pretty big deal. A lot of brass are in for it and we've been told to be on our best behavior."

"Great," Rodney mumbled, the word catching Carter's attention, her eyebrow rising.

"Huh. I thought it was just going to be some token 'great job keeping the evil space vampires from finding Earth now go back and continue doing it' sort of thing." John had tucked the hat that went with the uniform under his arm, and he ran a hand through his hair.

"Atlantis is a big deal, Sheppard. Besides its obvious scientific benefits, the political aspects of the expedition are probably just as critical. We have representatives from several governments in attendance for this ceremony."

"Oh. So no skateboarding down the halls. Got it."

As soon as the elevator doors opened, Rodney shot out, heading directly for the food. "Skateboarding would probably be a bad idea," she agreed as they trailed behind McKay.

John watched his lover pile food on the tray, harassing the cook staff to know if there was any citrus. It made him grin again. "Did you guys forget to feed my head geek today?"

"He ate. Twice already and it's only 1400."

Chuckling, John grabbed a sandwich for himself. The geeks might have been fed, but the Generals had skipped lunch in favor of more briefings. "He's hypoglycemic, so we tend to encourage his snacking. It's easier and less stress for everyone to make sure he at least has a PowerBar every few hours, instead of having to check him in to the infirmary for an IV drip."

"I didn't count the PowerBar breaks, either."

"I need to remember to make sure we add more of those to the supply requests." John snapped his fingers and then turned bright red when he realized he had picked up that habit from Rodney. And Carter knew it.

She rolled his eyes and shook her head as she grabbed a cup of coffee. Her gaze drifted over the room, finding Rodney settling down at a table in the back. McKay barely looked up from his tray when they dropped into their seats.

John was ravenous all the sudden, so he inhaled his sandwich, then stole French fries off Rodney's plate. "So just how much do you two still have to do before we ship out next week?"

Rodney's "Not much" clashed with Carter's "A lot," the two of them glaring across the table at each other. Shaking his head, McKay finally broke the silence. "The answer is still 'no' and no matter how many times you bat your eyes at me will change it."

"No what?" John looked back and forth between them. "Why do I get the feeling I'm missing something?"

"It's nothing you have to worry about," Rodney replied absently, returning to his meal. "Carter just doesn't know how to take 'no' for an answer."

John's eyes narrowed and he glanced at Carter. "Care to elaborate?"

"I asked McKay for some help with some of the more advanced Ancient devices we have on hand."

He looked back over at Rodney. "Why would you say no? I would think you'd be drooling at the chance to play with some of the toys they left in this galaxy."

"Because I looked at it already and I have better thing to do than play Mister Fix-It with the non-working crap the Ancients left behind."

"Oh." John shrugged. "So I guess that means you don't need me for light-switch duty." Despite the protests, John actually enjoyed playing in the labs with the scientists. They always had the coolest toys, and nine times out of ten, that meant he got to play with them first. The fact that his natural, and stronger, gene was still needed to initialize some technology even with the gene therapy was one of his private joys. Rodney would probably understand, but he wasn't sure anyone else would.

"No. None of the equipment Carter showed me has any hope in hell of actually working in this century—or ever." Rodney, though, wouldn't look up, intent on the last of his food.

"Would have been nice if the Ancients left us a crate of personal shields lying around. Or maybe a box of spare ZPMs. They were kinda stingy that way."

"You're having as much trouble finding ZPMs in Pegasus as we're having here?" Carter asked when Rodney didn't reply to John's comment.

John got the impression there were whole conversations going on here that he was completely unaware of. He tried to tread carefully. "No, which is why we couldn't contact Earth until you guys sent us the ZPM you found. If you read the reports, you'll see we came across a few that were either unobtainable or already drained."

"Yeah, I'd read the reports. I was surprised."

John ran his hand through his hair again. "It was a long year."

"I can imagine," Carter said, her eyes drifting back to McKay, exasperated fondness in her features for a moment before it was gone once again.  She rose to her feet. "I should get moving. I have a few things to go before the ceremony begins. I'll see you in about thirty minutes."

John nodded. "Yes, ma'am. We'll be there with bells on."

Carter's eyes widened slightly and she chuckled. "Now wouldn't that be a picture…"

"Don't tempt me," John laughed. "While it would be pretty funny, I'm fairly certain that wouldn't go over well in some circles."

"No. Definitely not." She shook her head and smiled, waking away a moment later, the heels of her pumps clicking against the floor.

Using the table as a cover, John ran his foot up and down the inside of Rodney's leg. "Hey. Everything all right? You seem a bit distracted."

"Fine."

John wished they weren't in the middle of a semi-crowded cafeteria. "Rodney..."

"It's nothing, John," Rodney said looking up. "I'd forgotten that Carter was the golden child of the SGC, that's all."

"O...kay. I know she's your counterpart here, but I have to admit I'm not following where that came from." John rubbed Rodney's leg again.

"Like I said, it's nothing. We're going back to Atlantis in less than a week where I won't have to deal with her or the rest of her sycophant staff."

"Ah. Missing your own minions?" John had had more than one General glaring at him the past few days. He could relate.

"I do not have minions," he grumbled. "It's just that they refuse to see the truth of a matter even when it's spelled out for them in block letters on a white-erase board. Instead, they claim that you're not trying hard enough to think it on and that it has to work because they've decided that the pretty piece of alien technology sitting in the high-security storage room is what's going to save the galaxy from impending destruction no matter what the expert on the subject says on the matter because apparently I have some kind of attitude about the work that goes on at the SGC, claiming it's not real science and the lot of them are all buffoons." He finally took a breath. "While I have to admit I may have stated the last bit in a moment of anger, it doesn't make everything I've said null and void."

John smiled. Rodney was sexy when he was irritated. "Do you want me to go down and give it a shot? At least that way they'll stop bothering you to make the thingies work."

He sighed, turning back to his food with a dark expression. "Do whatever the hell you want."

"You're the expert here. I'm offering if you think it will help. If not, I'll forget about it." The urge to push his lover against a wall and kiss the frown away was building. At this rate, he was going to have to manufacture an excuse to get Rodney into a closet somewhere.

"While I appreciate your offer of assistance, in this instance it is not required. I believe I can still tell the difference between a broken dead device and an undamaged working one."

John hooked his foot around Rodney's ankle. "I wasn't suggesting you couldn't. I didn't actually expect to turn anything on, just make faces and tell them all if they were going to bring in an expert on Ancient technology, they should listen to him before they call me down to waste my time."

"I can fight my own battles."

John knew he couldn't run every aspect of Rodney's life, and admittedly he didn't want to. His lover was much, much better at lab politics—most people assumed he was oblivious, but John knew he was playing the game, and probably better than most since they didn't even realize it. "If it doesn't involve people shooting at you, I have no desire to fight your battles. I am, however, willing to be used as a weapon if you see the need. That's all."

"No…" he said, finally looking at John—really looking at him—for the first time since they'd sat down. "While tempting, thank you, but no."

John grinned at him. "Okay. You know, I'm looking forward to going home. I miss doors and lights that work when I think at them. Although, I've finally stopped catching myself almost running into doors."

"You will have to remember to lock them though when you decide to push me up against one." Rodney's smile was timid, but John could see the affection in his eyes. "And we should probably get moving."

John hummed softly and stood, putting his hat on and adjusting it, as he mentally made the switch to an officer on duty. With so many Generals and dignitaries running around, he needed to be at his best. "Ready?"

Rodney was looking at him critically, eyes narrowed. "Your back actually goes that straight?"

"Haha. Yes, I can play the good little officer when I need to. You get to watch me stand at attention for however long this takes. It should be fun."

"Oh, yeah, tons of fun watching the soldiers try not to fall asleep on their feet," Rodney said, walking with John out of the mess. He tugged on his tie once before forcing his hands to his sides. "Knowing the SGC, they'll make everyone stand for the ceremony."

"Yeah, but at least you can move around a bit. Once we're called to attention, we aren't supposed to even twitch." John saluted a General he didn't know as the man walked by, nodding his acknowledgement. This was going to get old fast.

He saw Rodney's mouth twitch, but the other man didn't comment. He apparently did know better—sometimes. "How long do you think this will be? I know O'Neill has the tendency to be very brief with his comments, so we may only be here for half-an-hour."

"I have no idea but I'm hoping for short and sweet." They met up with Carson and Elizabeth who were standing in the hall. John saluted another General walking by.

"I don't know about that, John," Elizabeth said, obviously overhearing his comment.

He kept his sigh to himself, falling into parade rest. "You think there will be a lot of speeches?"

"General O'Neill will be opening up the ceremony, but then I'll be speaking and a representative from each of the IOA nations will have a few words to say."

John looked in to see that chairs had been set up for everyone except the military. He made a face, quickly letting it blank out as one of the Generals who had made no attempt to hide his dislike of John came into the holding room they were standing in. "Do you know where they want me? No one's told me much, only that I had to show up and look pretty."

"Sergeant Harriman should be along shortly. I believe all of the Atlantis senior staff are standing, though," she said with an apologetic shrug.

"I would have been anyway. I'm sorry for you guys though." John saw Harriman come in and make a beeline for their group. He nodded to the man, a bit surprised when he was saluted. He never expected that. "Sergeant."

"Doctors, Major," he said, his eyes taking in the group. "If you'll follow me we can get you situated…" Walter moved quickly directing them to their positions as the rest of the gateroom filled in as well. John spotted several familiar faces including Major Lorne and SG-1. Elizabeth was right at the base of the ramp on the right hand side with John, Rodney, and Carson in order alongside.

John let his body fall into rigid attention, knowing the better impression he made overall, the easier Elizabeth's job would be. He was aware she had fought to keep him on as head of the military—he'd had it thrown in his face by one particularly hostile senior officer—and he didn't want to disappoint her. There were a lot more people than he had expected, even with Carter's comments.

Right on time—albeit an hour later than originally scheduled—General O'Neill took the podium, his speech just as short as he expected before he introduced Elizabeth. He didn't leave the ramp, but instead stepped to the side while she spoke—eloquent and firm. She spoke about the expedition, their hopes, dreams, difficulties, and successes before enumerating the ones they'd lost.

John could feel Rodney shifting at his side, but years in the military kept him still at parade rest as he stared blankly across the room, focused on a small hole in the concrete wall—probably from a bullet impact.

But when Elizabeth began speaking about courage under fire and leadership abilities and the ability to see the best course of action in a given situation and pursue it, John had a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach.

"I'd like to introduce Major John Sheppard, the head of Atlantis' military contingent."

Oh fuck. Some warning would have been nice. John stepped forward, unsure if he was actually expected to say anything.

He moved to the top of the ramp, coming to a stop just to Elizabeth's side. She offered him a smile as General O'Neill stepped forward as well.

O'Neill's mouth twitched, but his words were clear. "From the Vice Chief of Staff of the Air Force, in recognition of Major John Sheppard's outstanding work, I hereby authorize his immediate promotion to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel. Major, please step forward."

Elizabeth stepped closer to him, her fingers sure as she removed his major's bars.

"The United States Air Force recognizes that you have fulfilled tasks and duties well beyond the responsibility of major," O'Neill continued as Elizabeth clipped the lieutenant colonel designations into place.

"It is with great pleasure that I bestow upon you the responsibilities, the respect, and the rank of Lieutenant Colonel. Congratulations."

Elizabeth pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek whispering her congratulations into his ear before stepping back, O'Neill offering a salute and a hand shake.

John was in shock. His hands were shaking slightly, and he knew both Elizabeth and O'Neill saw it because their mouths' twitched again. He managed a crisp salute and a "Sir, thank you, sir!" without sounding like a complete moron. Stepping back, he let them take the stage again.

Elizabeth had a few more words to say—mostly about him—but he didn't hear much of it. He was focused on Rodney and Carson, both standing at the end of the ramp smiling broadly at him.

Eventually, the assembled group applauded and Elizabeth gestured for him to walk back down the ramp.

With a swallow, he saluted again, making eye contact with her and letting her see, briefly, just how grateful and overwhelmed and appreciative he was. Then he moved back down to take his place at attention next to his fellow senior staff, heart pounding and the new rank burning into him.

He wanted to jump around and shout—he never thought he would make it past Major, not after the black mark. He forced himself to set aside his elation and tune back into the ceremony—they had surprised him once, he wouldn't put it past them to surprise him again somehow.

Representatives from Russia, China, Britain, France, and Canada all spoke, offering high praise to the multi-national expedition. Most of the speeches blurred into one by the time the Canadian stepped to the podium. Rodney was shifting restlessly beside him, his attention span for formal ceremonies long since past.

John's attention, which had bounced between the ceremony, Rodney, and his shiny new rank, snapped back to the Canadian speaker when he started giving vast amounts of praise to one Doctor Rodney McKay. It was remarkably similar to what Elizabeth had said before they sprung the promotion on him.

As soon as his name was mentioned, Rodney had stilled all of his movements, his attention fixed on the speaker, shock and barely suppressed panic radiating off of him.

Aware of all the eyes on them, John knew he couldn't do anything to comfort his lover. He hoped just being there standing next to him was enough for now.

"And due to the events that have transpired over the past year while serving as one of the civilian leaders of the Atlantis Expedition, the Canadian government, in conjunction with the Stargate Project and the government of the United States wish to honor Doctor McKay for conspicuous courage in circumstances of extreme peril, by awarding him with the Cross of Valor."

As applause filled the room, John realized that Rodney hadn't moved a muscle, standing completely still beside him.

He broke parade rest to nudge him, whispering softly. "That's your cue to go up on the stage, McKay."

Carson laughed and gave Rodney a shove, the Canadian looking back with wide eyes as he finally managed to get moving under his own steam.

John settled back into form, but couldn't help the slight grin on his face as he watched his lover receive the medal. He was incredibly proud of the man, and would be even if they had just been friends. Rodney deserved the honor they were giving him.

As soon as the presentation was complete, O'Neill stepped forward for ten seconds of concluding comments—"Okay, time to eat."—before the room coalesced into a symphony of sounds. Rodney was still trapped on the ramp with the Canadian representative and O'Neill. Elizabeth's hand on John's elbow startled him.

"You can breathe now."

John jumped, but otherwise didn't break his form. He wasn't sure yet if he could control himself if he did—the grin was already starting to break through, and he could feel his hands starting to shake again as everything really started to sink in. "You knew?"

"About you? Of course. I was the one who pushed for the promotion. I needed a Lieutenant Colonel as head of the Atlantis military and I wanted you. Easy enough to make my case."

"Lieutenant Colonel. Oh my, God..." John swallowed hard. "Wow. I...thank you. I never..."

She patted his arm as she stepped away. SG-1—minus Carter—was hovering a few feet away. "At ease, Colonel. This party is for you. Try to enjoy it."

His body automatically relaxed at her word-choice—'At Ease' was one of the commands built into every soldier. He saw her smirk at him, letting him know she had done it on purpose. "Thanks. I…just, thanks."

"You did all the hard work. It's about time someone recognized it."

She moved away, and John quickly looked around, realizing Carson was gone, too. He was only alone for a moment, however, before someone else was at his side.

"Congratulations, Sheppard," Cameron Mitchell said, shaking his hand and offering a large smile. "From the reports I've read the promotion is well-deserved. I'm certainly looking forward to tomorrow's dinner. I want to hear about some of those missions first-hand."

John shook his hand and then blinked. "Thanks. It was pretty unexpected. Honestly, I never expected to make it past Major.” He paused as the rest sank in. “And, ah, dinner?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow night. Carter told me about it. At McKay's apartment. He'd been bragging about your cooking for long enough already. It's about time he invited us over to try some of it."

John blinked again and then grinned ruefully. "He was, was he? Guess that means I need to go buy food." John glanced down at his new insignia. "And this is real, right? Not a dream, or some weird alien attempt at mind control again?"

"It's real," Mitchell laughed, his eyes sliding up toward the Stargate where Carter had pulled McKay to the side of the ramp, talking quietly to him. "And trust me. You'll appreciate the paycheck, too."

John followed his gaze, but kept things light. "I'll have to start sending you a shopping list along with our supply requests. Do you deal in DVDs and candy? Oh, and popcorn. We were completely out of that, but Elizabeth is limiting the amount I'm allowed to add to the manifest."

"I'll see what I can do." Another shake of his hand and Mitchell walked away, other well-meaning people stepping in to fill the gap, congratulating him as they managed to corral him, heading out of the gateroom and toward the area set up for the reception. A glass of champagne was shoved in his hand at one point while he was talking to Lorne.

John had lost sight of Rodney a while back, and he was a bit surprised to look down and see that his glass was empty. He held on to it, hoping no one would notice—getting drunk at an official function wouldn't go over very well.  "I didn't realize the last time we talked, Major, that you have the ATA naturally, too—too much paperwork in too little time I guess." John shrugged, eyeing his empty glass again. "Atlantis is going to blow you away, but it takes some getting used to, having her slide into your head and take up residence."

"I'm looking forward to the posting, sir," Lorne said. "I've been at the SGC for several years and I'm grateful for the chance to spread my wings a bit."

"You'll definitely get that. Start looking over the personnel files on the trip out there; once we get settled back home, I'll want to get your off-world team set up and get you on the roster ASAP. If you already have a list of possible candidates, it will speed things along. I ask that all teams have at least one member from the science department, but otherwise, I'm willing to give you whomever you want, as long as they're willing."

"I guess McKay's not available."

John laughed. "Sorry, major, that geek is claimed. You could try convincing his XO, Radek Zelenka, but he hasn't passed the certification process we require all the civilians to go through before they can join a team. I suspect he's failing on purpose."

"The smart ones know how to beat the system," Lorne said with a smile, his eyes drifting over John's shoulder. "Sir? I think Doctor Beckett might be looking for you."

John glanced back to see the Scot making his way toward them. "I believe you're right. I'm sure we'll chat again later—if not tonight, then we have a nice, long ride on a spaceship to talk details. Enjoy the party."

"You, too, sir."

Carson began without preamble as soon as he was in range. "John, have you seen Rodney?"

He shook his head, although his concern suddenly spiked. I was whisked away before I had a chance to congratulate him earlier. I saw him talking to Carter, but I haven't seen him since. Why?"

"Elizabeth was looking for him to congratulate him and I can't seem to find him. Carter's here," he said, pointing toward the other side of the room. John could see her blonde head next to Teal'c.

"I miss our radios. They make life so much easier." John started scanning the crowd, but he didn't see his lover anywhere. "I don't think he's here. Why don't you take the gate room, and I'll take the labs, and we'll see if we can't track him down."

"We can'na just leave."

"We aren't leaving. We're looking for one of the guests of honor." John started working his way along the wall towards the door.

Elizabeth stopped him just before he reached his destination. "John."

He threw a lazy grin her direction. "Beckett and I are McKay-hunting. Care to run interference for us for a few minutes?"

"That's just it. O'Neill wants us in the briefing room to go over a few things before he turns us loose for the rest of the day."

John hung his head for a moment. Wonderful. More briefings. "Is he sending someone to find Rodney? If not, we still need to track him down."

"No and he wasn't too…happy with the fact that Rodney had wandered off."

"Let me check the labs. He looked a little overwhelmed—I don't think he actually gets recognized like that very often, so it took him by surprise. If I had to pick a place where he would have gone, that would be it. Stall O'Neill for fifteen minutes, and if I can't find McKay by then, I'll return to the briefing room without him."

Elizabeth didn't look pleased, but she nodded. "And when you find him, please remind Rodney that it isn't couth to just leave when you feel like it."

"I doubt he was thinking of that, and probably didn't mean to disappear. My guess is he just needed a few minutes to collect himself." With a quick nod, he slipped out of the party and started for the labs, hoping that's where Rodney would have gone.

***

One thing Rodney had always wanted was recognition. He never got it from anyone when he was growing up. His parents always considered him the problem child even though Jeannie was nearly as smart as he'd been. But he'd been the one plagued with sicknesses and allergies and near-death experiences thanks to a simple ingredient seemingly found just about everywhere.

His teachers were always exasperated with him and his endless arguing and questioning, jealous that at the age of ten he understood things far better than they ever would.

His peers were years old physically, but mentally he could leave them in the dust and most boys didn't like feeling stupid—especially from a snot-nosed kid less than half their size.

But standing in the middle of the gateroom with a medal hanging around his neck—not for his scientific achievements, but his bravery and courage—was something of a shock.

He'd only heard about one of every ten words Carter said when she'd come up to him to congratulate him, his mind spinning in tighter and tighter circles. He'd been so proud of John. He deserved the promotion, the recognition, and he looked damn good in his dress blues. The new rank looked good on him.

He'd finally been herded into the reception room and managed to down several glasses of champagne in quick succession in an effort to steady his frazzled and battered nerves. He tried not to laugh at himself—the perfect image of a brave man—as he used alcohol to give himself the courage to face a room-full of well-meaning strangers.

While talking with one of the scientists, his eyes had drifted, catching sight of a familiar face, the chiseled features hard to mistake. Ivan. But what was he doing here?

Excusing himself in the middle of the scientist's sentence, McKay found himself leaving his half-empty glass on the edge of a buffet table before he wandered out of the reception room, searching for the man and chasing a memory.

It had been…years, several years since he'd seen him. McKay had left Siberia one night when the SGC had recalled him suddenly, finally deciding they needed his skills. He hadn't looked back, hadn't even taken the time to say good-bye to any of the scientists he was leaving behind. It wasn't as if they actually liked him. Tolerated would have been a better word.

McKay trailed after the man, almost losing him several times as he ducked into side hallways and into a stairwell, his footfalls heading upward toward the labs. With a grimace at the plug in his ass, he took a deep breath and started climbing, finally exiting a few decks up into the nearly empty science section.

He stepped into the lab and didn't see anyone, when from behind, a hand slipped around his waist. "Rodney," the remembered accent was warm against his ear. "I was hoping you would follow me. I have been attempting to call you, but a strange man has been answering your phone, and said you were quite busy."

"Ivan?" Rodney tried to turn, but the Russian pulled him back against his body.

"You remember me." Ivan's hand slipped down to cup his groin. "I have missed you. Why don't we celebrate your courage and renew our acquaintance, hmm?"

"I don't think so," Rodney said, struggling to get free, but Ivan's grip tightened, making him stop moving.

"Ah, you are, as the Americans say, playing hard to get? I remember our nights fondly, but you are not attractive enough, and you have been busy enough, that I doubt you have found anyone else to service you. We were good together and since I learned I would see you again, I have dreamt of your mouth and your sweet, sweet posterior."

This could not be happening. Why did he have to follow his stupid curiosity? Why couldn’t he have just stayed at the reception just like he'd planned? He'd been enjoying watching John from afar, seeing him standing there in his dress uniform knowing that in a few hours he'd have him all to himself.

But now every other thought was gone, replaced instead by the Russian with the raging hard on. How…why was Ivan here? How'd he ever obtain the credentials to get into the SGC? Although, Rodney realized, Ivan had been well connected even in Russia. It probably hadn't been too hard, but still. He tried to keep his voice level. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Ivan finally let him go, giving Rodney the chance to stumble forward, a few steps away. "I was...disappointed...when you chose to leave so quickly, but I understood that you had no choice. When an opportunity came up at your SGC, however, I took them up on it, knowing I could find you again."

"I really need to get back to the reception," Rodney said, trying to keep his voice steady, trying to edge around the worktable. He had a very bad feeling about this.

"We will return to your party momentarily. But first, I think you have not yet given me a proper welcome." Rodney had felt Ivan's erection pressing against his ass when the Russian had grabbed him before. He knew what Ivan wanted.

"Look. I'm not interested in giving you or anyone else a welcome. I said no, so please just leave me alone."

"There a problem here?" John's familiar drawl came from the doorway behind them.

Ivan shook his head. "No problem at all. Have an enjoyable reception, Doctor," he said, already heading out the other door of the lab.

John stepped aside, not moving from the doorway until, presumably, Ivan was gone. Then he moved closer to Rodney. "Are you all right? You disappeared from the reception, and O'Neill is looking for us."

McKay finally turned, knowing he was probably pale. "Fine. He just took me by surprise."

He saw concern flick across his lover's handsome face. John stepped in and cupped his face, caressing Rodney with his thumb. "Who was he?"

"No one of any consequence and that's probably not a good idea, Major."

John got a goofy grin momentarily, although he did drop his hand. "Lieutenant Colonel."

"What?" Rodney said immediately, his mind still racing with memories of Russia. John tugged him forward, out into the hallway.

"I'm not a Major anymore." He paused his expression getting serious. "Look we can talk about the creepy guy later. Right now O'Neill wants all the Atlantis senior staff for a quick briefing. Just... promise me you'll be careful, all right? I won't step in if you don't want me to, but I do worry about you."

"I'm always careful," he sniffed, mind finally processing what John had said. "Briefing? Now? I thought we were done."

"So did I. Elizabeth snagged me and I told her I'd find you. You looked a bit shocked when they gave you that medal." John grinned at him again. "And before I forget again, congratulations. You deserved it, and I'm glad I wasn't the only one to see that."

Rodney felt his cheeks flushing at the praise as they stepped up to the elevator. As the doors opened realization dawned on him at how he'd actually accepted the award—with a plug in his ass holding in John's come.

"Wow, you just turned a pretty bright shade of red. I didn't know you could get that color." John teased him as they rode the lift back to the level where the reception and conference room were located.

He opened his mouth to comment, but quickly closed it, shaking his head. This was not the time or the place to discuss plugs or ex lovers. O'Neill's briefing was short—relatively speaking. He went through most of what they were expected to accomplish over the next week leading up to the departure of the Daedalus. Nothing was new so he let his mind drift back to Ivan and Russia and the chance meeting in the science section at the SGC. Why had he followed him? It had almost been instinctive. He remembered several afternoons where he'd caught a single look from Ivan and then followed him to a closet or other area—usually several levels from where they'd been working—but still within the busy complex.

Under the table, he felt a light kick, jarring him out of his thoughts to see everyone looking at him. O'Neill looked amused. "Enjoyed the party a bit too much before you took your walk, Doctor?"

"Going over equations for one of the projects I'm working on," Rodney said, wiggling his fingers next to his head. "Sorry. You wanted something?"

Chuckling, the General repeated his question. "I was just asking if you could have all the science equipment ready to be beamed aboard the Daedalus two days before departure, instead of the day before like the rest of the supplies. I'm sure you'll have a great deal of equipment that will need to be properly stored, and I want to make sure you have the time to secure it correctly."

"Yes yes. That shouldn't be a problem," Rodney answered immediately, waving his hand absently. "That is as long as the requisitions department actually fulfills the requests I made for equipment."

"I have Walter on the job. As long as you have everything approved and to him by the day after tomorrow, it will all be waiting for you to check before loading."

"I gave him the forms yesterday."

"Perfect. You're all set then. Go, enjoy your party. Take the rest of the day off. We can all get back to the bump and grind in the morning. Sheppard, I'd suggest taking off soon, since I can run interference for you and tell everyone I gave you the day off to celebrate, but we have a few gentleman with sticks in unmentionable places."

Rodney nearly burst out laughing at O'Neill's comment. He didn't know the half of it.

John just grinned and nodded as he stood up. "Thank you, sir. I needed to go grocery shopping anyway, since I just found out I'm cooking for your former team tomorrow."

O'Neill's eyebrow rose. "Oh. Too bad I have a meeting in Washington tomorrow. That would have been fun."

Rodney's eyes widened, realizing he never told John about his accidental invite. But if he knew, that meant that someone had to have told him. Damn. He was in trouble for certain.

"Maybe next time I'm on Earth, sir. It would be a pleasure." John saluted O'Neill sharply, and Rodney got the impression his lover actually did respect the man in a way he did few other officers.

O'Neill nodded as he rose to his feet, groaning as his knees popped. "Enjoy the rest of the day. We're going to be putting you back to work soon enough."

"Yes, sir." John stayed at semi-attention until O'Neill was gone, then he relaxed slightly. "So, if none of you object, I think I'm going to take his advice and cut out of here. It's a great party, but I'd rather not get roped into more mindless briefings just for another glass of champagne."

"And I've had more than enough already," Rodney said without really thinking, getting him scowls from Carson and John and a raised eyebrow from Elizabeth. "What? It was a party. They kept giving glasses to me."

John laughed, deflecting their attention. "Yeah, I downed the first glass in about two sips right after they led me in to the reception, but I used Lorne as a shield to hide from the waitresses. Getting plastered with Generals around who don't like you is not exactly a smart move."

"Neither is disappearing from the said reception," Elizabeth said, nailing Rodney with a glance.

"One of the SGC science staff needed him for something." Rodney was surprised John defended him, leaving out the other details. "He was at the reception for a while, and he was only gone for a short period. So, Mom, can we go or do you need us to play a bit longer?" His lover gave Elizabeth an innocent smile.

Rolling her eyes, she nodded. "Go ahead already. Rodney, we have a meeting to go over your picks for the science department first thing in the morning."

"Fine, fine. I'll be here," he said, rising to his feet.

They managed to make it out and to the surface without too many more stops. A few people stopped to congratulate them along the way, but it wasn't long before they were in the car, Rodney driving for once while John slumped in the passenger seat. "Okay, so first we need to stop at the grocery store so I can buy food for the dinner party we're apparently hosting tomorrow, and then we're going home and having lots of hot celebration uniform sex."

"What?" Rodney said, knowing he caught most of what John said as he drove along the winding mountain road, but realizing he hadn't paid much attention to it. He'd said something about a store and sex.

John slipped a hand between his thighs. "Grocery store for supplies. Then hot sex for the rest of the day."

Rodney tensed, still remembering the feel of Ivan's hand on his cock. "Sure, sure. Sounds good," he said nodding, trying to cover up his flinch.

John, however, had seen it. His hand disappeared. "Rodney?"

"Sorry. I'm a little…scattered," he said, taking a hand off the steering wheel to gesture with it. He reached out and grabbed John's hand, putting it back where it had been. "I just wasn't expecting it."

"You've never flinched away from me like that, not even when you've been distracted. What's wrong?" John's thumb began to rub small circles against Rodney's leg.

"Nothing. Just a little overwhelmed. Mind running in tight little circles." Rodney glanced to the side, offering John a tired smile.

"Go straight home. I can always run out tomorrow. I think we need to wind you down a bit."

Rodney held back a sigh. He really didn't want to talk about Ivan or what John had walked in on. No no no no no. "No. You said you needed to get things. We should stop."

"Rodney... Look, I have no idea what that guy said to you. But I did walk in to hear you tell him to leave you alone. If you don't want to tell me what's going on, that's fine, I won't push you. But don't shut me out, okay?"

Pulling up to a red light, Rodney stopped the car in traffic, his gaze fixed on the light. "I left the reception because I thought I'd seen someone I knew, someone who shouldn't have been here."

"Obviously you were right." John's hand tightened slightly. Rodney forgot sometimes how much intelligence his lover hid behind a lazy drawl and charming smile. "He was one of your ex-lovers."

Rodney nodded once. "Ivan, yes."

John was quiet for a moment, although he went back to caressing. "I'll stay out of it unless you ask me to step in. I want to beat the shit out of him and every other person who treated you badly. But I won't put you in that position, not unless he hurts you or you ask me to."

"He didn't hurt me and it didn't mean anything," Rodney said as he started forward once again as traffic allowed them to move. He made the next right hand turn, heading them toward the grocery store.

"He used you. He didn't care about you beyond what was necessary to keep you coming back for his own pleasure. You deserve more than that. You're worth a hell of a lot more than that. And anyone who didn't see it needs a good beating."

Rodney offered a tired shrug. "We got what we wanted out of it. That's all that mattered at the time."

John sighed softly. "All right. I'll drop it. I still want to hurt every guy who made you think you weren't worthy of being loved, but..."

"John…it's fine. I'm fine. Can we just let it go?"

John's thumb brushed against his groin. It was a light touch, but Rodney realized in a way his lover was reclaiming him all over again, this time from his own memories. "So, I'm thinking lasagna since we have a bigger group. I can do a lot of the prep work for that tonight. And a salad, dinner rolls, meatballs...any requests for a dessert? Something easy."

"We can get them to bring something. Make them work for their food."

Chuckling, John nodded. "All right, we'll spread the word tomorrow that they have to bring something sweet. That should take care of it, and it won't take us long to get what we need at the store."

Rodney found a spot near the front of the store and parked the car, both of them drawing an in ordinate amount of attention as they shopped. Most were focused on John—and that wasn't surprising. He looked damn good in his uniform.

Rodney kept his hands off John, even though he wanted to touch him just to get the one girl at the register to stop from staring, but then he realized one thing: John was coming home with him.

Then the ogling didn't bother him as much.

Back in the car, John's hand was back on his thigh as soon as they were seated, fingers trailing lightly over his cock.

"So, I'm thinking you need to get naked as soon as we're in the door. I'm going to stay in uniform for a while—we just need to make sure we don't get any come on it. I'd have a hard time explaining that one."

"That shouldn't be an issue," Rodney said with a slight shiver, trying purposely to let John's words and his touch relax him.

John's voice fell into the seductive tone and cadence he used whenever he was bringing Rodney down and getting ready to fuck him. "I'm not going to take you right away. We're going to put the food away, and I'll do what prep work I can for dinner tomorrow. You're going to stay within my reach at all times, so I can touch you whenever and wherever I feel like."

"John," Rodney said with a sigh and a sidelong glance. "I'm fine, you—"

"I what? I need to get this done before we really start to play, otherwise I know I won't get to it. And right now I really, really want to touch you. I'm feeling greedy, so that's how I'm going to get both at the same time."

"You don't have to do anything. Ivan didn't do anything."

John's hand moved to squeeze his cock a bit. "Is that what you think I'm doing? When have I ever needed a reason to ravish you? And as I recall, both of us prefer you naked when we're alone, not to mention the promised uniform sex. However, if you can't get him off your mind, I will have to do something about it."

"Fine fine. Naked it is. I can do naked and oh look we're home. See how easy the trip to the store was?" God, what was wrong with him tonight?

John just sighed, his hand falling away as he got out of the car. They didn't speak until they were in the apartment, the bags of food on the counter. "Look, you're obviously in a headspace you aren't willing to let me break you out of right now. Take a few minutes and get whatever it is out of your system. I'll be in the kitchen when you're ready to set aside whatever is in that brain of yours and just be John and Rodney."

"But this is me. How am I not supposed to be me?"

Stepping forward, John curled a hand around the back of his neck and kissed him gently. "You're wound up, and you aren't ready to come down yet. Take a few minutes, get undressed, and see if you can let it go—or at least find a place where you're willing to let me help you let it go."

Sighing, Rodney nodded, knowing John was right, but not sure how to fix what was wrong. And the thing was, he didn't really know what was wrong either. Ever since he'd seen Ivan, talked to him, he'd been unsettled. Ivan unsettled him, made him think of his past, of what they did. Seeing him brought is all back to life, reminded him what he felt like back then, what Ivan did to him, how easily it would be to fall back into the pattern they'd established during the cold days and nights in Siberia.

But he'd left that behind without regrets.

John moved into the kitchen, already unpacking the bags, setting aside the food they'd grabbed for dinner tonight as Rodney stepped into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Stripping off his suit, the stepped into the bathroom, running the water until it was hot. Taking out a face cloth, he used it to wash his face and neck, trying to get the heat of the water to relax his muscles.

What was really bothering him? Was it the encounter with Ivan? Honestly, Rodney had to say that he wasn't happy about it, but that wasn't his real issue. He was angry at himself, angry that he'd followed him just like he used to, falling back into the same routine from years ago just in a different location.

He'd thought he'd gotten over that need, that desire. He thought that he'd changed, that he was different now with John. He had someone who loved him, cared for him. But after trailing behind Ivan this afternoon he had to ask: had he really changed after all?

Shutting off the taps, he moved back into the bedroom, standing uncertainly in the middle of the room. He just wanted to forget, to stop thinking, to stop doubting himself.

Digging out the leather cuffs, he made a quick decision and locked them into place around his wrists and ankles. He pulled out the leather collar John had also picked up, fastening it in place with a lock for good measure. Clipping on the leather leash, he paused, his mind wondering if he was going too far. He didn't know what John had in mind and this might not be what he wanted. Cursing softly to himself, he grabbed two padlocks to secure his arms and legs. John could use it on his wrists. A leather cock ring was added last.

Taking a deep breath, he nodded to his reflection in the mirror, hoping he'd remembered everything.

Stepping back into the kitchen, the padlocks in hand, he placed them on the kitchen table before kneeling in the middle of the floor, his knees protesting, but he didn't know how else to show John that this is what he wanted, that he was okay, that he needed—wanted—John to help him. Putting his hands behind his back and keeping his eyes on the floor, he waited.

He had felt John's eyes on him as soon as he'd stepped into the kitchen—watching him walk in and staying silent as Rodney dropped to the floor, taking in the equipment he had brought. His lover left him there for a long moment before moving, stopping with his shiny uniform shoes just in Rodney's field of vision. "Look up at me."

Rodney tilted his head up so he could see John's face, his eyes, focusing on him and only him.

John held his gaze for a moment before nodding, apparently satisfied with what he saw. "Go sit in the chair. I know that has to be hell on your knees. Before you sit down, I need you to bring me a set of the tethers."

Nodding, Rodney moved back to the bedroom, grabbing the items John requested before slowly making his way to the chair John had indicated, making sure the restraints were close at hand. He settled in, his hands resting on top of his thighs, fingers spread, eyes focused downward.

John's fingers slipped under his chin, tilting his head up for a brush of lips. He didn't say anything, dropping gracefully to one knee to fasten the restraints to his ankles, winding them around the chair so he was tied in place. His wrists came next, tied to the arms of the chair in the same way. Then his lover rose to his feet again. "Eyes on me. Don't talk. I'm going to finish cooking."

Rodney nodded again, watching as John moved effortlessly around the kitchen, preparing a fresh tomato sauce for dinner tomorrow while he cooked up the meatballs. He'd taken his jacket off, placing it over the back of the chairs and had pulled on an apron Rodney used when he was grilling. He always managed to get barbeque sauce all over himself.

Letting out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, Rodney felt some of the tension leave him. Like this he had no choice but sit and relax, watching John as he moved. Rodney found himself zoning out slightly as his mind slowed down, his focus entirely on his lover.

John had been watching him even as he worked, and he seemed to know when the tension started to bleed out of Rodney's frame. He came over with a bit of sauce on his finger, smearing it across Rodney's lips. He didn't break the silence, letting it wrap around Rodney and soothe him.

At John's nod, Rodney opened his mouth slightly, just enough to lick the sauce off his lips with his tongue.

His lover ran a hand through his hair and down the side of his face, smiling softly before walking back to the stove.

Rodney let the time slip by, the tension slowly fading away as John gracefully moved around the kitchen, touching him, stroking him, kissing him whenever he wanted, each and every touch removing a piece of Rodney's anger.

How did John always know what he needed, even before he did? By the time their dinner for this evening was done, he was feeling much more relaxed and starting to get aroused. John pulled a chair close, and slowly fed Rodney mashed potatoes and the chicken breasts he had marinated and cooked.

When he went to ask John what it was, Sheppard's finger was on his lips stilling them.

One finger was pushed into his mouth briefly, swiping along the top of his tongue, before it was withdrawn. Another bite of food was held up to replace it.

Silence. John wanted silence. Nodding, Rodney opened his mouth, letting John feed him while his free hand stroked the skin on the inside of his thigh.

When dinner was gone, he was more than half hard, John's touch and attention slowly dropping him into his headspace. John set the dishes aside and set about touching every inch of his skin. Nipples were gently tweaked, his dick was caressed, the insides of his legs and arms received careful attention. When he was starting to pant, John gave him a chaste kiss and stood up, grabbing the dishes and moving to the sink.

Groaning, Rodney dropped his head to his chest.

"Eyes on me, McKay." John's voice was quiet, but there was no mistaking the command.

Lifting his head, Rodney turned to John, watching as John cleaned up dinner.

Once all the dishes and pans were clean and put away, John set aside the apron and dimmed the lights. The remaining light hugged his curves like it was his lover, and not Rodney.

He moved closer once again, hand drifting across Rodney's cheek before sliding into his hair.

He was almost petting Rodney, but instead of feeling indignant, Rodney found himself leaning into the touch, craving the contact. John hummed softly in approval, his free hand roaming at will over Rodney's body once more.

The contact was sure, comforting, letting Rodney slip down again, giving up more and more of himself to John's talented and caring hands.

A tug on the restraints holding him to the chair made him open his eyes, fighting past the arousal. "As soon as you're free, I want you to go into the living room. Sit on the couch and lean back so you can put your legs around my waist. While I'm inside you, put your hands on the back of the couch and hang on."

Nodding, Rodney watched as John released him from the chair, moving away to let him rise to his feet. Swaying a little, Rodney caught his balance and padded silently across the floor, holding onto the leash so it didn't bang against his body.

Sitting carefully on the edge, Rodney leaned back, lifting his hands until they were gripping the back of the couch. He left his feet on the floor, not sure how long he could hold them up.

And he waited, listening as John moved around the apartment, lights dimming, drawers opening and closing.

When his lover came into view, Rodney saw he was still wearing his entire uniform, but he had undone his pants, and his cock was hanging out, hard and damp at the tip. He was like living porn.

"Oh god…" Rodney whispered, feeling his eyes widen.

John just chuckled. He moved to Rodney, encouraging him to lean way back and prop his legs up on either side of John's hips. It gave him a fantastic view. John reached between them and rubbed across the plug, still inside him, right where John had left it.

"So hot."

"Mmmmm." John's lips curved up, and he pulled the plug out suddenly, with no warning. The sudden wash of sensation left Rodney gasping and panting for control.

He moaned, feeling the come that had been trapped by the plug leaking out, dripping down his crack.

John gave him only a moment before he adjusted Rodney and pushed inside him with a quick thrust. He must have lubed himself up before he came over, because he slid right in, like he belonged there. "Mine, Rodney. You belong to me, and I'm going to make you fly."

"OhgodJohn…" Rodney moaned, his grip tightening on the couch as John rocked into him, taking him hard.

"Eyes open. Watch me claim you, Rodney. I wish you could see how amazing your ass looks as it takes me. So perfect."

"OhgodJohnplease…" The plea ended in a groan as John thrust into him, glancing off his prostate and driving him higher and making him even more desperate with need.

"Don't come. I know you have the cock ring on, but you aren't going to come any time soon. You're going to wait until later, when I'm hard and ready to come a second time."

He would never admit it, but he whimpered at John's order, sliding a little as John changed his angle.

John thrust into him a few more times, hitting his prostate on every stroke. He groaned deep and long, and Rodney felt the sudden heat inside him as John came, filling him again. John's limbs always turned to jelly just after he came, and this time was no different. With another groan he pulled out and sank to his knees. "Sogood, Oh, you're just so good, Rodney..."

Trembling, Rodney held his position, wanting to feel John filling him again, not wanting to lose the feeling, the moment.

Looking up, John smiled softly. "Come undress me. I want to hold you, and I can't without risking ruining the uniform."

"Can't have that," Rodney whispered, groaning as he sat up, his hands immediately moving to the buttons on John's shirt.

John held still, somehow knowing Rodney needed to touch him, lingering over buttons as he carefully peeled the material off his lover and folded it, setting it aside. John rose once his shirt was off, and let Rodney remove his pants—the shoes had been kicked off somewhere between the kitchen and living room.

Rodney tugged off John's boxers slowly, careful since John had pulled his cock through the slit. He leaned forward and kissed along the crease between John's thigh and torso, his tongue peeking out to lick, tasting sweat and the musky flavor of John.

John hummed, spreading his legs a bit to give Rodney better access.

Rodney pulled back, suddenly needing to wrap himself around his lover. Shifting on the couch, he tugged John down on top of him as he laid back, arms encircling Sheppard, legs tangling with the other man's. Burying his face in his shoulder, Rodney took a deep breath, smelling sex and John and sweat and perfection. Home. This was home.

John wrapped his own arms around Rodney and just held him. Rodney felt him pressing light kisses into the side of his head.

With a hum of contentment, Rodney exhaled slowly, his breath ghosting over John's skin.

John pulled back enough to look at Rodney's face, his expression soft. "Feeling better?"

"Much, yes, thank you," he whispered, offering a tired smile.

John kissed the corners of his mouth. "I'm not done with you yet. You still need to come. Later."

"No rush. I'm good just like this."

Chuckling, John captured his mouth again, the kisses lazy, and without the heat and need from earlier. When they needed to breathe, he moved down Rodney's neck, mouthing at his pulse point.

Rodney murmured his approval and contentment, shifting to give John more room as his own hands traced patterns on the other man's skin, stroking and caressing, fingers threading through John's hair. They moved slowly, deliberately, their touches familiar, loving, holding promises neither would say.

When John's hips flexed, Rodney could feel his lover was starting to get hard again. It never ceased to amaze him that such a perfect, sexy man not only loved him, but got aroused by him. But he couldn't deny the erection starting to rub against his stomach.

Wrapping his arms around John, Rodney tugged him closer, giving John some of the friction he needed.

Moaning softly, John muscles rippled under Rodney's hands. "Bedroom. Now. You're going to touch me, get me hard and leaking again, then you're going to ride me."

"We've already accomplished two of the three already."

Sitting up, John pulled Rodney to his feet. "Ah, I'm aroused, but I'm not desperate to be inside you—yet. You're not getting fucked again until I'm panting for you, and you aren't coming until I'm ready to feel you climax around me."

Taking hold of the leash that was still attached to the collar, John smirked at him and tugged him forward.

Rodney followed his lover into the bedroom. John used the leash to tug him forward for another kiss and then unhooked it. He sprawled across the bed, letting his legs fall open obscenely. "Come touch me."

Chuckling, Rodney rolled his eyes as he climbed onto the bed, straddling one of John's legs. "Why?"

John's eyes were dark as he watched Rodney move. "Because I love feeling your hands and mouth on my body."

"Hmm. There is that," Rodney said, his hands grazing the skin of John's stomach.

He arched slightly into Rodney's hand. "You can do better than that. Drive me crazy. Make me squirm for you."

"And if I don’t?"

"Considering you don't get to come until you get me there, it would be counter-productive not to."

"Huh. I'm surprisingly okay with the whole not coming thing."

"To paraphrase a friend, you're a cheeky bottom. You know you want to feel me inside you. You want to feel me come while I'm buried in you again. You want to feel the sparks of pleasure that shoot through you every time I hit your prostate."

"Huh." Rodney's hands continued to move, the pressure light, eyes fixed on the skin he was touching. "I can't really argue with that assessment. Certainly gives me a dilemma now, though."

"Oh? What's that?" John's voice was getting breathy, but he wasn't too far gone if he could still tease.

"I'm perfectly content just to touch."

"Considering I told you I want you to touch me for a while, I don't see the problem." Rodney hit a sensitive spot that made him arch up again.

"But see, I'm in no rush to come. This might take a while."

John put his hands behind his head, grinning that cocky smile. "I came before. I can hold out for as long as you can."

"Maybe."

"I have complete faith in your abilities to drive me out of my mind. Enjoy yourself. Touch, taste, explore me a bit. I'm giving you free reign until I decide I'm ready to fuck you again."

Rodney lifted an eyebrow as he glanced up at John's face. "Okay."

He began slowly, his touches gentle—the tips of his fingers grazing across skin, sliding through hair—before he began adding pressure, watching as his hand pressed into John's skin, sliding along muscles. Rodney quickly lost himself in the exploration, trading his fingers with lips or tongue. Not a patch of skin went untouched. He traced each of the scars on John's body, first with fingers, then following with his lips.

His hands trailed all over John's body from the hairs on his head to the soles of his feet, touching, stroking, eliciting contented murmurs and sighs. He urged John to roll over at one point, straddling him and working on the tense muscles in his back and shoulders.

The skin turned red under his ministrations, but John slowly unknotted. He turned back to lighter touches and caresses, spending an inordinate amount of time on John's ass—rarely seeing it from this perspective for very long.

When he finally quietly asked John to turn over again, Rodney had to smile. The look of bliss and utter relaxation on his lover's face was amazing.

He ducked down again, kissing John's chest while his hands slid down his arms until they reached his hands, threading his fingers through the other man's. Slowly, he pushed John's arms upward before settling down, pressing light kisses along his collarbone.

John hummed, tilting his head to give Rodney all the access he wanted. He was almost boneless—with one exception poking into Rodney's stomach. He lazily brought one leg up to wrap around Rodney's waist, pulling them closer together.

Rodney eventually slowed down, his kisses more of a press of lips against skin, his senses filled with the feel and scent of his partner.

"Love you." It was barely a whisper, and Rodney wasn't even sure John knew he had said it out loud.

"Mmm…love you, too," Rodney whispered in return, closing his eyes as he rested his head against John's shoulder, his body sliding slightly to the side so he wasn't resting all of his weight on John.

John followed him, turning to his side to keep their chests pressed close. He kept their fingers tangled together, burying his nose in Rodney's hair.

With a contented sigh, Rodney let his eyes close wishing he could feel this content, this peaceful all the time.

After a moment, he realized John's breathing had evened out—he had fallen asleep?

Chuckling to himself, he shifted again, letting himself drift and slide into slumber. When John was ready, he'd wake him.

The next thing he knew, a hand was on his dick, stroking lightly. Amused hazel eyes were hovering above him. When John realized he was awake, he smiled. "You let me fall asleep without getting you off. Although I have to say I can't remember being that relaxed before. It was fantastic."

"Mmm…what?" Rodney asked, slowing coming back to wakefulness. "I said I could wait."

John kissed him, and even with the morning breath, they both got lost in it for a few minutes. "But you didn't have to. I think you need to come twice before we leave today, to make up for it."

"I don't have—"

John did a twisty thing to the top of his dick, making him gasp and thrust up a bit. John just chuckled. "We went to bed so early last night, we have time now. We don't have to be anywhere for a few hours. I can make you come at least twice in that amount of time. Maybe more. We could try for a new record."

"I really don't have a say in this, do I?" Rodney asked as he panted.

"Nope. I want to feel you come. I think I need to taste you too, so there's at least one blow job coming your way."

Rolling his eyes, Rodney gestured with his hand, waving it slightly as the corner of his mouth twitched in a smile. "Well, then…do your best."

Grinning, John mouthed his way down Rodney's body, adding his tongue and lips to the party on Rodney's cock.

Rodney closed his eyes, letting John push him higher, the only thing on his mind was the feel of John's mouth and tongue and teeth.

He felt the strip of leather that had been wrapped around him since last night get tugged gently away and he opened his eyes, glancing down at Sheppard. "Come for me." John looked up at him through his long eyelashes, then went back to sucking on Rodney's erection.

With a moan, Rodney felt his body shudder and come, the pleasure emptying out easily, unhurriedly as John swallowed every drop, easing him out of his mouth once he was soft.

John licked him clean then sat up, tongue swiping over his lips. "Every day should start that way. Now the question is, how do I want to get you off the second time?"

Rodney's head lolled to the side as he held John's gaze. "While I won't argue that it is a good way to start a day, I find myself wanting to say that you don't have to do that every morning either."

John crawled back up to snuggle in against Rodney's side. "I won't get to wake you up that way every morning once we get back to Atlantis. I have to take advantage of it now."

"Is that your reasoning?"

"Well, that and I didn't get to watch you come last night. I like that almost more than I like coming myself." He started to trace random patterns on Rodney's chest with his finger.

"You've watched me before. Not like it changes."

"It never gets old. I like hearing you, watching the face you make. It's sexy."

Rodney felt his cheeks flush. "I doubt that."

"Have I ever lied to you?"

Sighing, he shook his head. "No, but—"

"But nothing. You're the sexiest thing I've ever seen. Period."

Rodney rolled his eyes, but let the comment go. "So you were plotting and scheming?"

"Plotting and scheming?"

"For orgasm number 'I've lost count'."

John shook slightly as he laughed. "I'm a guy, I'm supposed to think about sex every, what, three seconds or something? So I'm always plotting and scheming new ways to make you come spectacularly."

"And?" Rodney shifted so he wasn't looking at John cross-eyed. "Have you come up with something?"

"There are options... So many options." John's voice got a little dreamy towards the end.

"And how long do we have?"

John sat up to look back at the clock. "We need to be leaving the apartment in about an hour and a half to get there on time."

"Then I suggest you get moving." Rodney's mouth twitched up in a half-smile.

"I wish I had thought to buy a swing. Those are always fun."

"You certainly bought enough stuff."

"You can never have too many sex toys."

"And yet you still can't decide what to do and time is just ticking away."

John's eyes glittered. "Stand up and bend over, hands on the bed, legs spread as far as you can get them."

Rodney raised an eyebrow but didn't otherwise move. "You want me to get off this comfortable prescription mattress?"

"If you want to get fucked again, yes, I do believe I do." John sat up and swung off the bed himself, going over to the drawer where they had tossed all the toys.

Rodney watched John dig through the drawer. For some reason he wanted to see how determined and dominant John was going to be this morning. He didn't know why, either. But then, Ivan had been demanding, too. Possessive in his own way. But John was different. Wasn't he?

Turning back around, John dumped several items on the bed—one of the vibrators, a few straps, nipple clamps. He raised an eyebrow at Rodney, who hadn't moved. "You aren't really going to make me wrestle with you, are you? As it is, I was just going to let you stand in position, now I'm going to secure you in place. This bed has options for that sort of bondage."

"Maybe."

"McKay. Off the bed. In position. Now." John took on a note of command that never failed to send little shocks of pleasure down Rodney's spine when it was directed at him.

Rodney rolling to his side, slowly pushing himself to an upright and seated position in the middle of the king bed. He looked at John for a few moments before moving toward him, slowly.

John had one hand on his hip as he watched, his naked body on display for Rodney's viewing. Just before he slipped off the bed, John stepped close enough to kiss him again, grinning slightly. "Good boy."

Rodney sat back on the bed, his lips twitching. "You praise even before I've fully obeyed your orders. Interesting way to motivate."

"I believe in positive reinforcement. It's so much more fun than the other kind."

"So what exactly would happen if I didn't obey? I'm curious. I need to know all my options."

Laughing softly, John shook his head. "You're a total geek, you know that right? Even in the bedroom you want to experiment. If you don't obey, I'd probably have to put the chastity device on you. You'd have another chance to obey tomorrow morning, and if not...it stays on another day. Repeat until I get what I want. It's plastic, so it won't trigger the SGC sensors."

"Really."

John nodded. "Not to say I won't fuck you, just that you won't come until I fuck you the way I want to. Today, tomorrow, next week some time... it's up to you."

"Interesting." Rodney tilted his head, looking at John. He'd been serious the last time Rodney'd decided to disobey and that had turned out pretty well—for both of them. John wasn't exactly mean when it came to the bedroom and getting his way. But then the question remained: how long could John last without making him come?

"Glad you think so. You do know I'm not joking, right? I hope you know by now I back up what I say." John leaned against the bed post, all lines and angles. "So? What's it going to be?"

"I don't know. Haven't decided yet."

"As you so eloquently pointed out earlier, we don't have much time. Make up your mind soon, or I'll assume you've decided to disobey." John went to the toy drawer and retrieved the chastity device.

Rodney looked John in the eye for a long moment. He certainly looked serious. But then, he was in the military. He knew how to look the part. And it wasn't like John would really leave him for days without coming. He said it before: he loved watching him come too much to withhold that very thing from himself.

Knowing John's eyes were on him, he moved back toward the center of the bed. "I think I could use a short nap before I have to get up and go into the SGC. Someone got me up pretty early this morning."

John was on the bed and had him pinned almost before Rodney could blink. The device went on seconds later. His lover could move fast when he wanted to.

Rodney tried to push John off of him, but the sound of a small zip tie made him pause. "Wait a minute, what's that?"

John had pulled the tie through the device, locking it in place. "Padlocks are metal, and won't get through security. This will have to do to hold it on. And if you take it off or mess with it in any way, I'll switch to the metal, and you can explain to security why you're setting off their sensors."

"Do you actually think I'd do that?"

"Just making sure." John pushed his hands above his head and used the straps on the bed to lock them in place.

"What are you doing?"

"I haven't come yet. Just because you don't get to doesn't mean I'm doing without." John moved down and secured his ankles spread-eagle.

A little voice in the back of his head kept telling him this might have been a bad idea. "But without a pillow under my ass you can't fuck me like this."

"I'm not planning to fuck you. You get to watch while I jerk off. Then I'm going to shower, and when I'm done I'll let you up to do the same." John sat up, his eyes glittering. "You wanted to be punished for disobeying. In addition to not coming, you're not going to get touched until I'm satisfied with your compliance. Outside the bedroom I don't expect or demand obedience. But here, when it's just us, I do."

"I didn't want to be punished," Rodney said, tugging at the restraints holding him in place.

"Yes, you did. You decided you didn't want to obey. You heard what the consequences would be, and deliberately choose to push. I'm not going to give in, Rodney. I don't ask for much from you, but when I do, I expect you to give it to me."

"Come on. I was kidding."

John shook his head, starting to stroke himself. "No, you weren't. I don't know why, but you seem to need to test your limits every now and then. I think you need the security of knowing that while I'll indulge you, there is a line I won't let you cross. Tomorrow morning you'll have a chance to obey again."

"John, come on."

John smiled at him, and oddly enough, it was tender. "I love you too much to cheat you, Rodney. You've walked all over every person in your life, and I don't think it's made you very happy. I'm not going to let you do that to yourself anymore." His pace picked up a little, and Rodney could see that he was leaking a little pre-come at the tip of his dick.

He tugged at the restraints holding him in place wanting to touch, to taste. "You don't have to do this. I'll go and stand wherever you want if you'll just let me up."

"That option isn't open again until tomorrow morning." John's head fell back, and his breathing picked up. Rodney knew he was getting close to completion.

"You'd feel better if you fucked me. Just let me up and you can."

"Oh, believe me, I want to. I'm not going to enjoy this any more than you are. I'd much rather have spent the morning fucking you until neither of us could walk straight."

"You still can. Morning's not over yet."

John's hand sped up, and a few moments later, he was gasping as he came, limbs stiffening.

Rodney closed his eyes and groaned his brain reminding him that he was in this situation because of his own stupidity.

John was silent for a moment, his breathing evening out. "I'm going to go shower now. I don't trust myself to keep my hands off you if I do it with you, so when I'm done, I'll let you up to get yours out of the way."

This was highly unfair. So what if he decided to push him a bit. It's not like he hadn't before. If John wanted to play this way, he would. He'd gone for years without getting any and while the recent activity was amazing, he could go without again.

"Fine."

John sighed softly, breaking his own rule momentarily to run his thumb along Rodney's jaw. "If I didn't think you needed this, I wouldn't be doing it. I love you." Without another word, he turned and disappeared into the bathroom.

"If you really loved me you wouldn't be doing this to me," he yelled after John, the water turning on a moment later.

The running water and his enforced immobility gave Rodney plenty of time to think, to dwell, to get annoyed. This was so unfair. Highly unfair.

Vaguely he knew he could just safe word out of this—John would have to let him up and take off the chastity device—but his stubborn pride wouldn't let him give him. If John wanted to try and punish him with no sex, Rodney was up for the challenge. He'd see which one of them gave in first and Rodney knew it wouldn't be him.

John took a longer shower than he usually did, and when he came out, he looked unhappy. But determined. Without a word he unhooked the straps, freeing Rodney to move again.

"You might want to take the cuffs off so I don't get them wet." Rodney's voice was sharp, the words harsh, condescending. He was angry. Angry at John for ruining a perfectly good morning fuck.

"I was getting to that. Rodney..." He sighed, grabbing the keys and unlocking all four items.

"What?"

John shook his head. "What do you want for breakfast? We actually have time for something more than a PowerBar."

Rodney slid off the bed, standing with his hands on his hips. "I'll grab something at the SGC. Is that all? Am I allowed to shower now?"

"This wasn't my fault, Rodney. You can be angry all you want, but while you're screaming at me in your head, remember I didn't want to do this. You pushed, even knowing what the consequences would be. I'm just following through on my promises." He rose and left the room.

Fine. If John wanted to play hardball, it certainly worked both ways. Striding to the bedroom door he paused, watching John set up the coffee. "Don't trouble yourself. I'll drive myself in and stop on the way."

"No, you won't. I'm driving, and you either drink this or go without." John didn't even look up.

"Are you going to forbid me from eating breakfast and lunch today too because you're not preparing it for me? I guess I'll miss tonight's dinner party because I’m in the SGC's infirmary because I’m in a hypoglycemic coma."

"I'm not forbidding you from eating, no. You can get breakfast there if you want. But we aren't stopping for coffee, and we are going in together."

"Fine. Do whatever the hell you want. You will anyway." Rodney shook his head angrily and turned, heading back into the bedroom and to the shower.

***

John didn’t bother to make breakfast. He did have a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee, but he knew it would be a waste of food to actually cook anything for Rodney. And he wasn’t petty enough to just cook for himself.

How the hell had such a promising day gone downhill so quickly?

It had been a relaxing evening, once Rodney had come down. And they had both been enjoying the teasing this morning. So why had Rodney pushed?

John was willing to bet it was the prick, Ivan. He was still on his lover’s mind, even if he wasn’t talking about it. Damn it! Now he wished he hadn’t promised to stay out of it.

And promises were the problem, weren’t they? John didn’t think many people had kept their promises to Rodney over the years, and he deserved better. But if John didn’t keep all his promises, then he was no better—including the ones like this morning. He hadn’t actually expected Rodney to let it go that far, but now they both had to live with it.

He sighed into his coffee.

As soon as Rodney had stormed out naked—and he had to tell his treacherous dick it wasn’t getting any today—then retreated, John had found and hid the second set of car keys, securing the first set on his own person. It wouldn’t be a pleasant drive, but he was a glutton for punishment, and even angry, John still found himself wanting to be near his lover. And odds were good this was the closest he was going to get for at least the next twenty-four hours.

God, he hoped Rodney got over this fast. Tomorrow morning would be good.  

He looked up as the scientist walked back into the kitchen, still a little damp, but clothed. John’s chest tightened—that was the first time Rodney had showered without him since they had been Earth-side, and it hurt. A lot. He liked the ritual of cleaning his lover, touching him, knowing he was making him feel good.

John had to lower his head before Rodney caught the look of sheer longing he was sending his way. McKay needed this, whether he liked it or not. Whether John liked it or not. Rodney needed to know that no matter what, John kept his promises.

"Are we leaving or are you just going to sit there and stare at your coffee cup?"

"We have some time."

"Well, I’m ready."

Standing, John drained the rest of his coffee. "Can't hurt to go in early, I guess. Maybe the Generals will take less pleasure in chewing me out that way."

He saw Rodney's eyes go to the coffee pot—John had made enough for the two of them—before he turned and headed for the door. He'd dressed in some of his older clothes—short-sleeved button down over a long t-shirt, a baggy pair of khakis, and a pair of his well-worn shoes.

Sighing again, John turned off the pot—he could clean it tonight—and followed McKay to the door. This sucked.

They didn't talk the entire ride to the Mountain—one-sided conversations didn't count—and as soon as Rodney's feet hit the floor inside the base he was gone, vanishing into the labyrinth that was the SGC.

John shook his head, hoping his lover would work out his anger some on the 'minions'.

His day didn’t get appreciatively better.

With O’Neill gone, his briefings descended into something quite a bit colder. They didn’t even try to hide the fact that they disliked him, although Landry was an exception. He might not be overly fond of John, but he didn’t actively hate him like some of the others.

At 1800, he changed into his civvies to leave the base, knowing he needed to get back to actually cook for this thing—everyone else was showing up at 1930. He thought Rodney might have gotten over his anger when he met John right on time, even if he didn’t say a word.

John decided to test the waters once they were in the car. “So, how was your day? Any exciting breakthroughs?”

Rodney chuckled harshly. "As if."

"Make any progress on the stuff the SGC wanted you to get done before you leave?"

"No."

Okay, so still angry, but at least he was talking again. It was better than the icy silence this morning. "I didn't realize how much the others either like or fear O'Neill until he was gone. I thought they were all dicks before, now it's like they're getting in their fill of Sheppard-baiting before I head off to another galaxy and out of their direct reach. Landry is a little better, but I don't think he likes me much either."

Rodney shrugged. "Always good to see how little things change."

"Other than my hearing after Afghanistan, I've never been the center of so many senior officers’ attention." John shook his head. "I think I prefer obscurity."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time you're trying to shove your tongue down my throat in public," Rodney said evenly, his gaze fixed out the side window.

John flinched, but Rodney didn't see it. Okay, so still really pissed. He let the conversation lapse into silence. It helped that they hit some traffic, so he could focus on that for a bit.

Dinner should be interesting, John realized, with Rodney in his mood. They ended up driving the rest of the way in silence, parking in their usual spot at the apartment complex and making their way in. John headed into the kitchen, while Rodney moved into the living room, turning on the television—loud—as he puttered around, cleaning and straightening.

Cooking, at least, was something he could do. He made the noodles—pasta really didn't take long to make fresh—got the meatballs cooked, and had everything in the oven when the doorbell rang. Good, this would be ready in about a half-hour, which was enough time for everyone to arrive and get settled. He heard Rodney go for the door.

"Come in," he heard Rodney say. "John's in the kitchen making a mess. You can toss your coats in John's bedroom."

Shaking his head, John set aside his unease with Rodney's mood. It was quickly replaced with nerves. It suddenly hit him he was actually cooking for someone other than his lover or close friends. Oh shit...

Carson appeared at the kitchen door a few moments later, his eyes wandering over the room. "It doesn't look a mess. What's Rodney sayin'?"

John smiled and pointed at the wine. "He's in the mood to give me a hard time. Don't worry about it. Who else is here?"

"Just Elizabeth. I think she's apologizing again for the other night."

Chuckling, John accepted a glass Carson had poured for him. "He did tell you guys he accidentally invited SG-1 along, didn't he? I found out yesterday. Lasagna, okay?"

"Everything will be wonderful if the smell is anything to go by." Elizabeth and Rodney appeared moments later, the latter raising an eyebrow at John's glass of wine but not commenting otherwise.

"You pouring for everyone, Carson?" Elizabeth asked, moving into the kitchen.

"Aye." He got a glass for both Rodney and Elizabeth, and the four of them chatted for a bit before the doorbell rang again. Rodney excused himself to go get it, and John's nerves shot up again. "For the record, other than myself and a few close friends, I've never actually told anyone I can cook before, much less hosted a...thing."

"I think you can blame Rodney for this one, John," Elizabeth said with a smile. "You'll do fine."

The noise in the apartment rose drastically as soon as SG-1 stepped inside, Rodney and Carter already arguing as Daniel and Cameron moved to the kitchen, depositing a bakery box on the counter beside the one Carson had brought, greeting John and the rest of the guests. Teal'c appeared a moment later, expressing his thanks and gratitude at the invitation. Carson managed to pull everyone into the living room where the cheese and crackers were sitting a few moments later, leaving John alone in the kitchen.

He leaned forward, resting his head in his hands for a minute. What the hell was he doing? He nearly jumped out of his skin when someone touched his arm.

"You okay?" Elizabeth asked quietly.

He shot her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Yeah. Just nerves. I can face down Wraith, Genii and unknown Ancient tech, but the prospect of actually serving people I barely know my own food terrifies me."

"You'll be fine," she said with a smile as Rodney strode into the room, shooting the two of them a look before pouring himself another glass of wine, the first long gone. He left without a word.

John followed him with his eyes, then shot a wry smile at Elizabeth. "Would you mind going out and running interference for me? He's...irritated with me at the moment. A diplomat would be a useful thing to have out there."

Her eyebrow rose. "Wouldn't Carson be better?"

"I won't complain if he does." The timer on the oven beeped, and John's stomach flipped over. He could do this. Wraith. Genii. Dinner Party. It shouldn't even be in the same league.

"I'll ask Carson to come in," she said, patting his arm. "And breathe."

"I'll be all right. Everything's almost done. I just have to not hyperventilate before we serve anything."

"I'll send him in," she said and vanished into the living room as he leaned against the counter, his eyes closed as he breathed.

"John?"

"Yes?" John shook himself a bit, grabbing the pot holders.

"Elizabeth sent me in. Is there somethin' the matter?"

He shook his head, pulling the pan out of the oven and setting it aside to set a bit. "No, I'm fine. Just panicking as I realize I'm actually cooking. For people. Who aren't practically family."

John could feel Carson's eyes on the back of his neck. "Running interference between you and Rodney is what she told me. Care to elaborate or should I ask him myself? I'm not asking for details—which the two of you usually provide far too readily as is—just some kind of guideline or point of reference."

John sighed, pulling out the salad and starting to set the table. "It's nothing. He pushed me, I told him what would happen if he did it, and now he's pissed that I followed through. I get the impression he was trying to see if he pushed hard enough, if I would cave. I'm not going to do that to him—he needs to know I keep my promises."

"Let me guess, no sex."

Chuckling, John nodded. "Yes. I didn't actually mean to do it, I didn't think he would push it that far. But... You've known him longer than I have, Carson. I get the impression he hasn't had a lot of people keep their promises, not when push came to shove. I think he needs to know that no matter what he does, I'm not going to back down. Am I wrong?"

The Scot was quiet for nearly a minute before he answered, the words coming slowly. "Rodney's an odd duck. He rarely talks about himself and when he does it's usually horribly personal that no one wants to hear anyway. I doubt he's had anyone as close as you are to him—and I mean that in more than a buddyfuck way. He does need structure, though. Craves it. If you can give him a designated set of rules that don't change, I think that may be a good thing for him."

He nodded again. "That's how I read it. Great, so I just have to withstand the snit it's put him in and hope it passes quickly." He looked at the table. "And I don't think I can stall any longer. I actually have to serve dinner."

"Want me to limit his alcohol? He's started on one of the bottles Carter brought."

"Just don't let him get so drunk he can't get up in the morning. Maybe if he's a bit relaxed, he'll feel better."

"Aye, or maybe he'll out himself to everyone." Carson rolled his eyes. "Want me to get everyone?"

"Oh, god, now you've given me something else to worry about." John groaned. "But please, get everyone. Let's get the stressful part of my evening over with."

Carson raised an eyebrow, but nodded, heading into the living room.

Taking another deep breath, John let his expression slide into an easy smile. It was a mask he had used with great success throughout his life. By the time SG-1 and his fellow senior staff came in, he hoped all traces of his nerves were gone. "Hope you guys are hungry."

"This smells amazing," Cameron said, grabbing a chair next to John, Carter, Teal'c, and Daniel echoing his comment, taking seats as well. Carson grabbed a seat next to Elizabeth leaving the last chair for Rodney—right next to John. The scientist scowled slightly, but took the seat quickly, pouring himself another glass of wine before offering it around.

They made small talk over the salad, but the course went too quickly for John's equilibrium. All too soon, he was serving the lasagna and meatballs. He caught a glint in Rodney's eye that he didn't think boded well.

"So, I have to know," McKay began, taking a sip from his newly-refreshed glass. "Are the stories about SG-1 all true?"

Carter raised an eyebrow, and Daniel and Teal'c looked amused. "Depends on the stories."

"You know," Rodney said, his eyebrow raised, eyes wide. "Those stories."

Cameron laughed. "Probably. But since you know the stories, we've all heard them. I want to hear stories about what goes on in Atlantis."

Rodney glanced toward John before leaning back in his seat. "Most of the same it seems."

John fought the urge to groan. Rodney was up to something, and considering he was still pissed, John knew who was going to bear the brunt of it. He decided to try deflection. "You're going to have to come visit us some time, and I can take you up in one of the Jumpers, Mitchell. If you think jets are cool, try having a spaceship that reads your mind."

"I can imagine. Too bad I don't have the gene. Must be wicked," Cameron said, leaning forward on his elbows.

"And all the Pegasus girls flock to his side. You should see it. The flying Winnebago is a babe magnet," McKay commented, saluting John slightly with his wine glass before taking a sip.

John rolled his eyes, but otherwise ignored the comment. "Beckett's working on improving the gene therapy. You should give it a try, if it failed the first time. But even without it, the jumpers are just sweet. They don't look like much, but when you get them in the air... I'm still finding new functions, even after a year of flying them."

"Lots of new functions," Rodney muttered, digging back into his food.

With chuckles all around—John didn't want to know what they thought Rodney meant—SG-1 dug in to the main course, and he tried hard to look casual as he waited for someone to go running for the bathroom to toss it back up.

No one did. Instead he got six groans of delight and praise after they'd swallowed their first bites. "McKay," Carter said, "you weren't exaggerating when you said he could cook."

Rodney shrugged. "Do you think I make stuff up just to be annoying?" He looked up, his finger pointed across the table. "No, don't answer that."

John felt his cheeks heat slightly. "Thanks. I wondered why you guys wrangled an invite—McKay's been talking, huh?"

"Highly praising leftovers, actually," Daniel said as Carter dug back into her dinner. "We're tried to take him to dinner a few times now and he always gave the excuse that there were leftovers home. We figured he was just making excuses because he was doing something else…but now…"

If anything, that made John blush harder, and he cursed his reaction. Mumbling thanks, he dug into his own plate, hoping everyone else was too busy eating to notice.

Carson laughed. "I told ya you had nothin' to worry about."

Daniel looked surprised. “You were worried?”

John fought the urge to kick his friend. “I’ve, ah, never cooked for anyone but a few close friends before. And never for this many people at a time. It was always just a way to relax.”

"Then I think you need to do more of it—the cooking part," Carson said. "Relaxed is certainly a better look for you."

John flushed again, to laughs around the table. "I'm a relaxed kind of guy..."

"Laid back and nearly comatose is very different from relaxed," Rodney commented sharply.

"Laid back is the same thing as relaxed. Comatose I'll give you. I try to avoid that as much as possible." John shrugged.

"Yeah, and not well enough."

SG-1 had all perked up. "See, these are the stories I want to hear. You guys know our stupid moves. Let's hear a few of yours." Cameron winked at John, whose eyes had gone a bit wide, he was sure.

”No, you don’t really need to hear those. They aren’t interesting at all…” John shook his head, hoping he could get them moving in another direction, knowing Rodney wouldn’t be able to resist embarrassing him in his current mood.

"So, you don't want to tell them about the whole sexual harassment for food thing? Or how about you and all the Ascended girls?"

Groaning, John shot Elizabeth and Carson a look—they were both sitting back grinning. Traitors. "One Ascended girl, and it was because she was brainwashing me. And nothing happened anyway. I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"He claims there was brainwashing," Rodney said, rolling his eyes.

John looked over at the smirking SG-1. "We didn't know she was an Ancient, and she used the fact that I have gene to influence me. And nothing happened!"

"So you say."

"Can we talk about something else? Anything?" John looked around the table. "I did cook dinner, I should be exempt from embarrassing stories."

"Too bad I couldn't get pictures," Rodney said, a smirk on his face. "But I do have some from the last time Sheppard was in Vegas a few years ago. God was he drunk."

John felt his eyes go wide. "You don't."

"Of course I do. Harry gave them to me."

"Harry?" Carter asked, looking between the two of them.

"I'm going to kill him." John sighed, then turned to Carter. "I have friends who live in Vegas, and Rodney met them while we were out there. They took a little too much pleasure telling him every embarrassing story they could dredge up. I didn't know they actually had pictures."

"Until you saw them. They made me copies." Rodney shoved his chair back already rising—slightly unsteadily—to his feet. "Anyone want to see?"

John rose as well, getting a hand on Rodney's elbow before he fell over. "I don't think they really want to see them." He shot a look at Carson, hoping the man read it as a request to stop Rodney's wine intake.

"Oh, I'm sure they do," he said, shaking free of John's hands. Grabbing his wine glass he headed for the bedroom.

John sighed to himself as, with huge grins, SG-1 rose and followed Rodney out of the dining room. "Sorry, Sheppard, but alls fair in love and embarrassing stories.” Mitchell smirked as he walked out.

John looked over at Carson and Elizabeth, who were doing a poor job of hiding how much they wanted to see the pictures too. “Go ahead. I’ll start cleaning this up.” He lowered his voice slightly. “Just see if you can get him to stop drinking.”

Elizabeth nodded. "I think that's a good idea."

He watched them go, and quickly started cleaning, throwing the leftovers in the fridge and the dishes in the sink. He would do them later. Wandering out into the living room, he walked in on a huge round of laughter. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what Harry had given his lover.

Mitchell looked up at him, flashing a picture. "How drunk were you?"

John knew he was turning bright red. "In that one? Pretty damn drunk. I'd imagine I was in most of those. Harry never has a camera when I'm sober for some reason."

"He just knows the best times to take pictures," Rodney commented from his position on the chair. His wine glass had vanished—thank god for Elizabeth and Carson—but he was eyeing the hard liquor sitting in the corner. Why did they have to go and re-stock the other day?

"Yeah, when he knows he can use them to embarrass me later. How many do you have there anyway?" He was trying for laid back, but knew he was failing miserably. Fortunately, Carson had seen Rodney eyeing the alcohol and had put himself squarely between McKay and the cabinet.

"A bunch," Mitchell said, handing off part of a stack to Carter. "These are great. I'm sure you have some of Rodney and the rest of your team, too."

"No, I think I'm the only one we have pictures of at the moment. Although I did get a digital camera, so I think there will be payback in order." John knew he got even more scarlet as Carter burst into peals of laughter over the pictures in her hand.

Carson leaned over her shoulder glancing at them. "Oh my. Is that…oh."

"Do I even want to know?" John sat down on one of the free chairs.

The Scot pulled the picture in question from Carter, handing it over to John. "What exactly is that on your head? It looks like a dildo…"

John groaned and dropped his head into his hands. He was never going to lose the blush. Ever. "When the hell did he take these? I don't even remember that... And I know for damn sure I've never seen these pictures."

"You seem to have a certain attachment to sex toys, Sheppard," Rodney commented from across the room.

He didn't even bother to raise his head. "I think I'm going to go hide in the kitchen again."

"No, no, stay, please," Carter said, putting the pile of pictures on the table. "I think we're done for now."

"Yeah, but can I look any of you in the face ever again?" He muttered it into his hands. He hoped this made Rodney feel better, because he seriously deserved some apology sex tomorrow.

"Sure. I'll bring you some of Cam tomorrow," Carter said with a smile and laugh. "These are nothing compared to some of the ones I have."

He looked up, interested despite himself. "So I'm not the only one who has friends with blackmail photos they're willing to share?"

"No." The single word was uttered by everyone in the room—except Rodney.

"Good to know." He knew he was still red, but he did manage a grin.

Rodney slowly climbed to his feet, heading into the kitchen. "Who wants coffee?"

John rose as everyone else chorused 'ayes'. "I'll help. Be right back." He followed his lover into the kitchen, getting out cups, sugar and milk as Rodney got the pot ready.

"I do know how to make coffee," Rodney commented quietly as the chatter continued in the living room.

"I know. I wanted to help."

"Like this morning? I don't need that kind of help."

He sighed softly. "Yes, you do, although you don't want to admit it. I keep my promises." He dug around in one of the cabinets for a tray he had seen. He arranged the cups on it, and used a second, matching tray to arrange the desserts. Might as well do them at the same time.

"And I think you're over-reacting."

"I know you do, and I'm sorry for that." He watched as Rodney poured milk in a small pitcher and arranged the sugar bowl on the tray with the coffee cups.

"No," Rodney shook his head. "No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. I didn't want this any more than you did." Their fingers brushed as they jostled the trays, and John was hit with another wave of longing. He absolutely hated not being able to touch Rodney when he wanted to.

Rodney pulled his hand away as if John's touch scolded him. "Right."

John knew he made a small, hurt noise, but he swallowed it, taking his own tray. With an internal sigh, he plastered back on his laid-back mask and, with a glance back at Rodney, he went into the living room. "Figured we'd put these out too. McKay's bringing the coffee."

"Good. He better have dug out the good stuff for us," Carter said, shifting forward on the couch to look at the two desserts.

"Of course." John flashed him a smile. Actually, he had no idea what Rodney had made.

"Do you actually think I'd make the good stuff for the lot of you?" Rodney asked as he walked in, a bottle of Baileys in one hand, coffee pot in the other. After depositing them on the coffee table, he returned a moment later with the cups.

Where the hell did he get the alcohol? With a silent sigh, John just resolved to put his angry and drunk lover to bed later, and hope for the best in the morning. Rodney wouldn't welcome him trying to interfere right now.

They all sat around and chatted for a bit longer, nibbling on desserts and talking about missions and going off-world and other aspects of their admittedly bizarre lives. It was nice to talk to people who understood. Elizabeth and Carson, not being on gate teams, didn't always get it. John had admired SG-1 from the reports, and respected them from the few times he had run into them in the halls, but now he decided he actually liked them, too.

Carter yawned loudly and then apologized. "It's a little later than I thought," she said after glancing at her watch. "And I have a few mission briefings I have to prepare for tomorrow. We should probably get going."

John rose, smiling. "I've got my own endless briefings tomorrow, so I can sympathize. Thanks for bringing the desserts."

"Our pleasure," Cameron said standing, offering John his hand. "Dinner was great and I think McKay is lucky that he gets the leftovers. I may have to fight him for them."

John flushed again as he took the other man's hand, shaking it. "Thanks. If we had kitchens on Atlantis I'd offer to trade you food for supplies, but I'm afraid I won't be doing any cooking until we visit Earth again."

"Just because we haven't found kitchens doesn't mean they aren't there, Sheppard," McKay commented from his position in the chair on the other side of the room. He'd only added a splash of alcohol to his coffee, so hopefully the hangover wouldn't be too bad in the morning.

"True. The Ancients had to have bigger quarters somewhere. Ours are probably the closets or something, and we just haven't found the good rooms." Everyone was pulling on their jackets and digging around for keys.

After a round of goodnights, SG-1 headed out, Elizabeth and Carson hanging back as Rodney started clearing the remains of dessert from the living room.

John stretched, pushing his arms high above his head, then bending over, hearing his back crack. When he stood again, he caught the edges of surprise from his friends—they didn't see him relaxed enough to do things like that often he guessed. "Well, that was interesting. I like them a lot more than I thought I would."

"SG-1's a good group. They've been through a lot," Elizabeth said as Carson moved quietly into the kitchen a few dirty plates in hand.

"Yeah, they were the ones who made it possible for us to do what we do. I wish I had more time to get to know them, pick their brains a bit more." He glanced back at the kitchen, hoping Carson was using the time with Rodney to talk his lover down.

Elizabeth turned, following his gaze before looking back at him with a knowing expression. "Take some time this week. I don't think they have any missions until after you leave. Talk to Cameron. He'll be able to give you some suggestions from the military end of things."

John leaned back against the couch, sighing. "I'll try. But even that's a bit different. He leads a team, but he doesn't run the base, Landry does. Carter has been in the program almost since the beginning, so I might try to track her down again too, get a wider perspective on everything."

"Good." Elizabeth smiled. "It's good to see you thinking like that, planning."

He shot her a wry grin. "Better than making it up as I go along? When we were a remote outpost with only a slim chance of ever getting home, that was fine, especially since I was never meant to be in charge. But now, I've officially been appointed the military commander of the base. That means I need to act the part."

"And you'll do a fine job," Elizabeth said, but whatever other comments she was going to make got cut off as Rodney's raised voice from the kitchen caught their attention.

"I should have known better! What else did the louse tell you? No, you know what, I don't want to know. I think it's time you left."

John closed his eyes for a moment. God, he was tired all the sudden. "I think he needs to scream at me for a bit. You had probably better grab Carson and get out while you can."

"Are you sure?" she asked even as Carson was talking to Rodney, trying to get him to calm down. "There is safety in numbers sometimes."

"Well, if you really want to watch me get reamed by a drunk and pissed off genius you're welcome to stay. But I doubt it will be much fun." He straightened and started for the kitchen.

Carson was backing out, his hands raised, as he tried to placate McKay. "I don't want to hear any more of your excuses. Just get out," Rodney said, pausing when he caught sight of John and Elizabeth. His face darkened and he narrowed his eyes at John. "Is there anyone else you want to tell while we're at it?"

"I didn't tell anyone anything, and leave Carson out of this. He asked me what was bothering me and I told him you were pissed at me. Don't blame him for being a friend."

"Fine. I'm going to bed and the lot of you can go and fuck yourselves for all I care." Rodney turned, storming off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

"Well…" Elizabeth began as she turned to John, her eyes wide.

John ran a hand through his hair. "I think I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

"There is the spare bedroom," Carson said with a sigh. "I don't want to get between the two of you, but you will have to work this out—soon."

"I know. Maybe he'll sleep it off tonight. I couldn't fall for someone easy—no, I had to get myself a temperamental genius with a somewhat rocky relationship history." He looked back towards the bedroom for a moment, then shook himself. "I'm just going to do the dishes and go to bed I think. Thanks for sticking around and trying to help."

Elizabeth nodded and moved toward the door. Carson offered him a tired smile. "Try and get him to drink water and take come aspirin or something. He'll probably have a wee bit of a hangover in the morning."

"I'll try. I don't know that he'll listen to me, but I'll do what I can." John walked them to the door. I'll see you both in the morning. Are we having another staff meeting to finalize everything before they start loading the supplies?"

Elizabeth shook her head. "I'm finalizing personnel still, but we need to get the supplies loaded sooner rather than later."

John nodded. "Let me know when you need me. I have more briefings to go over strategy and what Atlantis' options are if the Wraith attack again, or if the Ori threat becomes more pronounced here. I'll welcome the break."

"I will. Good night and thanks for dinner." With Carson echoing her words, they left and John closed and locked the door behind them.

Taking a deep breath, John got a glass of water and the aspirin, taking them to their bedroom. He was grateful Rodney hadn't locked the door, but his lover glared at him as he walked in. Instead of saying anything, he set both items on the bedside table, knowing Rodney would either take them or not, and nothing John could say right now would influence it.

Rodney was in the middle of getting ready for bed, stripped down to skin, holding his shirt in his hands. "What's that for?"

John wanted to touch. He didn't bother to hide the fact that he was admiring Rodney's body. "You had quite a bit of wine. If you wanted to take something to head off the hangover, Beckett suggested you drink plenty of water and take something for the headache. I thought I'd leave it for you, in case you wanted it."

"Fine. Thank you," he said, moving to drop his clothes in the hamper.

"Rodney..." John just watched him. "If I try to sleep here, are you going to stay, or go into the other room?"

McKay turned, scowling across the room. "Why? Do you want me to leave?"

"No. I want to sleep in the same bed as you, but if you aren't going to let me, then I'll sleep in the other room and let you stay here. This mattress is better for your back."

"I'm not getting kicked out of my own bed."

John fought the urge to roll his eyes. "I'm not trying to kick you out of your own bed. Just the opposite. I asked because I want you to sleep here, and I want to sleep here with you. But if you're too pissed at me to sleep in the same bed, I'll use your couch."

"There's no point in using the couch when there's a perfectly good mattress in the spare bedroom," Rodney said, tugging back the sheets and blankets to slide underneath. "And do whatever you want."

With a sigh, John stripped, dropping his clothes in the hamper. If Rodney wasn't going to explicitly object, he wasn't getting kicked out of their bed either. He was willing to give his lover space to be angry, but if Rodney didn't get over this fast, he wasn't sure he could hold his temper. He climbed into the bed and under the covers, feeling Rodney's heat even with space between them. "Goodnight, Rodney."

"Goodnight."

John listened for what felt like a long time to Rodney's breathing. Eventually it evened out, so he knew his lover had finally fallen asleep. Carefully leveraging himself up, he looked down at the sleeping face, tracing the lines with his finger. With a soft sigh, he curled himself along Rodney's side, determined to at least get that, no matter what happened tomorrow. It wasn't long before he slipped into oblivion himself.

***

Rodney woke slowly, his head pounding and filled with cotton at the same time. God, he hated hangovers.

He'd been hovering between anger, frustration, and determination all day, snapping at people just because he could, because that was one of the few things he had control of. And then dinner…John's food has been amazing—as Rodney knew it would be—and the company fun. SG-1 was a good group but even as John was fitting in, he realized just how much outside the norm he fell.

He didn't fit anywhere. It was a sad fact, but one that he was far too aware of. But it just made him angry—at himself. He had his intelligence, but when push came to shove that wasn't very much.

Purposely embarrassing John had been a good idea at the start and while SG-1 laughed, they'd had their own stories to tell of friends and stupid pranks and team nights and good times, even from before the SGC.

John fit in, right along with Elizabeth and Carson.

Sighing, Rodney opened a bleary eye, trying to catch a glimpse of the clock, but John's body was in his way—and laying half of top of him.

So much for the whole 'I'm not touching you' thing. Rodney knew he wouldn't be able to last.

Shifting, Rodney shoved John slightly so he could see the clock but even before he got upright, his head spun and he dropped back onto the pillow with a groan. Not a good idea.

John hummed, obviously still asleep. One of his hands ran up Rodney's chest, settling right between his nipples.

Great. Closing his eyes briefly, Rodney took a deep breath before trying another shove to get John to roll off of him.

John sat up all at once, and Rodney saw him grab for a thigh holster he wasn't wearing. "Wha..."

"I thought you weren't touching me."

John blinked a few times, waking up and coming down off the adrenaline from whatever it was he thought he was waking up to. "Sleeping doesn't count. So I take it that means you're still pissed at me, and we get to do another fun day of seeing how far you can push me before I snap?"

"You can always choose to be somewhere else."

Running his hand through his hair a few times made it stand up even more than usual. "I don't want to be somewhere else. I want to be fucking you. But since that's not looking like it's going to happen, do you want the shower first or second?"

Rodney looked at John for a long moment before rolling onto his side, back facing John. "I’m going in late. Do whatever you want."

"If I was getting whatever I wanted, it would be you not pissed at me, and us having spectacular make-up sex." John sighed as he slipped out of bed.

"That might take a while."

John was gathering up clothes to wear for the day. "I care too much about you to back down on this, Rodney. I don't know all the reasons why you seem to need it, but I'll go with it until you figure it out."

"Whatever."

With another sigh, John disappeared into the bathroom, the water coming on a second later.

Rodney closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, his head pounding from the wine. He must have drifted off again because the next thing he knew John was shaking him gently.

"Come on, buddy. Try to get this down, it will help." He was holding the glass of water and the aspirin he had brought in the night before.

Scowling, Rodney shoved himself up so he was sitting on the bed, the room spinning slightly. It took him a moment before he could take the pills and the water from John, his hands shaking a little.

John put cool fingers on either side of his temples and started to rub, the throbbing in his head immediately lessening.

Rodney shook his head slightly, managing to dislodge John's hands. "What are you doing?"

"Helping with your headache. That always works for me."

"You don't have to."

"I want to." John's hands returned to his head, chasing away the pain again.

Sighing, Rodney didn't object again, his mind reminding him just how rude and mean he'd been the day before to the man who was sitting beside him on the bed trying to help him get rid of his hangover.

John continued to massage his temples until the worst of the headache was gone. He leaned forward and brushed his lips across Rodney's forehead. "Go take a hot shower. That will help get rid of anything still lingering. I'm going to go make some coffee."

Opening his eyes, Rodney looked at John in confusion. After everything he'd said and done… "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love you." John rose, smiling softly. "Up to anything other than coffee? I could do toast if your stomach is a little off."

"Food would be a good thing although my stomach won't agree."

"I'll make you something non-threatening. Go shower. You'll feel better."

Rodney snorted, but let John help him to the bathroom, the bedroom spinning a little more than it should. The shower, once he got in, felt wonderful—although he wasn't going to admit that to John.

Finally stumbling out of the bathroom after showering, leaving the stubble because he wasn't in the mood to shave, he got dressed, the chastity device reminding him why he'd gotten semi-drunk the night before.

And John being nice now didn't mean he was right yesterday.

When he stumbled out into the kitchen, there was a cup of hot coffee and a plate with toast on it waiting for him. John had even put a little of the jam Rodney had certified as citrus-free spread on it. "You're looking a bit better. Not as pale."

"Hot water will do that."

"Getting moving and getting some food in you will help too." John gestured to the food.

"What are you still doing here?"

"Waiting for you."

"Why?"

John sipped at his coffee. "I like driving in with you."

Rodney shook his head as he sat down at the table, taking a bite of the toast. "I'm surprised you didn't pin me down on the bed, tie me down, and make me watch you jerk off this morning. I figured that would be part of the routine."

"I'm not angry with you, or trying to punish you for anything. I'm just keeping my promise."

"Not trying to punish me. Right."

"I'm not. You asked me what would happen if you disobeyed. I told you. You choose to walk that path. Admittedly I didn't think you would do that, so I wasn't expecting to have to follow through, but like I said yesterday—I don't expect or demand obedience in any aspect of our lives except the bedroom. If you force me to draw a line in the sand so you can step over it, I'll follow through."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, then, I guess we'll see how long you can last."

John looked sad for a moment, then drained his cup. "Let me know when you're ready to leave. I'm going to tackle some of the dishes from last night."

"Fine." Rodney turned back to his toast and coffee, not really tasting either, but finishing both. John insisted on carpooling again, even though they spent the entire ride in silence.

The day didn't get much better after that. Rodney spent the majority of it yelling at one scientist or another, arguing with Elizabeth about personnel assignments, and desperately trying not to think about how frustrated he was that he couldn't come. He'd gotten used to regular sex. He didn't realize how much it had been relaxing him, calming him.

He'd actually considered cutting off the zip tie locking the chastity device in place, but part of him didn't want to give in, wanted John to break first. And he'd taken the first step last night with the cuddling. It wouldn't be long until he wanted to fuck him, which of course would lead to John taking off the device and letting him come.

So, until that time Rodney could wait.

John met him at the entrance to the base at quitting time, and even his hair looked flat. He didn't say anything, just tossed the keys to Rodney and headed for where they had parked the car.

"I guess this means that I'm driving."

"Please." John got into the passenger seat and closed his eyes, leaning back as far as the seat would let him.

Rolling his eyes, Rodney backed out of the spot and headed down the mountain, turning on the radio to one of his programmed classical stations. There was some traffic, but most of the cars kept moving, getting them home at a reasonable hour. John didn't move when he parked, his breathing even in slumber, so Rodney untangled the car key and left it in the ignition before heading up to the apartment. When John woke up he'd come in.

It was nearly an hour later—after Rodney had heated up leftovers and plopped down on the couch—before John stormed in.

"You couldn't shake me awake when we got here?"

"You were sleeping."

"In an uncomfortable position. Damn it, would it have hurt you to take the two seconds to shake me and say 'we're here'?"

Rodney shrugged, his eyes on the television. "I guess not. Food's in the kitchen."

"Whatever. You know what, if you want to act like a two-year-old with a temper tantrum when you don't get your own way, fine. I'm going to sleep. When you're ready to actually be an adult again, come get me." John turned on his heel and walked into the guest room.

"Fine. It's just you and your hand tonight and for all upcoming nights. Hope you enjoy that, too."

John didn't answer.

Rodney ended up falling asleep on the couch and waking sometime in the middle of the night, some exercise infomercial playing on the screen. He managed to stumble into bed a few minutes later, not even bothering to undress before he was asleep again.

Once morning rolled around, he woke up to the sound of John slamming through the drawers looking for something.

"I'm glad you're considerate when people are sleeping," Rodney mumbled, scowling at Sheppard.

"Whatever." John disappeared into the bathroom.

"And since you're deciding you want to be on your own, you have your own bathroom down the hall. Oh, and you might want to consider taking clothes from the drawers before you go to bed tonight."

John walked back out and over to the bed, startling Rodney by putting a hand in the middle of his chest and pushing down hard, claiming his mouth in an almost brutal kiss. "I'll sleep, shower, and keep my clothes where I choose to keep them. You're still mine, even if we're fighting at the moment." He stood up and disappeared back into the bathroom.

With his heart pounding in his chest, Rodney sat up, yelling through the bathroom door. "What the hell was that for?"

He heard the water turn on, and John didn't answer.

"Fine. Be that way," he grumbled, laying back down in his bed, his lips still tingling from the kiss John had given him.

After a while, the shower turned off and John came back out, only partially dressed. His hair was still damp, small drops of water sliding down the side of his face.

"Missing something?"

"Other than my lover, you mean? Not really, no." He went over to the dresser, obviously looking for something.

"And whose fault is that?"

"I'm not the one who started this." He found a clean shirt and pulled it over his head. Turning he started for the door.

"I'm the one wearing the chastity device."

"You know what you have to do to get it taken off. Oh, and I'm taking a separate car today. I don't know when I'll be released, since we need to get a few things wrapped up before the end of the day."

"So what happened to the 'I like to drive with you' thing from yesterday?"

For a moment John looked almost defeated, tired, and Rodney noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes. "I still do. But I don't want you to have to stay until four in the morning just because I have to. At least one of us can get some sleep."

"Fine. Make sure you take the extra house keys."

John walked back over to the bed and kissed Rodney again, this time sweeter, deeper. "If I don't see you tonight, I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Uh…yeah."

"Love you." John brushed his lips again, then straightened and walked out.

Rodney took his time getting ready, pouring himself a cup of coffee from the pot John had made. He fixed himself a quick breakfast before heading into the Mountain. Most of his work was already completed, the science equipment already in place on board the Daedalus, all the scientists picked and chosen, some to accompany them now, others to arrive with the next scheduled trip of the Daedalus.

So Rodney had decided to commandeer one of the smaller science labs, giving him a little peace and quiet away from the rest of the department. He worked through lunch, only stopping long enough to grab a sandwich from the mess.

The sound of a closing door finally jolted him back to reality and away from his ZPM research, looking up to find Ivan standing on the other side of his worktable.

"Rodney, I was hoping I could catch you alone." Ivan took a few steps towards him.

His back went stiff, tension ratcheting up several notches. "Why? What do you want?"

Coming around the table, Ivan reached out, cupping Rodney's face. "You have to ask?"

Rodney swore he could feel his touch down to his toes. Ivan had never been like this before. He scrambled to his feet, putting distance between them. "I…really don't want to go down this road again."

"Yes, you do. You want me. And you're even finding remote labs so we can…talk." Ivan stepped forward again, reaching out.

"I don't want you. I found someone else."

"I am willing to share. I am generous that way."

Rodney shook his head, trying to keep some distance between them. "He's not and I'm not. Not anymore."

Ivan was still coming forward, basically chasing Rodney around the table. "Come on. We were good together. I want to feel that tight ass again. Are you still quiet? You were always so good at that."

"You didn't give me much choice."

"You wanted it. Pull down your pants and bend over for me. Let me see how this new man is taking care of you."

"He is taking care of me a whole lot better than you ever did," Rodney yelled, still moving, trying to keep his distance.

Some of the old impatience he remembered came through. "I really don't care who else you're letting bang you in the back rooms. All I really want is my own five minutes. Come on, Rodney, it was always good."

"No. What does it take to get through your head? No. I don't want you touching me. I don't want you near me. Just leave before this goes any further."

The door opened and Samantha Carter came in. "McKay, so this is where you've been—" She stopped as she noticed Ivan and obviously sensing the tension in the room. Her eyes darted between the two men. "Oh, am I interrupting anything?"

"No, Doctor Kozlov was just leaving. Weren't you?"

Ivan inclined his head. "I will return later to finish our discussion. Thank you for your time. Doctor, Colonel." With a slight bow, he left.

Trying not to show his relief, he turned to Carter, thumb sliding nervously along his fingers. "What can I do for you, Colonel?"

She looked back at the door, and then at Rodney. "Everything okay? You've been a bit edgy, even for you, the last few days."

"Everything's fine…good even. You wanted something?" This was not a subject he was going to discuss with Sam—ever.

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't push it. Instead, they spent the next several hours going over ZPM and generator calculations, trying to tie them together more closely, and speculating on how to eventually create their own crystal technology.

Most of it was highly theoretical, but it was good to stretch his brain around some of those thoughts every now and again. Finally straightening up after spending far too many hours hunched over a computer, he bid her goodnight and headed back up to the surface. It was already dark outside, he noticed after he'd signed out and started walking to his car.

With his mind half on the equations, he paid little attention to anything else. He'd walked out with a few Marines, but they'd all gone their separate ways once they hit the parking lot.

Triggering the car doors to unlock from a few feet away, he walked over to the driver's side. He dumped his laptop into backseat before moving to the driver's door, opening and sliding inside. As he settled down he realized someone else had slipped into the seat next to him.

"Hello, Rodney."

"Ivan!" he said, shocked. He made a move to get out, but Ivan clamped onto his arm, holding him in place.

"I'm hard and I want to fuck you. Come on. Stop being a tease."

"Find someone else and get the hell out of my car. I'm not interested." He managed to get his arm free and clamored out of the car. He heard Ivan behind him. How did he move so quickly?

"What the hell is wrong with you? You keep sending the 'come fuck me' signals, but then when I try to you act like a fucking virgin woman."

"I'm not sending any kind of signals and I've been very clear from the beginning that I'm not interested. Just leave it alone. I'm sure you'll be able to find someone else."

"I didn't come thousands of miles for someone else. It's your ass I want and it's your ass I'm going to get." Ivan stepped way into his personal space, pressing Rodney back against the car.

No. Rodney didn't want this.

Rodney raised his hands planting them in the middle of Ivan's chest and gave a hard shove, sending Ivan back several feet. "I said no."

"What the hell?" The scientist was glaring at him. "What happened to you? You were the perfect little fuck toy."

"I'm not yours or anyone else's fuck toy," Rodney yelled, his heart pounding in his chest. "Leave me alone."

Ivan's stare was hard. "You'll always be nothing more than a fuck toy, McKay. You aren't good for anything else."

Rodney tried not to sigh. Just because a part of him believed Ivan, didn't mean he didn't have the right to say 'no'. "Look. I didn't ask for this and I don't want anything to do with you. Just leave."

"This isn't over, Rodney." The Russian spit at his feet, then turned on his heel and disappeared into the night.

Rodney watched him walk off, headed back into the Mountain. McKay eventually turned back to the car, settling himself inside as his hands shook from the pent up nerves and panic. It took him several minutes to start the car—after locking the doors—and get moving. All he wanted was to go home where it was safe.

The trip home was uneventful, but his nerves were shot. He half expected Ivan to jump out of every shadow.

Grateful that he'd eaten dinner on base, Rodney locked himself in his apartment and crawled onto his bed, curling up on his side as he let the shaking finally overtake him.

He didn't know how long he stayed there when he heard the door rattle, then open and close.

He held his breath, not moving, not breathing. He hoped it was John, but he wouldn't put it past Ivan to get into his apartment. He'd done that once in Russia, fucking him and then leaving once again. It had been the only time Rodney had told Ivan no, but the Russian had simply taken matters into his own hands, finding him in the middle of the night and fucking him into his own mattress.

A dark shape came into the bedroom, moving silently. He heard the sound of clothing being removed, then a thump, followed by a soft curse—John.

"Oh god…" he whispered, some of his panic leaving in a rush.

"Rodney? I didn't mean to wake you up, sorry—"

He shook his head even though he knew John couldn't see him in the darkness of the apartment. "Not sleeping."

He heard John moving around the bed, then a warm hand was on his shoulder. "God, you're freezing. And shaking. What the hell happened?" He was pulled up and into his lover's arms, pulled tight against his body.

Rodney wrapped his arms around John like a drowning man would a life preserver, pressing his face into the familiar chest.

John started to rub circles in his back, just holding him until the worst of the shaking had subsided. "I'm here. Whatever happened, I'm here now."

"Sorry. I'm sorry," he whispered over and over again.

"Shhh. It's okay. You have nothing to be sorry about. Rodney..." The hand not rubbing his back moved to tilt his face up, and John brushed their lips together. "Tell me what's wrong. Let me help."

Rodney tilted his head back down pressing against John's body, breathing in the warmth and the scent that was Sheppard, not sure if it would last, not sure anymore of where he stood.

John's arms tightened around him, pulling their bodies closer together. "I'm here now. When you're ready to tell me what's got you so spooked, I'll be here."

"He wouldn't take no for an answer," he finally whispered, words getting lost in John's shirt.

He felt John stiffen slightly. "He? Who? What was he trying to get from you?"

"Followed me out to my car. Wouldn't leave me alone."

"Who? The scientist from the other day? Was he bothering you again?"

Rodney nodded.

"Did he hurt you in any way?" John tilted his head again, forcing him to look up.

"No. Carter…Carter walked in this afternoon…he tried…he got in the car…just a fuck toy…forgot how angry he gets…"

John's mouth cut off his words. He kissed Rodney for a long moment, deepening it until Rodney was moaning softly. "You're not just a fuck toy. You're brilliant, sexy, and the most responsive and amazing lover I've ever had. You're my partner. And if this jerk tries to get near you again, I'm going to kill him."

Rodney leaned in again, brushing John's lips with his own before pressing closer, deepening the kiss once again. God. He'd missed this.

They kissed for a while, John's arms keeping their bodies anchored together. When they finally had to breathe, he encouraged Rodney to lie back on the bed. "We're both exhausted, mentally and physically. I'm going to get these clothes off you, then we're going to get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning, okay?"

Nodding, Rodney let John pull the clothes from his body, settling him under the blankets before he removed his own and climbed in next to him, wrapping his arms around Rodney.

"Love you."

"Love you and I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"Yes, I do."

"You've been unsettled and unsure—probably running into that piece of shit who's harassing you again. You needed to prove to yourself that I'm different, and I'm really here for the long haul. I get it, Rodney, and it's okay." John squeezed slightly.

"Doesn't make it right."

John pressed a kiss into his shoulder. "Don't worry about it right now. Get some sleep, and we can talk in the morning."

"But—"

"We'll talk in the morning. I wish we could do it now, but I don't know how much longer I'm going to last. I'm exhausted, and I'll be a lot better for you if we get a few hours of shut-eye first." John found his hand and curled their fingers together.

He nodded, his eyes drifting closed as he finally allowed his body to relax.

The next morning, he woke up to a hand carding through his chest hair. When John saw he was awake, he smiled softly. "Hey."

"Hi," he replied, confusion and embarrassment and a heartbreaking need to be closer to John filtering through him.

"Feeling any better this morning?"

Rodney shrugged, just trying to take in the feel of skin against skin, trying to memorize it for when he didn't have it again, so at least he'd have something to hold onto.

John's hand slipped up to his face, tracing along his jaw. "I need you to submit to me, Rodney. Get up on all fours and let me end this stupid fight. We both need the connection too badly to continue it."

He leaned into John's hand, his eyes closing as he tried to chase away Ivan's touch. He nodded, his need for John so much stronger than his anger, his fear.

John brushed their lips together, then urged him up.

Rodney sat up before turning over getting his knees and arms under him as his head hung down. He tried to spread his legs as far apart as he could to give John what he wanted, what was his.

Humming softly, John started by running his hands all over Rodney's body, touching him, renewing their connection to each other. When he got to the chastity device he pressed a series of kisses into Rodney's lower back. "I'm going to take this off now so you can get hard. But don't come yet. I won't tease you much, but I am going to touch you for a bit. I missed it."

Rodney just nodded in understanding and acceptance and then he felt the bed dip as John moved off, rummaging through the drawer for the scissors to cut off the zip-tie. And he waited. Waited until John freed his cock, until his hands were running over his body, his dick, stroking, caressing, touching. Rodney closed his eyes and gave himself up to John.

"So beautiful. God, I love it when you let go like this." John's soft words surrounded him, anchored him, even as his touch drove him higher and higher. He felt a finger slick with lube John had grabbed at some point teasing at his entrance. Three days of abstinence meant he was tight.

His quiet moans and whimpers gave John the encouragement to continue. One finger quickly became two, scissoring to open him before a third was added. Rodney loved this intimacy, loved how John touched him deep inside.

Ivan had never done this to him, for him.

John kept up a wave of words—endearments, praise, telling Rodney what he was doing and how it felt. By the time he pulled his fingers away and replaced them with his dick, Rodney was trembling with need and arousal. "Oh, God, Rodney, so tight."

"Please, John…so sorry…please…yours…" Rodney finally broke the word barrier he'd erected, his pleading murmured, but continuous as John slowly slid into his body.

"Love you." John fucked him slowly, carefully. "Not going to last long..."

Rodney's head was bowed, his body shaking as John claimed him once again, filling him as he came.

"Come for me. Let me feel you." John was still buried inside him, half draped across his back.

With a groan, Rodney came, his cock pulsing, body trembling.

They both collapsed to the bed, Rodney taking John down with him. Sheppard managed to roll them slightly, so he didn't pull out, but wasn't crushing Rodney either. John wrapped his arms around Rodney tightly.

"I'm sorry," Rodney whispered, hands drifting over John's arms where they encircled him.

He felt lips pressed into the back of his neck. "It's okay. If it makes you feel better, apology accepted."

Rodney nodded. "We don't have to go in today, do we?"

John chuckled, his breath hot against Rodney's skin. "I know I do. Daedalus leaves in a few days, so there's a lot the military wants done. You can probably call in sick though, if you aren't feeling up to it. I'll track down SG-1 and see if I can get Carter to cover for you."

"It's Saturday."

"It is?" John sounded surprised. "Wait...really?"

"Really."

"Don't move." He reached over Rodney to the phone on the bedside table, quickly dialing a number. "This is Sheppard. Am I expected to report for duty today?"

John listened to the person on the other end of the phone for nearly a minute before nodding.

"Thank you, Sergeant. Have a nice weekend." He put the phone back on the cradle and beamed at Rodney. "I'm not expected to report until 0730 Monday morning. We have the whole damn weekend."

"We leave Monday, right?"

"Yes. Apparently the SGC is handling the last minute loading, and we'll board in the morning. We need to have our personal items packed and ready to be beamed aboard with us."

"'Kay," Rodney said with a sigh, leaning back a little more into John, loving the feel of him still in his ass.

Sheppard settled back down, arms wrapping back around Rodney and pulling him against John's chest. "I can spend the whole day touching you and holding you. God, it feels like it's been forever since Vegas. I miss being able to have you that close all the time already."

"We have the weekend," Rodney said, hopefulness in his voice.

John hummed softly, nuzzling at Rodney's neck. "I don't want you out of my reach for the next two days."

"Okay." Rodney hummed in contentment, wanting John, needing to erase the fear, the nervousness, the memory of Ivan.

John found a nipple and started to gently roll it. "What do you want for breakfast? I only have two more days to cook for you, so anything you want."

Moaning as John played with him, awakening his desires once again, Rodney pressed back into his lover, trapping himself between John's body and hands.

John chuckled, giving him more of what he needed, hands roaming, tweaking him. He found every one of Rodney's sensitive spots and played them like a master. "Mmm, I love those little sounds you make. So responsive..."

"Yours…" he whispered between his panting moans, feeling John hardening once again, filling him again.

John's clever fingers found the almost completely faded mark on his shoulder. He pushed hard enough on it to make it twinge. "Mine."

Rodney whimpered and nodded, wanting this, needing this.

"Can you come like this, just from me playing with you, filling you?" John tweaked a nipple again, but didn't touch his dick, which had gotten hard and started to leak.

"Yes," he replied immediately, knowing without a doubt that he could do it, would do whatever John asked of him. His eyes slid closed as John's hands continued to stroke his body, fingers latching onto his nipples at random times.

John purred his approval, praising Rodney, telling him how beautiful he was, encouraging him to let go and fly.

This was so different than Ivan. This is what he wanted, what he needed. Wanted to be cared for, loved. And he fit so well with John. If John didn't want him because of Ivan, because of what Ivan still could do to him…

But John's hands and his body stole any further thoughts from his mind. As John's fingers tweaked and teased his nipples, John kissed, licked, and nipped at the back of his neck, rocking slightly, fucking him with extra short thrusts. Rodney was floating in a haze of pleasure.

"Come for me."

With his lover's name on his lips, Rodney felt the pool of pleasure that had been building at the bottom of his spine spill over, the sweet ecstasy of his release pulsing in waves through his body.

Coming with John still hard inside him just made it feel more intense. John moved his hips a few more times, moaning as he followed Rodney into orgasm.

Panting, face pressed partially into his pillow, Rodney tried to catch his breath and slow his heart rate. He'd missed this. God, how he'd missed this.

***

John collapsed on top of Rodney, panting hard after they both came. God, he had missed this.

When they had both somewhat gotten their breath back, he caught and held bright blue eyes. “Shower? Then breakfast.”

"'kay."

John pulled out and rolled off his lover, pulling him into the bathroom. He was humming happily as he started the water. Not being able to do this the last few days had been killing him.

Rodney was pliant, submissive, perfect. Once the water was just right, John tugged him into the shower.

John took his time cleaning his lover, enjoying the feel of soap on skin, watching the suds hide and reveal lines of muscle. He got so lost in the pleasure he didn't even realize he had gotten hard again until Rodney said something.

His voice was quiet, the words whispered. "Fuck me?"

John blinked, then pressed himself against Rodney's body. "I don't want to hurt you, and I've already fucked you twice this morning..." But God, it wasn't enough. He had to admit, he really wanted to be inside his lover again.

Rodney tilted John's head up, pressing a kiss to his lips. "You won't."

John didn't have the willpower to resist further right now. He gently turned Rodney around and used the lube they kept in the shower to slick himself up. He knew his lover would still be loose from earlier, so he just pushed right in, letting his hands rest on Rodney's hips to steady him.

Moaning as John slid in, McKay put his forearms on the wall and leaned his head on them, spreading his legs slightly to give John a better angle.

John groaned, almost sobbing at how good it felt. He set at easy pace, finding an angle that brushed Rodney's prostate every time. "God, missed you so fucking much. Missed this, missed touching you. Love you..."

Rodney's moans and whimpers were John's only response, his lover's body trembling with every thrust he made.

Reaching around, he found Rodney hard and leaking for him again, so he started to stroke, drawing out more of the breathless panting he loved to hear. He picked up the pace of both his thrusts and strokes, taking them both higher and higher, until he knew he was getting close. "Rodney... come, need to come..."

A choked-off moan—half of John's name—spilled out of Rodney's mouth as he came. The muscles in his ass clenched down on John's cock as his orgasm rolled through his body and he slumped against the wall trapping John's hand.

That was all it took to send John after him, sobbing Rodney's name as he came, then slumping against his back. He pressed sloppy, open-mouthed kisses to his lover's shoulders. "So good..."

Rodney hummed in agreement, an occasional shudder running through his body. "John?" he finally said, voice hushed.

"Mmmm?"

"Are we okay?"

John mentally shook himself a bit, standing up and pulling out so he could turn Rodney around. Wrapping his arms around the scientist, he nibbled on the corners of his mouth. "Always. I was never angry, Rodney. I didn't want to do that any more than you wanted me to. But honestly, if I had caved, would you have taken me seriously next time I gave you an order?"

It took a few moments before he finally replied, voice still pitched low. "No. No, probably not."

John nuzzled the side of his face. "You need me to be your top as much as I need to feel you submit. We might not always like it, but in the long run, I promise, it's better. Safer. More comfortable."

"I'm…you're different than Ivan."

John paused, pulling back so he could look Rodney in the face. "I certainly hope so. Is that what this was all about?"

Rodney shrugged, his eyes sliding away.

"Look at me," John said firmly. They needed to talk, needed to work through this sooner rather than later. "What did he say to you to make you so scared?"

"I'm not—" Rodney began, but then broke off under John's intense gaze, nodding a moment later. "He reminded me of what I'd been, with him."

"Been. Past tense. That's not who you are now."

"How do you know that?"

"Do you think we'd be doing this if you were the same?" John wanted to shake his lover, but that wouldn't help.

Rodney shook his head, lowering his eyes, his only answer for John. "Rodney," John said, trying to put as much of an order into his voice, but the scientist wouldn't look up. This wasn't working. He had to do something else, something that would get him to open up…hmm. Open up. Maybe subspace would work. At this point, John didn't have much to lose.

"Do you trust me?"

It took a long moment before Rodney nodded and John smiled even though his lover wouldn't see it. "Just relax and let me take care of you. Okay?"

"But—"

"No buts. I want to do this. I want to help you. Please, let me."

Rodney nodded silently and John moved closer, kissing him, sweetly, melting a little as his lover opened up for him immediately. He turned off the shower and gently led Rodney out, where he toweled him off. Rodney needed to be loved now, as reassurance, as much as he had needed John to be strong before. Once he was dry, John attached all four cuffs, taking his time running his hands all over Rodney's body.

McKay moaned, responding to John's touches, caresses, letting John care for him, love him. His own hands slowly began trailing across John's body, fingers following the lines of his muscles until Sheppard gently pulled his hands away, placing them on the bed, a firm push to indicate he was to leave them there.

John knew Rodney fell harder and faster the more sensations he piled on, so he went to the toy chest and pulled out a set of nipple clamps, Rodney's favorite crystal plug, and the blindfold. Slipping the last item on first, John turned Rodney over onto his stomach and pressed light kisses all along his lover's back and shoulders. Next came the plug, coated in lube and pressed inside—John always liked to step back and admire the way it made Rodney's ass sparkle.

"So good, Rodney. Let me take care of you," John whispered. Panting and moaning into the bed covers, Rodney remained still as John looked his fill before stepping forward and rolling McKay onto his back with careful hands.

He stroked his lover's body, down his sides and up over his chest, trying to push his lover into subspace. It was working, Rodney's muscles releasing and relaxing as John continued to caress him.

Next in John's plan was nipple decorations. He had chosen the Japanese clamps—they started out with hardly any pressure, but through breakfast he could tug on them to slowly increase the sensation. He hadn't used these on Rodney yet, so it would be interesting to see how his lover reacted. John hummed his approval, grabbing a few of the spare straps before urging Rodney to stand again. "I'm going to take you into the kitchen and tie you to the chair while I cook."

Rodney nodded again, still silent, leaning into John and wrapping his arms around him, moaning as his nipples brushed Sheppard's chest. He tilted his head up, catching the corner of John's mouth with his lips before drifting to the middle, offering his lover a kiss.

John deepened it for a moment before pulling back. Taking Rodney's hand, he led him to the seat they usually used, quickly arranging the straps so his lover couldn't do more than shift a little. He gave a light tug to the clamps to see how Rodney would react.

He moaned loudly, trying to move away from the sensation, but the straps held him in place. "Oh god…"

"These are different from the ones I've used before. Any tugging," he gave them another light pull, knowing it would tighten them by fractional amounts, "will increase the pressure."

"Oh…John…"

Releasing the chain that ran between the clamps for now, John caressed Rodney's jaw, leaning down far enough to brush a kiss across his lips. "I'm going to make pancakes and bacon now. I'll be right here, so feel free to talk to me if you want to. It's also okay if you want to sit here and just feel."

Rodney nodded, offering John a timid smile.

Since Rodney couldn't see his smile, John ran his thumb across his lover's lips before moving to the pantry to gather what he needed. He hummed to himself as he mixed up the batter, keeping Rodney in sight at all times. Slowly, he watched the tense muscles of his geek relax. By the time he had the bacon in one pan and the first of the pancakes in another, Rodney started to talk again. It had actually happened quicker than he'd thought.

"I was angry," he said, his voice quiet.

John made what he hoped was an encouraging noise, not wanting to say anything that would derail this. Rodney needed to talk about it, let it out, as much as he needed everything else.

"Ivan…all he had to do was look at me, incline his head and I was following him…just like I used to do."

John knew Ivan was the one who had 'taught' Rodney not to make noise during sex. He wanted to beat the little shit into the ground, but that would give him away. Idly, he wondered if he could get Mitchell, or Carter maybe, to terrorize the man. Just a little. He kept his voice quiet, calm, trying to draw out his lover's thoughts. "Why?"

Rodney shook his head. "I don't know. It was just something we did…our arrangement. When he wanted to fuck me he'd make it known and I'd go, following him through the base until he found a spot he liked…just like the other day. I thought I was…I thought that was behind me. I was wrong."

"Did you want a mindless fuck in a back room? Do you miss that kind of…uncomplicated sex life?" John's stomach clenched a bit, and he was glad Rodney couldn't see him. He trusted his lover, and didn't think he wanted to leave, but still... why had Rodney jumped as soon as he saw his old fuck-buddy? Was it just shock and reaction, or something more?

"No. No, I don't…didn't want that," he replied immediately, his voice finally strengthening as he tugged at the restraints holding him to the chair. "I want you and what we have, but I saw him and I just had to follow him and that made me angry…angry at myself for reacting the same way I always did. I could never tell him 'no', but this time when I did he just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. He kept pushing, demanding…"

Walking over, John used his open palm, running it along Rodney's shoulders, down his chest. "It's okay. You were surprised, not expecting to see him. I'm willing to bet it was more curiosity and wanting to know what he was doing there and why, than being turned on or wanting sex, right? It wasn't until he started coming on to you that you realized what you had done?"

"I wasn't sure at first," he admitted after a moment, his voice quieting once again. "It looked like him, but I didn't understand why he was at the SGC."

John had been right. Apparently, the semi-headspace he was in, the bondage, made him feel comfortable enough to confess what had been bothering him. He was opening up to John, telling him his feelings, his thoughts, as much as he opened up his body to John when he was in subspace. Here like this, the physical and the mental were one in the same. When Rodney gave up one to John, the other came along with it. This was such a private and powerful thing and one that John was determined never to abuse.

"Was that why you pushed me? Why you were so angry with me?" John made it a point to keep his voice calm, level. He didn't want to put Rodney on the defensive, didn't want to draw him out of subspace. Rodney needed to talk this through for his own mental wellbeing, And, also, because John needed to know so he could help him. "Because you were unsettled by seeing him, and it brought back memories of how your previous partners had treated you?"

"I don't know, maybe," he shrugged. "I was angry at myself."

John kept up his petting, keeping it comforting, rather than arousing. Rodney needed a little reassurance, so it was probably time to voice some things that made John a little uncomfortable to say out loud. It helped that the scientist was blindfolded. "You know I'm not like that, right? I don't think of you that way. I demand obedience in the bedroom, but you're not a fuck toy. You're my partner and lover, the man I want to spend the rest of my life waking up to."

"I know," he said nodding, his voice dropping down again. "But some days I think I need that part, too."

John's eyebrow rose, the surprise settling on his face at his lover's admission. He quick schooled his features and kept his voice level. "What part? The brutality and uncaring part? Or the quick fuck in a back room part? I can do the second—and on occasion it can be a lot of fun for both of us—but I can't, I won't do the first. I won't reduce you to that level."

"The second, I guess, but it's hard to separate the two." Rodney's voice was broken, barely louder than a whisper.

Glad he had turned off the burners before coming over, John straddled Rodney's knees, sitting on his lap. He leaned in for a gentle kiss, letting his lips trace across Rodney's face. He could taste salt around the blindfold. "Shhh, it's okay. It sounds a lot like even then, you were looking for submission without knowing it, and you happened to come across people who took advantage of it. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But why do I still want that?"

"Is that really what you want? Take a minute to think about it while I go finish breakfast. If we can figure out what you're really missing, I can do something about it."

"But you give me everything. How can I be missing something? Why was I following him, letting him touch me?" Rodney's voice was pained, broken.

John stood up to go back to the stove, brushing his lips across Rodney's before he did. "Were you letting him touch you, or were you fighting it? Did you want his hands on you?"

"No, I didn't want him to touch me. He grabbed me. But I didn't fight him hard enough." Rodney tugged at the restraints, fists clenching when they wouldn't give.

"You fought, that's the important part. You were still surprised. And you said he had approached you again after that? And you resisted those times, too. I don't think you really want him, Rodney. But there is something you must feel you're not getting from me."

Rodney shook his head, his shoulders slumping a little. "I don't know."

John plated the food, drizzling syrup over the pancakes and bringing it all to the table. He straddled Rodney again, hoping his heat and weight would bring some comfort to the scientist. "That's what this is for. I'm here, so talk to me. I want to help you, so we'll figure out what's really bothering you. Together. And then we'll fix it."

"I just want you."

"You have me. Always. That's a given." John got a bite of food and pressed it to Rodney's lips.

Taking the offered forkful, Rodney hummed in appreciation, chewing and swallowing it. "But why would I want him?"

John took a bite of his own before answering. "Do you really want him?"

Rodney shook his head immediately. "No."

"So it wasn't him, it was something about the situation. You didn't want the...impersonal, impatient fuck, but you did want what? It happened right after the ceremony. I saw you—you were in shock. So maybe you were just looking for something that seemed normal to ground yourself."

"You ground me."

"But I wasn't there at the moment—I was being herded around to talk to various diplomats." John fed Rodney a few more bites before his lover responded again.

"I still had your come in me and I followed him." Rodney's voice was pained.

John decided to go with leading questions, to try and get Rodney to work through it. "Why?"

"I don't know. I didn't think it could be him, but no one else looks like him. I thought I was seeing things at first, following a memory."

"And?"

"And it was just like old times, the feelings even came back. I was anticipating it. It was a different place, a different time, but I hadn't changed and then he was there, talking to me, touching me, and it was like I was right back there—"

"But it wasn't like before."

"But—"

"Were you looked to get fucked?"

"No, but—"

"You were curious."

"Yes, but—"

"So it wasn't like before. You weren't following him looking for a fuck. You were being a scientist with a healthy dose of curiosity." John kissed Rodney's cheek. "You can't resist a puzzle."

"But it made me angry."

"I know. What I can't figure out is why it made you angry at me."

"I wasn't…really. I was angry at myself for following him and then at you for reining me in, and then at me for refusing to acknowledge that you might have been right."

John smiled softly. "Sounds like you've had a rough week."

"I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry and trying to explain…" He sighed, dropping his head. "I suck at this."

John cupped his lover's face, using his thumb to caress the jaw line. "I understand. You're forgiven, and you're doing fine."

"As much as it pains me to admit it, you were right to do what you did and I had no right to treat you the way I did."

John cocked his head, confused. "Treat me the way you did? You were angry, but I expected that. It was part of working it out of your system—you needed someone to take it out on, and I'd rather it was me than anyone else."

"It doesn't make it right."

John laughed quietly. He didn't use endearments often, but in this case, he thought McKay needed to hear it. "Rodney, love, I'm your top, and you're a very strong-willed sub. I knew going into this that there would be times you would probably test me, and I promise, I'm up for the challenge. I wouldn't have you any other way."

"Even if it means no sex for days?"

"Even then. I'd prefer not to abstain, yes, but when necessary, I'll live. You're more important than sex."

Rodney sighed again, letting John feed him another mouthful of breakfast while his mind spun. When he finally spoke, it wasn't what John was expecting. "You're not going to do anything about Ivan, are you?"

John was torn. After a heartbeat, he sighed. "I can't say I don't want to. But I also know that taking him on would probably cause trouble for you. Not to mention, I did promise to stay out of it. I was thinking of asking Mitchell to terrorize him, just a bit."

"Can you…can you just leave it be?"

He toyed with a few strands of Rodney's chest hair for a moment. "Can you tell me why?"

"He's a decent scientist in an unforgiving environment. He doesn't need any problems…issues. And we're leaving. He'll find someone else to occupy his off hours."

"He may be a decent scientist, but he's a bastard for the way he treated you. He's the reason I don't get to hear you talk and make as much noise during sex as I think you want to. You hold back, and it's because of his 'training'. I hate him just for that... but I will leave him alone if it will make you feel better."

"I let him take control like that, let him do that to me. It's as much my fault as his."

With a sigh, John brushed his lips across Rodney's. "All right. But if he tries again and doesn't take no for an answer, all bets are off. Okay?"

Rodney hesitated for a minute, but finally nodded. "Okay."

With another light kiss, John stood up, taking the now empty plate to the sink. When he returned, he decided it was time to get Rodney thinking about other things. He gave a light tug on the nipple clamps. "So now the question is, what do we want to do this weekend?"

Rodney moaned at the sensation, panting as he caught his breath. "Can we…can you.." Rodney began twice, but broke off each time, uncertainty on his face.

John trailed a finger along Rodney's jaw. "Can I what? If it's in my power, it's yours."

"We only have the weekend left. Can you…can we…play…all weekend?"

John felt a slow smile curling his lips. "You want to spend the weekend in headspace?"

Rodney ducked his head, red highlighting his cheeks. "I want to, yes." It looked like he was going to say more, but he closed his mouth, waiting for John's reply.

"So I guess the question now is, what do I want to do to you this weekend?"

Rodney shook his head. "Don't…don’t know."

John reached down to fondle him, pleased to find him hard again. "I think I want you hard and leaking for the bulk of the weekend."

He moaned, trying to shift in the chair. "Oh, god…okay…whatever…whatever you want."

John stood up for a moment. "I'll be right back. I think you're dick needs a little adornment—one of the cock rings will keep you hard without letting you come until I'm ready." He went quickly into the bedroom to find the one he wanted—he couldn't wait to get back to the one they had on Atlantis—and returned, slipping it on his lover. "So beautiful."

Rodney groaned, head leaning back exposing his throat.

John was never one to pass up such an offering, so he leaned in, licking and kissing the wide expanse of exposed skin. He worked his way down to the almost faded mark. With a quiet growl, he sucked the skin into his mouth, working it until it was once more a deep purple.

His lover squirmed under him, the restraints holding him in place. But even as he whimpered and moaned, he tilted his head to the side, making sure John had all the room he needed, offering up more of the pale white skin.

Once the mark was to his satisfaction, John switched back to kisses, licking and mouthing his way up Rodney's neck and along his jaw, humming softly at the flavor. It was pure McKay, and he could never get enough.

"John….oh John…" Rodney whispered, sighing in contentment.

"Mmmmm." As much as he liked it here, John wasn't the most comfortable straddling Rodney on the chair. "I'm going to unhook you and take you into the living room. We can spend the day playing in there."

McKay tilted his head, pressing his cheek to John's. "Take me wherever you want."

Nuzzling the soft-scratchy skin a bit, John felt like he was filled to bursting with emotion and love for the man under him. He had never felt this way about anyone, and he hoped he never took it for granted. He loosened the straps and gathered them up, locking Rodney's hands behind his back once his lover was standing.

Stepping back, John left him standing in the middle of the kitchen for a moment, letting his eyes drift over his partner's body. And god…wasn't he a sight. Pale skin with the single mark on his neck; wrists and ankles covered with the dark leather; hands held firmly in the small of his back; the glint of silver in his ass; cock hard and leaking. Rodney offered a hesitant smile, the corner of his mouth rising, obviously feeling John's gaze.

John couldn't help the possessive growl that welled up. "All mine..."

Rodney nodded. "Yours."

Moving back to his lover's side, John took his elbow and steered him into the living room. He decided that, for now, he just wanted to touch, to take Rodney down deep into headspace. Sitting in the large easy chair, he spread his legs and pulled Rodney so he was sitting between them. Flipping up the foot rest, he got them both settled, making sure Rodney was comfortable with his hands still bound.

McKay sighed, shifting slightly and then stilling, head leaning back against John's shoulder, his body relaxing.

This position gave John access to all of Rodney's front, so he let his hands wander, avoiding the nipple clamps for the moment. He just wanted to touch, to re-establish the close connection they had had in Vegas.

Hums and sighs of contentment—moans when John hit a more sensitive spot—were the only sounds they made, each of them sliding into their own headspace, needing this connection, this time.

Using his nose to nudge Rodney's face to the right angle, John caught his lover's mouth in a kiss. The angle wasn't right to deepen it much, but the simple act of tasting each other, being connected in yet another place, was enough for now.

Moaning into the kiss, Rodney's tongue battled briefly with John's before he opened his mouth a little further, letting John lick his way inside. Shifting their bodies a little gave John enough leverage to finally deepen it, claiming him, demanding his submission—which Rodney gave easily and immediately to John.

John let one hand drift down to claim Rodney's cock, knowing that with the ring on, he wouldn't be able to come, so he could drive his lover higher, let him fall as deep into headspace as he could go. He let his kisses get increasingly more possessive, needing Rodney to acknowledge with his body that he belonged to John and no one else.

John could feel the tremors in Rodney's body as he continued to re-stake his claim, moaning as Rodney spread his legs a little further to give John better access, opening himself to John, offering everything.

Gentling the caresses slowly, John broke away from Rodney's mouth and moved back down his neck and shoulders, nipping a bit in between kisses and whispering praise at how good Rodney was, how beautiful he was when he submitted like this.

Breathing harshly through his mouth, panting breaths, Rodney only moaned quietly in response, lost entirely in the sensations.

Knowing Rodney had developed something of a kink for orgasm denial, John continued to fondle him until his lover was practically vibrating.

And then he backed off, running his hands over Rodney's chest, feeling the slight sheen of sweat, feeling his lover's body melting into his, trembling with need and desire, eagerly taking whatever John was giving and not asking or demanding anything further. How long could Rodney stay like this, John wondered. How serious was he about submitting fully?

With a small smile, John brought Rodney back down, easing off the desperation and need a bit. When the trembling had stopped, he ramped it back up bringing Rodney right back to the edge. He did it over and over, feeling Rodney sink further and further into headspace each time. His lover was both tense and completely relaxed against him.

Apart from his panting breaths and his deep moans of pleasure, Rodney wasn't fighting him or demanding John finish him. His face was open, his body responding exactly as John knew it would, nothing hidden, nothing held back.

It was beautiful. On some level, John just wanted to keep him like this all day. His own dick had taken interest again a while ago, but he ignored the press of need, letting it fade to the back of his mind while he focused on making Rodney feel good.

Tilting Rodney's head, he captured his mouth in a kiss once again, deepening it as his hands moved—one to Rodney's cock, the other to the chain between the nipple clamps. As his hand stroked Rodney, the other tugged lightly on the chain, his lover's loud moan and whimper was swallowed by John's mouth. His body shuddered hard, bucking instinctively against the dual sensations. John could feel the pounding of his lover's heart.

Breaking the silence, John nibbled on the corners of Rodney's mouth. "How long can you stay like this? I want to keep you like this until after lunch—which means you spend the next few hours aroused, and you eat aroused. If you don't think you can do that, tell me now."

It took a long moment for Rodney to respond, his body still trembling. "I'll…do…whatever you…want."

As a reward, John kissed him again, fondling his balls lightly. "So good..."

Rodney moaned in contentment. "Yours…all yours."

Shifting them slightly, John brought one leg up to wrap around Rodney, pulling him more tightly against his chest. It was just so nice to sit here and touch, knowing they didn't have to be anywhere, didn't have to worry about anything. John lost himself for a bit in the slide of skin on skin, the smell and taste of his lover.

McKay's body was pliant, completely relaxed against John.

Shaking himself out of his reverie, John glanced at the clock across the room, surprised to note they had been like this for several hours. He nuzzled Rodney's ear, mouthing the lobe a bit. "So good, Rodney. You've let me play all morning. God, you're so fucking perfect."

"Mmm…yours to play with," he breathed, words ghosting over John's cheek.

Doing a mental inventory of what was left in the fridge and pantry, John decided on small finger sandwiches and the last of the strawberries for lunch. The only problem was not wanting to be out of touch range. "Are you flexible enough to hop up on the counter in the kitchen?"

"With your help."

"Sit up for me then. I don't want you even as far away as the chair while I fix lunch." John kissed him lightly again before letting him sit forward.

Rodney shifted enough so that John could move out from behind him. As he stood, he glanced at his lover, remembering the last time Rodney had knelt before him in the kitchen. He'd been beautiful that day adorned with the leather collar and leash.

Leading his lover into the kitchen, John helped him jump up on the counter, ass squeaking a little against the countertop and making John smile. He ran his hands over Rodney's body for a moment, still reluctant to step away. "I'll be right back. Don't move."

"'kay," Rodney said quietly, with a nod of his head.

Slipping into the bedroom, John found the heavier metal collar they had used at the club, along with a lock. He had to dig it out of the suitcase of stuff going to Atlantis, but that was okay. He returned to Rodney, slipping it on and securing it in place.

"Neck too naked?"

"I like the way you look with a collar. If I could keep one on you all the time, I would." He ran a finger along the edges, dipping the tip just under the metal to skim Rodney's skin.

"Mmm," he hummed tilting his head slightly to the side. "If you had your way I imagine it would have 'property of John Sheppard' on it, too."

Stepping between Rodney's legs, John ran his hands up and down his lover's thighs. "Nah, we both know who you belong to. I really liked the way that slim metal necklace looked on you. That's the one I would keep on you indefinitely. It would only come off to change it for a leather one, or this one, if I had my way." With an evil grin, John used this new position to lick the leaking head of Rodney's dick.

He moaned loudly, head thumping back against the cabinet. "We…we could try…see if anyone notices," Rodney finally said, breathing heavily.

John felt a surge of possessiveness. God, he wanted to know his collar was on Rodney all the time. And that one did have a regular clasp, so it looked like a necklace most of the time... "I'll put it on you when I take this one off." He continued to kiss and lick, knowing how sensitized Rodney's body was from the long morning of play.

Rodney leaned into him, offering kisses when he could reach skin.

With a last, lingering kiss to the glistening head of Rodney's cock, John pulled away. "I'm going to make sandwiches, and use the last of those strawberries. Will your housekeeper clean out anything perishable after we leave?"

It took Rodney a few moments to reply, his voice winded, breathy. "We just have to tell her what we want done and she'll do it. I pay her enough."

"Good." John set about making the food, cutting everything into bite-sized pieces. He stayed close to Rodney the whole time, reaching out to trail fingers along any tempting patches of skin that caught his attention as he did.

Rodney hummed in contentment, but otherwise sat quietly, his body purposely still and relaxed.

Reaching up, John brushed a strawberry across his lover's lips. He had dipped it in a little cream cheese, then dusted it with sugar crystals.

Opening his mouth, Rodney took a bite of the offered fruit, licking his lips to get the cream cheese off. John leaned in, capturing his mouth, wanting a taste.

John deepened it, chasing the flavor out of Rodney's mouth, moaning softly as he did.

Nipping at Rodney's lips as he pulled back, John offered the rest of the berry, his lover taking it eagerly, chewing carefully before swallowing. He shifted slightly to press a kiss to John's jaw.

Arranging a plate, John brought it into the living room, setting it on the side table next to the chair they had been using. When he retuned for Rodney, as an afterthought, he grabbed a dishtowel and got it damp. "Come on, let's go get comfortable again to eat."

Rodney nodded, letting John ease him down off the counter. With his arms secured behind his back he had no way to help, relying entirely on John. And he did. Completely.

The possessive need to have Rodney against him again welled up, so John led him back into the living room, getting them situated back in the chair. He kissed his lover deeply, using his legs to pull Rodney as close to his body as he could get him.

And Rodney just opened up under him, letting John move him, mold him, however he wanted, needed, moaning and sighing in contentment, eagerly taking everything John gave him.

Breaking it off with a pant, John picked up a sandwich and started to feed them both, alternating between Rodney and himself.

They ate quietly, John's free hand never still as it roamed Rodney's body moving from his nipples to cock, to all the skin in between.

When they were done with the food, Rodney was trembling again, a sheen of sweat coating his body. John licked a few drops off his neck—it tasted better than the strawberries.

"John…" he breathed, the word ending with a soft moan.

Turning Rodney's head to capture his mouth, John got a firm grip on his cock, caressing and teasing it, moving from long strokes to rubbing his thumb just across the head.

Rodney was shuddering with ever pass of his thumb, every stroke of his hand, his moaning and whimpering growing louder and more desperate.

"You've been very, very good. I think I'll let you come soon." John whispered the words into Rodney's ear nipping at it.

"Oh god…no…" he panted, John pulling back a little. No? Rodney had no say in what he did or did not do this weekend.

Raising an eyebrow, John continued to rub the tip of Rodney's cock, spreading pre-come around, knowing it was enough to drive him crazy. "No?"

His lover moaned loudly, body trembling. "Wait…I can wait."

"I know you can. But you don't get to decide when you come—your body belongs to me." With his other hand, John tugged on the clamps, making them tighten again.

Rodney shuddered hard, yelping at the increased sensation, his breathing harsh as he tried to catch his breath. He nodded his head in understanding. It took him another minute or two before he was able to speak, his words whispered. "Sorry…yours, all yours."

John soothed his lover, letting his hand drift down to caress his stomach and kissing the side of his neck. "Why do you want to wait? You know after you come I'll just ramp you back up again. I wasn't kidding when I said you're spending the weekend hard and leaking for me."

He shook his head, shrugging, not offering an answer.

"Answering wasn't optional." John squeezed his dick a little. "You know I like to hear what you're thinking."

Rodney moaned, turning into John's body. "Thought…thought you'd like it…want that."

John kissed the corners of his mouth. "I do like it. And I love how eager you are, how responsive you are. You're amazing." He nuzzled a bit, trying to reassure his surprisingly self-conscious lover.

"I'm thinking too much, aren't I?"

Chuckling, John bit his neck lightly. "You always think too much. It's part of your charm."

Rodney huffed lightly, a smile playing on his lips.

"I think I know a way to get you to relax completely for me. Interested in a bondage massage?"

"Me turn down a massage?" Rodney teased and John lightly squeezed his dick again eliciting a moan from his lover.

Grinning against skin, John huffed his amusement. "Why don't we go into the bedroom then? I'll strap you to the bed and work all the knots out of your muscles."

"Are you asking?"

John ran his nail lightly along the underside of Rodney's dick. "What do you think?"

Rodney moaned and shuddered. "Not asking," he finally managed to say through panting breaths.

"Very good." He put the foot rest down, grinning. "Stand up."

He shifted forward, John's hands steadying him as he rose to his feet.

Following Rodney to his feet, John hooked a finger through the O-ring on the collar, tugging it slightly to get Rodney moving forward and leading him into the bedroom.

McKay moved immediately where John led, trusting him implicitly and without hesitation. God, he'd come such a long way in these past few months, rarely second-guessing his partner when he was bound and blindfolded like this.

John carefully sat him on the edge of the bed. With a grin he knew was probably a bit evil, he didn't give Rodney any warning before he pulled the nipple clamps off all at once, not wanting him to lie on them.

Rodney yelped and curled over, John's hands catching his trembling body making sure he didn't fall.

He wrapped his arms around his lover, soothing him. "You have no idea how hot you are like this. You make me crazy wanting you sometimes."

It took a moment before Rodney calmed, his face pressed into John's shoulder. "Yours," he whispered, pressing his lips to skin.

Kissing the top of his head, John unhooked the cuffs from behind Rodney's back and encouraged him to lie on his stomach. He used the straps on the bed to secure his lover spread-eagle before going to find the massage oil.

Digging around in the bathroom, he came up with the bottle, making a mental note to include it in their packs for Atlantis. Returning to the bedroom, he paused, taking a good look at his lover spread out before him. Rodney's head was turned to the side facing the bathroom, the plug in his ass shining in the light from the window.

John had to close his eyes and count backwards from thirty to get control of himself. Seeing Rodney like this made him want to ravish and claim. But that was for later. He was aware that he was breathing hard, the sound loud in the quiet room.

"John?" Rodney's voice was quiet, questioning without being demanding.

"Trying to get enough control that I don't come as soon as I start to touch you again. You look incredible like that."

He smiled timidly, red highlighting his cheeks. "Thanks."

The red just made John ache more. He went to the toy drawer and dug out the little gummy cock ring. It wasn't tight enough to stop him from coming, but it would push it back enough to give him some control. "I'm borrowing one of your rings. I'll give it back though, don't worry."

"I'm in no position to argue. Besides, you bought them."

Climbing onto the bed, John straddled Rodney's thighs. "Yeah, but I bought them for you. Although I have used a few of your toys on myself. One of these days I'll let you try the prostate massager."

"Mmm…" he sighed, relaxing under John's weight. "'kay."

John drizzled oil on Rodney's back and set to work loosening the muscles. He had secured Rodney tight enough that he wouldn't be able to get much friction, and John knew from experience that this kind of intimate touching would both relax and arouse McKay even further.

Running his hands through the oil, John began to spread it all over his lover's back and up over his shoulders to his upper arms. Pressing lightly first, he warmed up the muscles in Rodney's back, finding knots even with this first pass, the scientist already humming in contentment. John slowly lost himself in the motion, the slide of skin against skin.

He kept at it for a long time, adding more oil when he had worked the bulk of it into Rodney's skin. By the time he mentally shook himself, he was amused to note his lover was like a puddle of goo. "Hey there. You still with me?"

"Mmm…yeah."

John blanketed himself across Rodney's back, resting his head on his shoulder. "Good."

"Love you," Rodney whispered after several minutes as they simply laid there soaking in the silence.

While he wouldn't admit it, unprovoked 'I love yous' from Rodney always created a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. He smiled softly, pressing a kiss into the shoulder he was using as a pillow. "Love you, too."

Rodney sighed, the sound completely relaxed and content.

Sitting up, John unhooked the straps and got Rodney turned over before securing him again. Then he draped his body over his lover's once more, but this time, their cocks were lined up. He made a few lazy thrusts, rubbing them together.

"So good," Rodney whispered. "Love you so much."

Humming his approval, John captured Rodney's mouth for another kiss, whispering how much he loved his partner every time they broke to breathe.

Levering himself up, John looked down at Rodney, taking in the blindfold, the swollen and reddened lips, and the fine sheen of sweat on his forehead as he panted, trying to catch his breath once again.

Catching his breath, John knew he needed to see the man come, needed to see, feel, and taste him lose control again. He slithered down his lover's body and swallowed him down, knowing the ring would keep Rodney in check until he was sobbing with the need for release.

And it didn't take long. After spending the majority of the day in a state of arousal, Rodney was moaning and squirming within moments, tugging at the restraints holding him in place, movements uncoordinated. But John continued to tease him, sending him higher and higher as his movements became more desperate, his groans and whimpers slowly turning into sobs.

John waited until Rodney was keening—a high-pitched sound of desperation. He teased the head of his lover's dick for a moment before pulling off enough to look up at him. "When the ring comes off, you come."

Rodney could barely nod in understanding, his entire body trembling and shuddering.

John waited until he got his mouth back around his lover to chuckle, knowing the vibrations would add yet another sensation to the mix.

With Rodney's breath coming in heavy pants, John hummed, pushing his lover a little further.

John idly wondered if he kept this up, if Rodney's wall of silence would break—even his moans and sobs were quiet. Maybe arousing him higher than he had ever been would be enough to get the man to babble.

If only he had more hands…he mused as a thought popped into his mind, remembering the small package that had been delivered the other day. That might work very well right now.

Pulling off with a pop, John patted Rodney's stomach. "Be right back."

With Rodney's moan following him out into the living room, John located the box on the desk and he quickly opened it, tugging out the packaging, a smile on his face. These would be perfect. Grabbing batteries on his way back to the bedroom, he paused at the toy drawer, pulling out a vibrator before he climbed back onto the bed, tearing the package open.

He hummed softly, putting the batteries in the clamps and putting them on Rodney's nipples, but he didn't turn them on quite yet. Reaching down, he verified that while he couldn't fuck his lover tied down this tightly, he could work the plug out and the vibrator in, so he did just that, messing with the angle until Rodney's gasp told him he had found his lover's prostate. With another chuckle, he turned both the vibrator and clamps on.

Rodney yelled loudly at the sensations, his back arching off the bed as much as the restraints would allow before he settled back down, his entire body trembling and shuddering.

John watched him for a moment, then swallowed him down again, humming all around his lover's dick.

Rodney couldn't stay still, his body squirming and trembling under the sensations, his moans and whimpers slowly getting louder the longer John teased him.

John pulled out every dirty trick he knew, trying to draw out the noises he knew Rodney was still holding back on some level. He swirled and sucked and teased, rolling Rodney's balls with one hand and lightly dragging his nails along his lover's side with the other.

After one pass of his hand along Rodney's side and the addition of teeth to his cock, John heard the break in his lover's voice, the very point where he finally let go. A strangled sob slowly morphed into begging and pleading, the words coming quickly. "Please John, please, I can't…I need to come, please let me, please, John. Oh, god, John please…"

Pulling all the way off, he kissed the tip of his lover's dick, then reached down to pull off the cock ring before sucking hard again.

Seconds after John's mouth closed around Rodney's cock, he was coming hard—harder than John had felt before—pouring down his throat as he pulsed over and over. Rodney body shook and trembled as his climax rolled through his body, his limbs finally relaxing into the mattress as he went limp, head lolling to the side, John's name on his lips.

Licking him completely clean, John pulled out the vibrator and pulled off the clamps before moving to blanket Rodney's body with his own. He felt a surge of satisfaction that he had made Rodney come so hard he passed out again. It had scared the shit out of him the first few times, but now he took it to mean his lover had just had a really, really good orgasm.

Rodney started moving a few minutes later, his body trembling slightly as he moaned low in his throat.

John licked his way into Rodney's mouth, kissing him deeply as he woke up. "Welcome back."

"Oh…god…John," Rodney whispered once John pulled back.

"Feeling good?" John nuzzled at the side of Rodney's neck, a smile of satisfaction curving his lips when his lover shuddered again at the drag of his stubble.

He moaned, offering a whispered and broken "Yes, oh god, yes" in reply.

John suddenly wanted to see what Rodney was thinking. He sat up enough to pull off the blindfold, catching and holding deep blue eyes. "Love you."

"Love you," Rodney repeated, his eyes holding onto John's with an intensity that had never been there before. It was as if all of his thoughts and energy and being were being directed at John in that single glance.

John had to struggle to breathe for a moment. Rodney could be intense when he wanted to, and having it all directed at him... It was the most amazing thing...

He blinked, breaking his gaze for the briefest of moments and some of the intensity was gone, but the openness and love and vulnerability and strength were all still there.

John smiled softly, hoping Rodney could see how much he cared, how deep he had crawled into John's skin. He had laughed when people talked about things like soul mates and all that other corny chick shit. But right now, here with Rodney, he could understand what they were talking about.

***

As Rodney regained consciousness after his mind-blowing orgasm, the first thing that came to his mind was "John is a god." The second was "never, ever doubt John when it comes to sex and their relationship."

With his lover blanketing him, he felt safe, complete, loved. Everything was new and different and unexpected.

And when John pulled off the blindfold for the first time in several hours, the only thing he wanted to do was to somehow tell John how much he trusted him, loved him, and cared—and he saw the same emotions reflected in his partner's face as he gazed down at him, a soft smile on his lips.

John shifted slightly, and Rodney could feel that he was still hard, leaving a trail of pre-come on Rodney's skin whenever he moved.

"How can I help you?" he finally asked, holding John's eyes, his words hushed, not wanting to disrupt the mood.

John's smiled widened a bit, and he brushed his lips across Rodney's. "Just be you."

Rodney arched up a little, catching John's mouth with his own, humming as they kissed. Once John released him, he sagged back against the mattress, tilting his head to the side. "You didn't come yet."

"I was having too much fun watching you enjoy yourself. You're beautiful when you let go like that."

"I couldn't have without you," Rodney said simply, truthfully. John had taken him places he'd never gone before and couldn't have alone.

John was caressing him again, although this time it was just meant to be a connection between them, rather than to arouse. His expression was still gentle, content. "I'll take you there again. As often as you want."

Rodney shook his head, his voice still hushed. "As often as _you_ want."

John kissed him again. "Did you mean it when you said you'd let me put the other collar on you to wear all the time, unless someone starts giving you funny looks?"

He nodded. "I want to."

John purred in the back of his throat. "I'm going to unhook you. I think this calls for a celebratory blowjob. Think you can make me come?"

"I can."

Kissing him again lightly, John sat up and unhooked all four straps before lying on his back, legs spread.

Easing himself up slowly, Rodney's limbs were a little stiff from being restrained like he had been, the muscles slightly sore from his tugging in the moments before his climax. He crawled down the bed, shifting over John's outstretched leg before settling down once again, face hovering just over John's groin.

John had really long eyelashes. They were more evident when he had his lids half-closed, hazel eyes peering at Rodney through a veil of black. "Make me fly."

Rodney smiled softly before leaning down, pressing kisses to the inside of John's thighs before licking his way up the crease between his leg and torso. The musky smell of John and sex filled his senses and he murmured and hummed in appreciation.

John sighed softly, spreading his legs a little more. "If there are any toys you're curious about, tell me. I'll tell you whether or not you can use them on me."

"Not curious…" Rodney whispered, continuing to lick and kiss until John's words settled into his brain. He paused, glancing up his lover's body. "Unless you…did you want me to use something?"

A light sheen of sweat was making John's skin glimmer. "Not anything in particular. I just thought I'd offer, if you wanted to see what it was like from that end."

Rodney shook his head. "I…unless you want something specific…"

"Just you. Please, Rodney...need you to touch me..." John's hips canted up slightly.

"I can do that," he replied, the words breathed gently against John's skin as he moved in again, taking his time as he kissed and licked and nipped at everything except John's cock.

John was making breathy, whimpering sounds, but he held still, letting Rodney touch him. Rodney knew from past experience—both from what John had him do and what he did to Rodney—that his lover liked to drag things out. He seemed to enjoy the anticipation and slow build almost as much as the climax.

"Can I leave the ring on for now or do you need it to come off?"

"Leave it on. It won't...won't stop me from coming. Not tight enough for that. Just...gives me some...control..."

"Okay," Rodney whispered, ducking his head once again, his time his lips grazing the tip of John erection, tongue snaking out to lick the head, tasting pre-come.

"Oooh..." John sighed, and Rodney felt the aborted thrust upwards. "So good..."

Shifting onto one elbow, he took John in hand stroking him lightly as he swallowed the head of his cock, alternating sucking on it to running his tongue over the very tip.

Looking up to see his lover's reaction, Rodney saw that John had thrown his head back as far as the position would allow, exposing his long, lean neck. One hand was fisted in the sheets, and the other was fondling a nipple.

Humming around John's cock, Rodney went down further and began to bring John closer and closer to completion. He knew it wouldn't take long—Rodney knew exactly what to do to make sure of that. Reaching up, Rodney began fondling John's other nipple in time with the strokes on John's cock, using his teeth, tongue, and mouth to force John over the edge.

"OhgodOhgodOhgod... Rodney!" John shouted his name as he came, hips thrusting up several times before his entire body relaxed into the bed.

Swallowing down every drop of come, Rodney held John in his mouth until he was soft, licking him clean before sitting up, settling back onto his heels, hands on his thighs as he waited for John's eyes to blink open again.

Instead of opening his eyes, John held out his arms. "C'mere. Wanna hold you."

Moving carefully, Rodney crawled his way up John's body, lying alongside him as John's arms encircled him, pulling him close. "That okay?"

John pushed his face into Rodney's skin, purring again. "Perfect."

Rodney could feel the warmth from John's praise spreading in his chest as he leaned into his lover, trying to get closer. He knew he was blushing—John did that to him far too easily—but he didn't care. He sighed quietly, content, as he settled in, arms wrapped around his partner.

"I vote we spend every Saturday like this." John turned slightly so he could wrap his arms more tightly around Rodney. Between them, he could feel John's wedding ring pressing into his chest, strung on the chain with his dog tags since he couldn't wear it while on active duty.

As much as he would love to be able to do what John wanted, Rodney knew it wasn't possible. "I wish we could. Problems don't stop because it's the weekend, though."

"I know. But we could pick a random day once a month and declare it Saturday... Lots of sex. Maybe in the jumper again."

Rodney chuckled, the corner of his mouth lifting in a smile. He knew John had been really turned on by jumper sex. "As often as we can get away with it."

"Mmmmm. We have better straps now. Jumper sex will be even better. Can tie you to the chair and play with you while I fly..." His lover's voice got that dreamy quality to it.

"I'm so glad the jumper seats clean up easily."

"Mmmmmm. So many possibilities still to explore. And I still think we should have sex in the chair room. You could tell all the geeks we're running tests, and I'll lock the doors."

"You still have your list, don't you?" Rodney asked with a light chuckle.

"Oh, yeah. There are a lot of places still on it. I've added a bunch more with the new stuff." He could feel John's smile.

Pressing his lips to John's skin, Rodney kissed him, holding it for a long moment before pulling back. "Who are we kidding? You'd keep me tied up all the time if you had your way."

John grinned. "I'd at least keep the cuffs on you all the time. And put hooks in strategic places. That way I could just restrain you on a moment's notice, fuck you, and then clean you up and let you go back to work."

"That might be a little…noticeable."

John's grin got wider. "But what a mental image..."

Rodney chuckled, leaning closer to John, loving the connection. "That's what closets are for."

A hand settled warm against his back, pulling him even closer into John's body. "Maybe I could put hooks up there. And in a few of my offices. Most people don't even know I have one office, much less a few, and even if they did visit, I could say it was to hang stuff on..."

"Ask the botanists for a hanging plant—and one that won't send my allergies over the edge. Then they won't question it."

John pulled him down for another kiss, deepening it until they were both a little breathless again. "You're a genius."

"Mmm," Rodney responded, "I think I knew that already."

"I believe in positive reinforcement." John suddenly rolled them, settling on top of Rodney and moving to kiss his way down Rodney's jaw and across his neck.

"Mmm…I don't mind that at all," Rodney said with a contented sigh, his hands trailing down John's back, shoulders, arms—wherever he could reach, whatever he could touch.

John's chuckle ghosted over his skin as he meandered, pressing his lips and finger tips to random places all over Rodney's upper body—anything he could reach comfortably without moving much.

This lazy exploration was just as amazing and arousing as the harder play they'd had before, each of them needing the connection, the touch, the sensation of simply being together, loving each other.

"Mine." It was whispered against him over and over, John staking his claim all over again.

Rodney's hands caught him, raising his head so he could look John in the eyes. "I'm here. I’m yours. Do what you need to do."

John kissed him deeply, almost taking up residence in his mouth before pulling back just enough to talk, his breath warm on Rodney's lips. "This. Having you here with me."

"Not going anywhere," Rodney said once he got his voice back, needing John to know. He might be insecure or have doubts, but with John it was different. He made Rodney feel different, feel alive. There was no way he was walking away from this willingly.

"Good. I don't... I know if I've told you, but it would kill me to lose you..." John nuzzled into the crook of his neck, breathing in Rodney's scent. "Need you."

"I'm here," he replied, tugging his lover closer. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

John let his full weight settle on top of Rodney, pressing them so close together, Rodney wasn't sure where he ended and his lover started. He lifted his head enough to look at Rodney again. "You know you have all the power here, right? I might be the top, but it always is and always will be about you."

Rodney shook his head. "Please don't put this all on me."

John shook his head, kissing the corner of Rodney's mouth. "No, that isn't what I meant. I…I'm not very good at saying stuff like this, so bear with me. You... I need you more than I've ever needed anyone. And given our dynamic... I might be in charge when it comes to the bedroom, but your needs—even when you don't think you need it—will always come first. I wanted you to know that."

"But what about you?"

"Taking care of you is all I need."

Rodney stared at John for a long moment before pulling him down, holding him close, unable to formulate a verbal response.

John settled back against him, holding him tightly. "Love you..."

Feeling overwhelmed with emotions he'd never experienced before, Rodney simply held on. It was like he was going to burst from happiness and contentment and something else he couldn't even name.

John rolled them so they were both on their sides, then just held Rodney close. They stayed that way for a while, just breathing each other's air.

When Rodney felt that he'd gotten himself under control enough he squeezed John, whispering in the ear closest to his mouth. "So, what's next, sir?"

He felt the light tremor that always ran through his lover when he used that title. "Want to watch a movie? We can see how much you can focus while I'm playing with you."

"I didn't think I had a choice in this weekend's activities, sir."

John kissed him again and then sat up. He had an amused glint in his eyes. "I'll let you pick the movie. But you're not getting any say in what I do to you while we watch it."

Staring up at John, Rodney chuckled. "I can do that." He spread his arms to the side. "Am I appropriately attired for the late-afternoon activities you have in mind?"

"Mostly. I'll add a few things in the living room." Slipping off the bed, John grinned at him. "Don't pick a movie you actually wanted to see much of. I'll be watching it, but I don't know how much you'll be paying attention."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said as he rolled to the side of the bed, before pushing himself upright. "I'm going to take care of some business first if that's okay."

As he stood, John slipped behind him, one hand caressing his ass. "Probably a good idea. You're going to be busy for a while."

Rodney pressed back against John's hand. "Figured as much."

A finger teased along his crack as John chuckled into his neck. "Go do what you need to so we can get back to playing."

"Yes, sir," Rodney said lightly, heading into the bathroom as John moved toward the toy drawer. It took him a few minutes to take care of business and he lingered, staring into the mirror, looking at his red and slightly swollen lips, the mark on his neck, his pert and sensitive nipples. He knew it was him staring back at him, but this wasn't the Rodney he was familiar with. This was all new, uncharted territory. One thing he knew, however, was that he was very excited about all of the new discoveries. He was a scientist. Discoveries were always good.

Finally stepping out of the bathroom, he padded into the living room before picking out a movie, an old standby. " _Close Encounters_ good for you?"

"Perfect." John was standing in front of the toys he had brought out, so Rodney couldn't see what he had. "Go ahead and put it in, then stay facing the television for a minute."

"Yes, sir," Rodney replied, rolling his eyes as the corner of his mouth rose in a half-smile. Putting the DVD in place, he dug out the remote and pressed play before tossing the remote on the nearest couch. He took a breath, spreading his stance a little as he placed his hands in the small of his back and waited.

John hummed his approval, coming up behind Rodney and wrapping his arms around him. The cock ring John tended to gravitate towards—the one that was just tight enough to ensure Rodney couldn't come until it was removed—was slipped into place first. "Want to make sure you can last until the end of the film."

"Hasn't been a problem yet," Rodney whispered, already feeling his mind slowing down.

He felt something tease at his entrance, slick with lube, before it was pressed inside him. He immediately closed around it, before another one was there—John was using the beads.

He moaned, his eyes sliding closed as he felt each and every one of the beads enter him, the long string pressing in deep.

When the last one was inside, John led him to the chair, sitting down and pulling Rodney into his lap, between his legs.

Rodney could feel the beads moving inside of him with every shift of his body. God, it felt so good.

Once they were settled, John's hands started to roam, caressing his now-hard dick, tweaking nipples, giving him enough sensation, when combined with the beads, to make him feel like he was slowly being driven crazy.

Rodney leaned back, squirming against John, hands gripping whatever they could reach—John's thighs, the chair arms, his own legs. He moaned as his lover's hands continued to play and tease him, his eyes drifting closed as he became overwhelmed with sensation, opening again when John backed off.

John's hand cupped his face, turning it so he was looking his lover in the eye. "Eyes open. You can look at the television, you can look at me, or you can watch what my hands are doing to you, but I want you paying attention." His other hand started to slowly, lightly twist Rodney's dick, the head appearing and disappearing in his fist.

"Can't…not pay attention," he panted, squirming against John.

"The movie's just started. I'll think about letting you come when it's over. Until then, I want to see you coming apart as I play." The hand cupping his face drifted back down to his nipples.

Rodney moaned, nodding, shifting his eyes to the wide-screen television. The images were flashing on the appliance but he wasn't seeing much, instead focused inwardly on what John's hands were doing to his body. Time had no meaning, the minutes morphing into hours, the hours into minutes. He was trembling with need and a desire to please John, to do as he wanted, but the sensations were blocking any coherent thoughts from his mind.

John chuckled into his ear before licking and nipping at it. "You're doing so good."

"God…John…" he moaned quietly, leaning into his lover's touch, wanting more.

"You're being so good, I'm going to give you a choice. I'll let you come now, but you won't come again tonight, or you can wait and let me continue to play with you, which means you'll have to stay like this until after dinner. But you'll probably get at least one more orgasm out of it."

"Oh god…" Rodney whimpered as John's hands tweaked his already sensitive nipples, sending any thoughts he might have had flying out of his mind. When his lover finally backed off several minutes—or was it hours or seconds—later, Rodney was able to catch his breath. "Wait…" he panted. "I…I can wait."

John hummed his approval, petting Rodney and letting his caresses turn soothing. With the beads in, he was still almost painfully aroused, but it did allow him to catch occasional thoughts instead of being lost in a haze of pleasure.

And John had been right about the movie—he really wasn't watching much of it, unable to grasp more than a few seconds of dialogue or plot before John's hands were moving again, playing and teasing, keeping him constantly on edge.

A gentle bite to his shoulder jerked him back into reality, while relaxing him further at the same time. "Movie's over. How much did you actually see?"

Rodney shook his head, eyes open and staring at the television, finally noticing the credits were rolling. "Not…not much," he admitted quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

John's chuckle was more than a little dirty. "Good. You've had a chance to adjust to the beads a bit, but once you start moving around, they're going to feel very, very good. Stand up."

Scooting forward, John's hands helped him rise to his feet the beads inside of him shifting as he moved. He groaned as his lover steadied him.

With a wicked grin, John pointed across the room. "Walk over there and back. I want to see how mobile you're going to be like this."

"Mobile?" Rodney asked, even as he started moving. It took several steps before he started adjusting to the sensation. The beads reached far deeper inside than a normal plug. They brushed against his prostate, and the movement of his body made it feel like they were vibrating lightly.

John was watching him intently. "Mobile. As in, able to move around."

He nodded, walking slowly back toward John. "Manageable. Why?"

John smiled. "I think I want to take a walk. Let's go see what clothes will fit you without chaffing too badly. It goes without saying that you'll be commando."

"A…a walk?" Rodney could feel his eyes widening as he watched John walk across the living room toward the bedroom. He followed behind him a few beats later.

"Around the block. We can't stay in the apartment all day for two days straight. We need some fresh air." John pulled out a pair of his older cargo pants that were a bit more baggy, as well as one of his new, tighter shirts.

Rodney eyed him for a moment before speaking again, his brain lurching ahead a little slower than normal. "North Cheyenne Cañon Park isn't that far if you wanted something a little more secluded."

"Walking distance?" John started to dress him, the fabric rubbing across sensitive skin in all the right ways. He never would have thought ordinary clothes could be almost sensual—leave it to Sheppard to pull it off.

Rodney shook his head, holding back a moan. "Fifteen or twenty-minute drive. There are hiking trails. Depends what you had in mind."

John looked him up and down, a slow smile forming. "Hiking trails, eh? I think that might be perfect." He stepped forward to kiss him, one leg slipping between Rodney's to rub lightly at his groin. "Let me find a pair of sneakers for you, then I'll get dressed, too."

"I can grab my hikers…" Rodney started, getting a strange look from John.

"You have hiking boots?"

"Yes, I have hiking boots. I was forced to go on a nature hike and didn't have any appropriate footwear so I had to purchase horribly expensive hikers so I wouldn't get blisters or slide down a hill because my sneakers had no traction."

John moved his leg, using it to almost caress Rodney's erection through his pants. "If they're comfortable, bring them to Atlantis to wear off-world."

"I've broken in two pairs on Atlantis already," he said with a brief shudder, his hands moving to clutch at John's hips. "And I'm sure the military will include another new pair in the next shipment."

"Yeah, but no one ever said Marines had good taste in footwear. You can leave them here if you want. Where are they? I'll go get them for this afternoon's hike."

"They're probably buried in the closet. I can—"

"You can go sit on the bed and wait for me to get them." John pinched a nipple before stepping back.

Rodney moaned and nodded. "Bed. Sitting. Waiting," he finally panted out as he moved, settling carefully on the edge of the bed. He could feel the beads deep inside him and the wider end flange pressed against his ass between his cheeks.

John was humming tunelessly as he searched for several minutes, finally coming up with the pair of shoes, a triumphant look on his face. He came over to the bed and dropped to his knees, pulling socks on first before fitting them on Rodney's feet. "How do they feel? Comfortable?"

"They're fine. They feel like hikers," Rodney said.

John kissed each of his knees before standing. Rodney realized all the sudden that he was still very naked and still very hard, his lean body right there.

"Do you…can I help you with that before we leave?"

"Help me with what?" John had stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Rodney's torso.

"I've been told I give good blow-jobs."

John made a happy noise in the back of his throat. "You give fantastic blow-jobs."

Rodney looked up John's body, meeting his gaze. "I can make you more comfortable for this afternoon's trip."

John's fingers grazed his face, and Rodney couldn't help but lean into the caresses. "You're so fucking perfect... Make me come."

Dropping down to his knees, Rodney steadied himself against John's thighs before putting his hands behind his back. Moving slowly, he carefully kissed the tip of John's cock gently before moving down the shaft, pressing his lips to the underside before giving the same attention to the top. At John's first quiet moan, he took the head into his mouth, sucking at it, licking the tip with his tongue, loving the breathy sounds John was making, how his hands threaded through his hair, holding him from pulling back. He had a task and he wasn't to stop until it was completed.

Even though he was panting, John's voice still carried a note of command. "Harder. Make me weak in the knees."

Swallowing him down a little further, Rodney got to work using every trick he knew, everything he knew John liked to push him higher. John's hands were firm, holding him in place, making him take what he swallowed, with no option to move back. Rodney loved it, loved the control, loved that John was this way.

John's hands tightening slightly in his hair was the only warning he had that his lover was going to come. His grip didn't loosen until he had poured himself down Rodney's throat, breathing erratic. "Mmmmm, good boy, so perfect."

John held his head in place until he was finished before finally releasing him, hand trailing across his cheek as Rodney licked him clean.

John's hand urged him to stand with light pressure on his chin, kissing him deeply.

Rodney let himself be taken, claimed, knowing John could taste himself on Rodney's lips, on his tongue. He moaned into the kiss, needing it, wanting it, as his hands wrapped around John's still-naked form, fingers trailing over skin and muscle.

John trailed kisses down the side of his neck, walking him backwards until his knees hit the bed. "Sit down and watch me get dressed. Think about the beads, and how it's going to feel hiking with them inside you."

He nearly followed John when the other man stepped back, wanting to keep his hands on that warm skin, but a raised eyebrow was enough to sit him in place, even before he'd risen from the bed.

Sighing, Rodney watched John's lean body as he slowly covered it, piece by piece, adding clothing until he was buttoning his jeans in place, all the precious skin hidden away.

John held out a hand. "Come here."

Rising to his feet, Rodney took John's hand, letting him tug him forward.

John brought him into the center of the room, spreading Rodney's arms wide. "I'm going to change your collar for the more discreet one. The wrist cuffs, unfortunately, need to come off before we leave the apartment."

"Okay," he said with a simple nod, leaving his arms exactly where John placed them, letting the other man work around him, turning and moving when he indicated. When John was done, Rodney found himself in the smaller, necklace-like collar and the metal, bracelet-like cuffs. They were easier to hide under his long-sleeved t-shirt.

John ran his open palms over Rodney's chest, over his groin, across his ass. "When we leave, if anyone talks to you directly, you can answer. Otherwise, you don't say anything unless I ask you a question."

Rodney nodded in understanding, feeling his arousal building again.

"I can't use a leash, but I want you to stay next to me as if you're wearing one. I want you in touching distance at all times." John's hands came to rest on Rodney's hips, his thumbs drawing small circles right at the point where Rodney's torso and groin met.

He nodded again, waiting for the rest of John's orders.

"I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to let you come on our walk or not. It will depend on location and whether I'm ready to see you lose it. If I do decide you let you come, you'll be hard again before we get back in the car, because I'm going to want to fuck you tonight."

God. Rodney loved John like this. He swallowed thickly and nodded.

Nodding, John kissed him again deeply before pulling back, lacing his hand through Rodney's. "If you have any questions, now is the time to ask."

"Should we bring some water and snacks and lube…just in case?"

"I planned on grabbing water and snacks in the kitchen before we left. Get the lube and put it in your pocket. Right now I want to wait to be inside you until tonight, but you're right, I could get a whim to see how many times and how hard I can make you come."

"Any other restraints or locks or straps?"

"No. We're going to be in public, and I want you more focused on the beads than anything else. I'm bringing the vibrating cock ring, so I might change that out while we're hiking, but again, it will depend on how isolated we are."

"I have a backpack we can take to put in things you might need."

John smiled his approval, running a thumb across Rodney's jaw before stepping over to the closet, digging it out. "Very good."

"We might be more secluded than you think."

"Always be prepared. The motto of the Boy Scouts and the U.S. Military." He added several of the loose straps, the ring he had mentioned, a dildo and a few other items. He walked over and put the lube in Rodney's pocket.

"I was never a Boy Scout and I doubt you were one," Rodney commented quietly, his eyes going wide a moment later, already forgetting about the no talking thing.

John's eyebrow went up. "Since you can't wear one of our normal gags, use your genius and give me some alternatives."

That was the problem. Most things were very obvious as a gag. He shrugged. "I really don't have anything," he finally said, knowing he had to respond to his lover. "All I have are the toys and some medical tape."

John shook his head. "I'll have to use incentive then. I had told you that you could ask questions, and that still stands, but once we walk out of the bedroom, the no talking unless spoken to rule is in effect. Every time you slip up, I'll have to remind you. Since you're the one who will be on the receiving end, tell me what will be the most effective deterrent." John moved close enough to touch him, arms wrapping around Rodney from behind. "You said you wanted to spend the weekend in headspace. This is part of that."

"I…pain is a good deterrent," Rodney answered quietly, taking a few moments to think about it. "I don't like pain."

"All right. For every time you talk without being asked a specific question outside this bedroom, from when we leave until we return here tonight, you'll get one swat to that perfect ass. I'll save them up, and you'll get them—if there are any—when we get home, but before we come back in here."

Rodney nodded, already wincing. He knew he'd be good for a few and it wasn't for lack of trying. Talking was just something he did and sometimes words just slipped out. "I understand."

John's hand drifted down rubbing his ass cheeks. "I don't want to have to spank you. So as an alternate, if you can manage to not need any, I'll tie you down and rim you tonight."

He growled deep in his throat as John's fingers kneaded his ass. Rodney loved when John rimmed him—actually, he loved whatever John did to him, but rimming was amazing. Nodding, he leaned closer to John, letting himself feel his lover before they had to move again.

John kissed him before stepping away. "Last chance. Anything else you want to say or suggest, or questions?"

"You will follow through, right?"

"Have I ever not? When I tell you I'm going to do something, I mean it. I don't want to hurt you, but if that's what you need hanging over your head as an incentive to obey, I will."

"I just…" Rodney stopped, nodding his head. "You have. I'm just making sure that it wasn't a one time thing, I guess."

Shaking his head, John let one hand rest on Rodney's hip. "No. I didn't enjoy it, but I did it to make a point—it doesn't matter how much you push me, when I give you an order I expect to be obeyed, with a clear consequence for disobeying, I will always follow though. But the reverse is true, too. When I promise you a reward for doing what I ask, you won't have to wonder if I'll go back on it."

Holding his gaze for a moment, Rodney nodded, grateful for John's honesty and his willingness to take things in hand like this. Knowing this, knowing the ground rules, made everything better, easier. "Okay."

Smiling softly, John ran a thumb across his lips. "Anything else?"

Shaking his head, Rodney kissed the tip of John's thumb. No, there was nothing else. He knew what was expected of him, knew basically what they were doing. The rest he felt perfectly comfortable with leaving to John.

Nodding again, John laced his fingers through Rodney's and pulled him into the kitchen. "Stand here while I get the snacks and water."

Rodney nodded in understanding, keeping his eyes on his lover as he moved around the kitchen, grabbing bottles of water and snacks—fruit, nuts, chocolate. Enough for a light snack, but not enough to spoil what would probably be a late dinner.

When he had finished packing the bag, John slung it over his shoulder and grabbed the keys off the counter. "Since you know where we're going, you're allowed to talk in the car to tell me 'turn left here' etc. Otherwise, the rule stands."

Following John out of the apartment, Rodney felt the beads shifting inside of him with every step. He knew by the time they finished their little hike he'd be very wound up. They settled in Rodney's car, and he directed John out of the parking lot. It wasn't far and there wasn't a lot of traffic this late in the afternoon. They still had a good four or five hours of light.

Once they were on the road, John's free hand landed in Rodney's lap. He rubbed with just enough pressure to be arousing, but not enough to send Rodney deep into headspace. Between pants, he couldn't help but be amazed at how well John could play his body, getting exactly the reaction he was looking for.

With a panting breath, he gave John the next set of directions, the rest of the trip would be a straight shot to the park once they made the next series of turns.

Once they were at the point where the signs would direct John the rest of the way, he instructed Rodney to stay quiet unless asked a direct question again. Almost as an afterthought, he mentioned that moans, groans, heavy breathing, and panting were all exempt from that rule. Only talking was a no-no.

Rodney nodded and moaned as John stroked him firmly, getting a chuckle in reply from his lover.

"You're doing really well. I'm proud of you, I know this is hard. Trust me. No talking means you can just enjoy the way you feel. Take advantage of it."

He knew what John said was true—on all accounts. So he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, letting John play and tease him, moans and whimpers spilling out of his mouth.

They passed the rest of the short drive that way, although John backed off as they got closer, leaving Rodney aroused but able to function by the time he parked the car. Getting out, John put the bag on and walked over to a sign with the various hiking trails laid out. He paid a quarter to buy a map, and set off on one of the easy-but-longer routes, increasing the odds of not running into anyone.

After spending so much time in Pegasus running through forests trying to stay away from natives that wanted to kill them, walking along the trails with John at his side was certainly a whole lot better. With every step, Rodney could feel the beads moving, caressing him on the inside even as John's hands were never far from his body—touching, stroking, rubbing.

They wandered for a bit until they came to a small area obviously set up for picnics. There was no one else around, and they hadn't seen another soul. John took Rodney's hand and led him to one of the tables, arranging him so his ass was leaning against the edge, his hands were gripping the same edge, and his feet were spread wide. Slowly, John unbuttoned Rodney's pants and pushed the halves aside. Since he had no boxers on, Rodney's cock sprang out.

Rodney moaned as John's hand touched his skin, stroking him to full hardness as he held on desperately to the picnic table, feeling his fingers trying to dig into the wood.

"God, you're beautiful. All spread out for me, so responsive. You're amazing and you're doing really, really well." While he continued to stroke, John claimed Rodney's mouth in a deep kiss.

He moaned into the kiss, his lover's name drifting out of his mouth as soon as John pulled back. He whimpered, knowing exactly what that meant, but he was determined not to do that again.

John chuckled. "Since it was done in the heat of passion, you'll still get a swat, but I won't disqualify the rimming."

Nodding, Rodney leaned against John, letting his lover take him higher, driving him crazy.

"Don't move." John stepped away suddenly, leaving Rodney standing there open. He didn't go far however. Rodney watched him dig out several of the straps, rigging them around the legs of the table so Rodney couldn't close his legs at all. John helped him jump up a little, so the table was taking his weight, before his hands were similarly strapped down. "Beautiful."

With his wrists tied down at his sides, he couldn't really lift them or pull them forward or backward. He could only use them to hold onto the table. He was breathing heavily, partially in anticipation, partially in fear. What if someone stumbled across them? They were in the middle of a public park.

With a smile, John pulled one of the small gags out of the backpack and slipped it over Rodney's head. "This way you don't have to worry about calling my name and breaking the rules." He went back to petting and caressing him, rolling Rodney's balls between his fingers.

Rodney tugged at the restraints holding him in place, moaning and whimpering through the gag as his heart rate shot up. He knew he'd subtly suggested some of this to John, but now that they were here and doing it he wasn't sure. The last thing they needed was someone to walk into the clearing—someone who knew John or Rodney—and everything would be over.

"Don't worry. While you were looking at the maps, I asked the park ranger if there was anyone on the trails today since I was looking for 'unspoiled nature'. He said this one wasn't being used by anyone. Relax and just feel."

He wanted to believe him, he really did. But he couldn't get the worry out of his mind—even with John's hands on him.

John, however, continued to play with him until Rodney's traitorous body was aching with need. With an evil leer, John tucked him away and buttoned his pants back up, although he didn't unhook the straps just yet.

Rodney was hovering between absolute panic and total arousal, his moans and whimpers seemingly loud in the silence of the small clearing.

John hopped up on the table to sit next to him, leaning into Rodney and resting his head on his shoulder. "Breathe for me. When you think you have enough control to not touch yourself with the straps off and not say anything with the gag off, nod, and I'll unhook you."

Rodney nodded immediately, holding John's eyes.

John slowly unhooked the straps, stowing them away. Then he unhooked the gag and did the same. Hopping back up on the table, he sat so their sides were pressed tightly together.

Rodney turned in toward John, wrapping his arms around him as he breathed in, needing the contact to calm him.

John's hand was on his back, rubbing the slow circles he always used to calm Rodney down. "It's okay. No one here but us. Trust me."

He offered John a quiet "Sorry" knowing it would get him a smack tonight, but needing to apologize for ruining John's little plan.

"It's okay. I wasn't planning to let you come now anyway. I just like looking at you when you're like that." John tilted Rodney's head with his fingertips, kissing him deeply. "And no talking."

Nodding, Rodney simply held onto John until the other man gently eased his arms away, tugging him back to his feet.

"Come on. Let's go see the rest of the trail."

John held Rodney's hand for the rest of the time—except for when they crossed paths with another group hiking the trail and heading toward their clearing. Rodney shot John a look, but didn't comment. They would have had a good hour, but still…

John just rolled his eyes.

Nearly three-quarters of their way into the hike Rodney finally relaxed, the beads in his ass pulling his mind away from everything else except the sensation they made inside him and his hand clasped tightly in John's. He was sliding down again, he knew, and he had no intention of stopping it.

John seemed to sense it, and added caresses to various parts of him that always made him want to purr and curl around his lover. Like the back of his neck—who knew that was an erogenous zone?

Glancing around, John tugged Rodney off the path, their feet crunching on the undergrowth as they moved deeper into the forest. Leaning Rodney against a tree trunk, John traipsed off, glancing up, looking for something. He eventually paused at one of the trees, a broad grin on his face. He shrugged off the backpack and gestured for Rodney to move forward.

As John dug in the bag, Rodney had a general idea of what his lover had in mind and he glanced around the forest, glad to see that he wasn't able to spot the trail although he knew exactly where it was. John positioned him precisely in place and then swung a strap up and over the overhead branch.

"Put your hands together." John locked them in place and then pushed them above Rodney's head, attaching them to the strap.

John adjusted the straps, tightening them a little so Rodney had little room to move, but was still flatfooted on the ground. Taking a deep breath, Rodney forced his body to relax. John would take care of everything. They were alone.

John's hands were on his body again, skimming under his shirt. "Better?"

Rodney nodded. This was better, much better.

John smiled, capturing his mouth in a tender kiss. "Good. Very good."

Rodney opened his mouth, deepening it, moaning as John's hands roamed his body.

A knee worked its way between Rodney's legs, rubbing steadily at his erection as John continued to devour his mouth.

Rodney let himself get lost in the sensations—the feel of John touching him, loving him, the breeze against his skin, and the cooling evening air.

His shirt was unbuttoned and pushed open, and his pants were once more opened to let him spring free. John stepped back for a moment, admiring. "You are so fucking hot..."

Moaning, Rodney held back the words that were hovering in the back of his throat—the pleading, the begging—wanting to please his lover.

John didn't leave him alone for long, wrapping his arms around Rodney, his leg returning to its rubbing. "You're doing so good." He kissed his way down Rodney's neck, sucking lightly on his mark when he got to it.

Caught up in the sensations, he breathed quietly, some of the words slipping free. "John…so good…oh god…"

John looked up, an eyebrow going up, although his expression was amused. His backpack was close, so he bent down to retrieve the gag without moving away from Rodney. "Later tonight I'm going to want to hear you make a lot of noise and babble for me again. But for now..." He slipped the gag back in place. "This way you don't have to worry about breaking the rule. That's not the reason I'm playing with you right now."

Rodney nodded, whimpering with the knowledge that he'd disappointed John, that he hadn't been able to follow his orders, that John had been forced to use the gag because Rodney couldn't hold his tongue.

John must have seen some of his distress. He held Rodney close, pressing light kisses into his skin. "Shhh, hey, it's okay. This is hard for you, I know. And I do like to hear you talk during sex, so I probably should have gagged you first. It's okay."

Leaning into his partner's body, Rodney soaked up as much comfort as he could before John's hands started moving again, arousing instead of calming.

"You're doing so good. I'm really impressed. I know not talking is hard." John fondled him, hitting every one of Rodney's sensitive spots it seemed.

Clutching onto the straps holding his hands above his head, he moaned into the gag, rocking on his feet a little, giving himself up to John's touch.

"I think you deserve a reward for being so good. I'm not pulling the beads out yet, since you're going to need some recovery time for that kind of orgasm. But I am going to let you come. However, before we leave the park, I want you hard for me again. Nod if you understand." John was stroking him again, slowly ramping up Rodney's desire.

Rodney nodded once the words processed in his brain, his thoughts fleeting as John continued to push his higher.

Dropping to his knees, John licked a wet stripe down Rodney's shaft to his balls, sucking on them lightly.

Rising slightly on his toes, Rodney whimpered and moaned before John pulled back, waiting for him to still once again. Panting into the gag, he held on tighter to the straps, willing his body not to react instantly when John licked him, teased him.

Humming softly, John continued to lick and suck, keeping it light enough to leave Rodney wanting more.

Trembling and shuddering with need, Rodney felt his brain check out for a while, the sensations overwhelming him entirely. His moaning and groaning was nearly constant as John blew him.

John pulled the cock ring off at the same time he took Rodney fully in his mouth. But since he hadn't been told he could come, he held on, now sweating with the effort of holding back his orgasm.

Whimpering, Rodney tugged at his restraints, the tree limb shaking overhead.

John continued to tease him for what felt like a long time, sucking and using his tongue to take Rodney right to the edge and keep him there. When he didn't know how much longer he could hold out without the help of the ring, John looked up at him through his eyelashes, pulling off briefly. "Come for me."

As soon as John's mouth touched him again, Rodney could feel the dam holding back his arousal finally break and he was pulsing, pouring down John's throat, his knees buckling but the restraints and John's hands on his hips held him steady.

Deep inside him, he could feel the beads shifting and moving as he clenched, tearing another moan out of him. John gentled him through it all, licking him clean just before pulling off. John left Rodney's pants open but stood up, wrapping his arms around him.

Rodney let his head drop against John's shoulder as he tried to catch his breath, relying on his partner to hold him up.

John continued to murmur soft words of encouragement and praise into Rodney's ear, along with light kisses to the side of his face until he felt strong enough to lift his head again.

Looking into John's face, he held his lover's eyes even as John stepped away, his hands moving to put him away, buttoning him up and closing his shirt. John moved next to unhook his arms from the overhead strap, slowly lowering them, rubbing some of the feeling back into the limbs before he unlocked the cuffs.

The last thing to come off was the gag. "With the beads still in and your increased sensitivity right now, I don't think getting hard again will be a problem. But I will be putting the ring back on before we get to civilization again, and I expect you to be hard. If you aren't, you're allowed to ask for help."

Rodney nodded, rubbing his hands together a little more as John packed up the items they'd used. He pulled out a bottle of water, unscrewing the top and taking a sip before stepping forward and giving some to Rodney.

After Rodney had several sips, John, who was still wearing a soft, open expression, nodded at the bag again. "Do you want a snack? How is your sugar level? And since this is a question, you can answer, or you can nod."

Taking a moment to think, Rodney realized he was feeling a little off. "I should probably eat something," he replied quietly.

Kissing him softly, John went to the bag and pulled out a bag of trail mix. Opening it, he fished out a few nuts and pieces of fruit—the bag had been certified citrus-free when they bought it—he held them up to Rodney's lips.

As he took the offered food and chewed, John gently moved him so he was leaning against the tree he'd been tied to. John settled next to him, shoulder pressed to the trunk as he continued to feed Rodney, their gazes locked on each other, communicating without words.

They shared about half of the small bag, enough to hold off a reaction, but not enough to spoil dinner later. John's hand came up to cup his face, thumb stroking.

Leaning into it, Rodney closed his eyes relishing the feel of John's hand on his face.

"Love you." It was whispered, and had so much affection and emotion behind it, it made Rodney's chest ache.

Instead of responding, Rodney just leaned in closer trying to let his body speak for him. And in this perfect moment, Rodney knew without a doubt that life could not get better than this.

John kissed him, letting Rodney taste fruit and love and need. When he pulled away, John rested their foreheads together in the Athosian style so they could breathe each other in.

Dusk was settling in, the forest slowly darkening and Rodney knew that they'd have to leave soon, but he didn't want to break this moment. They both needed the connection too much.

John's lips brushed his again as he reached down to stroke Rodney through his pants.

Rodney felt himself hardening immediately, responding to John's touch, moaning quietly into his lover's mouth.

He felt John's lips curve into a smile. Rodney's pants were unbuttoned again so John could reattach the cock ring he had slipped into his pocket.

Rodney was amazed at John's ability to multitask—kissing him even as his hands fastened the ring in place.

John broke the kiss to tuck Rodney away and button him back up. "We need to get back to the trail and the car before it gets much darker. But we'll continue this when we get home. I want you to come at least a few more times tonight."

Whimpering at the thought, Rodney eagerly followed John, staying within inches of the other man as they made their way back to the trail and the car. They met two other hiking groups, everyone intent on getting back to the base of the trail and home.

The beads shifting inside him felt more intense now, since his body was still tingling a bit from the orgasm. By the time they made it to the car, he was panting softly. John smiled, fingers just brushing Rodney's groin as he opened the door on the passenger side to toss in the backpack.

"Oh god, John," Rodney whispered, shuddering slightly from the sensations.

Chuckling, John opened the door for Rodney to get in and then walked around, sliding into the driver's seat. "Just lie back and relax. I can find my way back."

Nodding, Rodney did just so, closing his eyes as John started the car. As they drove, Rodney found himself getting lulled by the motion of the car, falling into a light doze. John's hand had found its way to his thigh and was warm and reassuring, his fingers lightly kneading the muscle, occasionally moving to lightly caress other areas, keeping him aroused.

After an unknown amount of time, John was shaking him lightly. "Hey, buddy, we're here. Let's head upstairs."

Nodding, Rodney slowly climbed out of the car, John's hand at the small of his back guiding him forward as he shook off the remnants of his quick nap.

Once in the apartment, John caressed Rodney's face once before stepping back. "Strip back down. I owe you four swats, and I'd like to take care of them before we do anything else."

Rodney eyes widened, but he nodded, his hands shaking slightly as he began undressing. He was hoping that John might forget, but another part of him was happy he didn't, that he was sticking to his word. It was…comforting in a way.

John watched him disrobe completely, this time allowing Rodney do to it himself. When he was naked again, John nodded at the couch. "Put your hands on that and stick your ass out as far as you can. This will hurt, but I'll make it quick."

Moving reluctantly to the couch, Rodney got himself in position, spreading his legs apart and bending over. This was new and pretty humiliating.

John ran his hand down Rodney's back and over his ass once. When his hand lifted, it was all the warning Rodney got before the first swat came down, hard—John wasn't putting his full strength into it, but he was definitely not holding back either.

Rodney yelped, trying to move away, but John's hands stopped him, holding him in place.

"Three more. Then you're done." His hand lifted again, coming down on a different spot. He gave the last two in rapid succession, each one coming down in a different area of his ass. When it was over, John encouraged Rodney to stand straight and wrapped his arms around him. "Good, very, very good. I know it hurt, but you took it beautifully."

He was trembling, the pain still radiating up from his ass, as he pressed his face against John's shoulder. His arousal was completely gone and his heart was pounding in his chest. That hurt.

John soothed him, leading him into the bedroom. "You can talk now. Go lie on the bed, on your chest. I think I saw some aloe in the medicine cabinet. I'll put some on it for you."

"That part I didn't like," he whispered, letting John lead him into the bedroom, his body limp and pliable.

"I know, me neither. But it was necessary. You said yourself, pain is a deterrent for you. And you did very well. We were out there for a few hours, and you only forgot yourself four times—and I had never asked that of you before." John helped him onto the bed, petting and praising him the whole time.

He looked up, finally meeting John's eyes again, hating the feeling of neediness he was experiencing. "Can you just hold me?"

"Of course." John climbed into bed with him, wrapping his arms tightly around Rodney and pulling their bodies together. "Love you."

"God…love you so much," he whispered, melting against John. He closed his eyes and simply breathed in letting the smell and feel of his lover ground him, calm him.

John nuzzled at his neck, occasionally pressing light kisses into the skin there, but mostly just holding him. One hand rubbed circles on Rodney's back, making the rest of the tension slip away.

And when it did, he surprisingly felt better, even better than he had after his last climax.

"Endorphins kicking in yet?" John sounded lightly amused, and Rodney realized he had been making soft, happy noises into his lover's shoulder.

Nodding, Rodney answered, his voice still quiet. "I think so."

"Maybe some day I'll introduce you to the art of erotic spanking. It isn't designed to hurt—it's meant to give you that rush and let you float along with it."

Rodney snorted. "Like I'd let you turn me over your knee."

"I was more thinking while you were tied down. But that was a nice mental image." He could hear John's grin.

Rodney pushed back slightly so he could look at the other man. "You're serious."

"Yes. We can try it some time, see how you like it. If you don't, we don't do it again. That kind of spanking is different from what we just did—that was a punishment, and was meant to hurt. The erotic kind is just hard enough to get the endorphins flowing."

Settling back in, Rodney sniffed. "Maybe. I won't rule it out because I've liked most of what you've suggested, but I'm not keen on pain or the whole humiliation aspect of it."

"No, pain isn't something I enjoy causing, nor is humiliation. That is saved for punishment only, and even then only when I've outlined what will happen and why up front." He tightened his arms a bit, pulling Rodney in closer.

"This after-punishment cuddling is nice," Rodney finally said a few moments later, smiling against John's shoulder.

John's chest shook a bit as he laughed. "Yeah, it is, isn't it? However, you can get the cuddling without the punishment any time you want it, too."

"Mmm. I know."

John's hand drifted from his back down to his ass. "Still stinging? Since this was the first time, I tried not to overlap any strokes."

Rodney squirmed against John's all clothed body. "Little. Not too bad. Am I going to be bruised?"

"No. I didn't hit that hard. Not even really pink yet. It would take more swats than four to get nice color on your pretty ass. But I can still put some aloe on it if it's hurting you."

"I'm pale. It doesn't take much for my skin to change colors. And I bruise easily."

Chuckling, John opened his palm and pressed lightly on Rodney's ass. "I know. Trust me, I'm more protective than you are of your ass."

Rodney moaned softly, his ass still a little sore. "I doubt anyone can be more protective of my ass than me."

"Mmm, you don't get to fuck your own ass. Besides, it's mine to protect." John continued to rub softly.

"Mmm, there is that." Rodney shifted, rubbing against John, feeling his erection beginning to rise once again.

John leaned back a bit. His eyes sparkled a bit. "On your hands and knees. I think you've been such a good boy today, you deserve some sort of reward."

Rodney shifted quickly into position, smiling broadly at John. Rewards were always good.

John made him spread his legs a bit and then used the straps on their bondage bed to secure him in place. His lover used the side straps as well as the ones on the head and foot boards, ensuring Rodney wouldn't be able to break the position.

Keeping his head up, he watched John move around him on the bed, adjusting and tightening, until he was happy, offering Rodney a smile as he slid off the bed.

He disappeared from Rodney's sight, although he could still hear him moving around. When John reappeared, he had the bottle of massage oil and was naked again. Pouring a small amount of oil into his hands, John started to knead and massage Rodney's abused ass cheeks.

Rodney hummed and moaned in appreciation. God, that felt so good.

John kept it up until Rodney was rocking as much as the bindings would allow. He reached around with one slick hand and stroked Rodney until he was so hard it hurt.

"John, ohgodohgodohgod, sogoodsogood " Rodney was chanting, John's hand on his cock sending him higher.

The hand massaging his ass drifted closer and closer to his entrance, where the beads were still moving inside him every time he shifted.

Rodney felt him sliding away, letting the sensations take over. "Yes, John, please. Oh god, please John, please."

He felt the string being tugged a few times, and the ring around his dick was removed. "When they come out, come for me." Then all at once, they beads were yanked out of his body.

Rodney yelled, the beads brushing over his prostate as they were yanked out, his cock pulsing as come poured out, splattering against his chest and the bed beneath him. His limbs were unsteady, his entire body shaking as the aftershocks rolled through him.

John's hands were on him gentling him, grounding him through the aftershocks. "So beautiful, Rodney..."

"Oh, god, John," he sobbed, taking a deep breath to try and steady his pounding heart.

"Shhh, I'm here." the straps keeping him on his knees were loosened, allowing Rodney to flop down on his stomach.

He trembled again one final time before his body relaxed against the mattress, energy spent.

John curled against his side, petting him lightly. "In a little while I'm going to make dinner, then I'm going to fuck you tonight."

Rodney moaned at the thought of John filling him, taking him, claiming him. And god, how he wanted it, but right now…

"Shhh, that's for later. I want you recovered enough to enjoy it. This was just a reward for being so good. I'm gong to unhook the straps—stay here and relax for as long as you want while I start dinner."

"Okay," he whispered, already feeling his eyes sliding closed. So tired. And between one breath and the next, he slipped into sleep.

***

 


	2. Chapter 2

John raised an eyebrow as Rodney’s body relaxed, even before he had removed the straps. With a soft chuckle, he unhooked his lover and eased him into a more comfortable position.

Then, with a press of lips to his forehead, John slipped off the bed. He pulled on his boxers before padding out into the kitchen, pulling out the ingredients for dinner. He decided on a stir-fry, pulling out the last of the chicken from the freezer to use up, along with a variety of veggies. Humming to himself, he started the chicken cooking while he prepped the vegetables, chopping them into the right sizes.

As he worked, John thought about the day and Rodney. He was amazing. The way he had struggled to obey, had accepted the punishment, and then the cuddling and rewards—John felt warm, content, knowing his lover trusted him this much. Enough to give up all his power and embrace the role of the bottom, knowing John wouldn’t abuse it, and would take care of him.

The need to protect Rodney had been there since they first met and he invited the scientist to join his team. But now? Now it was a burning desire inside him as strong as the need to connect with him physically.

He worked for a while, trying to keep it quiet so as not to wake Rodney. He got lost in the uncomplicated pleasure of cooking and his own thoughts.

When the food was almost ready, John padded back into the bedroom, finding Rodney exactly where he left him. He had put the man through a lot today, so an early night was probably a good idea—but first he needed to feed and fuck his geek.

He trailed his fingers along Rodney’s hairline, petting him. “Hey there, buddy. Wake up for me.”

Rodney shifted slightly, huffing into the blankets, not paying any attention to the wet spot he'd fallen asleep in. God, he must have been exhausted.

"Come on, lover. Wake up and come have some dinner—you didn't eat enough earlier to hold off the hypoglycemia. I promise I won't keep you up too late tonight."

"Mmm…sleeping."

"I know. But you need to wake up right now. I'll let you sleep later." John let his hand drift over Rodney's body, coming to rest on his ass. It wasn't red or bruised, but he imagined it was still a bit sore. He gave it a very light swat.

Rodney's eye shot open and he shifted away from John. "Ow. You didn't have to hit me." The complaint was more put on than injured so John smiled.

"It was a tap, and it had the desired result." John bent down to kiss the cheek he had just abused. "Come have some dinner. The trail mix from earlier was only meant to hold you over for a bit."

Rodney scowled at John, but rolled over, sitting up, shifting a little on the bed. He sniffed at the air and his expression softened. "I could eat."

John smiled, holding out a hand. "I did a stir-fry with the last of the chicken, and a little rice to have it over."

"It smells great," Rodney said, taking John's hand as he scooted off the bed, already on his way to the kitchen.

John didn't release his lover, letting himself be tugged along a little with a grin. "I aim to please. Go sit at the table and I'll get the plates. What do you want to drink?"

"Anything," Rodney said plopping himself down in a chair without a thought to his ass, his eyes on the food. "There's wine left or water or soda, but that looks great."

John laughed, shaking his head. He teased Rodney, but he really did hope his lover never changed. It was amazing to be able to laugh and talk with his partner. "Half-glass of wine each I think. We're both tired enough that I don't want it going to our heads, but I still plan to fuck you before we turn in for the night."

"Yes yes. My ass is yours, but right now food is much more important."

"Says the man who didn't want to wake up for dinner." Grinning, John brought the wine first and then went back for the food. He set the plate in front of Rodney and sat across from his lover. "Just don't inhale it, okay?"

Rodney paused, looking up at John, his fork already halfway to his mouth. "What?"

"Don't inhale it. Eat slowly—no one is going to take it away from you half-way through. You always eat so fast, it makes my fingers itch to tie you down and feed you myself sometimes." John took a bite himself, letting one corner of his mouth turn up as he chewed.

Rodney's eyes sparkled. "And what's stopping you?"

"I left the straps in the bedroom, in the bag. Tell you what, I'm feeling pretty damn relaxed, so I'll give you a choice. Eat slowly, or go get me the straps." John took another bite, his eyes never leaving Rodney's. He knew his own eyes were reflecting his amusement.

Taking a mouthful of his own food, Rodney chewed quietly holding John's gaze. He raised an eyebrow before rising to his feet, padding back into the bedroom.

Shaking his head with a grin, John set down his fork and stood up. When Rodney came back, he kissed his lover deeply. "You're the most bottomy bottom I've ever known. And it's perfect."

"What? Why?" Rodney's eyes were wide, but pleased. "I figure this is one way you can't complain I'm eating too fast. I'm trying to curtail any arguments before they happen. We only have one more day before we're trapped for three weeks on a tin can heading back to Atlantis. Arguments bad. Sex good. Laughter good. If it means I get tied to a chair while we eat dinner, so be it." He handed over the straps and a blindfold.

John laughed and kissed him again. "Perfect. My sexy, strong-willed, genius bottom." He slipped the blindfold on and pushed Rodney into the chair, attaching the straps tight enough to hold him down, but loose enough for a little wiggling.

Rodney tilted his head back and smiled up at John. "Have I mentioned I’m hungry?"

"You might have. I should do something about that." John pulled his own chair over, along with his plate, sitting down with his knees bumping Rodney's. He got a fork of food and held it up to his lover's mouth.

As soon as Rodney felt the fork touch his lip, he opened his mouth, letting John slide the food inside. He sighed as he chewed the bite, John taking a bite of his own. "Are you sure you don't want to cook for a living?"

"If you can find me some sort of kitchen set-up outside the mess, I'll cook for you occasionally on Atlantis. Just don't tell anyone. I don't want to have the base trailing me around begging."

"Mums the word. I'm keeping you all for myself."

"Mmm, good to know." John let his free hand rest on Rodney's thigh as he fed his lover another bite of food. "See how much nicer going slow is? Food can be sensual if you take the time to enjoy its tastes and textures."

Rodney leaned forward as much as the straps would allow, his voice low. "I enjoy your textures and the way you taste. Does that count?"

John shuddered—he hadn't come before dinner, and that went straight to his dick, a soft moan escaping from between his lips. "Keep saying things like that and I'll ravish you until you can't take any more."

Licking his lips suggestively, Rodney smiled. "I love the taste of your come, love it when you fuck my mouth so I can taste it, taste you for hours afterward."

John swallowed hard. He knew Rodney was trying to turn him on, and damn it, it was working. He used another fork of food to give himself a second.

"I can smell you leaking," Rodney said quietly, voice pitched low.

John was surprised at how rough his voice sounded. "Want you. After dinner, I'm going to take you hard. Need to be inside you Rodney..."

"Mmm…" Rodney purred—purred!—at John's comment. "You'll fill me with your cock, send your come deep inside of me. It'll be warm. I'll feel it drip out of my ass as you pull out and I'll know without a doubt that I, Rodney McKay, belong to you, John Sheppard."

John moaned, leaning forward to kiss Rodney deeply, panting a little into his mouth. "Mine, oh God, Rodney you're mine and I love you."

Rodney growled in the back of his throat, sucking on John's lower lip, distracting both of them from their dinner.

John started to run his hand up Rodney's chest before he realized he was still holding the fork. He forced himself to sit back, even though he was breathing heavily and powerfully turned on. "Dinner. Need you to eat so I don't have to worry about you later."

His lover tilted his head to the side as if were regarding John through the blindfold. "Probably a good idea. It's not my fault that you taste so good."

"Oh god..." John groaned and fed Rodney another bite. "You're just trying to get me to feed you faster, aren't you? Damn it, it's working."

Rodney shook his head, chewing carefully, slowly. "Just sharing some observations."

John took a bite himself and fed Rodney another. "Your observations are fucking hot."

"You cook and fuck like a pro. Wanted to give something back."

John shifted off the chair and straddled Rodney's knees, needing the contact as he fed him another bite. "You give a lot back."

"Mmmm….maybe," he said around the mouthful of stir-fry. "But you certainly liked it."

John thrust his hips, letting Rodney feel through the fabric how hard he was. "I think 'like' is too mild a term."

"Hmm. I know the perfect place you could put that."

"A few more bites. I want to know you got a full meal in you, since I really don't want to deal with the guilt that would come from you having a reaction because I got a little too eager to fuck you." John continued the lazy thrusts against Rodney's leg, enjoying the sensations.

"There's always midnight snacks."

John fed him the last of his plate, sighing internally as he did—and noting that he barely touched his own meal. But he had gone without before—it wouldn't hurt him.

Rodney chewed quietly, letting the silence settle over them for a moment.

"I'm going to unhook you now. Turn around and put your hands on the table, ass out." John rose and quickly undid the straps, making a quick dash into the bedroom for the lube and to shuck his boxers while Rodney got into position. When he returned, he was already slicking himself up.

He slid to a halt just inside the kitchen door taking in his lover's body, bent over and waiting for him.

Groaning, John moved to him, sliding his hands along Rodney's hips, thankful they had played enough that his lover didn't take much prep these days. He got three fingers coated with lube and pushed them in slowly. "So wonderful, so perfect. Oh Rodney..."

His lover's voice was breathing, panting already. "Oh, right there…yes, John, god, you make me feel so good."

John pulled his fingers free and slowly pushed his dick inside Rodney's body, breathing hard as he struggled for control. "So tight, so hot..."

Rodney groaned loudly, the sound starting in his chest and moving outward. "So full, so good, John, love you, oh god, so good…"

When he felt Rodney relax around him, John almost sobbed with relief. "Brace yourself. I want to fuck you hard."

Nodding, Rodney adjusted his stance and held onto the table a little tighter. "Take me. I'm yours."

That was all he needed. John set up a hard, fast pace, pounding into his lover, loving the cries and pushing back he got for his effort. Rodney was meeting him on every stroke, and John's orgasm was coming fast. "Come. Now."

His lover clenched down on him and John could feel Rodney coming again, his body shaking through his orgasm, pleasure rolling through his body as he slumped slightly.

John thrust a few more times then came hard, shaking and shouting as he claimed Rodney all over again. He was vaguely aware that he was saying 'Mine" over and over again as he slumped against Rodney's back.

"Yours, John. All yours," Rodney whispered, exhaustion once again shading his voice.

Shaking himself a bit, John stood back up, slowly pulling out with a hiss. "Hang on, let me get a towel to clean you up." He grabbed a washcloth and got them both straightened up as best he could before tugging the blindfold off. "Go lie down and wait for me. I'll clean up dinner and be right behind you."

Rodney nodded, stumbling slightly as he headed into the bedroom, disappearing from John's view a moment later. He didn't hear a thump or anything bad so it must have meant that Rodney had made it into bed.

He quickly cleaned up, dumping the dishes in the sink for later—he had cleaned the pans before he woke Rodney—and putting his own uneaten portion in the fridge. With a sigh, his limbs feeling heavy, John went into the bedroom and crawled under the covers, curling around Rodney's body.

"Mmmm," Rodney said, shifting so he could get closer to John, the leather from his ankle cuffs drifting across John's legs while the cool metal around Rodney's wrists warmed next to John's skin.

John pulled him close, kissing him softly, "Sleep now. We can play again tomorrow."

"Hope so," he whispered, sighing into John's shoulder.

"Always." John rubbed his back until he felt Rodney slip into sleep again. He wasn't far behind.

John woke slowly, the sensation of fingers trailing against his skin, swirling around his nipples, and a breeze from where the covers had been pulled back.

He moaned, arching into the touch. His brain wasn't online yet, but his body was definitely getting with the program.

John heard a low chuckle, the touch not lightening or getting harder.

Cracking an eye, he saw Rodney hovering above him, amused, aroused, and focused completely on John. Since he still hadn't woken up enough for speech, John just moaned again.

"Good. You're awake. I was getting bored."

"Mmmmm don't stop." John wriggled a little, trying to get Rodney's hands on him again.

Rodney chuckled again, his hand coming to a stop, resting full in the middle of John's chest. "Stop what?"

John arched up, stretching his hands above his head and pointing his toes. "Felt good. Keep doing whatever you were doing."

"Doing?" Rodney's eyebrow rose. "I was doing something?"

"Bastard." John grinned at him. "Touch me and I'll make you pancakes."

"But I am touching you." Rodney shifted, leaning on John and a second later he felt Rodney's free hand wrap around his cock. "You mean like this?"

John groaned, thrusting his hips up into Rodney's hand. "Please..."

"Okay," he said quietly, the hand on John's chest drifting to a nipple, his mouth attaching to the other one. His hand began stroking up and down John's length, twisting slightly at the top, wringing a cry from John each time.

It didn't take long for John to come—Rodney knew all his hotspots. He shuddered through the aftershocks and then melted back into the bed, humming softly.

"Morning," Rodney said, smile in his voice.

"Mornin'. S'a good way to wake up." John held out his arms for Rodney to snuggle close.

"Glad to help. So what's on the agenda for today?" Rodney asked settling against John.

"Pancakes. Sex. Maybe a movie."

"Good. When do we start?"

Cracking an eye, John chuckled. "I can take a hint. Grab the straps and meet me in the kitchen." John stretched again, but didn't really move. He was comfortable.

Rodney was already moving, sliding out from under the blankets and padding into the bathroom, taking care of his morning business quickly before he was back at the bedside, grabbing the straps. "Anything else?"

"Pick out your favorite plug and bring it to me." John sat up on his elbows to watch.

Indecision crossed Rodney's face as he thought. "Is this going to stay in for a while or will it be coming out shortly?"

"A little while, but not all day. Through breakfast at least." John slid to the edge of the bed to admire the view. Rodney had a great ass.

Rodney nodded, apparently coming to a decision as he turned to the toy drawer and returning with the vibrating plug and the lube.

Chuckling, John took both, motioning for Rodney to turn around. Instead of using his finger to open his lover up, John leaned forward and licked at him, pushing his tongue inside.

"Oh, god!" Rodney yelled, obviously not expecting it. He steadied himself a minute later. "Need me…need me on the bed?"

John pulled away for a moment, grinning. "Nope. Just getting you loose enough for the plug for now."

"Okay," Rodney said, moaning as John turned back to his work.

John kept it up until his tongue was moving freely. He pulled back again, quickly slicking up the plug and sliding it into place, setting it at the lowest vibration. "Go get me the vibrating cock ring, too. Might as well use the whole set."

It took nearly a moment for Rodney to respond and to move, moaning as he adjusted to the sensation in his ass. He finally moved and retrieved the ring John wanted, his cock standing out proudly from his body, already dripping pre-come.

John kissed the tip of Rodney's dick, sighing softly at the flavor. He attached the ring and set it to the lowest vibration as well. "Now for pancakes." He stood up, stretching all his muscles again, loving the relaxed pull under his skin.

Rodney's hand was on one of the posts, his eyes closed as he moaned, obviously trying to get himself back under control while he adjusted to the sensations of the vibrating toys.

Chuckling, John kissed his lover, enjoying the edge of desperation Rodney had. "Kitchen. Go sit down in your chair so I can strap you down. No blindfold, since I want you to watch me while I cook."

He nodded, panting slightly as he moved slowly toward the door. By the time he reached the doorway there was a slight sheen on his forehead, his bottom lip pinned with his teeth as he worked at controlling himself.

John followed him, quickly securing him to the chair, tight enough that he wouldn't be able to squirm much. "You're not going to come until after breakfast, and I will expect you to eat what I feed you."

"Yes, sir" Rodney whispered, his body vibrating with need and desperation, his eyes slightly glazed over.

John cupped Rodney's face, holding it until he was sure his lover was looking at him. "Eyes on me. If I look over, I expect to see you watching me cook. If you're very good, I'll even lick maple syrup off your dick later."

"Oh, John…yes, sir," he replied, his voice holding a hint of his desperation. God, he was beautiful like this—so open, so needy.

John gave him a fast, hard kiss before going to the pantry to gather what he needed. He started the bacon first, since it would need longer to cook, then got the pancake batter started and cooking. He glanced over frequently to catch Rodney's pleasure-glazed blue eyes. "Make noise for me. Talk, moan, groan, beg, whatever seems natural."

Rodney squirmed in the chair, a low moan answering John. "What…what did you want to talk about?" he finally asked, making an effort to focus on something other than his body.

Grinning, John glanced over at him. "I read about the Millennium Problems—have you ever tried to solve any of them?"

"Looked…looked at…all of them," he panted, the last word ending with a low moan. "I've been…working on the Yang-Mills and Mass Gap one…in my spare time. If I….if I had more time…would have solved it already."

"Cool. If you ever want anyone to look at the math for you, let me know. What would you do with the money if you won?" John loved math, so getting Rodney to talk about it while he was so visibly aroused was making John's dick twitch again.

"In…invest it with the rest."

"How much do you have squirreled away? When we retire, I was thinking of buying a little private beach somewhere, maybe Hawaii. I could get a little prop plane, and we could build you a lab to tinker in...I have some—combat pay is pretty good actually—but it won't be enough for anything huge."

"You'd…you'd be surprised," Rodney said. "Probably don't…don't have to work if I didn't want."

"You'd get bored in the space of a week without work to keep you busy. It's okay for vacations, but not full time. Besides, then I wouldn't get to just sit and watch you be brilliant. I'd miss that." John plated the pancakes and bacon, drizzling the syrup over it. Walking to the table, he straddled Rodney's legs. He got a dollop of syrup on his finger and smeared it along the length of Rodney's shaft.

"Oh John," Rodney breathed, eyes fluttering shut as he groaned loudly.

John held a bite of pancake up to Rodney's mouth. "Eat. I'll lick you later."

As soon as Rodney moaned again, his lips opening, John pushed the pancake in.

"You've got a stack of food to get through. Then I'll think about letting you come."

"Killing me…" he moaned even as he opened his mouth to take another bite.

"Nah, just making you fly." John used his free hand to fondle Rodney's nipples.

"John…God, John, please…"

"Not yet. Fall for me, Rodney. Stop thinking and just feel."

Rodney whimpered, but his eyes drifted closed, his body trembling under the sensations. John waited a few moments before starting to feed him again, Rodney eating each and every forkful of breakfast.

When both of them had eaten, John replaced the fork on Rodney's lips with his mouth, kissing his lover deeply. When he broke it, he slid to his knees, licking his way up and down Rodney's weeping erection, cleaning off every trace of syrup.

Rodney moaned and whimpered, squirming against the bonds holding him to the chair, his head falling back to expose his pale neck.

John gave in to temptation a rose on his knees enough to nip at the expanse of skin. His. Such a beautiful body and it was all his to taste and touch.

"John, oh god, John, please god, please, feels so good, makes me feel so good, John, my John…"

At hearing the 'my John' spill from Rodney's lips, John felt a surge of need, affection, emotion go through him. "Yours, Rodney. All yours, only yours. Come when the ring comes off." He moved down to suck on the head of Rodney's dick, then swallowed him down as he flicked the ring off.

Rodney moaned loudly, John's name on his lips as he came, body shaking and trembling, the restraints holding him in place.

Wiggling his fingers under Rodney's ass, John managed to find the off switch on the plug. It was still in, but no longer vibrating. He straddled Rodney's lap again, wrapping his arms around his trembling lover and soothing him through the aftershocks.

"John, oh John, oh John." Rodney was chanting, his voice hushed as he pressed his face into John's shoulder.

"Shhhh. Here. I'm here. Not going anywhere." John managed to reach the arm restraints without moving far, freeing Rodney's hands, which immediately wrapped around him.

Rodney's hands then slid up, cupping the back of John's head as Rodney tilted his chin upward, catching John's mouth in a wet and dirty kiss.

John opened his mouth and let Rodney control it for a moment, giving him what he needed. Eventually, though, he took control of the kiss, gentling it before pulling just far enough away that they were breathing each other's air. "Better now?"

"Oh god, yes."

"Good." John brushed a few more almost-chaste kisses across Rodney's lips. "Best. Breakfast. Ever."

"We'll just have to figure out how to top that with lunch."

"Mmmmm. You're a genius and I'm not too shabby. I bet if we both think about it, we can come up with something."

"Mmm, I imagine so."

"I think I should go through the fridge and pull out everything we aren't going to get around to eating. I can lick it all off you."

"Like I'd just let you do that."

"Of course you would. Well, you'd let me tie you to the bed, and after that you wouldn't have much choice." John gave him a cheeky grin.

"Maybe." John could feel the smile against his cheek.

John kissed the corner of Rodney's mouth. "I was going to suggest a shower, but if I plan to coat you in sticky things later, it makes sense to wait. Help me clean up breakfast and dinner from last night, then we'll watch a movie."

"Okay. Might help if you untie the rest of the straps though."

With a soft exhale of air, John rose and finished untying his feisty partner. "I'll wash, you dry."

"If you insist," he said rising to his feet.

They made it through the dishes quickly, Rodney putting them away as he dried them. When the chore was done, John took his hand and led him into the living room, sitting in their chair in the same position as yesterday—he liked the access it gave him.

"I thought we were watching a movie," Rodney commented as he squirmed, making an exaggerated effort to get comfortable.

John used the remote to turn on the TV, flicking channels until he found a movie. Dropping the remote back on the table, he nuzzled at Rodney's neck, breathing him in. "There you go."

Rodney huffed.

John laughed into his lover's skin, the proceeded to nip and lick everything he could reach, letting his hands roam. "You taste so good. Like an addiction—I just can't get enough."

"And there's plenty for you."

John growled softly and bit Rodney's shoulder, where he knew it wouldn't show with a shirt. "I wish I could mark you high enough that everyone knew to keep their grabby hands to themselves. You belong to me."

"You know how well I lie. That might not be the best of ideas."

"I know. But that doesn't stop me from wanting it." John kissed the new mark he had just made. "Not to mention, looking at you and seeing my marks is just hot."

Rodney squirmed in his lap. "There’s a lot of me that gets covered up with clothing."

John chuckled. "You're going to have a few more by the end of the day. I'm not going to be able to touch you for a while, not in the close confines of the ship. I want to know you can't forget who owns you in the three weeks it will take to get to Atlantis—and I don't know how but I will find a time and place to renew them."

"Carson better be the one who does my check-up before we head out, then. You might want to mention it to him."

"We're already scheduled for it. He's looking all the Atlantis senior staff over, in addition to quite a few of the new personnel."

"Good. He'll roll his eyes, but he won't complain too much."

John found Rodney's cock, and smiled when he discovered it half-hard again. "Being marked turns you on, hmm?"

Rodney moaned, shifting again, this time turning slightly so he could look at John. "You turn me on."

John stroked his lover into full hardness. "Since you turn me on, I guess that means we're a good match." He shifted his hips up slightly so Rodney could feel his own erection.

"Fuck me?"

John groaned a little—Rodney rarely asked outright. "Oh god, yes. Go kneel on the couch, hands on the back."

Rodney scrambled away from the chair, getting himself in position in record time, the plug still filling his ass.

"Beautiful..." John found a tube of lube they had left in the living room at some point and slicked himself up quickly. Pulling the plug free, he immediately replaced it with his own dick, needing to feel Rodney around him.

"So good, feels so good," Rodney was whispering, moaning as John continued to slide in until he was pressed in all the way, balls against the back of Rodney's thighs.

"Oh, Rodney...Want to spend the rest of my life right here, buried inside you. So perfect..." John had chosen this position since it let him find his lover's prostate easily.

Rodney cried out each time the head of John's cock brushed his prostate, words and babble interspersed with moans, whimpers, and groans as he held on even though his body trembled with need.

John knew he was getting close. "When you feel me start to come, you can find your own release. Want to come with you, at the same time."

His lover whimpered in reply, nodding as he struggled to hold position as John pounded into him.

With that acknowledgement, John let go, fucking Rodney hard and fast. He could feel his pleasure pooling in the base of his spine until, with a guttural cry, he was coming.

"John, oh John," Rodney yelled as John felt him shuddering with his own release.

He managed to twist sideways, falling into the couch and pulling Rodney with him—he managed to not slip out quite yet—so they were sprawled together. "Oh god, Rodney, love you so fucking much..."

It took a few minutes for Rodney to catch his breath, his body completely relaxed and pliant in John's arms. "We made a mess of the couch."

"We'll clean it up enough to disguise what it was, and then you can have it cleaned."

"We need a latex couch or something. So much easier to clean up."

"Like the ones in the club in Vegas. Those were meant for having hot sex on them." John purred a bit at the thought. "Did I tell you the only reason there were so many people still hanging around the next morning was because they were all waiting to see if I was going to fuck you where they could watch? People were drooling over the thought of watching us."

"You wanted to."

John nuzzled at Rodney's neck. "I'll curb my exhibitionist streak since I know you aren't as in to that particular kink."

"I appreciate that," he replied, quiet for a moment. "Is it the whole…claiming thing that you like to have sex in public or is it something else?"

John carded his hand through Rodney's chest hair while he thought. "A little. I like other people knowing you're mine. But it's also—you're really fucking hot, and I like showing you off I guess. And I like showing off a little, too." He felt himself blush.

John could feel the skin under his hand warm as his lover blushed as well. Rodney squirmed against him, ass clenching down a little on John's cock still buried inside of him.

John felt his breath hitch. "Maybe some day you'll try it? Even just going back to a club like that one?"

"I'd go back with you," Rodney answered, barely any hesitation in his voice.

John shuddered, feeling his dick twitch at the thought, and knowing Rodney could feel it, too.

"You were so happy, so proud, so possessive. I knew I was safe with you."

"Always. I'll always protect you."

"I know."

John pulled him closer, resting his head against the side of Rodney's. "We really need a shower. We're both getting sticky."

Rodney sighed, the television in the background nearly drowning out the sound. "We both know where it is."

"Wash my hair for me? Feels so good when you do it."

"Whatever you want."

John kissed the side of Rodney's neck. "Right now I want a shower and lots of mutual touching."

"We have half of that down pretty well right now."

"Come on. We'll both feel better clean. If we get sticky again later, we can just take another one. Having you wet and soapy isn't something I'll get tired of any time soon."

"You're the one who has to pull out. I'm not moving until you do."

John chuckled. Rodney had turned into quite a bottom slut. He carefully rolled them, pulling out with a hiss and standing up to hold out a hand.

Rodney scowled up at him, but took his hand. "There's come dripping out of my ass," he complained as he stood.

"That's what the shower is for. We'll get that ass all nice and squeaky clean so it will be ready next time I want to play with it." John led him into the bathroom and got the shower started. He quickly unlocked the cuffs on his ankles and wrists, putting them to the side. He left the metal collar on, knowing that the water wouldn't damage it.

"And that's coming soon, right?"

John couldn't help smirking. "You won't be coming soon. I'm going to make you wait a bit for it."

Rodney's eyes widened, but he didn't complain or contradict John. "What's a bit?"

"If I told you that, it would take all the fun of the anticipation out of it. In the shower. Time to clean you up." John stepped aside and motioned for his lover to get in.

Rolling his eyes, Rodney stepped inside, but John heard the contented moan as the warm water hit his back.

Following him in, John got the washcloth and lost himself in the simple pleasure of washing his lover's body. He knew Rodney didn't really understand why he enjoyed this so much, but he was grateful he didn't fight it.

Today, it was a little different though. Even though Rodney had rolled his eyes at the beginning, he'd started making quiet moans and sighs about halfway through, his eyes glazing over slightly as John's hands slid over his body.

Standing, John cupped Rodney's face, using his thumb to rub his favorite spot on his lover's jaw. "Rodney? Still with me, buddy?"

"Mmm?" It took a moment before Rodney's eyes focused on John. Damn, he'd dropped into sub-space.

John had to wonder what had done it—usually showering wasn't a trigger for Rodney, although admittedly it was one of his. But he could ask later. Right now he needed to take care of his partner. He kissed him gently, helping him lean against the back wall before resuming the ritual of cleaning.

Rodney's moans of contentment just continued, his body pliant as John finished washing him.

Turning him so Rodney was facing the wall, John dropped to his knees and nuzzled at Rodney's ass, biting and licking and kissing his way slowly towards the puckered entrance.

"John…oh, John…" Rodney breathed the words, his name as he shifted, opening his legs a little wider.

He teased for a while before giving Rodney what he wanted, licking his way into Rodney's entrance, fucking him lightly with his tongue until his jaw started to ache.

Rodney moaned, body trembling as he opened himself up and let himself feel everything.

Rising, John pressed himself against Rodney's back, wrapping his arms around him. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here."

He quieted under John's touch, finally leaning back against him, head on his shoulder.

John gentled him until he was sure Rodney was okay. He wanted to give his lover some physical connection—and he didn't want him to come yet so fucking was out of the question. "Wash my hair. Take your time and make it feel good."

Rodney moved immediately, a dollop of shampoo in his hands quickly turning to lather in John's hair as Rodney's fingers massaged his scalp.

John let his body relax, leaning into it and giving himself up to the sensation for a minute. He moaned when Rodney started to massage more than he was cleaning, feeling more than a little blissed out.

Rodney tilted him toward the water, washing out the suds, his fingers still massaging, this time moving down to his neck and shoulders, rubbing out several knots of tension.

John decided he really wanted to be somewhere where he couldn't fall—this felt really good. Flicking off the water, he glanced back at Rodney. "Bed. You're going to keep doing that when I don't have to stay upright."

Nodding slowly, Rodney let John tug him out of the shower, quickly drying them off before pulling him to the bed. Rodney's eyes were still a little glazed, but he was reacting, listening, obeying. He settled into place straddling John, hands digging into the muscles of John's back even before the other man was fully settled.

With a sigh, John relaxed into the mattress. He had had a tense week, made more so by being at odds with Rodney for a good portion of it. Not to mention being promoted, interrogated, held a dinner party... He had a lot of knots in his muscles.

Rodney worked his back like a pro, kneading muscles until everything was loose and warm. John had groaned as some of the knots were worked out, the pain running down his arm until it resolved, leaving behind a sense of release.

When John felt like one big puddle of goo, he turned his head to catch Rodney's eye. "C'mere. Wanna snuggle now."

His lover's hands kept moving, caught up in the movement, in the sensation. John realized that Rodney had gotten lost in his own little world.

Moving carefully so as not to startle him, John turned and tugged Rodney's hand a bit. "Come here. I want to just hold you for a minute."

Rodney followed John down, letting the other man arrange him as he wanted, his arms wrapping around John.

John closed his eyes and just enjoyed the way they felt together. He worked a knee between Rodney's legs and held him close, whispering soft nonsense he hoped was soothing and comforting.

The beating of Rodney's heart and the even sound of his breathing was hypnotic and John felt himself drifting off, so relaxed from the massage.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that. He knew he must have drifted off into sleep, since the next thing he knew, Rodney was moving.

His lover shifted against him again, arms tugging John closer.

"Hmm? Wha? Time'sit?"

Rodney shifted again before he answered, his voice very quiet. "Almost three."

"Sorry I fell asleep." John blinked a few times, stretching his muscles a bit. "Massage felt so good. I haven't been that relaxed in a while."

"It's okay."

"Hungry? It's a little late for lunch, but I can make something light to hold us until dinner." John rolled so he was on top of Rodney, letting his weight pin his lover down.

"I should eat something," Rodney answered quietly, his eyes soft.

Giving in to temptation—and still feeling loose and relaxed—John kissed him gently, not letting it get deep enough to edge into desperate or aroused. When he broke it, he knew Rodney could probably see everything he was feeling written across his face. "Sandwich?"

He nodded. "Sure."

Diving in for another sweet kiss first, John forced himself to sit up. "Come with me. I'm not done touching you yet."

Rodney sat up, linking his hand with John's offered one as they moved into the kitchen. John leaned Rodney against the cabinet as he padded to the fridge, grabbing a few things to make sandwiches.

As he quickly assembled them, he hooked an ankle around Rodney's leg, needing and wanting the physical connection.

Rodney leaned in toward John's body and hummed slightly, but otherwise was silent. His head was turned toward John, his eyes slightly glazed over. Still in headspace, and seemingly pretty deep.

Once the food was ready, he cut Rodney's into bite-sized portions, holding one up to his lover's lips and slipping it inside before leading him to the table and settling him in his chair. John didn't think he really needed the straps this time, since Rodney was so far under he would obey without them.

John scooted his chair close to Rodney's and began feeding him regularly, Rodney eating everything John gave him. Rodney's hands rested on John's thigh, simply touching skin.

When they had both finished lunch, John rose and led Rodney back into the bedroom. He arranged him on the bed, using a pillow under his hips to ensure access to anything he wanted and then strapped his lover down, spread eagle. "So beautiful like this... So perfect..."

A smile graced his lips and for a moment he focused on John, the absolute trust and love and peace on his face showing through.

John went and found their blindfold and slipped it over Rodney's head after a quick kiss, knowing it would deepen the sensations. Settling himself, he started to drag his finger all over Rodney's body, adding in the occasional pull of his nail for variety.

And the sounds…God, the sounds and his squirms were amazing. The moans, whimpers, groans, and sighs were interspersed with whispered "Johns" as he played, teasing his lover.

John kept up the play until he had touched every part of Rodney he could get to, some more than once. Rodney was erect and leaking, but John didn't want him coming yet, so he grabbed a leather cock ring from the bedside table and slipped it on. "You still have a ways to go before you can get release."

"Yours," he whispered, the word breathy.

John brushed his lips across Rodney's, licking his way inside briefly before pulling away again. He followed the same type of pattern he had used with his fingers with his mouth, covering every inch of Rodney's skin, worshipping him.

Rodney trembled and shuddered under John's attention, the sounds slowly getting louder as his desire and arousal continued to increase.

After he had covered Rodney's body with kisses and nips, he returned to the pert little nipples, lavishing first one, then the other, with sucking, licking, biting—teasing them until both were red and swollen.

John got a few loud whimpers, near yelps, when he'd bitten down, leaving a red ring of teeth marks on the pale skin surrounding Rodney's nipples. And with an evil smile his lover couldn't see John began marking several spots on Rodney's pale chest knowing they would remain on his lover's skin for several days.

He smiled at the moans—his lips stretched even wider when Rodney finally started begging—not to come, not for him to stop, but for John to keep going, to keep marking him, claiming him. It was amazing. John kissed the most recent mark softly. "Remember how reluctant you were to let me do this at first?"

"Remember," he panted. "Scared me, but not now. Want it, want you."

"You have me. You're mine now, and I don't share."

"Yours. All yours," he moaned as John moved down, marking a patch on Rodney's soft stomach.

By the time he finished marking Rodney, there were a good dozen spots, from his chest to his inner thighs, each one screaming 'Property of John Sheppard'. Satisfied, John shimmied back up Rodney's body to claim his mouth in a deep, possessive kiss.

Rodney moaned loudly into John's mouth, shifting and rubbing cock against cock, sending a shiver through John's body.

Pulling away with a fierce smile, John got up and got a vibrator and the lube from the toy drawer. He slicked up the toy and pushed it slowly into Rodney, flicking it on once he was sure it was against his lover's prostate.

His lover bucked against the restraints, moaning loudly, words quickly forming. "God, John, more oh god, more, feels good, yours, John, yours…"

Knowing Rodney couldn't see what he was doing, John grinned, quickly opening himself up. He wanted to surround Rodney in sensation, until all he knew, all he could know, was John. Once he was open enough not to tear anything, and without any warning, John sank onto Rodney’s erection.

Rodney's mouth opened in a silent scream before he collapsed against the bed, whimpering and moaning, breathing heavily. His mouth though was still moving, mouthing words until his voice could kick back in, until he started pleading and begging John for more.

John liked this position since it left his hands free to play. He started to tease Rodney's abused nipples again as he slowly began to fuck himself on his lover, driving Rodney higher and higher.

His lover whimpered and sobbed as John played with him, his body trembling with need, head rocking back and forth as he took everything John was giving him.

John's own orgasm almost snuck up on him; he was so focused on Rodney's pleasure he forgot about his own. With a surprised shout he felt himself coming, striping his own and Rodney's chest with it.

Rodney moaned louder as John's come coated him, words finally dropping away once again.

John settled down, keeping Rodney deep inside himself. When he had regained his breath, he started to move again, this time pulling off the cock ring on one of his up strokes. He sped up his movements then, and reached around to grasp the vibrator and move it in time to his thrusts down. "Come for me."

With one more thrust of the vibrator, Rodney was yelling John's name as his orgasm overcame him, his back arching off the bed as far as the restraints would allow before he fell limp, the aftershocks rolling through his body, his cock filling John with warm come.

John continued to move until Rodney started to make noises that it was too much. He flicked the vibrator off and tossed it on the bed, then sat up on his knees far enough to let his lover slip out. He carefully laid down, blanketing Rodney's body with his own and wrapping his arms around him.

Rodney was murmuring, panting still from his climax, the words indistinct, jumbled together.

John just held him, nibbling lightly at his neck, until Rodney came back down from his high.

Rodney's pulse and breathing evened out, the trembling in his limbs subsiding as he turned his head toward John, resting his cheek against John's, purring softly into John's ear.

John nuzzled him softly. "Hey."

"Mmm."

He chuckled. "How are your limbs? Need to be released?"

Rodney tugged slightly at his bindings before relaxing again. "Fine."

They stayed that way for a while—John rolled to the side so Rodney wasn't bearing all his weight—just enjoying the connection to one another. Finally, John sighed and sat up. "I need to get us packed for tomorrow. You can either stay here, like this, and just enjoy yourself, or I can let you up and you can stay with me."

"Whatever you want, sir," Rodney answered quietly, head tilted toward John.

John captured Rodney's mouth, the 'sir', as always, sending a toppy thrill through him. "With me then, so I can touch you."

Rodney opened up under John, moaning into the kiss as John's tongue plundered his mouth, leaving them both panting when John finally pulled back.

When he pulled back, John unhooked the straps holding Rodney down. Smiling softly, he pulled the blindfold away last to reveal clear blue eyes.

His lover returned the soft smile with one of his own.

"Hey." John cupped his lover's face, breath catching a bit as Rodney turned his head slightly into the touch.

Rodney hands were on John's arms, lightly touching, as his eyes drifted closed, letting out a long breath as he leaned his head a little more into John's hand.

John kissed him again, sweetly this time, leaving his hand where it was. He dragged his thumb along Rodney's jaw a bit, loving the feel of the stubble.

Rodney moaned quietly into the kiss, fingers digging into John's arm and shoulder.

John pulled back just enough so his breath was brushing over Rodney's lips. "Love you."

A small cry left Rodney's mouth and he echoed John's words before leaning up, catching John's lips with his own.

John kissed him until they were both breathless. "I need to pack us up. If we wait until tomorrow, we'll forget something."

"Can't we just stay here?"

Huffing softly, John kissed the corner of Rodney's mouth before sitting back, his hand still cupping his lover's face. "You would miss the excitement of discovery after a while."

Rodney shook his head before leaning into John's hand. "I don't want to give this up."

"You won't. I'll be right there with you, and we'll make time for each other. Not to mention, we're going to have regular runs to and from Earth now, and all personnel will be scheduled for regular leave. We'll make sure both of us take it together."

"If they let us." John heard the worry as plain as day. No wonder why he'd dropped so quickly into headspace this morning.

John started caressing with his thumb again, reassuring him. "They won't have a reason not to. Elizabeth is the one who will be scheduling the rotations, and she's not going to stop us. Nothing's going to change—we just have to be less open about it is all."

He sighed, leaning into John's hand. "I know. And I know I was the one paranoid about it when we started. But now after these few weeks…"

"I know." John kept rubbing, using his other arm to pull Rodney close. "But we'll still be close. We just get to be more creative about showing it. This is really, really nice, but we'll get it again. And we have our escape room as often as Carson can come up with reasons to send us there."

"It's part of the medical department. It's not ours."

"We're the only ones who use it. And we have our own quarters and the apartment here. And the jumpers, and the mainland, and our offices... We'll find times and places. I promise. We won't loose this connection."

He nodded slowly, not entirely assured but willing to let the conversation be for now, willing to trust John. God. His face was so expressive. All you had to do was look.

John kissed him again softly. "We'll make it work. I love you too much not to. I know there will be issues, but we did it before. We'll do it again."

"Okay," he nodded again, the word whispered, ghosting over John's lips.

John stood slowly, keeping his hand on Rodney's face until the last possible moment. "Come on, let's go through the house quickly and make sure we pack everything we need. Then we can get back to playing."

Rodney sighed and nodded, rolling to a seated position on the bed. John's eyes drifted across his lover's body, taking in the cuffs and the various marks all over his body.

He purred softly. "So gorgeous."

Rodney blushed, holding John's gaze, his eyes appreciative of the compliment. "What did you want me to do?"

"Besides look pretty?" John grinned at the deepening blush Rodney gave at that. "Let's start piling everything that needs to go on the bed. We can pack it when we have it all together."

"I thought we'd packed most of it already in the science department crates."

"We did. But there are a few odds and ends we won't want to forget. Clothes, etcetera."

"Oh. We have uniforms. What else do we need?"

"We'll take a spin through the house and see. It shouldn't take long." John started grabbing a few things out of the drawers and tossing them on the bed.

Rodney scratched an itch in his shoulder before finally climbing off the bed. "I'll start in the living room."

John grabbed him, pulling him in for another fast kiss. "We'll do this fast."

Rodney kissed him back before stepping away. "Do we know what we're doing for dinner yet?"

"Since this is the last meal I'll be able to cook for you, any requests? I'll make you anything you want."

He was silent for a long moment before he shrugged. "Nothing comes to mind."

John grinned. "Then after we pack, I'll see what I can put together."

"Okay, I'll…" Rodney pointed to the living room with his thumb.

Caressing him again—John just couldn't get enough of touching his lover—he nodded. "Packing. Then dinner. Then sex."

Rodney smiled lightly, leaning into John's touch for a minute before John finally pulled back. At this rate they wouldn't get anything done. "I'll be quick."

"Good. Quick is very good." John forced himself to step back to the dresser.

After a long look, Rodney took a breath and turned, heading into the living room, his unmarked ass giving John pause. That certainly couldn't be left alone.

He dropped a few more items on the bed and followed his lover into the living room, where he was already standing at the television sorting through DVDs. Without a sound, John dropped down to his knees behind him, grabbed Rodney's hips to keep him in place, and started to lick, testing out a few spots.

"John!" Rodney exclaimed, DVD boxes falling from his hands as he instinctively gripped the bookshelf.

"I missed this luscious ass when I was marking you earlier. That won't do." Picking the perfect spot, John started to suck and nibble.

"What happened to later?" Rodney's voice had gotten higher, but he wasn't moving.

John just hummed and continued to mark him until it was perfect—dark purple against the pale, almost translucent, white. "I'll go back to packing in a minute. This was more important." He studied the other cheek, trying to decide if he wanted them symmetrical or not.

Rodney moaned, spreading his legs slightly, but otherwise not moving, his head pressed against his forearm.

Deciding it would be more fun to leave Rodney with marks in different spots, so no matter which way he shifted he would think of who he belonged to. Choosing his spot, John went to work, making another large, dark mark.

By the time John was done, Rodney was moaning and panting loudly, his cock hard and leaking pre-come.

Kissing each mark, John made a happy noise. "Much better. Now we can pack." He rose to his feet.

A sob stuck in the back of his lover's throat, his knuckles white where they clutched at the bookshelf.

Pressing himself against Rodney's back, John nuzzled his neck. "Packing. Then sex. Then dinner. I'm revising the order."

"How…how about sex, packing, sex, dinner, and more sex?"

"Packing, sex, dinner, more sex. But we have to pack or we never will." John rubbed his own stubble against Rodney's cheek then backed off, turning to head back to the bedroom.

Rodney whimpered again, making John turn around, but his lover was already bending over—carefully—picking up the DVDs he'd dropped.

"Love you." John knew his smile was tender.

"Hate you right now," Rodney grumbled, but there was affection in his voice.

Chuckling, John shook his head. "Anticipation just makes the orgasm better. You'll thank me later." He sauntered back into the bedroom, making a point of wiggling his ass when he knew Rodney was watching.

Rodney's "Hate you" followed him into the other room and he chuckled.

They moved through the house quickly, gathering up a small pile of uniforms, DVDs, iPods, and other random objects they wanted to bring. John made a point of giving Rodney's dick a few pulls every time he walked by.

Each time it stopped Rodney in his tracks for nearly a minute as he groaned, usually clutching the nearest solid piece of furniture or wall until he could get himself back under control.

Finally they dragged out the duffel bags—John was an expert packer and got quite a bit into his, leaving the rest for Rodney. John finished first, so he sat on the edge of the bed with his legs spread wide, offering what he knew was a tempting sight.

Rodney's eyes kept drifting, hands pausing mid-pack as he stared at John, only to finally break off his gaze and turn back to his own duffel, forgetting what he'd been doing a minute prior.

With a deep—and hopefully seductive—chuckle, John just spread his legs further and started to stroke himself with slow, lazy movements. He could see how hard and needy it was making his lover, and he was wondering how long it would take Rodney to crack.

"Oh, god, John…" Rodney whispered, the sound broken, his hand halfway into the bag, his eyes wide and fixed on John's hand on his cock.

"See something you like?"

"Ohgodyes."

Smirking, John continued to stroke, feeling himself harden and lengthen. "Then you should do something about it, shouldn't you?"

"Fuck me?"

John raised an eyebrow, feeling playful. "You're kind of far away to be fucked right now."

Rodney dropped whatever was in his hands. "Where do you want me?"

"Come straddle me." John grinned at how fast his lover moved. "Eager?"

"Do you need a cock ring?" Rodney asked instead as he climbed on the bed.

"Depends. How long can you hold off your orgasm without one?" John gripped Rodney's hips and, before his lover could figure out what he was doing, did a combination of pulling him down and thrusting up that buried him in Rodney's ass.

Rodney moaned as John slid into him, his eyes closing as his hands clutched John's shoulders. "Am I coming now?" he finally stuttered out.

"No. We've barely gotten started." John made a few shallow thrusts up. "You're going to ride me, and you aren't going to come until I tell you to."

"OhgodJohn," he groaned.

Satisfied that Rodney would obey—for now—John laid back all the way, grinning. "Ride me, Rodney."

He started slowly, rising up and down before he picked up the pace, fucking himself on John's cock. With his hands pressed on the bed on either side of his knees, Rodney threw his head back and moaned, his eyes closed as he continued to move, continued to fuck himself, riding John as if he hadn't been fucked in weeks instead of a few hours ago.

God, he was amazing. It had taken a while to break through his natural shyness in the bedroom, but oh was it worth it. Moaning, John started to meet him on every thrust, crying out his lover's name.

Rodney's pleading voice broke through his arousal, his lover begging for more in between his panting breaths.

Reaching out, John got a hand on Rodney's dick, just holding it so Rodney's own movements fucked him into John's hand. "Not yet. Take it a little longer."

He whimpered, body trembling, but he continued moving—albeit not as steadily as before.

"Keep moving. Fuck yourself hard and fast. Hit your prostate." John was panting and the tight heat around his cock was making it hard to focus.

Rodney tried to obey, he really did, even adjusting his angle, but it made him even less steady, his cries and moans louder.

With a growl, John suddenly moved, managing to flip them so Rodney was on his back without pulling out. Then he started to fuck his lover in earnest, making sure to tag Rodney's prostate hard. "Oh fuck so good so tight..."

"Oh John…" Rodney groaned, whimpering as John hit his prostate, clenching down slightly on John's cock as he slammed into him.

"Not yet. You don't come until I do. When you feel me filling you, you're allowed to find your own release." John growled it as he leaned down to bite at Rodney's shoulder, leaving yet another mark.

His lover shuddered at the sensation, his entire body trembling, his moans constant now.

It didn't take John much longer, the orgasm building fast. With a bite to Rodney's other shoulder, John came, his whole body shaking with it.

As he came down from his high, John realized that Rodney hadn't come yet.

"Rodney?"

His lover was murmuring quietly, the words indistinct.

"Rodney? Hey buddy, talk to me." Levering himself up, he found his lover was still hard, so he started to stroke him lightly.

John's hand on his cock made Rodney's stutter, words slowing down slightly, enough for John to finally understand what he was saying. They were still barely audible and the phrases kept repeating. "Can't come yet. Not yet. Have to wait."

"Shhhh. You can come. Rodney, come for me now." He sped up his strokes slightly.

"John…oh, John…" Rodney moaned, finally spilling over John's hand, come splattering against his chest.

John gentled him through it, rolling them to their sides so he didn't have to pull out but wouldn't crush Rodney, since he knew how much his lover liked to feel him still buried deep, even after orgasm. "I'm here, shhh, it's okay."

Rodney wrapped his arms around John, hanging on, burying his face against John's shoulder as he got his breathing and his heart rate back under control.

John just held him, whispering encouragement and praise into Rodney's ear, telling him how good he was, how beautiful he was.

Some of the desperateness subsided and his lover relaxed, his breathing evening out, grip loosening.

"Feeling better?" John asked it softly, not wanting to spook his lover.

"Mmm."

"Good." John pulled out and slowly sat up, surveying the stuff still on the bed to be packed. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to finish getting your stuff together, okay?"

"'kay."

He quickly packed Rodney's bag, taking a few things out and putting them back in again more efficiently. In the end, they both had bulging bags of both official stuff and personal items, all of it innocent so as not to attract attention, but there was enough of it to not raise suspicions either—they had been gone a year and would be expected to want to bring a bunch of new personal items.

Rodney had curled up on his side on the bed, watching John through half-open eyes. He barely blinked, gaze fixed on the other man. When John moved to grab a few other items, he glanced at his lover, seeing the sheen of wetness on the back of his thighs and ass, the darker marks on the cheeks.

Smiling softly, John ducked into the bathroom to get a damp cloth. He cleaned himself off and then brought it out to Rodney, urging him to lift a leg so John could clean away the sticky mess, just leaving his marks.

Rodney moved, giving John the access he needed without argument, moving back to the position he'd been in as soon as John was done.

Sitting next to him, John trailed his hand up and down Rodney's side. "Still with me?"

"Yeah," he said with a sigh, offering a small smile.

"Good." John couldn't resist the urge to kiss him again. Rodney's taste was addictive, and he just couldn't get enough. "Let’s go figure out what's for dinner."

Rodney let John help him up. Linking hands they walked into the kitchen, John settling Rodney on top of the counter as he moved around, pulling out anything perishable he could use for dinner.

It was going to be a hodgepodge type of meal—a little of this and a little of that—but it would be fine. John stayed as close to Rodney as he could, touching him frequently and stealing kisses whenever he could.

While Rodney normally had a very expressive face, right now the openness was amazing, showing exactly what he was feeling and that he was barely thinking. He was simply sitting quietly, watching John putter around the kitchen, his eyes tracking him the entire time.

Wanting to give his lover as much time to simply enjoy sub-space as possible, John kept his movements slow and easy, making sure even when he wasn't touching Rodney directly he was in his line of sight. It was relaxing just being together like this, and John found himself smiling happily as he cooked.

At one point, Rodney reached out, fingers trailing lightly over John's jaw and down his neck and shoulder to his arm. He was smiling quietly, eyes fixed on where his finger touched John's skin, completely intent on his hand's movements.

Sighing softly, John leaned into it, letting his eyes close half-way as he purred his approval.

The light touch continued and John opened his eyes, trying not to chuckle when he saw the concentration on his lover's face, how he was lightly biting the end of his tongue as he traced patterns on John's skin.

Turning his head slightly, John kissed Rodney's finger, sucking it into his mouth briefly.

Rodney moaned softly, eyes flicking up to meet John's. "So perfect."

Humming in agreement, John sucked the finger in again, harder this time, swirling his tongue around the tip in an imitation of what he usually did to Rodney's dick.

John couldn't help but smile as Rodney's eyes closed and he moaned again, his body reacting immediately.

With a lick and a kiss, he let Rodney's finger slide out of his mouth and pulled his lover down for a wet, dirty kiss. He chuckled when he pulled back and Rodney made a noise of protest. "After dinner. We can play again after we eat."

"Don't want to wait."

"I see that." John trailed a finger down Rodney's now-leaking erection.

He groaned leaning into the touch of John's finger. "Come on."

Keeping the touches light, John continued to play with Rodney's body. "How would you feel about wearing a chastity device on the ship on the way home? Not as punishment for anything, but because it would be kind of hot to know you weren't going to come without me there to see it."

John could feel the shudder in Rodney's body at his words; hear the low moan that rumbled from deep inside. Oh yeah, Rodney liked the idea.

Kissing the very tip of Rodney's dick, John blew on it softly and was rewarded with another hard shudder from his lover before he went back to cooking. "This is almost ready."

"Please, John…" Rodney whispered, his blue eyes wide and pleading. John though, wasn't ready for anything yet, but there were ways to keep Rodney on edge.

Flicking a nipple, John grinned. "Go get me the Japanese clover nipple clamps and the crystal plug."

A moaned "John" was Rodney's reply, his eyes dilating in arousal.

Holding out a hand, John helped him slide off the counter, supporting him when his knees got a little weak. "The blindfold, too."

Rodney swallowed thickly, leaning into John. "Anything else?"

Kissing his way along Rodney's jaw, John glanced down again at his lover's very needy erection. "The cock ring. Don't want you coming until I'm ready for it."

He moaned again, pressing his lips to John's shoulder.

Running his hands through Rodney's hair, John leaned his head against his lover's before carefully standing back. "Lay it all out for me on the island. I'll put it on you before we sit down to eat."

Rodney moved to follow him, but John shook his head, hardening his gaze and stopping Rodney before he took a step. He whimpered slightly before nodding, disappearing into the bedroom a moment later.

While Rodney was gathering the items, John quickly finished off the food, sliding it into a single bowl—no sense getting two dirty since he would be feeding them both anyway.

His lover appeared a few moments later, hands carrying everything—and a little more—John requested. He carefully placed the items on the island—including several padlocks and tethers—before stepping back. Placing his hands in the small of his back, spread his legs in a semi-wide stance, and tilted his head down, waiting.

Fingering the tethers, John grinned. "I like the subtle request to be tied down. Nice touch." He tilted Rodney's head up to kiss him.

Once John leaned back again, Rodney replied, a slight smirk on his face. "You've used them before and I didn't want to have to walk back and get them later if you changed your mind."

"Getting enough exercise in your routine already eh?" John wiggled his eyebrows as he picked up the clamps.

"Trying to be efficient."

Making sure Rodney was watching his every move, John attached the clamps, tugging on them lightly to tighten them. "I can appreciate efficiency."

Rodney hissed and moaned, curling forward slightly.

"Stand up straight. If you try to get away from them, I'll just tighten them further." Despite his strong words—which he would back up—John rested a hand on Rodney's cheek to ground him as he adjusted to the sensation.

Rodney straightened, hissing slightly as he mumbled apologies, his breathing evening out nearly two minutes later.

"Very good." John brushed his thumb across Rodney's lips before removing his hand, picking up the cock ring next, and slipping it on. The plug was next, and John paced around Rodney, slicking it up with a little lube then pushing it in slowly.

As soon as John felt it slid into place, Rodney closing around the stem, his lover moaned, pushing back against John's hands.

Running his hands up and down Rodney's sides, John pulled him back, so he was against his chest. "God, you're hot this way."

"Oh god, John…" he said, leaning back fully, letting John take some of his weight. "Dinner's getting cold."

Tugging very lightly on the chain running between Rodney's nipples, John nibbled at his neck. "We're getting to it. In a minute I'll sit you down and put the blindfold and straps on."

He moaned again, nodding. "'kay."

John carefully moved him, arranging Rodney in the seat and then tying him in place. He watched his lover squirm a bit, his fists opening and closing as the change of position made the plug move. Then he slipped the blindfold on, stepping back to admire the scene in front of him.

After a moment's observation, John untied Rodney's legs, readjusting the straps so he was seated with his legs wide open, feet off the floor and secured to the back legs of the chair. Another strap around his upper arms secured him further to the back of the chair and John moved back again, smiling. Perfect.

"You don't have any idea how beautiful you are like this, do you?" He purred, walking around the chair a few times, touching random places on Rodney's body.

Rodney shook his head, moaning a little. "No. Can't exactly see anything."

Raising an eyebrow, John got an idea. "I can fix that. Be right back." He ducked into the bedroom, grabbing the digital camera out of his bag. Walking back into the kitchen, he snapped a few shots to show Rodney later.

"John?"

"Hmmm?"

"What…what are you doing?"

"Taking a few pictures. I want you to be able to see how fucking gorgeous you are."

"Pictures?"

"With the digital. We can erase them after you see them if you want. I just wanted to show you." John set the camera down and moved to Rodney, using a finger under his chin to tilt his lover's head for a deep kiss. "Now for dinner."

"Mmm…I can eat."

Getting a spoonful of what was effectively goulash—a mix of ground beef, vegetables, and rice with a variety of spices, John held it up to Rodney's lips.

Rodney tried to ask "What is it?" but as soon as his lips parted, John pushed in the spoonful with a chuckle.

Pulling over his own chair, John fed them both, using his free hand to stroke whatever called to him on Rodney's body as he did. By the time they were finished with the food, his lover was almost sobbing with need, shifting restlessly in his bonds.

John lifted his hand, pressing it against his lover's cheek, thumb rubbing against his jaw, Rodney leaning into the contact as he breathed heavily.

"How you doing?"

"No…no longer hungry."

"Good thing, since dinner is gone. I'm going to take the blindfold off now so you can watch me do the dishes."

"Hungry for other things, though," he commented quietly, as John reached around, tugging the blindfold off to reveal Rodney's arousal-filled eyes.

"I see that." John gave his lover's cock a few hard strokes. "But it's good to be a little hungry sometimes. It makes it taste all the better when you do finally get to feast." John loved teasing Rodney—he was so responsive, so open in his reactions.

He groaned, holding John's eyes. "And sometimes you can starve to death when food is just a few feet away."

Caressing Rodney's face John smiled gently. "I won't let you starve. Just enough hunger to season the meal when you finally get it."

"Or make me want to gnaw an arm off before."

Chuckling, John kissed Rodney deeply, plundering his mouth for several long minutes. "There you go. A little taste to hold you over."

Rodney leaned forward, trying to follow John, but getting stopped very quickly by the restraints holding him to the chair. He groaned in frustration, eyes wide and pleading.

"Soon. I promise." John sauntered to the sink with the bowl and silverware, making sure to give Rodney a good view.

"Come on." His lover tugged at the bonds, whining, but he was secure and not going anywhere.

John just wiggled his ass while he washed the various items he had used.

"Come on. You're killing me here."

Glancing over, John grinned at Rodney's almost involuntary jerks against his bonds. "I have to decide what I want to do with you. Fuck you again? Blow you? Tease you until you're incoherent with need? So many options."

Rodney groaned again, trying to shift and squirm, but the position John had tied him in gave him absolutely no leverage. "So pick one already."

"Patience, young padawan. The Force will be with you soon."

"I'll give you, young padawan…" Rodney growled.

With what he knew was a massive grin, John turned around and leaned against the counter so his groin was sticking out obscenely. "What, not interested in playing with my light saber?"

"That is a horribly bad pun and I think you need to get over here and actually do something."

Reaching down, John started to stroke himself. "Oh, I don't know. The view is pretty nice from over here..."

"It's better over here. Come on. You're finished with the dishes for now, right? You're going to kill me, make me want to gnaw through these straps."

"What, you don't like the show? You don't like watching, knowing what it feels like when I do this?" John twisted around the head of his dick and let out a short gasp of pleasure as it spiked through him.

"Need you, want you now."

Hearing the desperation tinting Rodney's voice, John relented, moving to his lover and dropping to his knees in front of him to kiss at his erection. "I'm here. Always."

He moaned, demanding more.

Swallowing him down, John started to suck and lick and even drag his teeth along his lover, knowing that with the ring Rodney wouldn't be able to come. He set about driving his arousal as high as it would go, reaching up to tug on the clamps a few times to add to the sensations.

John didn't stop until Rodney was keening and sobbing above him, begging and demanding release.

Pulling off, John used his hand to keep the sensations going, but gentler. "What was that?"

"I said…just let me come already."

Shaking his head, John gave him an amused look. "Who gives the orders in the bedroom? Who does your body belong to?"

Rodney's eyes widened and he whimpered. "You…you do," he finally replied. "But—"

"No buts. You come when I decide I'm ready for you to come. Until then, you just get to sit back and enjoy the sensations." He wasn't really angry, but he knew Rodney needed him to allow for no ambiguity when it came to who was in charge in the relationship.

"But, John—"

"Do I need to get the gag?" John continued to stroke him, keeping his tone and expression soft, loving.

Rodney moaned. "But—"

Standing, John padded into the bedroom, retrieving the soft ball gag. He returned to find his lover moaning softly and pulling at his restraints. John kissed him again, trying to reassure him before the gag went on. "You will get to come, but on my schedule, not yours."

But when Rodney refused to open his mouth, John knew that a little lesson was needed. Why did his lover insist on doing this the hard way sometimes?

"Rodney. Open your mouth. The more you fight me, the longer you're going to have to wait."

He held John's gaze for nearly a minute, widely dilated blue eyes meeting hazel. John could see the stubbornness settling in.

"I don't want to punish you, Rodney. This is our last free night—and your last chance. Open your mouth."

He whimpered, but opened his mouth allowing John to put the gag in place, securing it with a padlock.

Once it was in place, he made a point of petting and praising his lover, rewarding him, at least partially, for obedience. He still wasn't going to come soon, but John didn't want him getting touch-starved either.

When it seemed like Rodney had calmed a little, John stood moving back to the sink and the rest of the dirty dishes.

He finished them quickly, drying them and putting them away before returning to Rodney's side. He couldn't straddle his whimpering lover's lap in this position, but he could and did sink back to his knees in front of him, wrapping his arms around Rodney and letting him rest his head on John's shoulder. "Shhh, it's okay. I know you want to come. But I want you to wait a little longer. Just let go, Rodney. Fall back down into headspace for me."

With a nod, Rodney whimpered again, but closed his eyes, making a visible effort to relax his body, to let John take him deeper once again.

John just held him for a while, rubbing and caressing him until he felt Rodney noticeably relax, his body no less needy, but no longer tense either. "So good, so perfect. That's it Rodney, just let go and fall for me. Trust me to take care of you."

This time when Rodney replied, the moan was quieter, the edge of desperation and the demanding hue gone.

John unwound himself from Rodney's body and started to kiss his way up and down the inviting expanse of flesh. He whispered endearments and praise between breaths, half-closing his own eyes and just enjoying the connection he was building between them.

Rodney continued to tug at the restraints, his body wanting to move and squirm under John's attentions, but he was held fast as his arousal continued to grow once again.

John worked Rodney's body until he knew his lover would be begging and pleading again if it weren't for the gag. "When the ring comes off, you can come."

A whimpered sob and nod was his reply, the only thing Rodney was capable of giving.

Swallowing him down again, John sucked and licked for several more minutes before reaching down to unsnap the ring, sucking hard right at the head as he did.

And Rodney howled through the gag as he came, shuddering and trembling as his climax rolled through his body, tugging against the bonds holding him in place.

Nursing him through the aftershocks, John didn't pull off until his lover was starting to jerk a little. He quickly untied the straps to free Rodney's limbs—he had a feeling his desperate lover was going to need some cuddling.

John released his legs first, letting him get them under him before moving to his arms, which quickly wound around John as soon as they were free.

Using the key he had kept close, John unlocked the gag, tugging it free, and gently kissed Rodney, tasting just how needy his lover had been.

"God, John," he mumbled once they broke apart, both of them panting.

"It's okay, I'm here." He just held him, letting Rodney bury his face in Johns shoulder, and tilting his head so he was breathing softly into Rodney's hair.

He sighed softly, relaxing fully against John.

John continued to nuzzle and comfort until Rodney's arms relaxed slightly. "Why don't we go sit in the living room in our chair and put the television on? I think you need a little down time, and I won't pass up an opportunity to just hold you." Besides, his knees were killing him on the floor like this.

Rodney nodded silently, letting John pull back and tug him to his feet. He was a bit unsteady, but John held onto him until he straightened, the chain between his nipples dangling back and forth as he moved.

Grabbing the remote, John settled them both and handed it to Rodney. "Pick whatever you want. I don't care what."  He wrapped his arms and legs around his lover and pulled him as far back as he could go, pressing them closely together.

Rodney flipped through the channels, settling on the Discovery channel before handing the remote back to John who placed it on the table next to them. Rodney shifted several times, obviously not comfortable, nearly elbowing John in the stomach during one maneuver.

"Tell me what's wrong." John put a hand on each of Rodney's hips to make him still.

"I'm…I'm not close enough."

John played that one through his head a few times. "Not close enough?"

Rodney shook his head and sighed. "I…I can't explain it. I just…I just want to be closer to you."

***

Without looking, Rodney could feel John's gaze on him. He knew his answer hadn't been what the other man had been looking for, but he couldn't explain it any more than he already had. He just needed to be closer to John. He didn't know how or why or what that involved, but it was a feeling he couldn't ignore.

"What do you need? Whatever it is, it's yours." John arms and legs both tightened, pulling him more firmly back against his lover's chest.

He held back the urge to squirm again. He knew John was trying to help him, but this wasn't working.

John seemed to sense it, and he loosened his grip. "Push yourself up on your arms for a second." When Rodney complied, he felt the plug being tugged out of his ass, and, after another short pause, John was pulling him down, impaling him on his own dick—Rodney forgot he hadn't come yet.

"Oh god, John," Rodney moaned, shuddering slightly as John filled his already sore ass.

John's legs and arms wrapped back around him, pulling him tight against his lover's chest again. "Better?"

Rodney moaned again, feeling something inside ease slightly. He nodded, letting his body relax against his lover's, leaning his head against John's shoulder.

John huffed into his ear, then started to play with his very sore nipples. "I'm going to take the clamps off now. It's going to hurt since they've been on so long."

"O…okay," Rodney whispered, knowing that it was going to hurt a lot. He tried to brace himself, but when the first clamp came off, he yelped loudly, wanting to curl forward, his breath coming fast and hard, but John's hands held him firmly.

The second one came off, and then John's hand was turning his face, kissing him hard and fast and deep, and ohgodsogood.

He moaned loudly into John's mouth, the pain from his abused nipples and John's kiss more or less shorting out everything else.

When John let them come up for air, his lips were red and even his hair looked debauched. Rodney felt him thrust up slightly a few times. "Oh god, you're so...so fucking hot..."

Rodney clenched the muscles in his ass slightly, getting a low moan out of his lover.

With a hard swallow, John let his head thump back against the chair. "If you keep doing that, I'm not going to be able to stay hard and stay inside you like this for very long.

"You're not hurting? I'm not hurting you, am I?"

John's chuckle was deep. "No, just the opposite. That feels really, really good. But you said you wanted to be closer, and if I come any time soon, that will be more difficult."

"I'll stay still," Rodney said quickly, sighing as he felt his body relaxing again, the endorphins obviously flowing.

John made a noise, and thrust up again slightly before swallowing hard, pulling Rodney back against him.

Sighing, Rodney closed his eyes, feeling John's arms tighten around him, pulling him close. He put his hands on John's arms, squeezing once before taking a breath and letting it out slowly. This is what he wanted, needed.

"Love you." John whispered it into Rodney's neck, where he was pushing his nose into the skin.

He still couldn't believe John really meant those words, even though he continued to say them. But then he'd really taken him in hand, straightening him out when he got too mouthy, too demanding, making him submit, making him let go. No one else had done that, cared for him, or even been willing to try.

John was different.

A hand drifted over his chest, carefully avoiding his swollen nipples, but leaving trails of pleasure wherever they wandered.

Rodney felt himself slipping down again, his mind detaching. John would take care of everything. "Love you," he murmured, knowing he should have said it minutes ago and not knowing why sometimes it was so hard to say.

John hugged him a bit tighter. "Let go. I'll be here, I promise. I won't let you fall too far."

He knew a half-hearted argument should be attempted now, but part of him—most of him in reality—just wanted to nod and do as John said. The small part that didn't, however, was far more verbal than the rest. "But don't we have to—"

"Rodney. I promise, I'm not doing anything I don't want to. There is quite literally nowhere else I'd rather be right now, and nothing else I would rather be doing. Holding you, feeling you all around me, so tight and hot, is about as close to the heavens as I want to get anytime soon."

Rodney whimpered hearing the truth and the honesty in John's voice.

John nibbled at his ear. "Relax. Just enjoy us being together for a little while."

And that was the real crux of everything. They were together. John loved him and he loved John in a way that made it hard to breathe sometimes. They'd exchanged rings. Told their boss. Changed their wills and their power of attorney forms and everything that made them more than just co-workers or friends.

Rodney felt the dampness on his cheek, but tried to ignore it, squeezing his eyes tighter together, a whimper forming in the back of his throat.

"Rodney?" He felt John brush his cheeks and heard the beginnings of panic in his voice, although it was so carefully controlled only someone who knew him well would recognize it.

"Sorry sorry sorry," he whispered, refusing to open his eyes, not wanting to see John's face.

"Rodney, what's wrong? Talk to me, buddy..." He felt gentle fingers on his face, turning it so he knew John was looking at him. "Did I hurt you?"

"No." It was the only thing he was able to get out before his throat tightened.

John turned him, lifting him slightly so he was no longer impaled on his cock, and gathering him so Rodney could bury his face in his lover's chest. "Shhh. I'm here. Just tell me what's wrong."

Rodney managed to get his arms around John—awkward as the position was—feeling the wetness of his cheeks transfer to John's very naked chest.

John just held him tightly, stroking his back and murmuring soothing things. His edge of panic was getting sharper, but for the moment he seemed willing to let Rodney tell him what was going on in his own time.

When Rodney started breathing again, John tried again, his voice quiet, but tight in all the wrong places.

"Rodney, please, tell me what's wrong. I need to know so I can fix it. Please tell me what I said to set you off..."

"You really love me."

John paused for a moment. "Ye-es. I do. More than I can really put into words..."

Rodney pushed in closer to John, holding him tightly.

"Rodney?" Some of the panic had left John's voice. "Did you think I didn't mean it before?"

"No." No, it wasn't that. It was that Rodney was just realizing that he actually did mean it all of the times he said it.

"No, you didn't think I meant it, or no, that's not what the problem is?" John thumb urged him to tilt his head up. "Open those blue eyes and look at me. I want to see what you're thinking. I want to help."

Rodney whimpered in the back of his throat, shaking his head, keeping his eyes firmly closed.

John's thumb moved to his jaw, the rest of his fingers holding Rodney's head in place. "Why not? What are you afraid I'll see? I love you, Rodney, and I know you love me."

He opened his eyes, John's blurry face looking at him with one of the softest and concern-filled expressions he'd ever seen. "No one has before."

"Then they were blind and stupid not to see what they had. You're one of the bravest, smartest, most amazing people I've ever had the privilege to know. That I get to have you as my lover in addition to my partner and friend is just a bonus."

Rodney closed his eyes again, leaning into John. "I'm sorry. I’m stupid and apparently having a moment. It'll pass."

"You're not being stupid." He felt John rest his head against Rodney's. "It gets a little overwhelming sometimes. So much emotion it makes your chest hurt, and you don't realize how we ever managed to survive, much less live ordinary lives, without each other since you can't imagine what life would be like alone anymore."

"I just can't believe you love me."

"Why? I can't believe you love me. I'm just a flyboy. You're brilliant and sexy and funny..."

"You're pure sex. And you actually care about what happens to me and how I feel and what I want."

He felt his face being tipped again, and this time warm lips brushed across his. "Yes. I want to protect you, even from yourself sometimes. I want to be the one who makes you smile, who sees you when you're open and happy, who sees you in the throes of passion. I'm pretty damn lucky that you let me."

"And then we go right back to the whole 'you really love me' statement."

The lips brushed his again, lingering this time. "I really do."

Rodney moaned, backing off so he could lick John's lips. "I love you, John Sheppard, and I'm sorry I scared you."

"I love you, too, Rodney McKay, and it's okay. I'm just glad you're all right. I was afraid I had hurt you."

Rodney laughed, on the verge of hysterical. "Just a delayed freak out apparently."

John's chest vibrated slightly as he chuckled. "If that's the worst freak-out you have, I think we're home free. And I do love you. I'll keep saying it, over and over, until you really, truly believe it."

Rodney sighed, trailing a hand around the back of John's head, fingering the hair at the nape of his neck. "We're not watching television are we?"

"Nope. It's like a soundtrack, just playing in the background." John was still stroking him softly, holding him tightly.

"Can we go back to the bedroom? We'll both be more comfortable."

"Yes." John's arms loosened, letting Rodney sit up. "As long as I can hold you, I don't really care where we do it."

"You can do whatever you want. I just…I'll probably crash soon and I don't think you want to drag my heavy ass to bed."

Scooting forward, John caught his hand and pulled him in for a kiss so tender it made his chest ache. "I want to be wherever you are. If that means sleeping in a chair or going to bed early, I don't care."

Rodney whimpered softly, pressing his forehead to John's, still overwhelmed.

Hands never leaving Rodney's body, John stood up and pulled him into the bedroom. He arranged Rodney in a comfortable position and then curled his body around him.

As Rodney wrapped his own arms around John, the leather of the cuffs caught slightly and he pulled back, looking uncertainly at the other man. "Can you…can these come off for tonight?"

Sitting up, John kissed the inside of each wrist before grabbing the key to the lock off the bedside table. "Yes. Everything's a little too much tonight, huh?"

Rodney shook his head, taking a long moment to answer, waiting until he knew his voice was steadier. "I don't know. I just don't want anything between us."

Setting the cuffs aside, John leaned forward to run his tongue along the edge of the metal collar Rodney was still wearing. "What about this?"

This…? It took a moment for the sensation to link in his mind and Rodney realized that he didn't even feel the collar anymore. "I…I'd forgotten it was even on. It's…I'm okay with it, but can you take off the ankle cuffs, too?"

John's breath was warm as he huffed a quiet laugh. "Good. I like the way it looks on you. I hope no one gives you a hard time about it—hopefully they'll all just think it's a cool necklace you got on vacation." He moved down to Rodney's ankles, again kissing each one before slipping the cuffs off.

Rodney sighed, the exhale shaky as he watched and felt John's tenderness, his concern. He reached out, placing a hand in the center of John's chest, his words of appreciation and thanks stuck somewhere in the back of his throat.

John's smile was soft, understanding. He put his own hand over Rodney's, his heart beating strong under their palms. "I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm here."

Rodney laughed nervously, not even sure why he was freaking out now of all times. They'd been at this for more than six months already. He was a genius and he had no idea about any of this…stuff.

John pulled him forward, gathering him in his arms again. "Hey, it's okay. Whatever's going on in that head of yours, I'm here to help."

"I don't know what's going on in my head. That's the problem. I don't understand how you could love me, why you do, why I'm so desperate to make you happy, how this is going to work, how we won't end up outing ourselves to everyone in a matter of minutes, and what happens when we do, and there's so much that can go wrong and that will go wrong and—"

"Rodney." John cut off his flow of words, pressing feather kisses along his jaw. "I love you because you're everything I've ever wanted in a partner—smart, sexy, funny. You want to make me happy in the same way I want to make you happy. And we'll make it work. We're smart guys. But if we do manage to out ourselves, we'll deal with it. Worst case scenario is that I get discharged and we buy a house on Earth and make a new life. Best case is that you get me added to the science staff and we both stay in Atlantis. Either way, we'll deal with it together."

Rodney was quiet for a minute before he spoke again, voice small. "I think…I think I'm scared. For the first time in my life I have something to lose."

John's arms tightened around him further. "Are you afraid of losing me or Atlantis?"

"You."

John's hand forced Rodney to look up again, to look his lover in the eye. "That's not going to happen. I can't predict the future, but I promise I'll never voluntarily leave you. Whatever happens, we'll do it together."

"When it was just me, it didn't matter. It was only me. But now…"

"Now there are two of us. I know. It was one thing to risk my life when I didn't think anyone cared, when I thought of myself as replaceable... Now I have something, someone to fight for. Flying isn't the most important thing in the world anymore."

Rodney sighed, nodding. "And you really love me."

"I really do."

And that's where things got weird because he thought he really loved John, too.

John's fingers ran through his hair repeatedly in an oddly soothing motion. "What do you say we get some sleep? Things might be a little easier to handle when you aren't tired from a day of sex." He could hear his lover's smile.

"I don't want to sleep yet."

"Okay. Tell me what you need. All I care about is making sure you're all right." John nuzzled at him.

Rodney turned his head to meet John's lips, tired of talking, of explaining.

John's mouth opened, letting him inside. After a few heartbeats, he took control of the kiss, deepening it. Rodney found himself gently pushed back until he was lying on the bed, John over him, pushing their bodies together as he claimed Rodney's lips.

It was slow and sweet as their bodies slid together, their hands tracing patterns on skin. Rodney hooked an ankle around John's holding on, pulling them closer.

John's erection, which had faded as he had panicked over Rodney's tears, started to push against Rodney's hip again, reminding him that his lover hadn't come earlier.

"John…oh, John…" Rodney whispered as he lost himself in the feel of his partner, needing this slow seduction.

Moving down his body, John's mouth trailed heat and pleasure wherever it went. He wasn't trying to tease Rodney this time—it was more reassuring, loving, demonstrating without words just how much his partner cared.

John's hands were firm and sure. Their panting breaths, moans of pleasure, and the slid of skin against skin were the only sounds that echoed through the room. Rodney tugged John upward, lips meeting lips with a slow, warm hunger.

In between kisses, John moaned into Rodney's mouth. "I want to be inside you."

"Yes, please," Rodney whispered.

He felt John's grin. "Only polite when you want to be fucked." He snagged the lube that had been left close at hand and after slicking himself up, he was sliding home again.

Rodney groaned as he stretched to accommodate John again. He held back a whimper as the sensations threatened to overwhelm him again, wanting, needing this connection.

Once he was buried inside Rodney, John found his mouth again, kissing him until he felt himself melting into the mattress, until there was nothing but him and John.

His lover started slowly, thrusting carefully with shallow movements before moving to long, slow, and sensual, making sure Rodney knew what was happening, making sure he knew who he belonged to, who loved him.

John's breathing got more and more ragged, and he buried his head in Rodney's shoulder as he continued to thrust. "Going to come soon, not going to last much longer..."

Rodney ran his hands over John's back, digging his fingers in, wanting to feel John break and shudder.

"Oh, god!" John complied, his body trembling with release, and Rodney could feel it deep inside, filling him. "Rodney, oh Rodney..."

Wrapping his legs around John, he tugged him closer, holding him as he stroked his back, helping to ease him through the aftershocks of his orgasm, loving the sounds John was making, loving that he saw this side of him.

When John had gotten his breath back, he found Rodney's mouth for another deep kiss before pulling out and sliding down his body. "I want to taste you, want to make you come."

"John," Rodney said as the other man slid down out of reach. "You don't have to."

"Want to. You're like a drug—I can never get enough." John licked at the head of his dick like it was a lollipop, making a happy noise.

Rodney groaned, letting his hands slip to the bed, spreading his legs a little further to give John more room. And then his lover began to suck his brain cells out through his cock, leaving him shivering, squirming, and moaning.

When he felt himself about to break, about to beg again, John looked up at him through his long, dark eyelashes. "Come for me."

As soon as John's mouth surrounded him again, Rodney felt the pent-up arousal that had pooled in the base of his spine release in a rushing flood, pleasure moving through his body in waves as he came, yelling John's name. His body trembled as John sucked him dry, easing him through the end of his climax before licking him clean and pulling off. He crawled up Rodney's body, wrapping his arms around him.

John's body fit almost perfectly into his, their curves and lines matching as if they were designed for each other. For a long while, they just held each other, breathing together in the quiet room.

"Thank you," he whispered, tugging John a little closer.

"You don't have anything to thank me for. But you're welcome anyway."

"For your patience, your love."

John lifted his head to brushes kisses along Rodney's jaw line, nibbling softly on his ear. "Always. I'm as much yours as you're mine."

"So what now? What's next?"

"For tonight? We snuggle and sleep. Then tomorrow we get on the Daedalus and go back to Atlantis. And there, we do our jobs, we explore, we fight the bad guys, and we love each other, as often and as energetically as we can manage. I still have my list of places we need to have sex in."

Rodney was silent for a moment letting John's words sink in. "Okay."

"I plan to either sleep in your room or have you sleep in mine as often as humanly possible. If I can manage it, maybe I'll see about getting us a suite. We could get one of the four-rooms and get Teyla to take one of the extras to throw off suspicion. She wouldn't care, and it would set a good example of 'team togetherness.' But even without that, I don't plan to let you go more than a day, two at most and only in extremely stressful times, without being loved, making love."

"We have to be careful, John. We—"

John's finger pressed lightly against Rodney's lips. "I know. We won't take any more risks than we have to, I promise."

"Okay," he said with a sigh, eyes starting to drift closed. He forced them back open a few moments later. "We're really sticky and disgusting."

"Mmmm. We should probably shower."

"That requires us to get out of bed and I'm the only one with come leaking out of his ass."

John snorted, although Rodney could feel his lips curving into a smile against his shoulder. "You're trying to get a sponge-bath, aren't you?"

"I'm just saying that I'm tired and lazy, but feeling a little…fragrant."

John's body shook with silent laughter. "I should probably do something about that then. I wouldn't want you to be fragrant." He pushed himself up, looking down at Rodney with sparkling eyes.

Rodney huffed at the teasing, but found he couldn't be angry. John loved him.

Stealing a quick kiss, John rolled out of bed, returning a minute later with his own body wiped clean and a damp rag. With amazingly gentle fingers, he cleaned Rodney completely, making him roll onto his stomach at one point to carefully clean his ass before kissing each cheek. "Better?"

"Much. Thank you." Rodney smiled up at John before he shifted, sliding under the covers, the other man following a few minutes later after he threw the cloth in the hamper.

John was wrapped around him again, tucking his face into Rodney's neck. "Love you."

"Love you," Rodney whispered, sighing contentedly.

It didn't take long until he felt John's limbs go slack with sleep, his breathing evening out.

Rodney stayed awake a little while longer, still turning the past few weeks over in his head. It still amazed him that this was happening to him, that it was possible. He felt himself slowly sliding into slumber, dreaming of John and Atlantis and happy moments in between.

A hand on his cock woke him, the gentle strokes hardening him as it dragged him out of his slumber.

Cracking his eyes as his body responded, he found John, his expression intent, the tip of his tongue between his lips, very carefully arousing Rodney. His hair was messier than usual from bed-head, his lean body relaxed, dog tags glittering in the middle of dark chest hair.

Moaning, he shifted, thrusting into John's hand.

Bright hazel eyes shifted up, sparking with happiness when he saw Rodney was awake and watching him. "Good morning!" He did a little twist with the palm of his hand right over the tip of Rodney's dick.

Rodney's back arched as John's hand tore a loud moan out of his mouth, his hands clutching the sheets.

Chuckling, John kept it up, keeping the pressure firm enough to feel amazing, fantastic, incredible, but not enough to make him come any time soon.

With his mind still fuzzy from sleep all Rodney could do was feel, his body trembling under John's hand. He knew he was begging, pleading with the other man with breathy moans and sobs, words chanted and panted. But John wouldn't relent, his free hand starting to trail over his chest, running across his overly sensitive nipples, ripping another moaned scream from his mouth.

Somewhere between the pleasure and pain, a random thought floated to the surface that as good and as fun as the toys were, John was just as clever with his hands and didn't really need anything else to make Rodney soar. And when he added his mouth to the mix, sucking lightly on a nipple while he rolled the other between his fingers...

Rodney felt himself coming, John's name on his lips as he thrust into his lover's hand, coating himself and John with his come.

Looking up with a laugh, John moved on to Rodney's mouth, devouring him. When he pulled back, he was breathless. "Hey."

"Oh…" he moaned, still trying to catch his breath and get his mind into gear.

"Hold that thought. You're coming at least one more time before we get dressed."

Rodney whimpered slightly, but finally managed to get his limbs to work again, his hand sliding under John's arm to rest on his bare hip. "What time is it?"

"We have a few hours before we need to be leaving to head to the base for departure. That's plenty of time for a shower, breakfast, a few more orgasms, and then getting us both dressed and ready to go. Possibly not in that exact order."

"What?" he said, but stopped, finding it easier just to nod. "Okay."

John lightly traced a finger down Rodney's dick, sending aftershocks shooting through him. "You still willing to let me put the chastity on you for the trip? You're rooming with Carson, so we can con him into giving us a few minutes alone here and there, and I'll take it off long enough for you to come. But if it's going to feel like a punishment—which it isn't—I won't put it on you."

It took a moment before Rodney remembered John's request…his brain finally kicking in once again. "It can come off if it gets to be too much?"

Nodding, John kissed him softly. "Yes. And even if all we get are quick blow jobs, I do plan to molest you at least a few times in the next three weeks. So you won't be going without completely. I just really like knowing I won't be missing any of your orgasms. But I will take it off if you start to feel overwhelmed."

Rubbing his hand across John's hip, running the pros and cons through his head. He loved the feeling he got when it was on, the control, the dominance John gave him without needing to be present. He nodded slowly. "Okay."

John made a soft, pleased noise, and kissed him again. "So, you get a choice. Getting fucked in the shower. Getting fucked now. Or, if you're feeling really sexy, you can try to get me excited enough for both."

Rodney shifted slightly on the bed, his already well-fucked ass reminding him how active he'd been lately. He trailed his hand over John's skin, fixing his eyes on a freckle on the other man's shoulder. "Either. Both."

John's fingers were gentle as he captured Rodney's face, forcing him to look in John's eyes. "We've been pretty active and I saw the wince. You're sore?"

"Yes, but—"

John shook his head. "No buts. Tell me honestly, how sore are you? I'm not going to hurt you for a few minutes of pleasure, not where there are other options. If your ass is too sore, I'll claim a blow job or two off you."

"I was sore last night."

"That's not an answer." John trailed fingers over Rodney's body, seemingly at random. "I don't want to hurt you."

Rodney sighed, knowing the scolding he was probably going to get. "I was sore last night when we…" he wiggled his hand. "It hasn't changed."

Shaking his head, John's fingers moved across Rodney's lips. "I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to let me fuck you until you can't walk you know. When you heal up a little, me and my dick will still be here ready to claim you again. And there are plenty of other things that feel really, really good we could do in the meantime."

"But I like it when you fuck me," Rodney whined, getting a chuckle out of John.

"And I like fucking you. But I don't like hurting you." John kissed him softly.

"We don't have a lot of other options."

"Sure we do. Blowjobs, hand jobs, frottage, you can fuck me... there are lots of options. And right now, I really want to come. Touch me. Make me fly." John shifted against him, his erection rubbing against Rodney's hip.

Continuing to run a finger over John's hipbone, Rodney considered his options, finally coming up with one that he hoped would be acceptable. "Fuck my mouth?"

John's laugh was soft and affectionate, and Rodney felt certain parts of him twitch at the idea. "You really, really want to be fucked this morning, don't you? All right. God...so hot..."

Rodney sat up on the bed, holding out his up-turned wrists to John, trying to see if he'd get the hint.

John kissed the inside of each one, then reached for where he had tossed the cuffs the night before. "Not overwhelmed anymore?"

He nodded slowly. "I'm…okay right now. No freak out in the immediate future. But then again you can't ever really tell when one of those is going to raise its ugly head, now can you?"

After the cuffs were locked into place around Rodney's wrists, John pulled him in for another kiss, this time deep and full of love. "Any time you need to have one, I'm here to help."

"Do you realize that this is going to be the last time you can tie me up until we get back to Atlantis?"

John nodded, mouthing his way down Rodney's neck. "When we get there, don't make plans for the first night. We're both going to need a little play by then."

"We have to wait three weeks before we can do this again," Rodney whispered, tilting his head to give John more skin, more neck, as his own hands were sliding up and down John's sides and around to his back.

John hummed, and Rodney felt teeth graze his skin. "On your knees. Hands behind your back."

Rodney shifted, trying not to loose contact with John's mouth. He reluctantly pulled his hands away from John's body, holding them lightly behind his back.

He felt and heard the click as they were locked together, preventing him from separating them and leaving him once more at his lover's mercy. "On the floor, on your knees. Open your mouth for me."

"The floor?" Rodney began, but John's hand landed on his mouth, covering it and stopping any comment.

"No talking. Just trust me. You want to be fucked, I want to fuck you. We're both going to get what we want, I promise."

When Rodney finally nodded, John pulled off his hand, pressing a quick kiss to his lover's mouth before leaning away from him, watching him.

When Rodney had slid to the floor, opening his mouth, John stood, running a hand through Rodney's hair a few times before tightening his grip enough to ensure he didn't pull away. "You're mine. Always." He slowly pushed his leaking member between Rodney's lips, not breaking eye contact.

Rodney sucked and used his tongue, but John's trusts made it hard for him to do much, the other man controlling everything. One slow thrust had the tip of John's cock hitting the back of Rodney's throat and the instinct to pull back flooded over him, but John held him in place, making him take it.

"Relax for me. Just trust that I won't hurt you or push you farther than I think you can take. Give yourself up."

Moaning around John's cock, he blinked once, slowly, trying to give John the okay to continue. Taking as big a breath as he could through his nose, Rodney forced his body to relax, knowing how much better it would be for both of them when he did.

John pulled out slowly, giving Rodney a heartbeat to breathe before he pushed back in, bumping the back of his throat again. He kept up that slow pace, always pausing just long enough for Rodney to breathe.

The rhythm was hypnotic and Rodney felt his eyes closing. With John's hands in his hair, holding his head in place, and his cock sliding in and out of his mouth, there was nothing else he could do except kneel there and take it. And he could—for John.

John's own breathing got progressively harsher, and Rodney could tell he was fighting to remain in control, to keep the pace slow.

He would have encouraged John to let go, but he could barely make a sound except for moans and groans—and those he was doing already.

"Don't come. I want you to wait until later, when I can taste it."

This time he whimpered, his erection hard and leaking even though he'd come not that long ago.

"No." John picked up the pace slightly, although he did still pause between each thrust long enough for Rodney to catch a fast breath.

A few thrusts later and John pushed in fully and began to pour down Rodney's throat, giving him no other choice but to swallow, the extra sensation milking even more out of John. His lover held him in place until he was finished and Rodney was beginning to get desperate for air.

Pulling out, John sank to his knees in front of Rodney, wrapping his arms around him, petting and praising him, as they both caught their breath.

Rodney panted loudly, still moaning from the sensations as he pressed his head into the crook of John's neck.

"When we can both stand, I'm going to take you into the shower and clean you. Then I'm going to rim you and soothe your poor abused ass. Then I'm going to lick you and suck you until you're sobbing with need. And that's when you'll be allowed to come."

Rodney whimpered again, but nodded, his heart that had been slowing down picking up it's pace once again.

"This is the only choice you're going to get for a while—tell me now if you don't think you can hold yourself back that long. If not, I'll put a cock ring on you."

"I…I'll try," he whispered not sure.

John pulled back to look at him. "How about a compromise? I haven't used any of the soft gummy rings on you yet. I use them when I want a little help staying in control, but they won't stop you from coming."

"Okay." Rodney wasn't sure it would help, but he'd do whatever John wanted.

John rose and padded to the toy drawer, pulling out the ring Rodney had seen him use on himself occasionally. Coming back over, he got a hand under Rodney's elbow. "Stand up."

Leaning into John's grip, Rodney managed to get himself upright without too much trouble. He whimpered as the ring went on, pressing a little more softly than the others, helping him so he felt like he had a little control.

"Don't move. I'm going to have to take off the leather cuffs, but I'm replacing them with the rubber ones." John's hands skimmed his body before the cuffs were unlocked and slipped off. A light pressure on his wrists let him know John wanted him to keep his hands where they were.

Rodney closed his eyes and waited, feeling John's fingers around his wrists a moment later, hearing the locks click into place once again. Cuffs around his ankles followed a moment later, the clicks indicating that they would be staying on until John released him. Tugging at his wrists, Rodney realized that John had locked his wrists together again. It would be a different kind of shower like this.

Moving back around to the front, John put a hand on Rodney's elbow again to guide him into the bathroom. The water was started and he was brought into the stall, where John, true to his word, started out by cleaning every inch of his skin, leaving him tingling with sensation.

"Gonna get messy again," he murmured, the words slow and easy.

"That's why we're doing this here. I can just clean you a second time." John turned him so he was facing the wall, dropping to his knees. Rodney found his fingers being sucked on lightly for a moment before that talented mouth moved south.

Rodney squirmed and moaned, John's hands the only thing holding him still as he spread him open, his tongue diving in deep. But when Rodney yelped and moved again, he pulled back.

"You're a lot more sore than you let on, aren't you?"

"Maybe."

Lips were pressed against each cheek. "Poor little ass. I need to take better care of it."

"I'm sorry. I just can't say 'no' to you."

John's tongue was back, this time carefully licking and sucking, not going deep enough to hurt.

Rodney jumped a little at the sensation, moaning and squirming.

John kept up the gentle soothing until Rodney was panting hard. He had to focus on the ring around his dick to keep himself from coming.

And as sore as he was, all he wanted was for John to take him again, sliding home with one thrust, burying himself balls-deep inside of him. He moaned, wanting John's tongue deeper, harder, bigger.

Pulling back John's breath was hot against his ass. "Turn around. I want to get the full McKay buffet today."

"John, please—"

"Turn around." Most people assumed John wasn't good at giving orders because of his lazy persona. They had never heard him use that particular tone of voice.

Whimpering slightly, Rodney obeyed, hands trapped between his body and the cool tile wall.

John smiled his approval and then proceeded to take the same gentle, thorough care with Rodney's dick that he had taken with his ass.

"John, please," Rodney begged, thrusting slightly into John's mouth and hand.

John made a negative noise, his hands gripping Rodney's hips so he was forced to just stand there and take it.

It didn't stop his pleading and begging, though, as John's mouth drove him higher and higher.

Just when he thought he couldn't hold it back anymore, that he was going to come without being told, would disappoint John, his lover pulled back and kissed the tip of his erection. "You can come now."

Rodney moaned loudly, coming as soon as John's mouth touched his cock again.

John gentled him through the rolling pleasure and then stood, making sure Rodney was braced against the wall before grabbing the washcloth and cleaning him all over again.

He was still trembling slightly when John finished, every pass of the cloth on his over-sensitized skin driving him wild.

Glancing down at Rodney's dick—which was twitching in a valiant effort to get interested again, John grinned. "I think you're good for at least one more orgasm before we get dressed, don't you?"

"Gonna…gonna kill me," Rodney whispered, scowling a John's chuckle.

"Nah, just making sure you're so worn out, you won't even notice a few days of no sex. I'm stockpiling for you." John kissed him, the water still coming down from the showerhead mingling in their mouths. "I'm going to unhook your hands so you can wash my hair."

"Okay," he nodded, letting John turn him around again, leaning him against the wall as he retrieved the key.

The cuffs stayed on, but his hands were free to separate a moment later. "I love when you do the massage-y thing with your nails. Feels so good..."

"Is that the technical term?" Rodney asked, rubbing his fingers along his arms for a moment.

"Mmmm." John leaned back against the wall, his eyes half-lidded as he waited.

Rodney took a long look at his lover before putting a dollop of shampoo in his hand. Waiting a moment, he stepped forward, lathering up before beginning. As soon as he had a good rhythm going, he moved to John's front, massaging the area just above his temple. When the sighs and moans of contentment continued, Rodney grinned and plastered himself against John, pressing lips, chests, and groins together as he continued to massage John's scalp.

Rodney knew how to multitask.

John moaned into the kiss, his hands coming to rest on Rodney's hips.

After a moment, his lover deepened the kiss, arms wrapping around to hold Rodney in place, not letting him go.

One of John's legs came up, anchoring itself around Rodney's thighs and pulling their groins together—Rodney could feel John getting hard again against him.

And in the space of a few seconds, Rodney became the seduced instead of the seducer. When John's leg wasn't pulling them close enough together, John turned them, shoving Rodney against the wall and plastering himself right on top, their lips never parting. He dove in, hungry.

"Rodney, oh, Rodney, love you..." John whispered it in between kisses, trying to press them even closer together.

"Love you," he whispered, his scalp massage all but forgotten.

"Love you, Rodney. Love you so much..." John moved down, kissing and sucking—Rodney had a feeling he was going to have a few more marks to add to his collection.

Moaning, he tilted his head giving John room to move, to mark, making sure he had the access he wanted.

John worked a hand between them, getting it around both of their dicks and starting to stroke. With the water, it was frictionless, just the glide of skin on skin.

Because Rodney's cock was already sensitive, the added feeling of John's hand and cock set his body trembling, broken moans and pleas dropping from his lips.

John moved to capture his mouth again, the kisses getting more and more desperate. He paused only long enough to pant out that Rodney could come when he did, before he was diving back in.

John's hand worked them, stroking until his rhythm began to stutter. Pulling away from Rodney's mouth, he fastened his mouth on Rodney's neck, licking and nipping and marking before moving down to his usual spot. As he climaxed, he bit down—partially to stifle the scream, partially to mark—the pain and pleasure sending Rodney right over the edge.

They both groaned as John continued to stroke them both through the aftershocks, only stopping when it was borderline painful. "Guh."

Rodney clung to John—shampoo lather dripping down the other man's back—trying to catch his breath, his shoulder aching where John had clamped down. It took a few minutes before he could form a complete sentence. "Am I bleeding?"

"No. Sorry. Didn't mean to bite that hard." He nuzzled his apology into Rodney's neck.

"It's okay," Rodney replied immediately, the answer instinctive. But after a moment's though, he realized it was true. "I kind of liked it."

The huff of laughter was hot on his shoulder. "It's a good thing Carson knows about us. Otherwise you'd be getting questions about spousal abuse. You look beautiful with my marks all over you. Claimed. Owned."

"Just as long as Carson's the only one doing my checks we're fine."

"He is." With a sigh, John leaned back, ducking his head into the water to wash away the last of the soap before shutting it off. "And we need to get dressed, eat breakfast, and do a last spin through the apartment to make sure we don't forget anything."

Rodney stayed where he was, not wanting to move, already knowing the next three weeks was going to be torture.

John's smile was knowing. "You'll have all these lovely bruises to remind you of what we did on our vacation. And—" He quickly dried him off and tugged Rodney out of the room, snagging the chastity device he must have left there earlier. It was slipped on and secured in place with the zip tie, marking Rodney in yet another way as belonging to one Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. "You'll have that to remind you of what we're going to do when we have a little privacy again."

Staying still for a long moment, Rodney let the sensations wash over him. He was John's. He was his to use, to please, to tease, to love. With a quick decision, Rodney dropped to his knees—the joints aching as he did—his head bowed, arms held behind his back, presenting himself to John.

Fingers curled under his chin, tipping his face up for gentle caresses. John's face was full of love and approval, two things Rodney was surprised to find himself craving from the flyboy more and more the longer they did this.

Leaning into his hand, he closed his eyes again, letting John's touch ground him and warm him.

They stayed that way for what felt like a long time, John just letting him soak up this last little bit of peace and togetherness they would have for a while. Then he urged Rodney to stand again, pulling him into a series of light kisses.

Rodney let his hands slide to John's hips, fingers rubbing patterns on his skin. He didn't want to go, but he also couldn't wait to go home. Why couldn't the SGC find a damn ZPM?

John finally pulled their foreheads together, mimicking Teyla's usual greeting. "We have to get dressed."

"It's gonna chafe."

John's hand drifted down, one finger tracing the lines of the cage. "We can use a little lube to make sure it doesn't."

"I was referring to my clothes. I don’t think you can lube my entire body."

John's shoulders shook a little, and when he lifted his head, his eyes danced. "I've converted you to the benefits of spending all your time naked for me, huh? It's a really good look for you."

Rodney shrugged, feeling his face flush. "It's comfortable and you've been keeping the heat up enough so I don’t freeze and it gives you really easy access for things…lots of things."

John kissed him again, and this time it was tinged with hunger.

Just like this, Rodney thought, kissing John back as the other man's hands trailed over his skin to his ass, cupping the cheeks and tugging him closer.

Moaning softly, John stepped away, looking like it almost caused him pain. "We have to get dressed. I wish...God, I wish the god-damned U.S. military didn't have the damn rules so we could be together openly all the time..."

"So you can keep me chained to your bed?" Rodney replied, tilting his head, an eyebrow raised.

John's lips quirked. "As tempting as that is... No. I just want to be able to touch you and kiss you and...be with you. And not have to worry about being seen. I hate that I have to hide how much I love you."

Rodney stepped forward into John's personal space. "I know."

His lover's arms wrapped back around him, pulling their bodies close together again. "It won't be forever. We'll retire together somewhere tropical and spend the rest of our lives being grumpy old men who torment the local kids."

"And I'll be forced to wear 100 spf sun block all the time. Now that sounds like fun." Rodney couldn't help the sarcasm.

"Mmmm, I could rub it all over your body for you. Make sure you don't miss any spots."

"Oh, yes, fine. Make it sexual why don't you."

John's chuckle was deep, and sent sparks of pleasure racing down Rodney's spine. "You're complaining?"

"No! Yes. You're making fun of a very serious issue. I burn easily."

"Who said I was making fun of it? Any time you need lotion rubbed all over you—for safety's sake—I'll be right there to help."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Rodney rolled his eyes.

John tweaked one of Rodney's nipples. "We can have a vacation house somewhere not tropical. Be one of those couples who rotates—live six months in one and six in the other."

Rodney hissed, panting slightly at the abuse of his overly sensitive nipples. Shirts were going to be a bitch, he knew. "I thought we were packing."

John actually bent him back slightly—he was startled enough to let him—and kissed him senseless for a few heartbeats before standing him back up on wobbly knees. "Yup. Since we'll change into uniforms once we get there, what do you want to wear for the drive?" With a smirk John sashayed over to the dresser.

"I hate you right now, very much," Rodney whispered, his hand on the corner post of the bed steadying him.

John wiggled his ass. "No, you don't."

"Very much so." God, he wanted John to bury himself in his ass.

Prancing—Prancing!—back across the room, John held out a pair of boxers, tight cargo pants, and one of the shirts that hugged Rodney's curves. He was still smirking. "Here you go."

"You want me to wear this to the mountain?"

Nodding, John's eyes held a hint of arousal. "They look good on you, and this is the last time you'll get to wear them for a while—even when we do Elizabeth's team-building stuff you usually don't change into civvies. I want to ogle your ass one more time before we go."

Rodney huffed, but took the clothes from John's hands. "If you even glare at anyone looking my way…"

When he turned around, he felt an open palm settle on his ass, a thumb caressing the spot just next to his entrance. "They can look all they want, but I'm the only one who gets to touch."

Pushing back against John's hand, Rodney met his lover's eyes knowing his pupils had dilated.

John's eyes raked his body, and Rodney could feel every mark burning into his skin. "You belong to me. I like showing you off a little, knowing that at the end of the day, I'm the one who gets to take you home and fuck you."

Rodney groaned at his lover's words. He wished he wasn't so sore.

The thumb moved just enough to brush his opening, over and over and over with a barely-there pressure.

"Please," he whispered, wanting to feel John again.

"I won't hurt you." John breath was hot on his shoulder.

"I don't care."

"I do."

"John—"

"Rodney." He brushed his lips across Rodney's shoulders then both the heat and touch were gone. "By the time we get some time to ourselves again—whether it's a few stolen minutes on the ship or back in Atlantis—your ass will be more than healed and ready for me. We'll both just have to wait until then."

"I don't want to wait."

"I know you don't. I appreciate your willingness to do anything for pleasure. But I won't hurt you." John was tugging on a pair of boxers.

"I’m a greedy, selfish bastard. Who are we kidding?"

John tossed him an amused look as he pulled on his pants and shirt—one of the sets that made him look like a walking sex god. "With a greedy, selfish ass. Which I love. Absolutely. But that doesn't mean I'm going to hurt you for a few minutes of pleasure."

Rodney crossed his hands over his chest and huffed, appreciating John's honesty and the obvious concern he had for him—but that didn't negate the fact that he really wanted to be fucked.

John came over and ran a hand through Rodney's hair, pulling him in for another kiss. "Trust me. It will be better if we wait until you have some time to heal. I don't want your last memory of our vacation to be how I ripped you apart and left you aching and unable to sit down for days afterward."

"Okay…ow! More information than I needed to hear."

John grinned against his mouth. "See. That's why I'm making you wait. So when I do fuck you again, it won't be anything except tight and hot and wet and so slow you'll be begging."

"I'm begging now but it's not helping."

"This isn't begging. When you beg, it's all 'oh god, John, please,' this is more of a 'hey, you want to fuck me now?'"

Rodney huffed again, trying to stay annoyed but John's hands on his naked body were distracting him—that and John's fully-clothed body.

John seemed to know what was going on through his head, since he kissed Rodney again, then grinned. "Get dressed, lover. I'll go make breakfast. Last time I'll get to cook for you for a while."

John wandered out into the kitchen leaving Rodney alone in the bedroom. Watching the other man leave, he grumbled under his breath, but eventually got dressed. Yanking the sheets from the bed, he walked them into the laundry room, shoving them in the washer along with other articles of clothing they were leaving behind. The cleaning lady would wash them and fold them. He'd worry about it when they got back…if they came back.

John's tuneless humming drifted from the kitchen, counterpoint to the soft noises of the kitchen—pots being moved around, food being prepped. It was amazingly domestic.

Moving into the living room, Rodney grabbed a few other odds and ends, straightening up as he went, making sure none of their toys were left out in the open. The bed was a big enough clue.

"Oh! I forgot about the pictures I took the other night. Come look at them, and then you can delete them or not, but toss the camera back in my bag."

"Pictures?" Rodney racked his brain for a minute before remembering about last night…yesterday. God, that seemed so long ago. Dumping the stuff he was carrying on the desk, he moved into the kitchen, stepping up behind John and wrapping his arms around him.

John leaned back into Rodney's embrace, turning his head for a quick kiss. "The camera is on the counter over there. You were so fucking beautiful I had to show you."

"I thought you had the camera."

"Well, I do. It's right there." John pointed, and Rodney saw it sitting not far away. He stepped out of Rodney's arms long enough to grab it, then settled back in place. Flicking the power on, he held it up so Rodney could see the screen, his voice going dreamy and unfocused. "So perfect..."

It took Rodney a moment to respond, the image on the camera burning into his mind. God, he looked like that? "Are…are there more?"

"Mmmmm." John flipped to the next one, his ass grinding back into Rodney slightly.

John moved slowly through the rest of the pictures, Rodney's breath coming heavy as he remembered the pull of the straps against his skin, holding him in place; the feel of the blindfold and gag and John's hands on him. He must have whimpered or made some kind of a sound because John was turning around in his arms, tugging him close.

"So hot. That's what I see every time. Just thinking about it makes me hard." John guided one of Rodney's hands down to his groin, where his dick was straining against the tight jeans.

"And you know just how to touch me, handle me…"

"Mmmmm, you're so responsive. Every little touch... It makes me want to stay awake every night and think of new ways to make you feel good."

"Need you rested," Rodney whispered, eyes sliding shut as memories moved in.

"Maybe I'll just dream about it then. I'll wake up every morning on that damn ship hard and aching and leaking from wanting you. But I won't touch myself. I'll wait until you can use those clever fingers, that clever mouth."

"Can help you now," Rodney whispered into John's ear, hands trailing over his lover's body.

John moaned, hips stuttering a bit as Rodney hit sensitive spots. "Wouldn't....wouldn't be fair...to you..."

"I'm yours to use. I'm here for your pleasure."

"You're mine to protect, pleasure, love, touch, and fuck. But I can't hurt you, and you can't get hard with that thing on. It doesn't really seem fair—you wouldn't get anything out of it." John did a gasp-moan at the end as Rodney cupped him.

"Your pleasure is all I need."

Swallowing hard, John didn't even seem to be aware that he was rocking slightly into Rodney's hand. "You know the part where people tell you that you should change somehow? Tell them to fuck off. You're so damn perfect it hurts."

"I think you'll set them straight," Rodney said quietly, his hand holding John. "Tell me what you want."

"Just don't...make me come...in my pants. Want to take these...to Pegasus...and I can't if they...need to be washed."

Moving his hands to the button, Rodney quickly opened them, tugging them down. John's cock was pushing at the boxers, tenting them. With a smile, Rodney dropped to his knees in the middle of the kitchen and pulled the boxers down as well, letting them pool at John's feet. Glancing up, he offered John a smile and what he hoped was an encouraging expression. "I'm here."

John groaned, reaching back to shut off the stove before shifting to lean his elbows back on the counter, thrusting his hips out slightly. "Suck me."

Scooting forward on his knees, Rodney took John into his mouth, his hands clasped in the small of his back. Using his mouth and tongue, he started to push John higher, offering just enough suction to get him hot and bothered.

John was making the hot noises he only got to when he was losing control. "Please, oh fuck, Rodney, please..."

Rodney paused, John's cock in his mouth as he glanced up his lover's body, waiting.

John's head was thrown back, his chest heaving, fingers gripping the edge of the counter.

And Rodney waited, letting John cool down, wondering what would be his lover's next move.

When John realized he had stopped, he made a high pitched whine in the back of his throat. He looked down at Rodney, his pupils blown wide with arousal. "Rodney… Please... I need..."

Rodney sucked once, but then stopped again. Waiting. John needed to know, to understand that he could take his pleasure when he wanted it, how he wanted it, even if it meant Rodney didn't come. It was his right—and one to which Rodney had no trouble agreeing with. He was John's.

John sobbed softly, straightening. A hand buried itself in Rodney's hair, holding him in place as his lover started to make shallow thrusts into his mouth.

Rodney moaned in pleasure as John fucked his mouth, sucking as best he could, trying to send John over the edge.

He had driven his lover high enough that it didn't take John long before he was coming, pouring himself down Rodney's throat. The hand on his head kept him still, not letting up until just before it became hard to breathe. John slumped back against the counter, breath still coming in pants.

Licking John clean, Rodney finally pulled off, pressing a kiss to the tip. "Better?"

"Guh."

Rodney chuckled lightly, kissing John's cock again, pressing his cheek to his thigh as he breathed in the musky smell of his lover.

He felt John twitch slightly, a hand winding back into his hair, this time not to restrain him, but to pet him.

Rodney sighed and smiled. "Feeling better?"

"Mmm hmmm. Much. Loose. Relaxed." John had very talented fingers, and as they wound through his hair, they massaged and sent little sparks of pleasure through his body.

"Good," Rodney said with a contented sigh, closing his eyes as he leaned against John. If kneeling on the kitchen floor didn't hurt so much he could stay here forever. But he could stay here for a while yet.

He heard John shift more than felt it, and then something sweet brushed over his lips. Grape jelly. "Hungry?"

"I could eat," he replied, licking off his lips and the tip of John's finger.

"Why don't you get up off that hard floor? It has to be killing your knees. I'm making French toast with jelly and powdered sugar, and sausage and scrambled eggs."

"I thought you cooked already." Rodney opened his eyes, leaning back on his heels as he looked up at John. "And aren't we running out of time?"

"Most of it's done. I just need to finish up the eggs, and plate it." John's hand drifted down to cup his face, thumb brushing his lips. "Since this is our last morning alone for a while, you want to feed yourself, or do you want me to do it?"

"Can you?"

John made his soft purring noise. "Yes."

Rodney turned his head, catching John's thumb with his mouth, sucking it in before backing off and pressing a kiss to the tip.

John's eyes were soft. "Go sit down. I'll be right there with the food."

Nodding, he climbed to his feet, moving to the table and his usual chair. It felt weird sitting here in clothes.

After John pulled his boxers and jeans back into place, he followed Rodney to the table, one plate filled with food in his hand. He pulled a chair close enough that their knees bumped. He brought a fork to Rodney's mouth. "We have about forty-five minutes before we need to be leaving."

"Okay," he replied, the only thing he was able to say before John shoved the food into his mouth.

They ate quietly until everything was gone. As much as he liked MREs, he was going to miss John's cooking.

"Are you sure we have to go?" Rodney asked as John put the fork down on the empty plate.

Chuckling, John rose, taking the plate to the sink. "Yes, we have to go back."

"I think I like this better."

John's back was to him as he started to do the dishes, the jeans highlighting his ass, the tight shirt showing off the curve of his hips. "You'd get bored after a while. I could keep you sexed up for a long time, but eventually you'd miss science."

"Sometimes I think I'd give up science for you."

When he looked back, John's eyes were wide and bright. "I think that's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

Rodney ducked his head, feeling his cheeks flush. "I should get the rest of the stuff together."

"You should get over here and kiss me first."

"I…ah…I can do that," he replied, getting to his feet and moving into John's arms.

John kissed him deeply, seemingly trying to lick his way back to Rodney's tonsils. "Love you, love you so much..."

Rodney let John take what he needed, kissing him back, tongue battling tongue. By the time they pulled away they were both panting hard. Their shirts were shoved up and their searching hands rested against skin.

"I should not be able to get hard again. You're like an aphrodisiac..." John moved down to nuzzle at his neck.

"Pot calling kettle…" he started, the words ending in a moan as John licked at his neck, just above his collar.

"I'm regretting putting that thing on you so early. Need to cut off the zip tie, blow you again, then put another one back on."

"We need to get going," Rodney protested, John's teeth beginning to graze the skin of his neck.

"I need to taste you again. Need to feel you on my tongue." John dropped to his knees to mouth at Rodney's groin.

Rodney moaned, his one hand moving to brace himself on the counter.

The chastity device was starting to hurt as Rodney's body reacted to John's proximity and the hot, hot breath against him. His pants were slowly undone and the two halves pushed just far enough aside for his lover to lick and suck at his balls.

As he began to get more and more aroused, his cock tried to respond, but only ended up filling the device, the pain increasing when it couldn't expand any further. If John didn't get it off soon he wouldn't be able to get it off easily. And it hurt. "John…" he moaned. "Hurts."

Pulling back, John nodded. He leaned back to fish a knife out of a drawer, cutting the zip-tie and carefully pulling the device free. Rodney immediately sprang loose and was engulfed in John's mouth.

Rodney whimpered as he immediately hardened and lengthened, his knees threatening to buckle. "John…please…"

Pulling back so he was talking around the head, Rodney shuddered at the sensations. "This is the last time I can do this for a little while, want to make it good."

"God, John…" Rodney moaned loudly as John took him in once again, swallowing down as much as he could and using his tongue and teeth to tease him.

His lover drew it out, taking Rodney to the edge and backing off again and again.

Only when Rodney was sobbing and whimpering continually did John start to have pity on him.

Instead of working a finger in to him, John reached behind his balls, rubbing at his perineum and sucking harder for a moment. He lifted his head—although the massage of the pressure point never ceased, looking at Rodney through his eyelashes. "You want to come, don't you?"

Rodney nodded immediately, unable to form a coherent word past the moans that were coming out of his mouth. He needed to come—badly.

John's free hand worked under Rodney's shirt to play with a nipple. "I don't know. I like you like this, needy and squirming for me."

Shuddering hard at the added sensation, Rodney moaned loud and low, the sound ending in a whimper when John continued to tease him.

John's lips brushed the tip of his cock. "I'm going to dream of this, every night I have to spend separate from you."

"Please…" he whispered.

John nuzzled into the curls around his groin for a moment. "Yes. Come for me now." As he said it, he tweaked the nipple, pushed hard against Rodney's sweet spot, and then wrapped his mouth around the head of his dick to suck again.

Rodney saw stars as he came, pouring down John's throat, his body trembling, knees nearly giving out.

His lover kept it up until the sensations were almost painful. Then he pulled off, licking Rodney completely clean before carefully slipping the chastity cage back on. Since he had pretty much moved in with Rodney, he had left things in odd places—so Rodney wasn't really surprised when he pulled a zip-tie out of one of the kitchen drawers, locking the plastic device once more. Then he carefully tucked Rodney away and straightened his clothes before standing and kissing him deeply.

Wrapping his arms around John, Rodney held on, his mind still slightly offline. God, he had to have lost brain cells.

John held him, stroking his back and murmuring softly until Rodney was no longer trembling.

Rodney pressed a kiss to John's neck, humming and sighing in contentment. This was perfect.

He felt John's sigh, receiving a quick nuzzle-and-kiss before he carefully pulled away. He seemed reluctant to break the moment, a hand cupping Rodney's face and keeping them connected. "As much as I hate to say it, we need to get going."

"Oh why? Not like there's a spaceship and a full crew waiting for us or anything."

John's response was a smile that spread slowly over his features. "We have a spaceship now. The jumpers are great, but we have an honest-to-God _spaceship_."

"We've had one of those for a while...well technically, the SGC has had one of those. But it's boxy and awkward looking."

"So are the jumpers when you get down to it. But did you get briefed on the X302s? I wonder if I can convince Caldwell to let me fly one sometime."

"Of course I did. Didn't they brief you? You're the pilot in the operation."

John got the dreamy look on his face Rodney usually associated with sex. "Yeah. One of the few bright spots in all the briefings. What those things are capable of..."

"Yes yes yes. They fly through the air with the greatest of ease. Death traps is what they are. Even worse than the flying Winnebagos."

John shook his head. "The 302s are actually pretty sleek. Kind of like a Stealth Bomber for space. I'd love to get my hands on one for a test flight. Don't get me wrong, I love our jumpers, but I do miss the pull of a jet or the power of a helicopter." He let his hand fall away from Rodney's face after a last, tender caress.

Rodney sighed, knowing they needed to leave.

John echoed the sigh, snagging the camera and doing a quick run through the kitchen, putting anything dirty in the sink for the housekeeper, and gathering up the few remaining odds and ends before padding into the bedroom.

Rodney watched him move gracefully through the apartment, his footsteps sure. It still amazed him that John loved him, cared about him.

"Rodney? Come put your shoes on and help me bring the bags to the door. I want us both to do a last walk through the apartment so we don't forget anything important."

Shoving off from where he was leaning against the counter, he walked into the bedroom, grabbing his shoes. Sitting on the edge of the stripped bed, he took his time, his eyes drifting around the room.

His eyes came to rest on John's ass, which was currently on display. His lover was bent over his bag, muttering softly to himself, seemingly unaware of the picture he was presenting in the tight jeans.

Rodney sighed, his eyes fixed firmly on John's ass, his shoes long forgotten.

"Hah!" John stood, holding up what looked like his military ID. "I was wondering where I put that." He turned around and lips quirked. "Rodney? You still with me over there?"

His eyes were still fixed on John's body, this time his cock, remembering what it felt like when John filled him, fucked him.

John walked towards him slowly, which just made certain parts of him move in interesting ways. "Rodney?"

He finally dragged his eyes upward to meet John's amused gaze. "What?"

"See something you like?"

"Uh…yeah."

"Good to know. I should wear tight jeans more frequently. It makes your brain short out in interesting ways. Want to touch?" John moved closer.

Rodney reached out, but stopped just short of his target realizing two things. One: if he touched he knew it would lead to sex and it was getting late. And two: he still had his shoe in his out-stretched hand.

John made a needy noise. "Why did you stop?"

"Shoes and time."

Long, clever fingers wound their way into his hair, stroking and petting him. "If the military ever repeals DADT, I am taking you to Canada and making you legally mine so fast your head will spin."

"Just because I can give amazing blow-jobs is not the basis for a lasting relationship."

"That's not the only reason." John sat up, his fingers twining more deeply into Rodney's hair.

"But it's the one you're thinking of now."

"No." John's hand moved to tip his face up, holding him in place so he couldn't look away. "I never think of you as just a fuck toy. You're my partner, lover, and best friend. I said it because I wish I could hold your hand on base, share a room with you on the ride home, and feel free to touch you and kiss you whenever I want to. I liked having that freedom."

"So did I."

Despite the awkward angle, John leaned down and wrapped his arms around Rodney. "We'll have it again. We—" He was cut off by the kitchen timer going off. "Fuck. I set that for when we needed to be walking out the door."

"We're not ready."

"I know. We need to get moving." Tipping Rodney's head again, John kissed him softly. "I love you, Rodney McKay."

Rodney felt something in his chest warm. "I know," he whispered.

"Good." John smiled, kissed him again, then stood, quickly pulling on his shoes and nudging Rodney's over within easy reach.

Rodney eyed it and sighed. "That a hint?"

"Unless you want to go out barefoot. I go on duty in an hour, and showing up late would probably just piss people off." He tied off his laces and stood, stretching. "I'll do a last run through the apartment if you'll check to make sure we didn't miss anything in here."

Nodding, Rodney shifted on the floor so he could get his shoe on and tied as John headed out into the living room. After tying off the laces, he stood with a groan before shuffling through the master bedroom and bath, picking up a few things, putting other stuff away.

It didn't seem like long before they were flipping off the lights and, bags in hand, heading out the door. "We have to take separate cars since we need to return both of them. Meet you there."

"Return both? I'm not giving the SGC my car."

"That's your car? I thought it was a rental... Cool, so we can just take mine and leave yours here then."

"What's wrong with my car?" Rodney huffed. He'd spent a lot of time looking for just the right make and model when he'd gone car shopping. It had been a labor of love—and a lot of pain. Car salesmen were evil incarnate and absolute morons.

"Nothing." John shook his head, walking towards his own rental. "I just didn't realize it was yours. I thought you took a loaner from the SGC like I did."

"Why should I do that when I have a perfectly fine car?"

Chuckling, John tossed his bag into the back seat. "Your car is fine. I'm not really one to talk—other than a motorcycle in a storage unit somewhere, which I haven't touched in years, I don't own one myself. You're one up on me."

"I've always had a car. You need one to get around."

"I always moved around too much. It was easier just to rent something or borrow a base car when I needed one. Less hassle that way." John slipped on his aviator sunglasses and slid behind the wheel. "Coming?"

Rodney rolled his eyes and opened the back passenger door, throwing his own bags inside before settling into the front seat next to John. "I'm ready."

As soon as they were on the road, John's hand came over to rest on Rodney's thigh. "It'll be good to see Teyla and Zelenka and everyone again. And Lorne seems like he has something of a sense of humor. He's AF like me, so I'm hopeful he'll be a good XO."

"You'll get him into shape," Rodney replied, eyes fixed on the scenery outside.

"I'm hoping he's good at paperwork. Now that we'll have regular contact with Earth, it was made pretty clear I'll be expected to keep up with the reports. Oh joy." John squeezed his leg softly. "We should give some thought as to which DVDs we want to show Teyla first."

"We'll have enough to hold us for a while."

"Yeah, and presents. People always like it when you bring them presents."

Rodney nodded, letting silence settle over the car. He was happy to be going home, but another part of him wanted to stay, for things to be the way it was when they were on vacation, when they were here in Colorado Springs.

"If it sucks too badly, I can retire and you can let your contract with the military relapse."

"What?" Rodney turned to John, narrowing his eyes, wondering where John's comment came from and how he could have read his mind.

"You look like a man heading off to his execution. I have enough time in—if you really don't want to go back, or we get back and it sucks, I'll put in for a discharge and we'll come back here." John squeezed his leg again.

"It'll be fine." He hoped.

"I think it will. But if it's not, I want you to know the option is there. Say the word, and I'll put in my requests that day."

Rodney nodded, glancing back out the window. He just wished he were as sure as John.

***

John slouched in his chair in the mess hall, absently watching sub-space fly by outside the window. He had been a space explorer for a year now, but this was cool.

The loading of personnel and goods had been easy, and everyone had settled into a more or less easy pattern on the ship. They were a week out, and Rodney was in the labs beginning the training of his new minions, Carson was working in the infirmary, and Elizabeth was off doing something.

Since Caldwell was in charge here, John was trying to keep a low profile. After a welcome speech to the men who would be serving under him, he had left them to their own devices for the most part. They would have time on Atlantis to fully acclimate everyone.

This wasn’t the first time John had lost a few hours staring out the window in the last week, so he was a little surprised when the table shifted and someone sat next to him. He glanced over, expecting to see one of his fellow senior staff, his eyes widening when he realized it was Caldwell. “Ah, sir. What can I do for you?”

"I wanted to see how you were settling in."

Weird. Nodding at the window, John smiled. "That never gets old. The jumpers will go into space, but its nothing like this."

"This is our third trip and I'd have to agree."

John felt his smile turning into a grin. "I've been down to the 302 bay a few times, too. Maybe one of these days you'll let me try one out. I bet they handle beautifully."

"Sergeant Harris mentioned you've been visiting the bay," Caldwell said. "And I doubt we'll have much time for you to take a joy ride."

John shrugged and wondered what the colonel really wanted. In a week, they had barely said more than a few words to each other. "Can't blame a guy for trying. I can't see a new ship and not want to fly it at least once. That's why I got my master's cert in so many different aircraft."

"Doesn't help you on a front-line team, does it?"

Raising an eyebrow, John shrugged again. "Not really, sir, but aircraft aren't the only things I was certified in. And I always have the jumpers if I really need to fly something."

"Must be different to fly something that can read your mind."

Now this was a subject near and dear to John's heart. He sat up a little, nodding a little happily. "Took some getting used to. But once I stopped fighting it... it's too bad you don't have the gene. I'd take you up in one to give it a try."

"Like I said earlier, not much time to joyride." He paused, leaning back in his chair. "You looking forward to going back?"

John blinked at the rapid subject changes, trying to figure out where this was going. "Yeah. It took me a few days to get used to not feeling Atlantis in the back of my head all the time. I ran into a few doors before I trained myself to open them manually again. But more than that, I hate being away this long. Who knows what could be happening, if the Wraith really bought our scheme. I need to see that my city's still there before I'll really relax."

"They would have reported something that serious in the weekly reports."

"Doesn't stop me from worrying. We lost a lot of people over the last year, and not all of them were because of Wraith attacks." John let his gaze wander back to the window. Caldwell was an officer, so he hoped the man understood where he was coming from. "It will be interesting to see how the new people fit in with those of us who have been there the whole time. It's almost painful to see all that enthusiasm and know that it will probably be snuffed out relatively quickly."

"The scientists and military personnel know what they're getting into. They've read all the documents."

"Reading about it and living it are two different things." He glanced back over at Caldwell. "And they really don't know what they're getting in to. No offense, but I don't even think the SGC really understands. Being on an outpost is a lot different from defending the home turf. It's harder, less forgiving. It changes you in ways you never could have anticipated."

Caldwell held his gaze for a long moment before nodding. "I've noticed."

John looked back out the window, thinking of all the people he had lost over the last year, both military and civilian. And all the fresh, young faces replacing them. Elizabeth had already made a few tentative moves towards getting him to choose a replacement for Ford, but he was resisting. He actually forgot Caldwell was there until the other man spoke again, making him jump slightly.

"You've all changed," he said, his voice oddly quiet.

It was John who held the stare this time. "For the better I hope. I know I wasn't the SGC's first choice to continue to lead Atlantis, sir. And I know who they did want. For what it's worth, I just wanted to go home. They're my people to protect, and I'll continue to do so in any capacity I'm allowed."

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens, won't we?"

"You don't really approve of me, do you, sir?" John actually did respect Caldwell, and he had hoped he could pick the older man's brain a bit, learn from him, since he was obviously a better officer than John himself was. But that wasn't going to happen if the man hated him.

"What I think is inconsequential," he said, rising to his feet. "Enjoy the rest of the trip and try not to pester my crew too much."

Sighing, John rose as well, saluting the other man. "Yes, sir. I'll try to stay out of your way."

Caldwell nodded, but didn't return the salute. "Good idea, Sheppard."

Watching him leave, John slumped back into his chair. Okay, that had sucked.

John sat there staring out the window until he heard someone else slide into the chair on the other side of the table, the sound of two mugs settling on the surface made him turn, surprised to find Carson looking at him, concern on his features. "How are ye doin', lad?"

Taking the cup, John sipped at it, smiling when he realized it was Athosian tea. He had missed the stuff. "I look that bad, huh?"

"Staring out the window into hyperspace at three in the morning is not exactly good."

Blinking, John looked at his watch. "Damn. I didn't realize it had gotten so late. My mind was wandering a bit."

"Aye. Seemed like it. How are ye doin'?"

John looked around, noting that they were the only people in the room, aside from a lone Marine snoring softly with his head on one of the tables. "How's Rodney doing? I haven't seen him much since we left Earth."

"You did'na answer my question." Carson's eyes were kind, but demanding.

"I forgot how bossy you can be. I'm fine. Tired, anxious to get home, hated by the only officer on board who outranks me, and I can't touch my partner. But other than that, just peachy. You?"

"Aye, I figured. And bored, edgy, and tired in that order. I always hated road trips and this is turning out to be a pretty terrible one."

"Oh? I figured you were spending your time getting to know the new staff. Why so terrible?" John had checked in on Carson, Elizabeth and Rodney a few times, and they had all seemed to be okay...

"You've been eyeing the X302s like a dog staring at a bone. The rest of us have been shoved into a small space and forced to get to know each other too well far too quickly. I use the balconies on Atlantis to get away from people. Here, I canna do that." Carson glanced down at his mug, taking a sip.

Snorting, John sipped his tea again. "Why do you think I'm still sitting in the mess at 0300? Lorne is a nice guy, and I'm looking forward to getting to know him better, but I don't really need to know that he snores, or that he sleeps on his back with his limbs splayed out. And if it makes you feel any better I was told to stop bothering the people in the hanger."

"Really?" Carson's eyebrow rose. "Then perhaps you may be interested in doin' me a favor."

"Anything. I need something to keep me occupied for the next few weeks."

"Make Rodney sleep. He's been drivin' me batty and refuses to let me give him something."

"He's not sleeping?" John's protective instincts shot to the surface. "I can talk to him, but you know there isn't much else I can do at the moment. He's edgy for the same reason I am, I'd imagine."

Carson sighed, nodding, understanding in his eyes. "I can give you an hour to calm him down, get him to sleep, even if it's just convincing him to take something. He's been railing about the size of our quarters being tomb-like and it hasna been helping me either. And we still have two weeks. If I kill him one night, I canna imagine you'd look too kindly on me."

Chuckling, John drained his cup and stood up. "No, if you killed him, I'd have to kill you, and then everything would go downhill from there. Where is he? We might as well see if we can get him to sleep before I pass out myself."

"Either the labs or our quarters. I'm hoping he stayed in our room, but he was threatening to go back to the labs. Hermoid was giving him death-looks earlier."

John shuddered. "The whole naked thing is un-nerving. Let's try your quarters first. That would be easier by far. I have a few movies stuffed in my bag, too. If you get tired of the infirmary at a decent hour, we can hijack McKay and watch them."

"Might be a good idea. Can't begin to imagine what his blood pressure might be right now." Carson looked into his mug, lifting it toward John a moment later. "I'll be here drinking some tea and watching the scenery for about an hour."

John grinned. "An hour. Got it. I'll do my best to have McKay sleeping like a baby before you get back."

"Just don't make a mess."

Wiggling his eyebrows, John headed out, determined to make the most of his hour, time of night be damned. He found the room Rodney and Carson were sharing easily enough, and knocked. Mostly for the benefit of the soldiers walking by, he called out too. "Hey McKay, you in there? Carson was threatening bodily harm if I didn't come talk you into sleeping."

The door slid open a few beats later to reveal a partially-dressed McKay in a t-shirt and boxers, sporting dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. "Oh. It's you," he said, stepping back to let John enter.

Slipping inside, John made sure the door closed behind him, then reached back to lock it. Before Rodney could say or do anything else, he had his arms around his lover, pulling him close, inhaling his scent like an addict getting a fix. "God, I've missed you."

Rodney relaxed for the briefest of moments in John's arms before immediately tensing. "John…Colonel…this might not be a good idea."

John just tightened his grip. "I wasn't kidding when I said Carson sent me. He found me woolgathering in the mess and asked me to try and convince you to sleep. He said he was going to drink his tea for an hour or so before coming to bed."

"He hates me," Rodney whined into John's shoulder, slumping against him.

John carefully steered them so they were sitting on Rodney's bunk, no mean feat when neither of them was willing to break the contact. "No, he doesn't. He's worried about you. I didn't realize you weren't sleeping. What's wrong?"

"Have you actually looked at the rooms they put us in? A coffin is bigger and I'm sharing it with a Scot that talks in his sleep. And I swear it's getting smaller every time I come in here. That Asgard in engineering hates me and I think he is taking it out on my quarters."

John carefully laid Rodney back, climbing over him and pressing their bodies together. "Lorne snores. Loudly. And I really didn't need to know what kind of boxers my new XO prefers. But it's only temporary. Right now we have an hour, and I bet I can make you forget about tight quarters and feisty Scots."

"Just hold me," Rodney said after a moment. "I'm so tired, but the nights are just so long when you're not here so I try to tire myself out to try not to think about the stupid shrinking room."

John found Rodney's mouth, devouring him. He knew he was moaning into the kiss, trying to climb into Rodney's body, but after being able to touch and taste whenever they wanted, a week of forced separation had left him feeling a bit desperate.

Rodney's hands clutched at John's back, digging into the muscles as he tried to tug John closer. He whimpered as John continued to plunder his mouth.

Pulling back with a gasp, John ground his hips down. "Need you. Need to be inside you. been too long..."

"But Carson…"

"An hour. Please, we don't have time to draw it out, but I can get us both off in that amount of time." John pushed his hands under Rodney's shirt, whimpering at the creamy skin. Most of his marks had faded completely.

"I just want to sleep," he whispered. "I'm so tired…"

"I know, buddy. Let me relax you, put you in headspace a little. Let go for me for a little while. You'll sleep better that way." He managed to get Rodney's shirt up and over his head, then licked at the one mark still visible, although faded—his usual spot, which went much deeper than the others.

Rodney shivered, but didn't protest, his hands still clutching at John, fingers digging in when they weren't searching for skin.

John caught the skin between his teeth, nipping and sucking until the mark was vivid again. Then it was a race to get his clothes off, strip the boxers off Rodney and cut the zip-tie on the chastity cage. Carson had a bottle of lotion nearby, so John used that, slicking up a finger and gently pressing it inside Rodney's body. He was desperate to be inside that tight heat, but he also knew he needed to take a little time to loosen his lover up again.

Rodney was moaning quietly, moving restlessly, eyes clenched together as John stretched him. God, he was tight.

Unable to resist the beautiful dick in front of him, John found the coordination to suck on the head a little, swirling his tongue around it, while he slowly prepared Rodney. One finger became two, and quickly three.

By the time he pulled off, Rodney was sobbing quietly, hands digging into the standard-issue mattress and rumpled sheets, head thrown back baring the metal necklace surrounded by pale skin.

With a growl, John surged up to lick at the pulse point. He wanted to mark him there again, but knew he couldn't, not here. Instead he licked and kissed until it wasn't enough. Using more lotion, he slicked himself up and then was pushing inside, almost sobbing with how good, how right, it felt. To keep himself—and Rodney—from making too much noise, he caught his lover's mouth in another wet, messy kiss.

Rodney moaned and whimpered into John's mouth, opening up beneath his lover, taking everything John was giving. Nearly folded in half with his legs up over John's shoulders, Rodney reached for the headboard, hanging on and bracing himself.

They were both too needy for it to last long. When he felt his orgasm starting to pool in the base of his spine, he nipped at Rodney's lower lip. "Come when I do."

A moan was his only reply as John continued to pound into his lover, hitting his prostate with nearly every thrust. Between one breath and the next John felt himself letting go, pouring into Rodney's ass, filling him, his lover following him over the edge with a choked-off scream, John's name on his lips.

He collapsed down, panting hard against Rodney's shoulder. "Mmmm, missed you."

Rodney groaned again, panting hard, his arms wrapping around John again as he relaxed into the bed. "So good."

John let them stay like that for a few more minutes, reveling in the press of skin on skin. Then he reluctantly pushed himself up. He was suddenly exhausted. "M'gonna get something to clean us up with. Be right back." Stumbling only a little, he grabbed a washcloth from the tiny bathroom and used it to get himself presentable before taking it out to do the same for Rodney.

When he returned, he discovered Rodney still sprawled across the bed, his eyes closed and breathing even. Asleep already?

John trailed a finger across his lover's cheek, wishing he could erase the dark circles under his eyes. For now, he quickly cleaned him up, re-attaching the chastity device with one of the zip-ties he had taken to carrying in his pocket. Then he got Rodney's boxers and his own back on. Hesitating, he knew he needed to leave, but he couldn't bring himself to do it yet. Just a few more minutes couldn't hurt. He climbed back in the tiny bed next to Rodney, curling himself around his lover.

He woke with a start feeling a hand on his shoulder. "John?"

"Mmm?"

"Lad, Doctor Weir is looking for you. It's nearly nine."

John shot up, his eyes wild. "What? No, I didn't spend the night here..."

"You and Rodney were dead asleep when I came in at four and I did'na have the heart to wake you," he said quietly as Rodney sniffed and shifted on the bed, falling back into slumber without really waking. "Elizabeth was looking for you and she contacted me when you weren't in your quarters or in your usual haunts."

"Oh fuck. Fuckfuckfuck." John slid off the bed, pausing briefly to brush his lips across Rodney's forehead before yanking on his clothes. He kept his voice low so as not to wake his lover—he needed all the sleep he could get. "Admittedly that was the best I've slept since we left Earth, but has anyone else noticed I didn't sleep in my own bed?"

"I don'na know. She contacted me directly."

Running his hands through his hair a few times, John looked back at Rodney, his gaze lingering. "Thank you. We both needed that I think. Now, do I look presentable?"

"Yer fine. Be glad you did'na sleep in your clothes otherwise you'd be wrinkled." He eyes shifted to Rodney. "I'll try to make sure he sleeps the rest of the morning."

Nodding. John couldn't resist a last caress, trailing a finger over Rodney's cheek. "Let me know when you're both free. I'll bring some movies over we can watch." Straightening, he shook himself a bit. "All right, I'll go find Weir and let her know I'm still alive. See you later?"

"Not like we have a lot going on," Carson said. "And Rodney's been terrorizing the scientists already. A break will be a good thing."

"Assuming nothing comes up, I'll meet you both for dinner in the mess then." With a wave, John ducked out of the door. For once his luck held out and there was no one patrolling the hall. He wandered to the mess, grabbing a cup of coffee and a plate of food. He spotted Elizabeth at a table near the back and headed over. "Morning. Heard you were looking for me."

She glanced up, her eyes taking in his appearance before she nodded, turning back to her coffee. "I was."

He sat down, fighting off a blush. "What's up? Anything exciting?"

"I wanted to discuss a few things with you regarding some upcoming missions, but it seems like I need to remind you about discretion instead."

This time he did blush, glad his back was to the room. "Carson asked me last night to see if I could talk Rodney into actually sleeping for a few hours. I guess I was more tired than I thought and ended up falling asleep, too."

"Carson didn't mention anything when I spoke to him yesterday."

"He didn't to me either until late last night. He found me here and told me he was beginning to contemplate murder if someone couldn't convince McKay to close his eyes for more than a few minutes at a time. He was hoping I might have more luck than he did."

"What seems to be the problem?"

John stared at his plate, trying to come up with a polite way of saying they had both gotten used to regular sex and a warm body to curl up to. He decided to try a different route, not sure if anyone at the other tables was listening or not. "I think his claustrophobia is kicking in. He mentioned the small rooms a few times, and said it felt like they were getting smaller every day. Add to that the apparent fact that Carson talks in his sleep, and you have a situation not well-designed for restful sleep."

"Really? We'd discussed his concerns about the room not long after we boarded and he assured me it would be fine." Elizabeth glanced down as she swirled her coffee around in her mug. "Short of him camping out in the mess, there's not much we can do."

"I get the impression he was attempting to exhaust himself in the labs, but it wasn't working very well. I managed to get him to sleep some last night, and I'm going to bring a few movies over to watch with him and Carson tonight. If we can get him to relax, hopefully he'll nod off again." John looked up as he sensed someone else approaching the table.

"Doctor Weir, Colonel Sheppard," Caldwell said, nodding to each of them. "Sorry to interrupt, but I have a few things I need to discuss with you, Doctor."

John stiffened, resisting the urge to salute. "Colonel. We were just about to go over a few upcoming missions on the roster, but that can wait. I'll make myself available whenever you need me, Elizabeth."

She nodded to him, her eyes letting him know that their earlier conversation wasn't over. "I'll contact you later this afternoon."

He grinned a bit tightly and shot her a sloppy salute. He saw Caldwell wince slightly out of the corner of his eye. Oh well, as long as Elizabeth didn't care, John supposed it really didn't matter if Caldwell hated him. "I'm at your service. I'll probably be in either the infirmary or the labs—Beckett had mentioned wanting to use me to illustrate a few genetic points with the new people, and McKay has some new toys from the SGC that aren't responding to his gene—I'm going to give initializing them a shot."

"Just be careful. We don't need anything exploding."

"I'm always careful." John winked at her.

"Do we need to discuss the personal shield incident?"

"Nothing blew up then, and we knew what we were doing. Besides, that was just fun." His grin got wider. That had been a good day right up until things went to shit. That was also the first time John had felt the stirrings of attraction for Rodney.

Caldwell just stood there watching the two of them, his eyes narrowing the longer it continued. Elizabeth must have seen the look because she rose to her feet to follow the Colonel. "Until this afternoon, then."

Chuckling, John nodded. He finished breakfast at a leisurely pace, and then ended up training with some of the new Marines who would be serving under him. That killed several hours, until lunch, after which John found himself somewhat at loose ends. He was wandering in the vague direction of the 302 bay when his radio went off. "Sheppard here."

"John, it's Elizabeth. Do you have time to go over the mission schedule?"

"Sure. Where are you? I'm all yours." A few soldiers walking the opposite direction gave him odd looks, but he ignored them.

"If you want to grab lunch, we can make it a working lunch."

"I already ate, but I'm more than happy to meet you there. They have turkey sandwiches. With real turkey. I won't turn one of those down." He reversed direction and headed back towards the mess.

It didn't take long for them to get immersed in their work, going over possible missions for the Atlantis off-world teams. They worked steadily for several hours until John's radio clicked on, Carson's voice in his ear. "Beckett to Sheppard."

John absently hit his radio, still caught up in the report on one particular planet they were considering. "Sheppard here."

"Were you serious about being a guinea pig this afternoon? I could use your help in the medical labs."

Blinking, John looked up, pulling his thoughts back to the present. He glanced down at his watch. "I'm going over reports with Elizabeth right now for the mission roster, but we've been at it a few hours. As long as she's game for a break, I could use the change of scenery." He raised an eyebrow at Elizabeth.

She nodded, tilting the last of her tea into her mouth. "I have other reports that need to be done anyway."

"You're sure?" He lifted his hands above his head, stretching. "There are enough of these that we could probably do this every day until we get back to Atlantis and still not get through them all."

"That is part of the plan." She smiled wryly.

"You're just using the fact that I can't hide from you here to trick me into doing paperwork." He grinned as he stood up.

"Now would I do that?" she asked, her eyebrow rising as the corner of her mouth quirked up.

He laughed, shaking his head. "I think I've been had."

"Colonel?" Carson's voice in his ear startled him.

"Yes, Carson, sorry. I was being swindled by Elizabeth. I'm on my way." Still chuckling, and with a half-salute he sauntered out of the mess and up towards the infirmary.

It took him a few minutes to find Carson who was tucked himself away in one of the smaller medical labs. He glanced up as soon as John stepped in the doorway. "Ah…Colonel. I see you found me."

"Reporting for duty. As long as you don't take too much blood, I'm yours for the afternoon." He leaned against the doorframe, waiting for Carson to tell him where he needed him.

"No blood necessary," he said, a smile on his face. "I figured we could chat for a bit before I sent you to drag Rodney out of the labs."

"Okay. What did you want to talk about? Anything is better than more reports." Moving into the lab, John hooked one of the chairs with his ankle and slouched down into it.

"Well, for starters: how do you sit like that without major damage to your spine?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

Carson waved his hand toward John, but shook his head. "Nevermind. But I did want to thank you for getting Rodney to sleep without resorting to drugs."

John shrugged. "I think we were both tired enough that all he really needed was to forget about how small the room was for a few minutes, and nature did the rest."

"Nature and a little help from you."

John stretched out in the chair, slumping down a bit further and pushing his legs out in front of him. "How late did he sleep after I left?"

"Until just past noon."

"Good. He needed it. Hopefully we can get him to sleep again tonight, at least a little. Did he seem less…harried…when he did wake up?"

"A wee bit. Embarrassed, too. The circles weren't as dark as they'd been."

John smiled softly, thinking of the mark he had renewed on Rodney's shoulder. "He's probably terrorizing people less since he's better rested, too."

"Maybe." Carson shook his head. "What time were you thinking for tonight's movie?"

"Anytime. If we can get him out of the lab, we can do dinner, and then go watch them. I have a few in my bag I can bring, and I know Rodney has a few, too."

"Want to plan dinner for seven? That should give Rodney more than enough time in the labs."

Nodding, John tilted his head. "Sounds good. So, did you actually need me for anything? It's either help you or go get myself in trouble drooling over the 302s..."

"Actually there are a few Ancient medical devices I'd like to go over if you don'na mind."

Sitting up, John nodded. "That I can do. Although I have to admit, I dread the day one of these scanners finds some terminal disease we've never heard of or something."

"Most of these are hand-held devices for on-site medical treatment. It might pay to have some of them on hand for off-world missions."

"Cool. Like Star Trek." At Carson's direction, John stripped off his shirt and hopped up on the bed.

Carson puttered around for a few minutes before pulling out a small device attached with a cord to what looked like an LSD. "Okay, hold still. This shouldn't hurt."

"Shouldn't?" John raised an eyebrow, but otherwise froze, locking his muscles in place and taking slow, deep breaths.

"Relax, Colonel," he said, waving the small device over his chest before moving to the other side of the bed.

John couldn't help the grin and the little thrill that went through him hearing his new rank. "I'm still not used to that. Colonel. Who knew? I never thought I'd make it past Major."

Carson chuckled lightly from his position behind him. "You would'na have gotten it unless ye deserved it. And how is your back feeling?"

John jumped as Carson's fingers ran up his spine, pressing in some of the spots where he had received injuries. "Not bad. A little sore at times in places, but nothing a hot shower and a good massage can't fix."

"How about here?" Carson asked, pressing down a little more firmly.

John groaned softly as a flare of pain shot through him. "Okay, ow. That one hurt."

"Sorry," he said immediately backing off, his fingers lightly tracing the area. "Huh."

"Do I even want to know what I injured this time?" John wiggled a bit, rolling his shoulders as he tried to make the pain disappear again.

"Not sure. It might be an old injury."

"God knows I have enough of those. I always associated aches and pains with old people, so I've been trying my damnedest to ignore them." Carson got him to lie flat on his stomach, pillowing his head on his arms.

John turned his head toward the Scot when Carson didn't answer right away. He was fiddling with another Ancient device, his eyes going back and forth between the screen he'd been looking at before and the screen on the new one.

"What's the verdict? That thing finding anything new? Am I dying?" He heard a shuffle of sound and a soft gasp from the door, and turned his head to see Rodney standing there looking at him in horror.

"What's wrong? What are you doing? Why didn't you tell me before?"

He found himself suddenly with an armful of McKay, hands tracing his body, as soon as he leveraged himself up. "Hey, nothing. I'm fine. Carson wanted to try out some new toys, and I volunteered to be the subject. He just found a sore spot on my back. I'm fine."

"What is it? Is it malignant? How long does he have?"

John winced as Rodney seemed to hone in on the one question, and the worst one, his mind spiraling to the worst possible situation—how he did it, John had no idea. "It's nothing. Carson thinks it's probably just an old injury. Right? I'm fine."

"Rodney, he's fine. Like John said, he's just helping me test some new Ancient equipment—a hand scanner and a small device to heal minor injuries. I also have another device that seems to be able to heal much more…something along the lines of the Goa'uld hand device."

"He was just doing a check before he started using any of the fancy new stuff, and found a sore spot. I was teasing him that one of those devices was going to find a terminal illness we'd never even heard of or something." With a quick glance around to make sure there was no one else nearby, John reached out to tip Rodney's face for a quick kiss. "I'm fine."

Rodney's scowl didn't lessen. "It wouldn't surprise me if it does."

"It won't. I'm in perfect health, barring the aches and pains of age I'm trying hard to ignore. And apparently I have a sore spot on my back, which Carson was going to try one of his new gizmos on." John settled back down on his stomach, turning his head to watch Rodney.

His lover shifted uneasily on his feet, arms folded across his chest, his blue eyes wide as he watched Carson work for several minutes. With a huff of air and shake of his head, he turned on his heel, heading back out the door.

"Rodney? What did you need in the infirmary?" John suddenly realized it was unusual to see his lover here, especially in the middle of the day. A spike of fear went through him and he pushed himself up, ignoring the sudden beeping of all the machines registering his elevated heart rate. "Are you hurt? What happened?"

Rodney didn't stop and only Carson's hand on his shoulder held John back, the other one tapping his radio on. "Beckett to Clemson. Lassie, can you do me a favor and stop Doctor McKay before he leaves the medical section. He stopped by but left without saying why he was here. Just make sure nothing's wrong. Thanks, lassie." He patted John's arm. "Give Sara a minute."

John closed his eyes and forced himself to take a few deep breaths. Rodney hadn't looked hurt, and if it was anything serious he would have said something. "Right. Hopefully he was just looking for you to check the time for dinner or something."

"Perhaps. He's been a little flighty lately. It could be he was just looking to chat. He's done that every now and then."

John's eyes didn't leave the doorway, and he fought the urge to go charging out to see what was wrong. First of all, he wasn't wearing a shirt, and second of all, they didn't need the gossip.

Carson's radio chirped a moment later. "Beckett. Yes, Sara." He listened for a moment, nodding his head, his expression carefully neutral. "Was that all....okay. Thank you, lass. Carson out."

"Carson...?" The only thing keeping John in place was the doctor's hand on his shoulder, and even that wouldn't be enough if there was something wrong.

"Sara said that he was fine, his usual brisk self and that there was nothing wrong. He was going to his lab where he could 'actually get some work done'." Carson shrugged.

Sighing, John let himself be pushed back down. "I can't wait to get home."

"You and me both."

The rest of the afternoon actually passed fairly quickly, Carson trying out a variety of devices on John—some slightly painful, others kind of soothing—until he was actually a little sore. Neither of them was aware of how late it was getting until they were interrupted at the end of one of the tests.

At the sounds of a light knock, John turned his head to find a tall blonde nurse standing in the door. "Doctor Beckett? Sorry to interrupt you, but Doctor Novak just brought Doctor McKay in. It seems he may have burned his hands while working on something. He asked for you."

John's chest constricted. "Go. I'll pull on my shirt and come see what my head geek did to himself in a minute." He hoped Carson could read the concern he was trying to hide with the casual attitude. "What time is it anyway? After you patch him up, what do you say to kidnapping him for dinner and some down time?"

"Aye," Carson said, gathering up a few of the things he had been testing. "Let me see what happened and I'll let you know."

Nodding, John pulled off the various monitors Carson had hooked him to, and tugged his shirt back on. He was forcing himself to move slow enough to not look like an anxious lover—because even though that's what he was, the nursing staff of the Daedalus didn't need to know that. Wandering out, he quickly found Carson and Rodney in another alcove. "So what happened?"

Carson and Rodney looked up briefly, but it was Carson who answered. "Would you mind giving us a few minutes, Colonel? I'll come get you when we're ready."

John's eyes widened, but there were too many other people around for him to make a fuss about it. He held Rodney's gaze for several heartbeats, hoping the other man saw his reluctance. Finally, with a curt nod he wandered out into the tiny waiting room, fiddling with anything he could pick up as he wandered back and forth across the room.

Five minutes became ten which quickly morphed into fifteen. He finally grabbed the nurse who had come to collect Carson—Sara Clemson—as she was walking through.

"Hey, um, is there any word on what happened to McKay? Beckett said he would keep me posted..."

She shook his head. "Doctor Beckett moved him to one of the treatment rooms, but I haven't heard any update since then. I'm sorry."

Sighing, he dropped her arm. "Thanks. I'll just keep waiting then." He dropped into a chair and pulled out his dog tags, playing with them absently.

It took another thirty-two minutes before Carson appeared in the waiting room, his expression carefully neutral. "Colonel?"

By now John had run every single disaster scenario through his head, and he was, admittedly, on edge. He was on his feet in a heartbeat. "What happened to McKay? How bad is it?"

"He'll be fine. The daft fool was playing with something he shouldn't have been."

Narrowing his eyes, John sensed he wasn't being told everything. "And?"

"He burned a section of his left palm and fingers when he was activating a few Ancient devices from the SGC. This one in particular it seemed he was having a problem activating. He managed to give himself a migraine and a burn from the bloody device when it finally popped on."

Ancient devices? Were these the ones Carter wanted him to look at? If so, why was he fussing with them now? "Why didn't he call me? He knows I sometimes have an easier time initializing shit. Can I see him? Please tell me you aren't letting him go back to the labs tonight."

"He's not going back to the labs for a few days," Carson said finally gesturing for John to follow him. "I'm hoping one of the devices I'm studying will heal the burn, but I won't know more until tomorrow."

Carson led him into, fortunately, one of the two private rooms this infirmary had to offer. As soon as the door was closed, John was at Rodney's side, reaching for the bandaged hand to inspect it. "Hey. Carson told me what happened. Are you okay?"

Rodney pulled it back before John could make contact. "It hurts. Touching bad."

John let his hand fall to Rodney's thigh. "Both hands, or just the one? And what do you want for dinner? I can grab something for all three of us and meet you guys in your room." He needed to be somewhere private so he could coddle. John hadn't felt the need to coddle until Rodney, but now... He really, really needed it.

"One is enough and I have no desire to eat anytime soon." Rodney was sitting propped up on the bed, a few pillows behind his back, his bandaged hand resting on his chest. He looked tired and in pain, his eyes narrowed against the dim lighting in the room. "And where is Carson with my pills?"

"He went to get them. And yeah, one is more than enough. I'm sorry—I should have come down to the labs sooner to see if you needed help initializing stuff. Then maybe this wouldn't have happened."

"Who knew the SGC thought a portable camping stove would be an item of interest? I certainly didn't."

Leaning over, John brushed his lips across Rodney's forehead. "Carson and I were already planning on kidnapping you for a movie night tonight. We'll just start earlier and you can take it easy. Let the drugs do their job."

Rodney shifted away, his eyes glancing toward the door as he held his arm closer to his chest. "I hate this trip."

Sighing, John stood. He hated that Rodney was more nervous about giving them away than he was. It was his career after all. But it wasn't worth starting a fight over. "I know. I'll go grab a movie and meet you guys in your quarters, okay?"

"If Carson let's me leave."

"He will. You'll be under his supervision after all. With that, you're better off in your room than here anyway."

Rodney sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the pillows, letting it support his weight. "We'll see."

Squeezing his lover's leg briefly, John slipped out, almost running into Carson in the hall. "Sorry, wasn't watching where I'm going. You're releasing him to you guys' room, right? He seems to think otherwise."

Carson looked up at John for a minute, letting out a long breath. "It's okay. And it all depends on how his head is. He gave himself a migraine and it's upsetting his stomach. He needs to eat so he doesn't have other issues and I can't feed him intravenously in his quarters."

Running a hand through his hair, John leaned against the wall. "What can I do to help?"

"Right now, nothing. He needs to rest and I need to give him something for the pain. If that works and his stomach settles I can release him. If not…" He shrugged. "Either way, he's going to be grumpy but at least the private room is larger than his quarters."

"All right. I'm going down to the mess then. Radio me if anything changes. Can I get you anything?" Rodney wasn't going to let him help, and he was just going to get pissed if he stayed.

"No, thank you, lad. I'm fine. I'll grab something in a little while. Hopefully the medicine will kick in and I'll be able to release him."

Nodding, John squeezed Carson's arm once before heading out. Fortunately the mess wasn't that crowded, so he grabbed a tray and found an empty table in the back, where he could stare out the window and let his mind drift for a few minutes.

An unspecified time later, the chair across from him was tugged out and Carson slumped down in it, a mug of tea in his hands.

John raised an eyebrow, knowing his friend wouldn't wait long before updating him.

"The bloody git is sleeping right now, but I plan on releasing him in an hour or so."

John nodded. "Sounds like a plan. Think he'll just pass out in his bunk as soon as you get him there?"

"He's been fighting the medication, so my guess is no. It's like he doesn't want to sleep for some reason." Carson shook his head, taking a long sip of his tea. "If you want to stick with the plan and watch a movie, it might be a good idea."

He let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. He didn't care about the movie, but he really wanted to just be able to wrap his arms around his lover for a little while. "I can grab it and meet you either at your room or the infirmary after dinner."

"You'll get more privacy in my quarters," he said quietly. "Give me an hour?"

"Thanks. And that sounds fine." John watched him go, closing his eyes for a moment. He was tired—even getting some decent sleep last night for the first time in a week, hadn't been enough to completely erase the heaviness hanging over him. And now Rodney...

He watched the clock, the minutes ticking by slower than molasses. Thirty minutes before the appointed time, he rose and headed for his quarters, taking a quick shower and getting himself together. Five minutes before the hour Carson had specified, he was standing outside their door, hand poised to knock.

"Colonel," Carson called out to him as he headed down the hallway with Rodney walking slightly unsteadily at his side. The Scot had a hand under McKay's right elbow, keeping him upright and moving.

John moved to Rodney's other side, getting a hand under his elbow. "Hey, how you feeling, buddy? You look like shit."

"Watch…watch!" Rodney said instead, trying to curl over his hand.

Between them, they managed to get Rodney into the room and onto the bed, John handed Carson the DVD while he, ignoring Rodney's protests, stripped his lover down to his boxers and t-shirt, being very careful of his hand. Then he kicked off his own shoes and climbed onto the bed next to Rodney, both of them sitting with their backs against the wall. He was on Rodney's good side, so he bumped him lightly. "How's the head?"

"Better. Stupid Ancient technology," he grumbled.

"Okay, Colonel, do you need anything else before I head back to the labs?" Carson asked, looking at John.

"Wait, head back? I thought we were watching a movie?" John raised an eyebrow at his friend. "I appreciate the effort, but I'm not going to kick you out of your room two nights in a row, and you look like you need the rest as much as Rodney does."

"I think I may have an idea about some of the devices I tested on you today. I might be able to fix Rodney's hand with one of them. The sooner I work on it, the faster Rodney is pain-free and can go back to work. And trust me, having him pain-free is a top priority."

Chuckling, John shook his head. "While I'm in heartfelt agreement with that, don't work yourself into the ground. I can't stay the night here again, so let's watch a movie, and then we'll put our resident genius to bed. If you're still awake at that point, I'll let you go back to work."

"I'm in the middle of running some tests I need to get back to. I left Sara watching them to bring Rodney here. He's under your supervision tonight, the only way I was comfortable enough about letting him out of the infirmary. If you leave, he'll have to go back to the private room in the medical ward."

"And he is right here, you know," Rodney grumped, scowling at the two of them.

John let his hand rest on Rodney's thigh, his thumb stroking softly. "Carson, as badly as I want to stay—"

"It's my medical decision. Rodney needs to be under supervision. I'd rather he be as comfortable as possible. It's your choice, Colonel, but let me know now because I'll just take him back with me."

John shook his head, unconsciously moving closer to Rodney. "No, I'll stay. But would you mind telling everyone you meet that I'm here under your orders? Not that I am, but that way Elizabeth won't corner me in the mess again to talk about what 'discretion' means."

"It's already in Rodney's medical files."

"Thanks." When Carson—winking at him, and he really was worse than a yenta sometimes—was gone, John reached around to cup Rodney's face, pulling him in to a gentle kiss. "Hey."

"I hate this trip," Rodney muttered when John leaned back. "I really, really hate this trip."

"You might have mentioned that. But we're already a third of the way in, so that's got to count for something, right?" He worked a hand under Rodney's shirt, using the pad of his thumb to stroke one of the nipples that perked right up to greet him. "So, are you up for a movie? I'm going to guess with the headache, the drugs, and the pain, sex isn't on the agenda."

"Probably not, but that feels nice," Rodney said, shifting closer and closing his eyes.

Switching hands, John wrapped one arm around Rodney to hold him close, while the other picked up where he had left off. He kept his touches light. "How about a massage then? I have an excuse to put my hands all over you, and you get to just sit back and let me take care of you."

Rodney nodded, his head drifting to lean on John's shoulder.

Instead of following through, John just pulled him closer, touching, caressing. The renewed connection relaxing them both more than probably anything else could. John leaned his own head against Rodney's burying his nose in his lover's hair to inhale the unique scent. He was startled awake—wow, this was starting to become habit—by a knock at the door. Rodney was fast asleep, so John carefully laid him down, making sure nothing looked incriminating before answering the door.

The door opened to reveal Elizabeth, her face showing her concern. "I just heard," she said quietly, eyes tracing through the room until they found the slumbering scientist. "How is he?"

Stepping aside so she could enter, John let his own eyes return to his scientist. "Sleeping, fortunately. Carson thinks one of the devices we were messing with today might be able to heal the damage faster. It's mostly surface burns I think, but those are painful and will take a while to heal naturally."

She nodded, stepping to the bed, her fingers stopping short of touching his right arm. She sighed heavily. "I thought this trip was supposed to be uneventful."

"It mostly is. He just got distracted and a little careless. Beckett will heal him up, and in no time at all he'll be our Rodney again."

"I sincerely hope so. This is not exactly the way I wanted to spend the trip back to Atlantis."

"Me neither. I know Rodney and I aren't having the best of times trying to readjust to being discreet, but we'll work it out." John reached out to trail a finger along his lover's jaw.

"Are you still sure that this was the right decision?" Elizabeth regarded John carefully, her gaze heavy.

"Which one? I've made a lot of decisions lately." He didn't meet her eyes, choosing to watch Rodney instead.

"Moving back to Atlantis. As much as I'm selfish and I know I want…need the two of you there, I can't stop and think that you deserve a little peace and quiet. You've both given up a lot to be here."

He sighed. That hadn't been the decision he had thought she was calling him on, and he felt a surge of friendship for her. "We have to try. Atlantis needs Rodney too much not to. And you don't have enough strong ATA carriers, even with Carson's therapy, to really be safe without mine. Do I wish I could openly tell the world I have a partner I love? Yes. But that's not the way it worked out, not right now. Worse comes to worse, we get discovered by someone who wants to use it to hurt me, I get discharged, and then we'll go from there. But at least we'll be able to say we went down fighting."

She reached out, grasping him arm and squeezing gently. "Try to get some sleep yourself. You look like you could use it. Find me tomorrow and we can continue working on the mission rosters."

He shot a grin at her, hoping she could read his gratitude—he didn't drop his mask often or lightly, but he found himself doing it more and more without a thought with the people he had come to call friends—and family. "As soon as Carson gets back I'll find my own bunk. I can't afford to sleep in someone else's bed two nights in a row—I do actually know how to be discreet...when it suits me."

She shrugged, offering a smile. "You're the babysitter tonight. At least that's what I read in Carson's notice."

He blinked. "You mean he isn't coming back? It's his room—as much as I appreciate some time with Rodney, I don't want to chase the man away. He needs the sleep as much as the rest of us."

"He's working on that device. Didn't he tell you?"

"Well, yeah, but I didn't think he meant all night." John guessed his face must have looked pretty funny—a mix of hope and guilt—because Elizabeth laughed softly

"Get some rest and make sure Rodney does, too." He headed for the door and it slid open to let her out, her figure silhouetted against the lighting in the hall beyond.

"I will. Thanks." He let the door slide shut, pausing to look over Rodney's body again. With a quiet, needy noise he was glad no one was around or awake to hear, John stripped down to his own boxers and wrapped himself around Rodney, careful not to jostle the injured hand.

His lover shifted and moaned, the sound edged more with pain than arousal.

Spreading his palm out wide, John ran it up under his lover's shirt again. "Hey, Rodney, it's okay, hold still for me so you don't hurt yourself any more."

"Hurts…burns…" he whined, moving again.

"I know. But you need to hold still. The drugs Carson gave you shouldn't be wearing off this fast, so take some deep breaths for me." John gently wrapped his other hand around Rodney's elbow, holding the injured arm still.

"But it hurts."

John levered himself up to liberally sprinkle feather-kisses over Rodney's face. "I'm sorry. I wish I could make it stop."

Rodney turned pain-filled eyes to him. "John…it hurts…a lot. Just make it stop, please."

Pulling his hand out of Rodney's shirt, John turned on his radio. "Sheppard to Beckett."

"Beckett here. What's the problem, Colonel?"

"Rodney woke up and he's in a lot of pain. Is there anything I can give him?" John was caressing Rodney's face, trying to will some of the pain lines away.

"The meds wore off already?" Carson sounded worried.

"He's in a lot of pain. Worse than when you brought him here earlier."

"Damn it." Carson was quiet for a minute and John nearly said something else after Rodney moaned, his right hand grasping tightly onto his left wrist. "I have something I can give him, but it'll take me a few minutes to get down there. Try and calm him down the best you can. I'll be right there. Beckett out."

Turning off the radio, John carefully moved so his body was over Rodney's. "Hey, Beckett is coming, and he's bringing the good drugs. So just focus on me until he gets here, okay?"

"It's burning…feels like my hand is burning. Just make it stop." Rodney's voice was broken, quiet, desperate.

John moved in to capture his lover's mouth in a kiss. He knew it wouldn't make the burning stop, but it was the only thing he could think of.

Rodney moaned into John's mouth—part arousal, part pain—but he kissed him back, some of his desperateness fueling the kiss.

John kept it up until he was starting to get nervous about Beckett returning. He didn't know if it would be the doctor alone, or if there would be nurses.

John's radio beeped in his ear a moment later. "Beckett to Sheppard."

He hit his radio again. "Sheppard here."

"Sara and I are about a minute away. How's he doing?"

"Moving around a lot. I'm trying to keep him still, but it isn't working very well."

"We'll be there momentarily, Colonel and we're going to need room to work."

Sighing, John gave up and slipped off the bed, pulling on his pants. He sat down on Carson's bunk where he hoped he would be out of the way, when the doctor and his nurse came in. "He was sleeping okay for a while, but then woke up suddenly, saying it was burning and that it really hurts."

Carson nodded, putting the case he was carrying at the end of Rodney's bed while Sara placed hers on the small desk. "Rodney, lad, are you with me?"

John scooted back further, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged with his back against the wall. He watched them work for a few minutes—Rodney wasn't very responsive, too caught up in his pain and exhaustion.

"Lassie, I need you to run the IV we talked about on the way over. We're going to have to do this the hard way," Carson said after a minute of checking McKay over.

"Yes, Doctor Beckett." Sara was pulling out a needle and tubing, expertly starting the IV and hooking it up to a bag of something that was temporarily hung on one of the hooks for jackets.

Carson turned to his case, picking out two small vials and a single needle, prepping the first dose. He turned back to Rodney a moment later, putting his hand on his leg. "Rodney, we're going to give you a little something to help. It'll take a few minutes for it to start working, but you should begin feeling better pretty quickly."

Sara moved to assist, holding Rodney's arm steady while McKay just moaned.

Carson cursed quietly before turning to the IV port, inserting the needle. He tugged his sleeve up so he could see his watch face and slowly began to press the plunger down, administering the drug slowly over the course of a minute. Once the needle was empty, he pulled it out and capped it, tossing it in the top of his case and grabbing another sterile needle. He filled a needle with a smaller dose of the second drug, capping the end of the needle once it was prepped and handing it over to Sara who'd stepped back.

"Hang onto that, will ye?" he asked, without really looking at her, just expecting her to follow his orders. Carson moved closer, reaching out to turn Rodney's head toward him. "Relax, Rodney. Let the drugs work. You'll feel better, I promise."

It only took a few more minutes, with Carson checking Rodney's pulse and breathing the entire time, before John saw his lover start to relax. "Aye…there we go," Carson said with a smile, obviously seeing the same thing John had. "That better?"

Rodney nodded slowly, his gaze glazing over a little.

"Good. I'm going to give you a little something else to help. It will slow down some of your neural functions, but I think it'll help with the pain even more than the pain medications."

"Is that safe?" John kept his voice low, and from the way Carson started, the doctor must have forgotten he was in the room.

"It's a very low dose, so yes. And I still expect you to monitor him."

"Wouldn't he be better off in the infirmary with all these drugs in him? Not that I mind—I'll stay all night if you need me to—but..." John didn't want Rodney to be in pain.

"If you'd be more comfortable, we can move him," Carson said, already gesturing to Sara.

John shook his head. "I want him to be where you think it will do him the most good. I'll stay with him here, or I'll help you get him back to the infirmary. You tell me which is best."

"Right now he needs to rest. He can do that here or in the infirmary. As long as someone checks on him every hour or so, it doesn't matter where he is. The doses I'm giving him aren't large or unsafe. And I'll be back in a few hours to check on him, but I don't foresee any issues."

John nodded. "Then he's probably better off here. If you don't mind me napping in your bed a bit longer, I'll stay with him."

"If I minded I wouldn't have moved him in the first place," Carson said with a light smile before turning back to Rodney whose eyes were getting heavy. "Feeling better, lad?"

Rodney nodded again, eyes only partially fixing on the Scot.

"Good. I'm going to give you that second shot and then the Colonel here will keep an eye on you."

Carson took the needle back from Sara, uncapping it and pushing it into the IV port. Over the course of the next minute the medicine went in and Carson disposed of the needle a moment later, already moving to pack up his case. Once it was closed, he leaned over Rodney, checking him over again.

"Looking good, Rodney. Now, let the Colonel take care of you and hopefully in the morning we can fix you up." Carson turned, offering John a smile. "I'm leaving the IV in to hydrate him. If he gets restless or is in anymore pain contact me immediately."

John nodded. "Will do. How often should I check on him? And shouldn't you be getting some sleep soon too? It's getting late, isn't it?"

"I slept more than you think, Colonel. Don't worry about my beauty sleep. And every hour should be fine; you don't have to wake him when you do. Pulse, temp, and respirations."

John set the alarm on his watch to beep at him in the required hour intervals. "Anything else I should be watching for?"

"Trust me. You'll know if something is wrong."

"Sounds like a plan, Doc." John started to say more, but was ambushed by a yawn. He felt himself flush slightly when he realized Sara was openly admiring him—he had forgotten he was shirtless too. "I think I'll nap a bit in between checks, since I think it's past my bedtime too."

"I'll be back in a few hours to check on him," Carson said, his gaze wandering over to the half-asleep scientist. He gestured for Sara to precede him out of room, offering a roll of his eyes and an amused smile on the way out. The door slid shut leaving John alone with Rodney once again.

Standing, John stripped out of his pants again, folding them automatically and putting them on the chair with his shirt. He wanted to slip into bed with Rodney, but wasn't sure that was a good idea. Seeing a slit of blue, he realized his lover wasn't quite out yet. "Hey. You're supposed to be sleeping now."

"Lonely."

Being very careful of bandages and the IV line, John climbed into bed with his lover, wiggling a hand under his shirt to rest against a warm chest. "Better?"

"Mmm," he said, his eyes glazed from the drugs and pain. He shifted again, trying to get his leg between John's, but his coordination was a little off.

Smiling, John did it for him, pressing their bodies together and arranging them in the usual sleep position. "Go to sleep, Rodney. Let the drugs do their job. I'll be here."

"Don't wanna."

John found a nipple and started to rub it gently again. "Why?"

He moaned softly, curling into John a little more. "Will miss this."

"You won't miss anything. I'll do it to you again later, when you aren't in pain and high on drugs. I promise."

"…here now."

"No, you're not. You're only half here. Stop fighting Beckett's drugs. I'll be here through the night, keeping an eye on you, and tomorrow hopefully the new doohickey will fix you right up."

"…keep dying."

Blinking, John tried to make sense of that one. "Dying? I'm right here, Rodney, I haven't gone anywhere. I'm fine—perfectly healthy and all yours."

"…can't stop it…keep trying…"

"Stop what?" Pulling his hand free of Rodney's shirt, John cupped his lover's face.

Rodney didn't answer for a moment, his eyes blurred by the drugs in this system, the drugs he was still fighting. "…dying."

"No one is dying. I'm right here with you. It's just the drugs making you think otherwise."

Rodney shook his head slightly. "Before."

"In the infirmary?"

"Before."

"Before what? I was with you on vacation before that, and we weren't doing anything risky."

Rodney shook his head again slightly, his eyes drifting closed. Sometimes he was hard to follow when he was awake and alert. On drugs was a whole matter entirely.

Sighing, John hoped McKay was falling asleep. They could talk about the 'dying' thing when he wasn't pumped full of drugs. Apparently it was an issue.

His eyes jerked open several times more as he tried to fight the pull of sleep, but they quickly closed again, his body finally relaxing into the bed, his breathing evening out.

John watched him sleep for a bit, then curled back around McKay's body, dozing lightly. Every hour, his watch beeped at him, and he sat up to check that Rodney was still sleeping, still breathing, still no signs of distress. He didn't know how many times he had done the checks when he felt a hand on his shoulder after the latest alarm but before he had shaken off his sleep. "Wha—?"

"Easy, lad," Carson said, his voice quiet. "How's he been?"

Rubbing his eyes with one hand, John sat up, catching an amused look from Carson. "What?"

"Comfortable?"

"Mmmm. Miss having a warm body to sleep with." Carefully, John untangled his and Rodney's limbs, climbing out of the bed. "He was restless, and fought the drugs at first. Said he didn't want to sleep because I kept dying."

"And he's quite the radiator," Carson said, an amused smile on his face. "And you kept dying?"

"I never have to worry about getting cold when he's in bed..." John smiled down at Rodney. "And yeah. He wasn't making a lot of sense, but he said I kept dying, and he couldn't stop it."

"Nightmares maybe? He hasn't been sleeping well the past few nights."

"Wouldn't surprise me. God knows we've all seen enough to have nightmares for life. He didn't have any when it was just the two of us, and I don't think he's had any the last few nights, but maybe the combination of sleeping alone and being in a too-small room are setting them off."

"Maybe," Carson said with a thoughtful expression on his face and a shrug of his shoulders. "I'm almost done with my preliminary research, but I wanted to stop in and check on him."

Yawning, John stretched his hands high above his head. "Once he fell asleep he was out completely. He hasn't even stirred on the hours when I've been waking up to check on him."

"Good," Carson said, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, quickly running through a few non-evasive tests. Rodney stirred a little, but didn't wake. "I'll come back in a few hours to bring him back down to the infirmary. The IV should keep him hydrated and his sugar stable, so don't worry about feeding him anything. If you need to leave for any reason, contact me first and I'll send a nurse to watch him."

John put a hand on Carson's arm. "Thanks. But when are you sleeping? I know I keep harping on it, but it's my job to make sure all my geeks take care of yourselves."

"You'd be surprised at how effective power naps are. And stop mother henning. I'm fine."

"You have circles under your eyes. And power naps are fine for the short term, but if you don't sleep tonight, I will recruit one of your nurses to drug you."

"Need I remind you who is charge of the infirmary needles?"

"And it won't do you any good if you make yourself sick. We're not in a crisis situation, so you don't need to be working yourself to a fine thread." John crossed his arms—he would be stubborn about this if he had to.

"I could say the same for you at times," Carson said, his expression equally stubborn. "I know how to take care of myself a whole lot more than the two of you, so don'na you be startin' anything."

"I know. When things are crazy, I'm the first to admit my own health is the last thing I'm thinking about. But things aren't crazy right now. As much as I want you to fix Rodney quickly, you're my friend too, you know."

"I need to fix him quickly. I think the device he found overloaded part of his systems—the whole mental component—when he more or less overloaded it forcing it to work. That was part of his issue last night, I think. I’m hoping the sleep will help to set his system back to rights, but I also need to fix the physical problem."

John's felt his eyes widening. "Wait, what? I thought it was just a burn!"

"I thought so as well, but when I got some of the test results back last night and then your call…" He sighed. "I was hoping it would be a simple burn."

John sat heavily on Carson's bed. "All right, what do we need to do to make sure it doesn't get any worse? I'll keep watching him, but what else can I do?"

"Right now, we have to wait and see. I'm hoping it will dissipate on its own."

John shook himself. "I need a shower and a change of clothes badly. What time is it anyway?"

"Still early. Six ship-time."

"I want to be here when he wakes up, and when you move him later. Mind giving me thirty minutes to pop back to my own quarters to get cleaned up a bit?"

"Go ahead. Grab some breakfast for yourself, too."

Standing and pulling on his clothes, John nodded. "Can I get you anything?"

"Something light would be good. I've had coffee already."

Nodding, John slipped out of the room and down the hall. Since he assumed Lorne was probably still sleeping, he tried to move quietly. He whirled and was reaching for a gun he wasn't wearing when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.

"Sorry, sir," Lorne said, hands raised as he tried to look un-menacing. "Didn't mean to startle you. How's Doctor McKay?"

Relaxing, John started to dig through the small dresser he had been assigned. "Touch and go. Beckett had to start an IV and give him stronger drugs in the middle of the night, and he's worried the mental component of whatever McKay fried will affect him. He's trying to get one of the new devices working to heal the damage—McKay will probably have to be moved back to the infirmary later."

"Why didn't he ask for help? There's a number of natural carriers on board." He shook his head. "I don't understand scientists."

John gave him a wry grin. "Welcome to Atlantis. Home of the most brilliant, scatterbrained people you will ever have the privilege of meeting."

"It's shortsighted and dangerous. And this isn't the first time he's done something like this—or so I've heard." Lorne's voice was tight, disapproving.

Shaking his head, John knew in part that his new XO was going to have to figure this out for himself. "It's not just McKay, although he is the King of the Geeks. When they get involved in something, they're more curious about why it won't work and what it will take. Especially with those that had the gene therapy, they forget sometimes that a natural carrier is still needed occasionally. But that's part of our job—to protect the civilians, even if it means protecting them from themselves at times."

"And if they kill themselves in the process it's all in the name of science, isn't it?" Lorne shook his head. "It's the same at the SGC, too."

Finally finding all the pieces he needed for a clean uniform, John turned back around. "Atlantis is a war zone, for all intents and purposes—you can't go home and forget about the life-stealing aliens at the end of the day. And almost none of the civilians really understand how hard that is until they've done it for a few months. Tinkering and pushing themselves in the name of science has kept us all alive more than once."

"And if they kill themselves and we need them later, how does that work?"

John narrowed his eyes slightly. "I need to know if you have a problem with the science staff now, Major. I like you a lot, but our first and only concern on Atlantis is protecting the civilians, even when we don't understand why they do something. If you have a problem with that, we can still make other arrangements."

"I don't have a problem, sir." Lorne's voice was tight again, his arms crossing over his chest.

Sighing, John sat on his bed. "Look, Major, I've been up most of the night watching McKay sleep in case he started having problems. I don't really feel like playing games. I wasn't kidding when I said I like you, and I think we'll work well together, but not if you don't trust me, or won't tell me when you have something on your mind."

Lorne held John's gaze evenly. "You've heard my concerns, Colonel."

"But I don't really understand what the problem is. You said yourself it was the same in the SGC. Why does McKay getting a little too involved bother you as much as it obviously does?"

"I just don't see why scientists need to be on front-line teams."

"Do you know what to look for when your team stumbles across an Ancient base? For that matter, can you find the base when someone went out of the way to hide it? Can you shut off the crap that will blow up and take out the nearest village when someone on your team with the ATA gene accidentally turns it on? Can you evaluate potential technology and know whether or not it's worth trading for? I don't know about you, but I would rather have someone qualified on my team—who I can personally train and get to know his quirks and triggers so I can protect him better—doing all that stuff."

Lorne frowned. "They're liabilities, sir."

"It's your job to make sure they're less of one. Once you put your team together, I'll expect you to spend a certain amount of time making sure your geek has the basic skills to protect himself until you can get to him or her. In an ideal world, no, civilians wouldn't be on off-world teams. But we need their abilities too much to take them off."

Lorne nodded tightly, but didn't reply.

Sighing again, John rose. "I understand your concerns, and I even share some of them. There are some members of the science team, like Radek Zelenka, who can't shoot the broad side of a barn, and so aren't allowed to join teams. I hope you can find someone you can trust and work with once you've had a chance to meet and evaluate a potential team."

"I guess I'll have to wait and see, sir."

"Once you've had a chance to settle in, you and I can have another chat. If you still feel strongly against having anyone from the science staff on your off-world team, I'll consider letting you go without. It's not my preference, but I also don't want you going out there feeling exposed and resentful. Humor me and at least give them a fair evaluation, but I won't force anyone on you."

Lorne nodded, his mouth a thin line. "Yes, sir."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, John headed into the shower. He made it fast, quickly getting changed into a clean uniform and feeling more alert. He was surprised to see Lorne still in the room, watching him.

"If you don't mind me asking, why does it matter so much to you, sir?"

Sitting back on his bed, John thought about it for a moment, wanting to give the soldier an honest answer. "Because I've watched them for the last year. They complain, and they're scared, and they do make mistakes—they're human. But when push comes to shove, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them—none of the original expedition would be. I've watched them push themselves farther than they thought possible to save our lives, and I don't care who you are, you have to respect that."

Lorne nodded once, tugging the bedcovers a little higher on his chest. "I'll keep that in mind, sir."

John offered him a grin. "I think you'll see for yourself once we get there. You seem like a pretty open-minded guy. I'm not asking you to personally like all of them—or any of them if it comes down to it—just respect the fact that they're way out of their element, but they're willing to go out there scared shitless and fight to keep us alive."

"I imagine you should get back to wherever you need to be, sir. I don't want to keep you any longer."

John stood again, running his hand through his hair a few time to get it into some semblance of shape. "Anytime, Lorne. Once McKay is back to normal, I'll go back to having loads of free time—and I hate being bored. Come find me and we'll see if maybe two of us working on him will convince the Major in charge of the 302 bay to let us check them out." He grinned again—it would be nice to have someone else who actually understood the need to fly.

"I'll keep that in mind, sir." Lorne nodded, still official and stiff—even sitting in his boxers in bed.

Shaking his head, John laughed softly. "Feel free to just call me John or Sheppard. All the sirs make me nervous after a while."

"Yes, Colonel. I'll try to keep that in mind."

Reaching over, John patted the other man on the shoulder. "Colonel works too, but only because I'm still stunned I made it past Major. Eventually the shine will wear off I'm sure."

"Yes, sir…ah, Colonel."

"Sheppard."

"Yes, sir…Colonel Sheppard, sir."

John laughed. "I promise, I'm not a big stickler for formality. I don't bite if I don't get called by my rank. But I do need to get going—Beckett was waiting for me to take over McKay-watching again."

"Yes, sir," Lorne nodded.

"We'll talk again later. In the meantime, have a nice day." John shook his head as he walked to the mess. He had a feeling Lorne had a sense of humor, he just needed to let the other soldier get comfortable with him before it came out. At least, he hoped he was reading things right.

He quickly grabbed breakfast, not even paying attention to what he was grabbing. Tray in his hands, he moved to the quarters assigned to Carson and Rodney, managing to knock without spilling everything.

When Carson opened the door, John gave him a sheepish look. "Sorry it took so long. Lorne was awake, and needed a little pep talk."

"Lorne?"

"My new XO. He's a bit stiff, but has some promise. He's AF like I am, so he has that going for him, but he doesn't have much respect for the science staff. He seems open minded, so I have high hopes for him, I just have to keep him out of trouble until he can settle in."

"Is that Evan? The Major? He seemed like a nice lad," Carson said, taking the offered pastry from John.

"Yeah, I think that's his first name. If I can convince him geeks are cool, he'll make a good XO. How's Rodney doing?"

Carson's face darkened a little. "Still sleeping, but he's getting a little restless. I had to sit with him a few minutes ago to get him to stop moving."

Setting his tray down, John moved to Rodney's side. Faint lines had appeared across his lover's forehead. "Hey, Rodney. I'm back. Just went to get some breakfast and a shower."

The scientist didn't wake, but he shifted on the bed, head rolling a little to the side, the lines deepening.

Reaching out, John brushed a thumb across them, trying to smooth out the fear or pain or whatever was causing them.

Rodney moaned, low in his throat, the sound setting John's nerves on edge.

"Rodney? Hey, buddy, snap out of it for me." Sitting on the edge of the bed, John shifted so more of their bodies were in contact with each other.

The scientist shifted again, eyes beginning to move quickly behind his closed lids, another moan emerged sounding a little like John's name.

Glancing up at Carson, John felt out of his league. "Should I wake him up?"

"We might have to, but I didna want to. Not yet. See if you can calm him without waking him." Carson tapped his radio, turning away from John and speaking quietly.

Kicking off his shoes, John swung up into the bed, fitting himself along Rodney's side—if this was a nightmare, being close had helped keep them away the last few nights. He stroked through Rodney's hair, petting him, keeping his voice low and soothing. "Hey, buddy, I need you to calm down. Whatever monsters you're fighting in there, they aren't real. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Rodney's movements slowed, but he was still restless, unsettled.

Leaning down, John brushed his lips across Rodney's, keeping it light, while he worked a hand under his lover's shirt. This had worked earlier...

John lightly stroked his hand over his chest, gently tweaking his nipples as he encountered him, trying to give Rodney something physical to ground him. McKay whimpered slightly and turned in toward John.

"I'm here, Rodney. Always. Just focus on me, let me chase away whatever's hurting you in that genius brain of yours."

"Dead…again," Rodney whispered, barely loud enough for John to hear.

"No. I'm not dead. I'm here with you, safe and sound." He brushed his lips across Rodney's again.

Rodney's mouth opened up, letting John deepen the kiss for a moment before pulling back, glazed blue eyes regarding him.

"Hey. I'm here."

"Gone….couldn't stop them."

"It was just a nightmare. It didn't happen. I've been here with you, and I'm alive." John tweaked a nipple to prove his point, knowing the physical sensation would help Rodney break free of the dream world faster.

Rodney shifted, curling closer, lightly resting his bandaged hand and arm on John's hip. "So real."

John curled so he was cradling Rodney in his arms. "It's okay. Just a dream..."

"John," Carson said softly after a few minutes passed. "Sara and another doctor will be here in a minute. We need to move Rodney back to the infirmary."

Sighing, John kissed his lover again, deeply, before withdrawing and pulling away. "He's getting worse, isn't he?"

"I don't know. I need to do some more tests and I can't do them here."

He scooted until he was on the edge of the bed again, one hand resting on Rodney's leg. "This was supposed to be an easy trip home...Has anyone looked at the device he was messing with? Maybe I should go get it and see if I can figure out what it was supposed to do."

"Aye. Burnt to a crisp. He certainly made a right good mess of it."

"How did that happen? Most of the Ancient gizmos have fail safes to prevent this sort of thing."

Carson glanced at Rodney as he answered. "Our over-anxious friend decided to push it a little too hard."

"He, of all people, knows better. Why would he do something that stupid?"

"Ask him later. He wouldn't give me an answer after it happened." A knock on the door interrupted their conversation and Carson moved to answer it, Sara hovering on the other side, a gurney poised behind her. "Aye, lass. Thanks for hurrying. Let's bring that in here and get him situated."

Standing, John moved out of the way again. "Anything I can do to help?"

"I can use your muscles, Colonel," Carson replied. "Can you help get him moved?"

Rodney was watching them through half-open eyes, confusion on his face.

Moving to his lover's head, John got a hand under his shoulder. "Hey, McKay, we're going to move you back to the infirmary where Beckett can run a few more tests. Just hold still and let us take care of you, okay?"

"Comfy."

"I know you are, buddy, but you can't get the care you need here. I'm sure Beckett will release you as soon as he can."

Rodney huffed and he nearly sounded normal.

On Carson's count, they lifted Rodney up and onto the gurney smoothly, managing not to jostle him much.

A few straps held Rodney in place for transport and Sara was tugging the gurney out of the room, leaving John standing in the middle of the room. Carson turned to him when he was halfway out of the door. "What are you waiting for, Colonel? An engraved invitation? Come on."

Grabbing his cup of coffee off the tray, John trailed along behind them.

They moved quickly, but carefully. Getting Rodney settled in the same private room he'd been in before within a few minutes. McKay didn't protest the manhandling, still partially out of it from the drugs Carson had given him before. The Scot quickly got him hooked up to various monitors before stepping back.

"I'll be back in a few minutes to give you a more thorough going over, Rodney," he said, resting a hand on the scientist's good arm. "Just rest and the Colonel here will keep you company."

John pulled a visitors chair over to the bed. "I could tell you bedtime stories or something."

Rodney snorted quietly, such a normal reaction that John had to laugh.

"Once upon a time—" He couldn't get any more out around the increased laughter at Rodney's look of horror.

He reached out with his good hand, catching John's and squeezing lightly. "Sorry."

Shaking his head, John smiled, wishing he dared stand and kiss his lover here. "You have nothing to be sorry about. Well, I wish you had been more careful with the device, or called me when it wouldn't respond, but you're a scientist, so it doesn't really surprise me."

"Should have waited."

"Why didn't you?"

Rodney didn't answer immediately, his half open eyes sliding closed for a long moment. John thought he'd fallen asleep when he saw blue through his long lashes. "Dunno."

John gave him a long, considering look. "Yes, you do. You just don't want to tell me."

He shrugged slightly, the movement barely visible unless you were looking for it. "Does it matter?"

"It does to me." John reached over, lacing his fingers through Rodney's good hand. "You have to tell me if something's wrong."

"Nothing wrong."

"Then why are you trying to hide something from me?"

"Not," Rodney replied, the whisper harsh, determined. The squealing monitor next to the bed, however, proved him wrong as his pressure increased.

Standing up, John took a chance and cupped Rodney's face, dragging his thumb along his lover's jaw until the beeping slowed back down. "Whatever it is, I promise I won't be angry or upset. Please, tell me what's bothering you. It's big enough to make you ignore your own protocols, so it's obviously important to you."

A knock at the door interrupted whatever Rodney was going to say. John moved back immediately as Carson barged in a moment later, sliding up to the bed with a disapproving look at the two of them. "I thought I told you to keep him calm."

"We were talking about why he's here in the first place." John gave Rodney a long look, not breaking eye contact. "As soon as you're done with him, we're going to continue that conversation and he's going to tell me what's upsetting him so much that he hurt himself."

"Aye, I'd like to know the answer to that question as well, but right now, I need him calm and quiet. Can you do that for me?"

Nodding, John still didn't look away from Rodney. "We can wait until he's feeling better. But we will continue the discussion." He left no room for compromise in his tone.

Rodney nodded slightly, acknowledging John's order without argument.

"Good." Carson said, watching the two of them carefully. "I'd rather not have to give him anything else, so if you can keep him calm and quiet for the next bit we should be good. One of the Ancient devices should take care of the burns in no time. I just need to go over a few more things before I use it."

"Will that fix all the issues? I know you had some other concerns, besides the burns on his hand." John looked at Carson, trying to read his friend and see if he was hiding anything.

"One step at a time, lad. One step at a time."

Sitting back down, John stifled a sigh. "All right. I'll go back to bedtime stories, and you figure out how to fix my geek. Sound like a plan?"

Carson nodded. "And just so you know, no one is allowed in here except me and I will knock before entering. I'll be back in about fifteen to twenty minutes."

John grinned. "I thought you wanted me to keep him calm and relaxed..."

"Aye," Carson said, the corner of his mouth quirking up. "Cheeky…"

Wiggling his eyebrows in an attempt to look lecherous only got a snort from Rodney and bark of laughter from Carson. "I'll behave, I promise."

"Aye. You'd better. One patient is enough," Carson said, already heading out the door. "I'll be back in a little while."

As soon as the door was closed, John leaned in to capture Rodney's mouth in a deep kiss, not letting up until he felt his lover melting into the bed, and the heartbeat monitor dropped down as Rodney relaxed and surrendered.

"Mmm," Rodney hummed as John pulled back just enough to see his lover's drug and pain-glazed eyes.

"Beckett is going to fix you soon. Then at least you won't be hurting anymore." He whispered it against Rodney's lips.

"Love you," he whispered in response.

"Love you, too." John smiled softly, tracing patterns on his lover's chest with one finger.

Rodney turned a little, trying not to tug any lines free as he leaned toward John, moaning as he jostled his hand.

"Shh, just hold still and relax. Close your eyes and just feel. Let me give you something other than pain to focus on." He slipped a hand under Rodney's shirt, tracing the patterns on bare skin now.

"Miss you," Rodney whispered after several minutes, his body slowly relaxing as he let John take care of him. God, John thought, the trust he gave him…

"Miss you, too. But it's only temporary. We'll be back on Atlantis soon, and we have the LSDs there, so neither of us will have to sleep alone most of the time."

"Miss you so much."

John kissed the corner of Rodney's mouth, running his tongue along the seam. "I'm here now."

Rodney whimpered slightly, leaning into John like he was absorbing his strength, his warmth, his love.

John stayed there, giving Rodney the support he needed until there was a soft knock on the door. With a last quick kiss, John walked over to the door, opening it for Carson. "You're ready to fix him? Please tell me you can fix him."

"I'm gonna try," Carson said quietly, placing a few Ancient devices on the side table.

Moving to the other side of the bed, John laced his fingers through Rodney's again, squeezing lightly. "So what's first?"

"First," Carson said, settling down on another stool, "we need to unbandage his hand and I'm going to do a scan of it with the device I was using on you."

"Is it going to hurt him?" Rodney's head was turned towards John, and he seemed content for the moment to trust him to take care of whatever was needed. God, he loved this man.

"It shouldn't. This is just a scanner."

"Okay." John just held Rodney's hand, watching Carson work for the next several minutes.

Rodney had closed his eyes, his fingers laced with John's as Carson worked. The burn was nasty. No wonder it hurt. Blistered and charred skin covered the palm of Rodney's left hand, the slight smell of burnt flesh wafting over to John as the bandages came off. Rodney's fingers wanted to curl in toward his palm as the tight skin and ligaments forced them inward.

Carson worked quickly, running the scanner over Rodney's hand without touching it, without moving it.

Leaning forward, John rested his forehead against Rodney's. "After you scan it, what comes next?"

"If I get the readings I want—and it seems like I am—I fix it."

Lifting his head, John didn't know what Carson saw in his face, but the other man gave him a long, hard look. "That's soon, right?"

Carson nodded. "Should be. I'm going to need a few things though."

"Do you need me to get them?"

"No. I’m going to need to give Rodney a little something to put him under and I want you to stay with him," Carson said, already moving to the IV stand that was attached to Rodney.

John watched for a moment and then captured Rodney's mouth in a tender kiss. "I'll be here when you wake up, whole and healthy again."

""kay," Rodney whispered as Carson slid a needle into the IV port, sending a precise dosage into the line over the period of a minute.

Carson quickly disposed of the needle before stepping to Rodney's side. "You shouldn't feel a thing, Rodney, but since I'm going to be repairing some severe damage, I want to make sure you are comfortable. John'll stay with you the entire time." Rodney nodded in understanding, before turning his head and gaze back to John. The Scot turned to him as well. "It should take a few minutes before he's under and I'll be right back."

John nodded, but didn't lift his gaze from Rodney's face. When the door closed again, John kissed along the seam of Rodney's mouth. "No more avoidable injuries, okay? It's hard enough doing this when I failed to protect you."

Rodney nodded slightly his eyelids already getting heavy.

"Just be more careful. I love you."

"'kay." Whatever Carson had given him worked quickly, Rodney's battle with his eyelids ending as they slid closed, his breathing evening out, and his hand going limp in John's hand.

Sitting back, John closed his eyes. He was exhausted himself, between worrying about Rodney, and spending most of the night awake or in a light doze that hadn't been very restful.

He was lightly dozing when there was a knock on the door, Carson stepping through a moment later with a cart full of stuff. "He out?"

Shaking himself, John sat up again. "Yeah. Out cold. How fast do you think this will be?"

Carson was quiet for a moment as he looked at John. "Are you okay?"

"Just tired. I didn't get much rest last night, and I'm worried about him." He tried to look harmless.

"Aye. But you had better tell me if that changes."

"Once this is over, I'll go pass out for a few hours. I promise."

Carson nodded as he began to set up next to Rodney's bedside. When he pulled out a long brace and began securing it to Rodney's arm and hand, John realized why he wanted the scientist out. It looked painful as he straightened each finger, securing it to the brace.

Wincing, John did his best to say out of the way, absently stroking his thumb over Rodney's good hand. "So, assuming this works and heals the damage to his hand, what next? You said you were worried about the mental component."

"I don't have an Ancient scanner so if he's continuing to suffer from any kind of phantom pain or has any other issues, it will have to wait until we're back on Atlantis. I'm hoping that once the source of the pain is gone, that will fade as well."

"So you think it's just a result of the burn itself?"

Carson sighed. "I don't know."

Sighing, John was quiet after that, watching Carson work. When the other man looked like he was ready to start with the second device, John sat up straight again.

"Okay, I'm going to work slowly, but steadily. You should begin to see immediate improvement as the device heals the tissue, but it will take longer to get to the layers underneath. It may take several tries and scans."

"Okay." John didn't really want to watch, but he felt like he had to. Schooling his expression, he watched the burned and blackened skin slowly start to turn pink again. He fought off the urge to gag.

Carson paused, looking up at John, the effort to use the Ancient device showing on his face. "If you're going to pass out, please do it in the other room."

"I won't pass out. Do you need my help?"

The Scot shook his head, already turning back to what he was doing, the worst part of the burn already healed.

By the time Carson shut off the device and sat down, John was feeling a little green, but trying hard not to show it. Blood and gore was part of his job, but for some reason this kind of thing was unsettling. He tried to distract himself. "How are you doing?"

"Tired. It takes more out of you than I thought," he said, rubbing a hand across his face.

"I know the feeling. If you tell me what to do, I can give it a shot. My gene is stronger, so maybe that will make it less difficult to control?"

"It's hard to explain," Carson said, shaking his head. "And it's delicate work."

"All right. I'd rather not screw up Rodney's hand." He examined the partially healed skin. "At least it doesn't look so bad now."

"Aye. We'd never hear the end of it and it would severely limit him in the field—if he qualified anymore."

Swallowing hard, John unconsciously squeezed his lover's hand. "That can't happen. It would kill him."

"Aye. That it would. He had some deep tissue damage, but we should be able to take care of it with this device." Carson took a breath before reaching for the scanner, doing a quick check on his progress.

They spent the next hour or so alternating between Carson using the device, then resting and scanning his progress. John left only once, to get the doctor a glass of water and a PowerBar when he started to look a little pale.

Carson passed the scanning device over Rodney's hand once again, a tired smile on his face. "Aye. That'll do it."

"It's done? He's healed?" John examined the previously injured hand, running his fingers along it, trying to feel if there was any difference.

"Aye. I canna see any more damaged tissue on the scanner," Carson said, already unstrapping Rodney's hand from the brace.

"I guess we'll see when he wakes up then. How long will that take? Do you want me to go grab us some lunch? You look like you could use it."

"Lunch?"

"You know, the meal with turkey sandwiches and French fries?" John tried to control the twitch in his lips.

Carson rolled his eyes. "Cheeky bastard."

Chuckling, John stood up. "I'll be right back with something to eat. He won't wake up while I'm gone, will he?"

"Doubtful, but he has surprised me in the past."

"Should I send someone else then? I want to be here when he opens his eyes."

"I'm going to stay here," Carson said with a sigh.

"I know you are—I wasn't going to let you go. But I'm sure one of your nurses wouldn't mind grabbing us something."

"John, make a decision. I don't care," Carson said, putting away his equipment.

Eyeing the doctor, John realized he was a lot more exhausted than he was letting on. Going to the door, John stuck his head out, flagging down a nurse. "Do you know if anyone would mind grabbing lunch for Beckett and I? And probably McKay, too. Beckett looks like he's about to pass out, so I don't really want to leave him or McKay until I know they're both all right."

The nurse looked at him hard, before nodding. "Do I need to send a doctor in as well?"

Glancing back, John gave his friends a long look. "I don't think so. In Beckett's case, it just looks like exhaustion. In the meantime, a good meal can't hurt. Those devices can leave you feeling like a shadow sometimes."

She raised an eyebrow. "Devices? I think it might be a good idea—"

"Ancient devices. Beckett was using one to heal McKay's hand. I've done my fair share of manipulating that technology, and the more delicate the work, the more it takes out of you." He leaned against the door. "Do you have the gene?"

"No. And I don't think Doctor Beckett had permission to use any of the devices in storage. I should probably get Doctor—"

"He's the Chief Medical Officer, why wouldn't he have permission? We were testing them yesterday, and while I don't think he was planning on practical applications just yet, it did the job. He just needs a meal and some rest now."

The nurse's expression hardened. "He may be the CMO on Atlantis, but he is a visiting doctor on the Daedalus."

Beckett appeared at John's elbow a moment later. "What seems to be the problem Nurse Hathaway?"

"Colonel Sheppard was discussing—"

"I believe he asked you to do something."

"Yes, but—"

"Would you please do as he requests?"

Hathaway's face hardened again before she nodded. "Yes, Doctor."

"Good. And send Sara in before you leave for the mess."

"Yes, Doctor." She finally turned on her heel and headed out of the medical ward as Carson stepped back to McKay's bedside, shaking his head.

John watched her go, then turned back into the room. "What the hell was that? All I asked for was lunch, and she acted like I was asking her to help me take over the ship and jettison all the personnel out of the air lock."

"Some of the Daedalus personnel are a little…touchy."

"Touchy? Why? It's not like you're treating their patients. McKay is yours, and the devices are property of the Atlantis expedition." John moved back to Rodney's bedside.

"I don't know, exactly." Carson shrugged, sitting down with a sigh. "When I couldn't get official permission for some of my research I just went and pulled what I needed from storage. I have time to research now, not when I'm back in the thick of things on Atlantis."

Shaking his head, John sat down in his own chair. "And people say the military hierarchy is messed up. At least we know up front what the chain of command is."

"I’m not in the Daedalus chain of command, John. Therein lays the problem. I am just visiting."

"Neither am I when you get down to it. But my rank gives me certain courtesies. Caldwell can overrule me, and I can't take command of anything unless something were to happen to him or he asked me to, but I'm the next highest-ranking officer on board, so if I give an innocuous order, I know it will be obeyed."

"It's a little different in the medical ward. I'm here as a courtesy, nothing more."

Shaking his head, John sat back so he could watch both Rodney and Beckett. When there was a knock on the door, John rose, hoping it wasn't the nasty nurse again.

The door slid open to reveal Sara, the nurse who had helped them last night, her hands full of a heaping lunch tray. "I wasn't sure what you wanted," she began, only to be cut off by John.

"You are a saint." He took the heavy tray and carried it in, hearing her enter and close the door behind her. "You can never go wrong with turkey. Beckett, come eat something."

"Thank you," Carson replied, frowning slightly. "I thought Hathaway was getting us food."

"I'd prefer Sara. At least I don't have to worry about her poisoning us or something." John flashed the nurse a grin, handing a sandwich to Carson.

"Nurse Hathaway just passed along your request," she said with a shrug. "Was I supposed to do something else?"

"Dunno. Beckett told Hathaway to send you in. He fixed Rodney's hand, and I think he's going to wake him up soon."

"No, I'm going to let Rodney sleep until he's ready to wake himself up," Carson corrected around a mouthful of sandwich.

"Oh. So what did you need nurse... what is your last name anyway?" John turned back to the tiny woman.

"Clemson, sir," she smiled, her dark eyes laughing.

He flashed her a grin. "Clemson. What did you need Nurse Clemson for? Other than to bring us sandwiches before we both passed out from manly hunger, of course."

"I needed to discuss a few things with her," Carson said, rolling his eyes. "The last time I checked I was allowed to do that."

Ignoring the doctor, John moved to stand next to her, dropping his voice into a more conspiratorial tone—Carson was looking too serious for a man returning from vacation. A little teasing would be good for him. "I think he's upset there weren't two sandwiches for him. He looks like he's been losing weight, don't you think? We should make him eat more."

"I don't know anything about that, Colonel, but I do have to get back to work."

Nodding, trying to keep his expression serious, John continued to whisper loudly. "He's overworking you, isn't he? If you want, I can tie him to a bed and make him actually sleep for a few hours so you can get some rest."

"Colonel, do we need to discuss some things in private?" Carson asked, his voice tight, hard. "Like for instance, why you are hitting on one of my nurses."

Raising an eyebrow, John shook his head. "Why does everyone accuse me of that all the time? I was being friendly."

"With you it's never just about being friendly," Carson said as he stood. "Come, lass. I want to go over a few things with you. Colonel, please inform me if there are any changes with Rodney. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"What do you mean it's never about being friendly? Rodney calls me Kirk, and now you accuse me of hitting on nurses, all because I'm nice. You two will give me a complex if you aren't careful." He moved back to Rodney's bedside, sinking into his chair.

"Ask anyone, Colonel," Carson said, throwing the words over his shoulder as he left the room, the door closing behind him.

Snorting, John looked over at his still-sleeping lover. "Can you believe that? I'm not flirting!" He did, however, reach out to lace his fingers loosely through Rodney's.

The room fell into a comfortable silence, John simply sitting next to the bed, holding onto his lover, thumb gently caressing the skin on the back of his hand. Carson did return a few minutes later, knocking before he entered, a gentle smile on his face when he saw John, his eyes settling on their connected hands.

Carson ended up in the other guest chair, quickly finishing his lunch and settling in to wait—much like John.

"I wasn't flirting." For some reason, it bothered him that Carson thought he was looking elsewhere for companionship. He didn't want anyone except Rodney anymore."

"You smiling is flirting. It's just how you are."

"How I—? Am I really that bad?" He tightened his grip on Rodney's hand briefly.

And Rodney gently squeezed back.

Jumping, John was on his feet in a heartbeat. "Rodney? You're awake? Can you open those pretty blue eyes for me?"

"John?" Carson asked, rising to his feet, his eyes snapping between the two men.

"He squeezed my hand." John didn't lift his gaze from Rodney's face, his free hand coming up to caress along Rodney's jaw line. "Come on, buddy, open your eyes for me. We need to figure out whether Carson's new toy fixed you completely."

"Are you sure you're not imagining it? He should be under for a little while yet…" Carson said, but broke off when Rodney shifted slightly on the bed—no more than the barest movement of muscles.

Leaning down, John brushed his lips across Rodney's. His lover made a soft noise, his eyes slitting open. "Hi, there. Welcome back."

John could see the confusion in his eyes, the drugs still obviously holding his lover in their tight grip.

"I'm here with Carson, and he used a doohickey to heal your hand. Once you're a bit more alert, we'll need to run some tests to see if he got everything." John continued to squeeze Rodney's hand and caress him with the other, wanting, needing, to see the confusion and pain from earlier replaced with affection and arousal.

Rodney turned slightly, his eyes drifting to the other man, Carson nodding in affirmation of John's statement and smiling. "You're hand is all good as new."

"We even have a sandwich for you once you wake up completely, and assuming your stomach isn't queasy." John looked up at Carson, trying to put all his questions in his eyes.

"Need an ice chip, lad?" Carson asked after a moment, Rodney's confusion slowly fading. He nodded, finally reacting to a question. The Scot smiled, getting an ice chip and placing it in Rodney's mouth where it quickly melted.

"Better? How are you feeling? Does it hurt anymore?" John looked at the previously injured hand, reassuring himself it was whole again, but he wouldn't relax until Rodney told him it didn't hurt anymore either.

"Foggy," Rodney finally whispered.

"That's the last of the drugs. Give it a minute and you'll shake that off, right, Carson?"

"More than a minute, but aye, the Colonel is right. That feeling should go away shortly."

Taking another ice chip, John traced the seam of Rodney's mouth with it, making his lips glossy with moisture, before pushing it inside. "That will help I'd imagine."

Rodney nodded slightly, letting John slide the ice in his mouth.

Carson, though, shifted where he stood next to the bed, getting McKay's attention. "I have a few questions for you, Rodney. It'll only take a minute and I want you to answer them the best you can. Okay?"

At Rodney's nod, the Scot ran through a series of basic questions testing Rodney awareness and memory, the scientist answering each one slowly, but correctly. With every answer a little piece of John relaxed. He was going to be okay. He had to be.

"Okay, lad. I'll be back in a little while to check on your hand. So relax and don't let John bully you into anything, okay?" Carson patted Rodney's arm as he left, the door to the room sliding shut as he moved deeper into the medical complex.

"Bully?" John protested, but then forgot all about it as he lowered his gaze back to Rodney. "Does it hurt anymore?"

Rodney shrugged slightly. "Don't think so."

"Good. Such perfect, nimble hands need to be in proper working condition, wouldn't you say?" John pulled up their linked hands, kissing the back of Rodney's softly.

"Yeah…" he said and John could feel his lover's eyes on him.

Moving slowly, John kissed his way down Rodney's arm, stopping to worry at a patch on skin on his collarbone for a moment.

Rodney voice was still quiet, weak, but perfectly clear. "John?"

Looking up, John was caught and held by brilliant blue eyes. "Yes?"

"Look tired."

"Me? I am, a bit. I'll sleep tonight though."

"You stayed."

"That surprises you?" John sat back down in the chair, scooting it close enough to the bed that he could rest his head on Rodney's chest. "I was worried about you."

Rodney was quiet for a few moments, before he spoke again. "Really fixed it?"

"That's what he says. We won't know for sure until you've shaken off the last of the meds he gave you and we can run a few tests. It looks fixed."

"Was bad."

"I know. I hate seeing you in that much pain."

Rodney shifted on the bed, lifting his now uninjured hand, moving the fingers slowly as he turned it, gazing at it.

John caught it, pressing his lips into the palm. "Much better."

"Ow ow ow…careful."

Looking up, John felt his concern mounting. "Still hurts?"

"Burns still," Rodney admitted, eyes a little wide as he took in the clear unmarked skin.

More gently this time, John kissed it again, using his tongue to try and soothe the skin. "I don't like you carrying any marks but mine."

Rodney jerked his hand back a little, even the light touch hurting.

"Apparently Beckett's toy didn't finish the job yet. I'm sorry." John fought back the urge to climb into bed with his lover. He wanted to kiss him, touch him, make him forget all about the lingering pain.

"Not your fault," Rodney said, resting his hand on his chest.

"It's my job to protect you. I'm not doing a very good job if you end up in the infirmary on a simple trip home."

"Didn't mean to."

Giving in to temptation, John rose, capturing Rodney's mouth and kissing him until his lover was moaning softly into his mouth. "I know you didn't. But that just means I need to do better." John was getting aroused being this close to Rodney, knowing he was okay. His pants were starting to get a bit uncomfortable.

"Didn't do it on purpose."

"I know. I'm not angry." John worked a hand under Rodney's shirt, rubbing his thumb over a nipple.

Rodney hummed in contentment, shifting slightly as he relaxed into the infirmary mattress, a light smile on his face.

John later reflected that it was a good thing Carson came back into the room alone. He didn't even hear the door open, or the throat clearing, he was so lost in the taste and feel of Rodney. It wasn't until a hand touched his shoulder, making him jump and reach for his gun, that he realized they weren't alone. He felt the blood rushing to his face at Carson's smirk. "Um, hi."

"I take it our patient is feeling better," Carson said, thoroughly amused. While John's cheeks were flushed, Rodney just blinked lazily up at the Scot.

"Um, a little, yes. He said his hand still hurts to the touch, but it isn't bothering him like before."

Carson's eyebrow rose as he turned to the scientist. "Rodney?"

"It…burns," he said after a minute.

Shifting on his feet, John tried to loosen his pants without attracting Carson's attention. No such luck, since the doctor gave him the once over, then shook his head. "What? You wanted me to keep him calm..."

"There are other ways, Colonel," he said before turning back to Rodney. "It burns? Can you tell me how? Is it like before?"

"Not as bad," Rodney said slowly. "Comes and goes."

Hoping that if he ignored the question, both his erection and his blush would go away, John laced his fingers through Rodney's once more. "When I tried to touch it, even lightly, he said it hurt. So the skin is still sensitive at the least."

"Inside. Hurts inside," Rodney corrected.

"Can you use the thingy again? Maybe with Rodney awake this time, you can find the problem?" John just wanted his lover whole and healthy again, as soon as possible.

Carson shook his head. "The damage is completely fixed. Anything more will have to wait until we're back at Atlantis."

"If it was fixed, it wouldn't be hurting him."

"Physically he's fine. I'm sure of it, Colonel."

Rodney was watching the two of them silently. His eyes drifting back and forth between them. Normally he would have been complaining about voodoo medicine and other things, but he was still obviously in the hold of the drugs Carson had given him.

"Then why does it hurt? I'm not saying the device didn't work, but why didn't it take away all the pain? What could be causing it now?"

Carson's face darkened. "I don't know, Colonel." He turned to Rodney, his tone gentle. "How is the pain now, lad? Do you need anything?"

Rodney shook his head, taking a long moment to answer. "No. Can handle it. Still…" he tried to wave his good hand but John had it trapped in his own. "…fuzzy."

John wanted to howl with frustration. "Should the drugs be taking this long to wear off?"

"Yes, Colonel. Would you rather treat him? I can just step aside if you feel I'm not doing a good enough job."

Running his free hand through his hair, John shook his head. "No, you know I trust you. I'm just worried."

"There's no need to be worried. He's going to be good as new before you know it," Carson said, patting Rodney's arm and offering the scientist a smile. "I'm going to talk with the Colonel for a few minutes outside. Just lay back and rest. Okay?"

Rodney nodded without argument.

"Colonel, if you'd come with me please." Carson gestured to the door.

Confused, John squeezed Rodney's hand once before following Beckett outside, leaning against the wall. "This isn't where you tell me he's dying but we need to hide it from him for a while, is it?"

"No, but I also didn't want to worry Rodney and in his current drugged state of mind anything is possible."

Swallowing, John nodded for Carson to continue. What had happened to their nice, quiet flight home?

"I had hoped that by healing the source of the pain, that Rodney would revert back to normal, but it seems that assumption was wrong," Carson said with a sigh. "Unfortunately, if the pain doesn't subside on its own there's not much I can do for him right now."

"What do you think is causing it? If the actual damage is healed..."

"I think it was the mental connection he had with the device when the accident occurred that's causing his issues now." Carson took a breath before launching in once again. "It's almost like he's suffering from a phantom limb pain, his brain is still thinking the burn is still there. In this case, he has the limb, of course, but it's similar."

"Huh. All right. Could it fade on its own? Or do you think he's going to need treatment back on Atlantis?"

"Perhaps. There are some treatments I can give him now that can help if it gets too bad, but I believe the Ancient scanner in Atlantis will be able to tell me more about the entire situation."

"And in the meantime, he's going to hurt for the next two weeks." Sighing, John leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes. God, he was tired.

"Probably," Carson said. "The successful treatment of phantom limb pain is difficult at best, but there are things we can try."

"Why did I take this job again?"

"Because you can't turn down an adventure?"

"Temporary madness I'm sure. I'll come to my senses any time now."

"If you do, tell me how, will you?" Carson sighed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

Eyeing the doctor carefully, John realized they were both at the end of their stamina. "Not to step on your toes, Doc, but you look like I feel, which means we're both going on too little sleep the last day or so. We both need a few hours of uninterrupted sleep if we're going to be any good to anyone. I'm sure Elizabeth wouldn't mind coming to sit with McKay for a little while."

Carson shook his head. "I can actually release Rodney. Physically there's nothing wrong with him."

"Even though the drugs haven't worn off? Although, that might actually make him sleep a bit, too. Some un-drugged sleep would do him good after the deprivation he was putting himself through. Want some help getting him back to your room?"

"Think you can convince him to sleep?"

"I can try."

"There are actually a few things you can do to help him with the pain, if you think you're up for it."

Pushing off from the wall, John gave him a wry grin. "When am I ever not up for it?"

Carson chuckled, shaking his head. "Besides medications there are several practical things you can do to help. Heat application sometimes works, so keeping the hand warm might be an option. Reduce muscle tension and various relaxation techniques including massage can also help."

"So you want me to give him a massage? Get him relaxed?" John raised an eyebrow, aware they were standing in a public hallway, with the occasional nurse scooting by.

"Aye. It's the part of the usual treatment for phantom limb pain and since right now we have no other diagnosis…" Carson shrugged, the corner of his mouth twitching up. "I'll grab a bunk in here for the time being."

Shaking his head, John vetoed that. As much as he wanted to be alone with Rodney, he wasn't kicking Carson out of his own room three nights in a row. "You can sleep in your own bed tonight, Carson. I'll get McKay relaxed, and then leave you to keep an eye on him. I'll stay until he falls asleep, but we both know you're better qualified to watch him than I am."

"I'd rather not drug him if I don't have to, but aye, we'll try it your way first."

Over the next half-hour, they managed to get Rodney on his feet—with more than a little help—and half-carried him back to their room. The drugs seemed to be wearing off, since he was still wobbly, but more alert by the time John and Carson got him into his own bed, then more or less collapsed on the other.

Propped up on pillows and holding his left hand to his chest, Rodney looked at the two men across the way. "I think I’m hungry and I really want a shower."

With a groan, John looked over at Carson, who looked equally as exhausted. "If you go down to the mess to grab him some food, I'll get him into the shower and cleaned up."

"I can do it," Rodney protested, already moving.

"Rodney, when in recent memory, have I ever let you shower by yourself if I had an option?"

He stilled, eyes widening slightly as they moved to Carson. "Ah…"

"Exactly." John nodded, noticing that Carson was smirking again. "So let's get you cleaned up, then fed, then we can all pass out for a few hours."

"And I'll be back in an hour with food," Carson said, rising to his feet as Rodney's cheeks flushed. "Take it easy, please. I don't want any injuries while I'm gone."

"I'll be very gentle." John wiggled his eyebrows.

Carson rolled his eyes and headed out the door, leaving John and Rodney alone.

John stood slowly, eyes on Rodney. "The showers on this ship are too tiny for both of us to fit, but we can work something out. Coming?"

"This one wasn't too small," Rodney said, letting John tug him up from the bed, steadying him when he wobbled.

"No? Mine is barely big enough for me to fit, and I'm not exactly a big guy." Leading Rodney into the bathroom, John started to slowly strip away his lover's clothes.

"We're civilians. They can't just shove us into a closet, although they certainly tried." Rodney purred as John's hands touched his skin, his body pliant, as he fell immediately into submissiveness. Drugs were helpful in that regard.

John felt himself falling into his own headspace, making soft noises of approval as Rodney surrendered. "So beautiful. Relax for me. Let me take care of you."

"Missed this," Rodney whispered as John continued to undress him, carefully avoiding his hand.

"Me, too. I don't like not being able to touch you whenever I want to. I'm going to wash you, and then I'm going to mark you."

Rodney nodded, letting John move him into the bathroom—the shower much larger than the one he had.

Smiling, John quickly stripped off his own clothes and started the water. Pushing Rodney in first, he set about cleaning every inch of his lover, dropping to his knees to mouth around the chastity cage still in place.

Rodney moaned softly in pleasure, his eyes closed, head leaning back against the shower wall.

John kept up his attentions until his lover resembled a puddle of goo, muscles completely relaxed against the wall. Then he stood, pulling Rodney into a deep kiss, flavored with the slightly off-water from the ship's purification system.

Rodney opened up under him, hands wrapping around John's waist as he let John plunder his mouth.

John was hard again, thrusting languidly against Rodney's hip. If they were going to go much further, he was going to have to find something sharp to cut away the zip-tie on the chastity cage.

"Fuck me?" The words were whispered against John's cheek, so quiet he wasn't sure he heard them in the first place.

"Oh god, yes." John moved to kiss his way down Rodney's neck, nuzzling into the warm skin at the juncture where it met his shoulders. "You have a razor in here? Scissors?"

"No. Doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. I want to feel you come around me. Once I get it off, you come when I do, understand?"

Rodney whimpered. "Don't think I can."

Growling, John nipped his neck. "Why?"

"I want to, but…" Rodney broke off, whimpering again. "Must be the drugs or something…"

Stepping out of the shower, John spotted Carson's razor. Grabbing it, he sliced the zip-tie and pulled the plastic away from Rodney, setting it and the sharp object on a shelf before dropping to his knees. "That just means I get to enjoy taking my time with you."

"John…"

"Hmmm?" He nuzzled the dark curls, not really caring that Rodney was only semi-hard.

"I thought…What if…But what about…"

Looking up, John caught wide eyes staring down at him. "Just relax. I want to taste you for a little while."

Rodney moaned softly in the back of his throat, his right hand gently touching the side of John's face.

Turning his face slightly, John pressed a soft kiss into the palm. "I love you."

John could feel the tremble of his lover's body at his words, the whispered "love you" answering him a moment later.

Taking it slow, John enjoyed Rodney's body, loved the fact that he could fit all of Rodney in his mouth like this, heavy against his tongue.

His lover whimpered and moaned—the sounds carefully quiet even with the running water—as John played with him, open and willing and submitting to John's desires.

Reaching around, John stroked at his lover's entrance. He paused long enough to get a little conditioner on his finger before pushing it inside just up to the first knuckle, keeping Rodney still so he couldn't force it in any further.

And much to John's surprise—and pleasure—Rodney didn't even try. He groaned when the finger breached him, but otherwise remained still, hands braced against the wall.

Humming his approval, John slowly finger-fucked him with just the bare hint of penetration, adding swirly moves with his tongue to Rodney's dick, and alternating hard sucks with just holding him in his mouth.

And just as Rodney had said, he didn't harden, even with all of the attention. A whimpered moan of frustration made John pause.

Looking up, John kissed his lover's stomach. "Hey. It's okay, Rodney. You've been through a lot, and you've still got a few chemicals running through your bloodstream. Just relax. Let me make you feel good, even if you don't come."

"Want to."

"I know." He kissed Rodney's stomach again.

"Please, John…"

He looked up, willing to wait until Rodney got his head together. "Please what?"

Rodney sobbed once, quietly. "I don't know."

"Shhh. Hey, it's okay." Pulling himself to his feet, John kissed his lover, keeping it slow and sweet. "I'm here, Rodney. Whatever you need."

"You. Need you."

"You have me."

"Please, John…" Rodney whispered, pressing his face into John's shoulder, arms wrapping around to hold the other man.

John just held him for a long moment, whispering softly how much he loved Rodney over and over.

"Want you, please."

Loosening his arms, John carefully turned Rodney around, arranging him with his forearms and head pressed against the cool, wet tile, legs spread apart. Getting more conditioner, John started to stretch Rodney in earnest, keeping one hand on his hip to prevent Rodney from taking over the pace.

Rodney simply submitted to John, moaning and whimpering as John opened him, stretched him.

When he was sure Rodney could accept him without any pain, John used even more of the conditioner—it wasn't really a great lube, but he was working with what he had—and pushed inside slowly. It felt so damn good—he had to fight to keep it slow, to let Rodney adjust.

"So good…John…so good."

After that, they were both lost in the sensations, for words. John kept it up for as long as he could, making sure to hit Rodney's prostate every time, before his orgasm overcame him, leaving him panting and draped across Rodney's back.

His lover was panting heavily, moaning and whimpering, body trembling slightly.

Reaching around, John sought out Rodney's dick, wanting to see if the fucking had managed to get him hard enough to come, with a little more coaxing.

He was harder, but not by much.

Pulling out, John turned Rodney back around and started to lazily stroke him while plundering his mouth, drinking in all the moans and hitching breaths.

Slowly, Rodney hardened in his hand, his body trembling and shuddering with each and every stroke.

Firming his grip and speeding up his strokes, John continued to take Rodney higher. He paused only briefly in the kisses to order Rodney to come whenever he could, before diving back in.

It only took a few more strokes before Rodney shuddered once, hard, and John could feel him spilling over his hand. His body went limp and completely pliant, only held up because of John was pressed all along his front, holding him against the wall.

Gentling him through the aftershocks, John used a little more soap to clean them both off before shutting off the water. When he was pretty sure Rodney could stand, he led him out into the bathroom, dried him off, and dressed him in a pair of soft, worn boxers and t-shirt. Pulling his own clothes back on, John took him back into the main bedroom, smiling softly at how pliant and relaxed his lover was.

John laid him carefully on the bed, his back propped up by pillows. John's hands drifted over skin and Rodney sighed in contentment, eyes barely open as he turned toward John.

Sitting on the side of the bed, John didn't even hear the door open as he caressed Rodney's face, caught up in how absolutely beautiful Rodney was like this.

"John? Carson's voice was quiet, inquiring.

Looking up, John blinked a few times, bringing his brain back online and away from the headspace he had fallen into. "Hmmm?"

"He's sleeping."

"Not quite. Just relaxed. Right, Rodney?" John smiled at his lover's low hum of agreement and contentment. "Do you have anything bite-sized to eat?"

"Some grapes," Carson said, confusion in his voice. "And just sandwiches. There's not a lot of choices."

Taking the grapes, John brushed one along Rodney's lips, pushing it inside when his lover opened up his mouth. "That will work, I can pull off pieces."

Carson was quiet for several moments, settling on the other bed and simply watching the two of them as John fed Rodney the fruit and sandwich. About halfway through, he spoke quietly. "John?"

"Hmm?" John popped a grape into his own mouth as he threw a lazy glance over in Carson's direction.

"Should I be here?"

"I'm going to leave once Rodney falls asleep. I just want to make sure he eats first." John pushed a bite of sandwich into his lover's mouth. It was sensual, feeding him like this, but also relaxing for both of them.

"I'll…I'll be back in a few minutes," Carson said quietly, vanishing out the door a second later.

Raising an eyebrow, John wondered what was wrong. But then he turned back to Rodney, feeding him the last of the food.

His lover chewed the last piece and swallowed, humming in contentment.

John chased dinner with his own mouth, seeking out the lingering flavors on Rodney's tongue for a few minutes. When he pulled back, he let his hand rest on Rodney's thigh. "Go to sleep now. I can't stay here another night, but I'll stop by in the morning to check on you. I will stay until you fall asleep."

"'kay," Rodney whispered, his eyes already closing, breathing slowing as he tumbled headlong into sleep.

John sat with him, closing his eyes and just enjoying being able to sit with Rodney for a few more minutes. When the door opened again, John opened his eyes to see a slightly flushed Carson coming back in. "What have you been up to? And he is asleep now."

"Good, good. He needs the sleep."

"Carson? Are you all right?" John stood carefully, making sure he didn't jostle Rodney.

"Fine. I'm fine," Carson said, waving off the other man. "I just…it was a little awkward before."

"Awkward? Why? We weren't even doing anything then..."

"I know. I know." The other man took a deep breath, focusing on a spot just over John's shoulder. "I've never seen Rodney so relaxed before in my life—except when he's in my infirmary unconscious and not even all the time then—and I've known him a very long time compared to you. It was…I never really expected to see a glimpse of what you see."

"Huh." John glanced back at the sleeping scientist. "I love when he's like that—he's so open, trusting. He knows I'll take care of him, won't let anything hurt him."

"It's very…intimate I guess. He's so very open…innocent even." Carson shook his head. "Are you sure Rodney will be okay with it, with me seeing him like that?"

Smiling, John nodded. "He'll be fine. We've did a lot more in front of a lot more people on vacation—I took him to a rather specialized club one night. He knows I have a bit of a kink for public intimacy."

Carson's eyebrows rose and his eyes widened. "You did what? And he…"

"He was a little hesitant at first, yes. But once we were there, he relaxed. I think he enjoyed it as much as I did."

Shaking his head, Carson's express was a little shell-shocked, a little amazed. "I have to say, the two of you continue to surprise me—but I think Rodney more than you. For as loud and bombastic as he can be, he's relatively conservative."

John felt himself flush a little. "I know. He surprises me too, sometimes, when he trusts me that much. I had a much more...lively...sex life than he did before we got together. I know what I like, and what will feel good when I do it. I'm lucky to have a partner who lets me take him places he never thought he could go."

Carson smiled gently. "Thank you for letting me see a little into your world…relationship… and for the trust you place in me."

Shrugging, John knew he was still blushing, his cheeks hot. "Well, you are a friend. And, ah, I really do have a weird thing about sex for an audience... This is about as close as I think any of us want to get to that extreme right now..."

"Aye. And a good idea that is. Now, if you're done, I think I'll be takin' a nap and I can keep an eye on Rodney. You should probably try and grab a nap this afternoon as well."

Nodding, John straightened, double-checking that his uniform was in place. "I think I'm going to crash for a few hours. I'm taking off my radio when I get there, so if you need me—or anyone comes looking for me—tell them to pound on my door to wake me up."

"You may want to let Elizabeth know since I have no plans to be up until later."

"I will. Sleep well, Carson, and send someone to find me if he wakes up." Giving the doctor a short salute, John slipped out the door, heading for his room. Tapping the radio, he figured he would get this out of the way now, so he could pass out as soon as he got there. "Sheppard to Weir."

Her voice was tight, concerned. "John? How's Rodney? I didn't get the chance to go down to the infirmary yet and—"

"He's better. Carson's doohickey fixed the damage, but Rodney is still experiencing a little phantom pain. Beckett went ahead and discharged him, and we got him fed and put him to bed. Carson hasn't slept much in the last forty-eight hours, so he's going to nap and stay in the room. I'm headed back to my own quarters to pass out for a bit, and I wanted to check-in first."

"That sounds like good news," she said, a sigh of relief on the line. "Did Carson say when he expected Rodney's recovery to be complete?"

"Well, the damage itself is healed—the phantom pain...it could go away on its own—Beckett has a few ideas to hurry it along—or it could linger until we get back to Atlantis and have access to all the equipment there."

"He's not sure?" She asked as he palmed the panel next to the door, triggering the opening mechanism.

Stepping inside, John immediately started toeing off his shoes. "I guess phantom pain is similar to the whole phantom limb syndrome. The brain doesn't realize there's nothing injured anymore. McKay has a pretty quick mind, so I'm hoping once he's completely off the drugs, everything else will take care of itself."

"So you're going to rest this afternoon?"

"God, yes. I was up most of the night last night—Beckett wanted me to make sure Rodney was still breathing once every hour. I dozed a bit, but I'm running on fumes right now."

"Okay. I'll let Colonel Caldwell and Major Lorne know you're off radio."

"Thanks. I appreciate it. If you need me or if there's an emergency, just send a Marine to bang on the door a few times. Otherwise, I'll catch up with you later this evening or tomorrow. Sheppard out." Shrugging off his jacket and BDU, John fell into bed. He stared at the ceiling for a few minutes before falling into a deep sleep.

***

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Sighing, Elizabeth Weir tapped her radio off, glad to hear that Rodney was doing well. She'd been surprised to hear he'd been injured in the first place—and that she'd been nearly the last to know.

She didn't like not knowing, being out of the loop—especially when it concerned a member of her senior staff and someone she considered a friend.

Maybe that was what was bothering her the most, the lack of communication, the restlessness, the feeling of being out-of-touch with her city, her people.

And to be honest, she was lonely.

Simon…had been a disappointment, a surprise.

Right now all she had was Carson and Rodney and John…and even two of them had found their own happiness. They deserved it. They really did. But every time she saw them together was like a strike right to her heart, reminding her of what she had and what she'd lost—all because of Atlantis.

For John and Rodney, they found each other there. Atlantis gave them their happiness, but for Elizabeth it only seemed to take it away from her a piece at a time.

Each and every time they lost a member of the expedition and she had to write a letter…

She shook her head, wanting to put that out of her mind. They had a ship full of new staff, new people. She didn't want to start counting and wondering who would still be alive in a month, a year…

But then the next thing that came to mind was John and Rodney. God. The image of the two of them in Rodney's apartment was still burned into her mind. They were…they had been so amazing together. It was like she could still feel the energy between them.

She was jealous. Jealous of their happiness, of their new love—so fresh and innocent and all embracing. They had something precious, something she'd once had and lost. Something she doubted she'd ever have again.

Vaguely, Elizabeth knew she wouldn't be going back to Earth many times more. She regretted not visiting her mother, talking to her, telling her she loved her. There were so many things she had to do instead. Work that had to get done.

She would die in Pegasus. That was something she knew without a doubt. She'd known the moment she'd stepped into the city and yet she still couldn't turn her back on it. It was…everything she imagined it would be and more and something she would never give up. They would have to take it from her and even then, she would die trying to hold onto it.

Shaking off her wandering thoughts, she pulled out her PDA trying to focus on the mission reports she needed to go through, but her concentration wasn't there. She wanted to be anywhere except here.

The sound of a throat being cleared made her look up to see Colonel Caldwell standing next to the table.

"Colonel," she said formally, gesturing to the chair across from her. "How can I help you?"

"I had some...concerns...about the military wing of your operation. I thought it best to speak with your directly about them." He sat down stiffly.

"Concerns?"

"Colonel Sheppard hasn't spent any time with his new recruits. You know I didn't believe he could do the job. It's one thing to take over and run a small operation when you have a slim chance of getting home. And he stepped up to the plate and did an outstanding job. However, running a larger operation requires a different set of skills."

"I have every confidence that Colonel Sheppard will do an outstanding job. I understand that he may do things…differently—"

"It isn't a matter of how I would do things versus how he does them. It's a matter of him spending all his time either in the infirmary or in the science lab, instead of training his men. He's not interested in being a military commander."

"All of the military men joining our expedition are trained, Colonel, many coming directly from the SGC. How much training to you anticipate them requiring?" she asked, her tone cool, professional.

"You said yourself, when arguing for Sheppard to continue as head of operations, that Atlantis and Pegasus are a lot different from the Milky Way and the Goa'uld. But so far all I'm seeing is a lazy officer who coasted into his current position. That's the kind of man who gets people killed—not intentionally, but it's the hard fact of life that sloppy thinking ends in death."

"Colonel Sheppard knows exactly what he's doing, Colonel. If I had any concerns about the way he's conducting himself I would have told him directly. I suggest you do the same if it bothers you that much."

Caldwell's eyes hardened. "You're the head of Atlantis, so I felt it was my job to speak directly with you." He rose, still stiff. "I'm sorry to have bothered you."

"No bother at all, Colonel. I just don't happen to share your particular point of view."

"I only hope we both don't live to regret that." With a jerky nod, he turned on his heel and strode out.

She let out a long breath, shaking her head at his obvious jealousy and the way he continued to undermine Sheppard's position on Atlantis. Did he actually think that she would turn on Sheppard after fighting to keep him in command?

She returned to her PDA, making notes of things she needed to talk with her staff about, comments and observations, a variety of things. She looked up when another body slid into the seat Caldwell had vacated earlier, pushing a sandwich on a plate into her line of view. "You looked hungry."

"John?" she glanced at her watch and then up at the obviously rested man sitting across from her. "I've been here for five hours?"

He raised an eyebrow, biting into his own sandwich. "We need to find you a hobby if your idea of fun is staring at a tiny screen for hours a day."

"No," she said with a light smile. "I never said this was fun. Necessary, perhaps."

"Just checking. I still think we need to find you a hobby. I'll put Zelenka on it when we get back. If anyone can come up with ideas, it will be the, ah, 'squirrelly Czech' as McKay puts it." He grinned at her.

She chuckled, shaking her head. "Since when do any of us have time for hobbies? Just because you found one doesn't mean I will."

Both of Sheppard's eyebrows went up at that, and his lips twitched violently. "I was thinking chess or something. Apparently you've got other uses for Zelenka though. Go Elizabeth."

"John!" She felt her cheeks flushing and she rolled her eyes, laughing.

He gave up and laughed, eyes dancing mischievously. "Hey, I'll be the first one cheering you on."

She opted to change the subject before it got out of hand. "You're looking rested."

He chuckled again, leaning back in his chair. "A few hours of sleep did me good. I didn't want to screw my schedule up too much, so I figured I get up, grab some dinner, check on Beckett and McKay, and try to get to bed at a semi-decent hour tonight."

"You haven't heard anything else?" she leaned back in her chair, picking up a piece of the sandwich and taking a bite.

"I called Beckett, but he didn't respond. He was pretty wiped out—worse than me. At least I got a few naps last night. When we're done, I'll grab a few sandwiches and go check on them both. You're more than welcome to join me, unless you have a few more hours of paperwork you're dying to get to."

"I could do that. I do have another week and a half to get this completed."

He pushed a DVD box across the table—she hadn't noticed it before. "If any of us can stay awake for more than an hour, I thought we could all watch a movie. We haven't done anything as senior staff since that dinner on Earth."

She picked up the case carefully, flipping it over to read the back. She'd seen _Princess Bride_ years ago. "That would be nice," she said as she read the back panel.

"It's a classic. I must have watched that movie about a hundred times in college. It was my guilty pleasure." He looked a little embarrassed.

She raised an eyebrow at him, looking past the DVD case. "Your only one?"

The expressive eyebrow went up again. "I have to keep a few secrets to preserve my image."

"One of them, however, is hopefully still sleeping."

John's smile turned a bit sly. "Who said that pleasure was guilty?"

"So what would you call it then?"

"Love."

She felt her eyes widen, surprised to hear that word from him.

Ducking his head down, John picked at his food. "You look about how I felt when I realized it."

"I’m sorry," she said immediately, reaching out to lay her hand on John's arm. "I…it just took me by surprise, that's all. Most…people don't admit that so easily."

He snorted. "I was one of them. It still doesn't...come easily. To say it. Out loud. But I didn't want you to think it was a fling, or something we were doing just for a bit of...relaxation."

"John, it's really none of my business. I’m just glad you're happy." She knew she put the right emphasis on the words. She was happy for them. Just because she was unhappy in her own life didn't mean she had the right to push it off onto him.

He looked up, meeting her eye. "You, Beckett, and McKay, as well as a handful of others on Atlantis, are part of my family. It's been brought to my attention recently that just because the people who spawned me were a bit...distant, that doesn't automatically mean I don't have a family. And if you ever ask me to repeat any of this when I'm not still more than a little tired, and accidentally took a shot of something vaguely alcoholic when coming through the mess line..."

She rolled her eyes, patting his arm once again. "Your secret is safe with me," she said. "How about we go check in on Carson and Rodney?"

He stood up. "Oh, thank god. You're pretty devious, maneuvering me into admitting stuff." He grinned at her, grabbing the DVD and stacking the plates, sauntering over to deposit the dishes in the 'dirty' bucket.

"It didn't take much," she said with a half smile, collecting her PDA and the rest of her paperwork as they headed out.

He nodded to a few Marines who saluted as they walked past.

"Getting old yet?"

"Nah, that part I'm used to. It's all the 'sirs' and having people call me Colonel..." his grin got huge. "Wait, nope, still not getting old."

Elizabeth chuckled as they stepped into the elevator to take them to the residential level where Carson and Rodney's quarters were. "Didn't think so."

John bounced on his toes a bit. "At this rate, maybe I can make full-bird before I decide to grab my lover and run away from it all. Retire on the beach and sip Mai-Tais, with paper umbrellas. Make no mistake, those little umbrellas can make or break a beverage."

The doors slid open and they walked out, side-by-side, companionable silence between them. It was John, though, who knocked at the door, his anxiety well-hidden behind his casualness and something only she could see because of their familiarity with each other.

After a moment, Carson opened the door, looking a bit harried. “Ah, Colonel, I was just getting ready to send someone to track you down. Rodney’s a wee bit restless, and nothing I’ve tried has calmed him down.”

John immediately stepped inside, handing the movie to Carson and going to the bed. Elizabeth could only hear an indistinct murmur, but Rodney immediately seemed to relax.

"Carson?" she asked, all her questions rolled into the one word and the tone.

He moved aside to let her in, shutting the door behind her. "He's all right. Just a wee bit restless. I was actually thinking of waking him up for a bit anyway." He glanced down at the movie John had brought. "Dare I ask?"

"John said something about movie night," she said, her eyes drifting to John. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand stroking Rodney's arm as he spoke quietly, reassuringly to the scientist.

"Aye, we've been trying to have one for a few days now, since we could all use a bit of downtime. Actually, it's a good idea. This will be something we can get Rodney alert for, but we won't have to move him and I can keep a close eye on him."

"How's he doing?"

"We'll know better in a few minutes. The damage is healed, but there was some phantom pain. And the drugs hadn't completely worn off when he went to sleep earlier." Carson raised his voice slightly. "I need him to wake up for a bit, John. I want to run a few simple tests and see how alert he is."

John nodded, leaning down to talk to Rodney again. "The Ancient device worked?" she asked, her eyes focused on the two men before her.

"Aye, it did. It was pretty remarkable actually. It's too bad we din'na have more of them—they would make a great addition to field gear, even if they were only used to heal up an injury enough to ensure it was'na life-threatening."

"There might be more in Atlantis we just haven't found yet." Rodney's eyes were open—albeit halfway—but it seemed like he was awake and responding to John's questions, his left hand cradled against his chest.

"True." He started to say more, but was interrupted.

“Carson? He’s awake now. He says his hand still hurts.” John looked up, scooting over to make room for the doctor to go to Rodney’s side.

Elizabeth frowned, wishing the news had been better.

Carson asked Rodney a variety of questions, and the scientist seemed to be getting more alert by the minute. Finally, the doctor nodded. "All right, lad, you're doing a bit better. I'd like to keep you awake a bit for observation, so why don't we watch a movie and see how it goes from there?"

"But it hurts," Elizabeth heard Rodney whine even as John and Carson helped him sit up.

John scooted so his back was against the wall, pulling Rodney along with him. "Getting your mind off it will help."

Rodney commented again—another complaint—but Elizabeth didn't catch it, too busy trying to pay attention to where Carson was moving her.

She ended up sitting next to him on his bed, with the small television on the dresser visible to everyone. She glanced over and had to fight down a blush when she realized John had moved again, wedging himself in the corner, with Rodney pulled back against his chest.

Rodney looked exhausted, the lines on his face deep and pain-filled, but he'd stopped complaining and squirming, simply leaning against John, letting the pilot support him. They just fit so well together.

John had tilted his head, pressing their faces together. He whispered something that made Rodney's lips curl up into a smile. Some of the tension seemed to drain out of him. She watched with Carson as John wrapped his arms around Rodney's chest, anchoring them together. Looking up, his expression was softer than she was used to seeing on Sheppard. "Any time you want to start, we're good."

"Yes, you are," she whispered, but John caught her comment even as Carson moved to queue up the DVD.

His smile got wider, even as he leaned his head against Rodney's. "Thanks."

Rodney glanced at her and then shifted, trying to see John's face, but giving up after about three seconds when the other man wouldn't move his hands, keeping the scientist pinned in place.

Once Rodney had settled, Elizabeth watched John tilt the scientist's face, brushing their lips together. Amazingly, Rodney's whole body seemed to loose any remaining tension. She heard John whisper softly. "Just relax."

Rodney's answer, while whispered, was louder. "I know it shouldn't, but it hurts."

"I know. But there's nothing we can do about it right now. Carson doesn't have the equipment on the ship, so distracting you is the best plan we could come up with at the moment."

"That's not a plan."

"Sure it is. Until Beckett's sure all the drugs are out of your system, he doesn't want to muck around with you much, and I agree with him. Now shush. Carson's getting ready to start the movie." She was surprised when John followed up with another brush of his lips to Rodney's.

The scientist huffed, but settled back, his body relaxing completely against John's. Carson dimmed the lights before coming back to the bed, sitting between her and John.

They all laughed—as John had said, it was an older movie, but a classic, and just goofy enough to leave them all relaxed and smiling. Even Rodney, when Carson got up afterwards to turn off the television and flick the lights back on, looked far more relaxed and comfortable than he had when they had started.

"That was great," Elizabeth said, sliding off the bed, stretching and yawning before she moved to grab her PDA and paperwork. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Leaving already?" John looked surprised. "While admittedly I'm not staying much longer since Carson and Rodney probably need to get more sleep too, you don't have to run off immediately you know."

"I want to get a few things finished," she said, her voice carefully neutral, not wanting to admit that she was jealous of John and Rodney's closeness, their love.

John's gaze was piercing for a long moment. Finally he nodded, shifting Rodney forward a bit. "I'll walk with you." He tilted Rodney's face for a deep kiss before slipping off the bed.

"No, John," she said, shaking her head. "You should stay and relax while you have the time."

"It's all right. Rodney needs to get a bit more sleep anyway, and if I'm here neither he nor Carson will be able to."

"Actually, John, if you're heading by the mess can you grab something for dinner for Rodney? I’m going to have to run to the infirmary to check a few things in a little while," Carson said, cutting into their conversation.

John looked back at Carson, then at Rodney, who, Elizabeth noticed, hadn't looked away from John's profile, his expression still open and more needy than she would have ever expected to see on him. Finally the soldier nodded. "Sure. I'll swing back by in a little bit. Rodney, you going to be okay to wait a bit before eating?"

Rodney nodded, eyes finally shifting to Carson. "I’m in good hands."

Reaching out, John caught Rodney's face, dragging a thumb along the scientist's jaw line. She was surprised at just how—intimate—the gesture was. "I'll be back then."

Elizabeth looked away, embarrassed for them even if they were not. A moment later John had her elbow in hand and was leading her out the door as he told Carson he'd be back with dinner shortly.

He was quiet for a long moment, although she could see him watching her out of the corner of his eye. "Does it bother you?"

"What?" She knew what he was asking, but this was not a conversation she really wanted to have—and especially not in the public hallways of the Daedalus.

He waited until they were in the elevator to respond. "Don't pretend you didn't understand. We both know you did. I need to know if it's going to be a problem—I won't give him up, but we can be less...obvious about it when you're around. I'd like to think you're one of the few people we can openly be together around, but if not, tell me now."

"There's no problem."

"So what's wrong then?" He was leaning against the control panel, preventing her from opening the door to escape.

"Nothing is wrong," she said coolly as the elevator slowly slid to a halt, two technicians stepping inside. One floor later, she brushed past them, John hot on her heels as she headed to her own quarters. She needed to drop off her files.

He trailed her, but she didn't think he would actually follow her into her quarters—due to her position, she was one of the few who had a room to herself. He shut the door and planted himself in front of it. "All right, what's going on here?"

She took a breath, steeling herself to face him. "Right now? I'm returning my paperwork to my room before I go and find myself some dinner. That's what I'm doing."

"Elizabeth..." He sighed. "I know you're a diplomat and good at the whole words thing. And we both know I'm not—that's why I let Teyla do the talking on my team. So can we skip over that part and you just tell me what the hell I did to piss you off so I can fix it?"

"You didn't do anything, John. That's what I'm trying to tell you. There's nothing you need to fix." _Nothing you can fix_ , she added to herself, her mind immediately going back to her lover…ex-lover.

She forgot sometimes how intelligent John Sheppard was—his laid-back attitude hid a very quick, very perceptive mind, for all that he made light of his abilities. "So if it wasn't me, and it wasn't me and Rodney, then it was something else. I read the reports and personnel logs, both those who accepted and refused—he was an idiot to give you up."

She looked away, unable to meet his gaze. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do. You were fine until you saw Rodney and me together, and while you're good at hiding your feelings when you don't think anyone's watching, you let your guard slip. I'm sorry, Elizabeth. But anyone who would give up an adventure like this, who would walk away from a person like you, doesn't deserve you anyway."

"What's done is done, John," she said turning back to him, letting out a soft sigh.

"I know." He reached out, catching her arm and squeezing it softly.

"You should probably get dinner for Rodney," she said, the words forced out.

He dropped his hand, nodding. "You know where to find me if you want some company. Call me tomorrow when you want to get back to the mission schedule."

She nodded silently as John moved to open the door leading out into the corridor.

He glanced back, winking at her, before slipping out and letting the door close.

Sighing, he let her body drop to the desk chair, holding her head in her hands. She needed to get herself under control before she got to Atlantis. She had a job to do and no matter what, she was going to do it.

***

Propped up on all the pillows in their small room, his left hand cradled on his chest, Rodney tried his best not to panic.

He'd looked at his hand. Knew it was perfectly fine. He'd seen his hand before, had seen the damage. Knew Carson healed it, had seen the unmarked, unblemished pale skin.

But why did it still feel like his hand was on fire? It had gotten better for a while, when John was here—holding him, relaxing him. It was tolerable then. He could forget about the burning, the pain, at least for a little while.

"Rodney? Lad, how are you holding up?" Carson sat on the edge of his bed, gesturing for Rodney to give him his hand.

Shaking his head, Rodney held the limb closer to himself. "It hurts and you poking at it is not going to help."

"I know it hurts, my friend, but I need to make sure the pain is really just phantom pain, and not an indication of something more serious." He reached over and gently pulled Rodney's arm away from his body.

"Carson," he whined, but let the doctor do his job, wincing as he manipulated the fingers slightly.

"I want to try something. Close your eyes."

"Close my eyes? What kind of voodoo is that? What is that going to prove?"

"Some of the treatment methods for phantom pain include removing the visual clues that tell the brain what to believe. I don't have access to the more advanced neurological treatment methods right now, so we're going to fall back on something else."

"I can see that there's nothing wrong with my hand. It doesn't mean it hurts any less."

"It's either this or give you inhibiting drugs, and I don't want to do that just yet. Just close your eyes and try to relax for me."

Rodney scowled. "The drugs will hurt less."

"You're on enough of a cocktail for your allergies as it is. I'd like to avoid adding any more to the mix."

"But it hurts," Rodney whined, eyes wide and pleading.

Carson looked like he was trying not to laugh. "That face will'na work on me, laddie. Try this first—and I mean really try it, don'na just write me off from the get-go—and then we'll move on to the drugs."

"John helped," Rodney replied quietly, glancing down at the blanket covering his legs.

Carson was quiet for a moment. "Did he now? Helped as in the pain actually got less, or helped in that you just did'na notice it as much?"

Rodney shrugged. "Both?"

Carson made a soft noise, his eyes going far away for a moment. "When he gets back, I'm going to go get a few pieces of equipment from the infirmary. I want to monitor your brain waves a bit. We'll get a baseline when the Colonel is'na here, then step it up. I'd like to see exactly what the effect is, since, if nothing else, it will give me a better idea of which drugs to prescribe."

"Are you trying to say John is a drug or something?"

"No, although given the way you react to him, I would'na discount that." Carson grinned. "Rather, he's relaxing you, and I suspect the neural pathways that are causing the pain are either shrinking or quieting, if it really does hurt less when he's around. If we test it, and can pinpoint which pathways are the culprits, I can give you something designed to affect them specifically, instead of a more general medication that could have adverse side effects."

"Oh."

Carson raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't think I've ever heard you say so little at one time."

"Would you rather I go on a long diatribe about the medical profession?"

"Nay, spare me. Just making sure you were still with me." Grinning, the doctor rose.

"Where else would I be? It's not like you're going to let me go off on my own anytime soon. I can tell by the evil glint in your eyes."

"Hush, Rodney. It is'na wise to antagonize the man who has the power to order you to spend copious amounts of time with your lover without raising suspicions."

"Oh." Rodney felt his eyes widen as he pulled his hand closer to his chest as the pain flared again. "Really?"

"Aye. Everyone knows the two of you are always snipping at each other. I'll just put the word out that it's the arguing—and not other things—that's keeping your mind occupied and away from the pain."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Doubt they'd believe that."

"They will if I have the readings to back it up. Which is why I'm going to go get the equipment in a bit. But first, I think I'll hop in the shower. Don'na be getting up or wandering off while I'm occupied."

"Where would I go in my boxers? I don't have the energy to put on real clothes."

"Just making sure." With a wink, Carson gathered up his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom.

Rodney sniffed, leaning back against the pillows and closing his eyes, trying to force his body to relax. He was still so tired and his hand was killing him. Right now he would have taken anything Carson gave him just to get the pain to go away.

After a while, he heard the water turn off, and a few minutes later Carson emerged. He was bright red, the flush dipping below his collar line. "You, ah, left, in the shower..."

"What?" Rodney asked, dragging his eyes open.

"It was... I mean... Aw hell, it looked like a chastity device of some sort and that was more than I wanted to know about how you and the Colonel are getting through the trip back to Atlantis."

"Oh…" Rodney said, vaguely remembering John had taken it off him earlier. "It's John's…well, it's mine, but John…" He waved his good hand absently, hoping that explanation would be enough.

If anything, that made Carson blush harder. "Aye, and I don't want to know any more."

"Good. I’m not explaining."

His cheeks still red, Carson reached up to tap his radio. "Beckett to Sheppard."

John must have answered immediately, because Carson continued a moment later.

"When are you planning on returning? I dinna want to leave Rodney alone just yet, but I have an idea and I need to get a few things from the infirmary."

Rodney shifted on the bed, curling a little onto his side as he closed his eyes again, listening to half of his friend's conversation.

"Excellent. Beckett out." Carson moved around for a moment, and he heard a faint note of concern as his friend took in his position. "It's really bothering you, isn't it, lad? Well, the Colonel is on his way with a bite of dinner for you, and then we'll see if we can't find something that will ease the pain without making you fuzzy-headed."

"Okay."

They were quiet for a few moments before Rodney heard the door open. A moment later, John's familiar scent filled the air, and familiar fingers were tracing the lines of his body. "Hey, there. You don't look so hot."

Rodney immediately felt himself start to relax. "I thought you were supposed to compliment your partner at every opportunity," he grumbled, opening his eyes. Sheppard was leaning over him, concern in his face.

"You want me to lie to you? Or, you know, I could tell you that you're adorably vulnerable at the moment, but I didn't think you'd appreciate the sentiment." John ran a hand through Rodney's hair.

Rodney huffed. "And here I thought I was hot."

John's lips twitched. "Let me rephrase my earlier sentiment. Hey, there, you unbelievably sexy geek. You're looking a little unwell."

"Better." Rodney felt the corner of his mouth rise slightly.

"Good. I live to serve." Sitting up, John grabbed a plate of what looked like fruits and cheeses from the dresser. "Beckett went to get his equipment, so let's get you fed, shall we?"

"Carson left?" Rodney's eyes moved around the small room, the Scot nowhere in sight.

John brushed a bit of food across Rodney's lips. "When I got here he slipped out."

"Oh," Rodney said, the only thing me managed to get out when John pushed the grape in his mouth. Using his right hand, he pushed himself upright as he chewed, leaning against the wall his bed was shoved next to.

"So, what's his idea? He didn't give me much information." John paused between bites to allow Rodney to answer.

Rodney shrugged. "Not sure. Something about pathways and my brain and you."

"Me?"

"It doesn't hurt as much when you're here."

"Huh. I'm like a drug!" John had a dopey grin on his face.

"You're certainly addicting," Rodney said, offering a shy smile. He lifted his good hand, running his fingers along John's jaw, loving the feel of skin and the rough burn of stubble.

Making a pleased humming noise, John turned his head into the caress, nuzzling Rodney's palm a bit. "Ditto."

Rodney took a deep breath, letting it out slowly—along with some of his tension.

John continued to feed him, and they had just finished up when Carson came back in, pushing a cart of equipment. "Wow, that looks like...a lot of stuff." John was eyeing all the machines.

And it did. A lot of equipment, complete with sticky pads…lots of them.

"So, ah, what exactly are we going to try?" At Carson's direction, John moved off the bed.

"From what Rodney has told me, your presence has helped him. He feels less pain in addition to you helping him forget about it for a while," Carson said, setting up a monitor on the small desk before turning to Rodney with the leads. "I want to see if I can get some readings as to what's happening in his brain. Without the Ancient scanner I'm limited with what I can try, but this will be a good start."

"Wait, so you want me to seduce him while you measure it?" John's eyebrows had shot up.

"I want you to relax him," Carson said, placing the sensors to Rodney's forehead, making sure the wires didn't get tangled before turning back to the cart and tugging out another machine with its own set of wires.

"Wow." John looked at Rodney. "I think your doctor just prescribed sex, and he wants to watch while we do it."

Rodney knew his eyes were wide. He could feel his blood pressure rising. "That's not funny," he managed to get out, pulling his hand closer to his chest as pain flared in his palm.

"Yes, it is." John managed to worm his way onto the bed, snuggling up next to Rodney.

"John!" The word was partially strangled as Rodney felt his entire body tense.

"Hmm?" John tilted his head to nibble lightly at Rodney's neck.

This was just wrong. Bad and wrong and bad…

"Relax." John whispered into his ear. "I'm not going to get you naked with Beckett here. I just want you to fall for me a little, so he can measure it."

"John, watch the wires," Carson said quietly, his voice only adding a little to Rodney's panic. He couldn't do this in front of his friend. Strangers were one thing; friends were another matter.

"Forget about him. Close your eyes. Trust me. Trust that I won't take you any further than necessary with someone else in the room. Not without talking to you about it beforehand."

Rodney whimpered. Partially from what John asked of him, the other from the pain flaring in his hand and along his arm.

"Just relax." John alternated the seductive whispers with nibbles to Rodney's ear. "Forget about the pain. Forget about Carson. It's just you and me. Remember our vacation. What it felt like to fall into deep submission. The day we took a road trip and you were tied down the entire time."

Moaning, Rodney felt his body trembling, felt John ease him back down onto the pillows. "Remember," he finally whispered, the memories still clear in his mind.

"Good. Remember what it felt like when I stopped to take you? But I wouldn't let you come. Because your body belongs to me. You belong to me."

"Yours," Rodney whispered, offering John a small nod.

John purred softly, his approval warming Rodney. "Yes. And right now, I want you in submission. Fall, Rodney. Let go and fall for me."

Rodney moaned quietly, but he felt his eyes closing. John's hand stroked his side before sliding under his t-shirt, fingers finally touching skin. He trembled again, but felt his body relax against John's.

John knew his body. Knew how to play him to get the response he wanted. Rodney found himself reacting almost despite himself. His world narrowed down to John and John's hands and John's softly whispered words.

And as his lover held him, touched him, stroked him, Rodney felt his body letting go of the pain, the release sending him further down.

He lost track of time, lost in the world John created for him. It wasn't until his lover started to bring him back up again, as slowly as he had gone down, that Rodney's awareness began to creep back in.

"Good, John." Carson's voice was quiet, sounding far away.

John's response was also quiet. "Do you need him to come all the way back up again? If not, I'll keep him like this, and see if I can get him to go to sleep."

"I need to know how much pain he's in."

John sighed quietly, but then his hands were back, gently stroking. "Rodney? Open your eyes for me. Carson needs to ask you some questions, and I want you to answer them."

Rodney obeyed, slowly opening his eyes, the dim light in the room blinding, making his eyes water. He blinked several times before John and Carson came into view. The Scot stepped forward, offering a smile, as he gently pulled the leads from Rodney's head.

"Hello, lad. Welcome back. I just need to know how the pain is. On a scale of one to ten, what was it before, and what is it now?"

"Um…" Rodney started, breaking off as he tried to concentrate.

John cupped his face, turning it so they were eye to eye. "How bad was the pain before?"

"Hurt."

"One is no pain at all, ten is it felt like your hand was falling off. Where was it on the scale?"

Rodney was silent for a moment as his mind slowly tracked back. "Eight."

"And what is it now?" John's thumb began to move, stroking along his jaw.

"Three…sometimes a two."

"Very good, Rodney." John's approval washed over him. "What else do you need, Carson?"

"Do you think you can get him to sleep or does he need a little something to help? I brought a few things I can give him."

"Let me try first." Rodney was limp, and John arranged him back on the bed, being careful of his hand. "It's time for you to sleep now. Close your eyes and relax again."

"Mmmm…'kay," Rodney whispered, curling toward John, his left hand cradled between their chests. And between one breath and the next, Rodney felt himself drift off as slumber found him.

***

John smiled as Rodney slipped into sleep almost as soon as he had been told to. He lightly traced the lines of his lover's face, indulging one more time before he had to leave him again. With a soft sigh he stood up, following Carson away from the bed so they wouldn't disturb the scientist. "Did that help at all?"

"Aye. More than I thought," Carson said quietly, his amazement still showing on his face.

"I wasn't paying much attention to the readings while we were doing it. Was there an actual change, or was it all in his head?"

"There were some definite changes to the readings. I would love to have him under the Ancient scanner to actually see what sections of his brain are actually quieting. The equipment now only tells me that activity slowed, but it doesn't give me precise readings. I wonder if the hand-held scanner would give me anything…"

John glanced back at Rodney. "So subspace really is an actual state of mind. Huh. I wonder if my headspace has the same effects."

"It might be an interesting experiment."

John chuckled softly. "I have to admit, studying the physiological changes that take place in a dom/sub relationship is never something I considered. But you've managed to tweak my interest. Especially if it can be used for pain management..."

"Sometime it is all in the mind—in this instance it seems to be the case."

"But the real question is, can you use this to lower his pain when he's not like this. For obvious reasons, I can't keep him like this all the time, and he won't get much work done anyway in this state."

"I can try a few other drugs as I mentioned before. I can try some general pain-relievers or something a little more specific: neuroleptics, anticonvulsants, antidepressants, beta-blockers, or sodium channel blockers. They will allow him to work."

Sighing, John ran a hand through his hair. "All right. Keep me posted as to what he's on and how its working."

Carson nodded. "I'd rather not drug him, but he's in a considerable amount of pain that only seems to get better when you get him to relax."

"And none of the Ancient equipment we have on board will fix this? What about the Asgard? He's naked, but he might have something that will heal these neural pathways..."

"They're not very…forthcoming with information," Carson admitted with a sigh. "And as for the other Ancient equipment…that's what got us here in the first place."

"Yeah, but... Can you get me access to the equipment? If I concentrate hard enough, I can usually get a sense of what something is supposed to do before I turn it on. I can go through and tag any that feels medical, and then we can see if they might help Rodney."

"After what happened to Rodney…" Carson shook his head. "I doubt they'll let me do anything with the devices still under lock and key." He sighed again, running a hand over his face. "I can also try TENS therapy. It might provide a temporary solution while the drugs build up in his system."

"Damnit. The devices belong to Atlantis, why are we being restricted on access?"

Carson's mouth formed a thin line. "I've been told that the Daedalus is not the place for the research of volatile and possibly dangerous alien technology."

John growled a little in frustration. "Do what you can then. Caldwell doesn't like me much, so even if I did appeal to him, it wouldn't get us anywhere."

"I'll probably start Rodney on the lowest dose of medicine in the morning and depending on how he's feeling I may try the TENS. Again, it all hinges on how good or bad he's feeling."

"Understandable."

Carson sighed, his eyes drifting over to where Rodney was sleeping like the dead. "Now we just pray this gets better and he doesn't wake up screaming in the middle of the night."

"I'll leave my radio on. Call me if he does. God, I can't wait to just get home already."

"Ten days left. We're not even halfway."

John looked at Rodney's sleeping form. "I know. All right, I'll leave you both to sleep. Let me know if you need anything else."

"Actually, can you bring the equipment back to the infirmary? Sara is still on duty and she'll be able to take care of it. Or you can stay with Rodney while I run."

"I'll take it. I'm starting to get odd looks from a few of the Marines who patrol this corridor, and the last thing we need is rumors. What do you need me to take back?"

"You are assisting me. There's nothing wrong with that," Carson said shaking his head. "Too many people have too little to do, if you ask me. And I need everything on the cart to go back."

"Well, on a trip like this, no one has enough to do. Barring emergencies, I'll come check in on him in the morning." John maneuvered the cart to push it out the door.

"Aye. Night, John, and thank you again."

"Night. And you're very welcome." John started for the infirmary, not encountering many people along the way. When he got there, he looked around, trying to spot Sara.

Unfortunately the nurse he'd had dealings with before—Hathaway was it?—found him first. "Colonel Sheppard, just what are you doing with that equipment?"

With an internal sigh, he plastered on what he hoped was a harmless smile. "Returning it, actually. Doctor Beckett didn't want to leave McKay alone yet, and I was headed this way anyway, so I offered to bring it back. I'm supposed to be looking for Nurse Clemson, who's expecting it."

"Who gave Doctor Beckett permission to take the equipment in the first place?"

He shrugged. "No idea. I didn't ask. He was running a few tests on McKay since he noticed fluctuations in the actual pain based on state of mind. It looked like he was trying to quantify it a bit."

"Oh." She scowled at him, but finally pointed toward the rear of the ward. "Nurse Clemson is at the nurse's station."

"Thank you, ma'am. I appreciate it." He smiled, sighing to himself again when she just scowled at him. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, he pushed the cart back towards the station, feeling her eyes on his back the entire time.

A few minutes later he found Sara hunched over a laptop, scowling at the screen.

"Nurse Clemson? Beckett told me to return these to you."

She lifted her head looking at him for a brief moment before smiling. "Oh, yeah. Thanks," she said rising to her feet and moving around the desk. "Did he find what he was looking for?"

"He seemed pretty impressed with what he saw. McKay's pain levels actually changed based on his level of relaxation. Beckett said he was going to use that to start some targeted drug therapy that will hopefully allow McKay to work again."

"Interesting," she said, walking around to take the cart from him. "I did some research on alternative medicine when I was going through my training and I always found it interesting—especially how the body has built-in ways to heal itself, sometimes just from the right mental attitude."

"I never studied any of that, but it was pretty interesting to hear McKay rate his pain from an eight to a two based on how relaxed he was. I just wish we had access to more of the Ancient equipment so Beckett could get more detailed readings."

Sara's eyes widened. "Really? Wow, that's pretty impressive. Is that something he can keep up while he's working?"

"That's the next step I guess. To see if drugs can duplicate the results while allowing him to be coherent enough to work." He leaned against the desk, watching her put away the equipment.

"He can't do it without the drugs?"

"Beckett said something about TENS... I don't really know what that entails though. We can get McKay to relax without drugs, but it isn't easy, and he can't work. Beckett was hoping to find something that would reproduce the results without forcing him to basically shut off his brain."

"TENS therapy is actually the most common form of electrical stimulation used for pain management."

"Huh. Shocking him, eh? Does that actually work?"

"No. It's nothing like electro-shock therapy," she said, shaking her head as she paused in her work, gesturing as she explained. "Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation can provide short-term pain relief. In TENS therapy, a small, battery-operated device delivers a low-voltage electrical current through the skin via electrodes that are placed near the source of pain. In Doctor McKay's case, we'd probably put them on the palm of his hand or on his wrist. The electricity from the electrodes stimulates the nerves in the affected area and sends signals to the brain that more-or-less scramble the normal pain perception. It basically tells the brain that there is no pain."

He blinked, impressed. "And Rodney says medicine is all voodoo..."

She chuckled. "We still don't know a lot about the brain and how it works, so a lot of it still may seem like voodoo. But we've also come a long way since the times of rattles and beads and medicine men. And once you add the knowledge of the Ancients…it's pretty impressive."

"Sounds like it." He yawned, trying to hide it—he was interested, but he still wasn't caught up on his sleep.

"Sir, I'm sorry. I know you're tired. I shouldn't have kept you. Thanks for returning this."

He gave her a wry grin. "Sorry. I really am interested. I'll have to see if Beckett will let me watch when he tries it on Rodney."

"Actually, if Doctor Beckett tries it, Doctor McKay will be wearing it all day."

"Cool." He yawned again. "And I think I had better go find my own bed before you have to find me one here. Thanks for all the information."

"You're always welcome to crash here, sir. Although, you may find yourself attached to all kinds of machines when you wake up," she said with a smile and wink.

That startled a laugh out of him. "I can only imagine. I don't think I want to know what you want to test me for."

"You never know. As the strongest ATA gene around, I'm sure we can come up with something.

"Oh god, another one wants me for my genes." He winked at her as she escorted him to the front of the infirmary.

"That and other things," she replied with a teasing smile.

He laughed again, shaking his head. "I'll have to be careful then. Don't stay up too late."

"I'm a night owl, so it shouldn't be a problem. Have a good night, sir."

With another wink, John sauntered out, catching the disapproving look of Hathaway as he did. Oh well, can't please everyone. Stepping into the elevator, he leaned against the wall, glad there was nothing else on the agenda for the night that needed his attention.

The elevator stopped at another floor, the doors opening to reveal Colonel Caldwell. He paused for a brief moment, but did step inside. "Colonel."

Straightening, John pushed off from the wall. "Colonel." He watched the older man out of the corner of his eye, wary, but not sure why.

"I figured you'd be busy helping out Doctor Beckett."

"I was, earlier, sir. He was running some tests and needed an extra set of hands. McKay is sleeping and Beckett was going to sleep as well, so I'm headed for my own bed." He wasn't exactly sure where this was going.

"First time this week for that."

Shit. He knew someone was going to notice. Figured it would be Caldwell. He went for casual, shrugging slightly. "Beckett didn't want to leave McKay alone, since part of the problem is with the neurons in his brain. I didn't mind using Beckett's bed while he was working to fix the problem—McKay is my teammate and the Chief Science Officer of Atlantis. It's in my best interests to do whatever I can to get him back up to full health as swiftly as possible."

"This isn't about taking one for the team, Colonel."

"No, despite his…rough edges, McKay is my friend Colonel. He was injured, and I was concerned about him." John kept his expression neutral.

"Of course you were." Caldwell wasn't convinced, his tone and expression clearly showing that he knew more, much more.

John felt a sliver of panic. Caldwell wasn't allowed to ask outright, and John didn't have to tell him a damn thing, but this wasn't good. Thank God Caldwell wasn't permanently stationed on Atlantis. "Sir?"

The elevator doors opened a few seconds later and Caldwell moved to step out, but turned offering John a hard look. "I'd recommend concentrating on doing your job, Colonel. We're not here to…make friends. Understood?"

Letting his own gaze harden, John didn't break eye contact. "I can do both, sir. Atlantis is a civilian-run scientific outpost. I can't do my job unless the civilians respect me, and they won't respect me if I try to treat them like soldiers."

"Respect is earned, Sheppard."

"Yes, sir, it is. And being concerned for them and treating them like the valuable members of the team they are is one way to do it. I'd like to think I've earned not only their respect, but their trust that when I make decisions, I do it with their safety as my top concern."

Caldwell's face darkened as he moved into the hallway, his arm holding the door open. "From what I've seen, safety is certainly not your top concern, Sheppard. Have a good night."

"Yes, sir, it is. Protecting the civilians is my highest concern. You might not agree with that, but it's the reason we're there." He didn't drop his gaze. "Have a nice night, sir."

"Don't think I don't know what's going on. I know why _you're_ here, Sheppard." His tone was menacing as he moved his arm, finally letting the doors close between them.

John stiffened, feeling his muscles knot up. God, he really didn't need this, and right now he didn't even have anyone he could talk to—Rodney was sleeping, Carson was keeping an eye on him, and Elizabeth was... whatever she was. He missed Teyla. Getting beat with sticks sounded good right about now.

When he arrived at his floor, he made his way quickly to the room. He didn't think to check to see if Lorne was there, forgetting for a moment that he was sharing a room. As soon as the door closed, he muttered several heart-felt curses.

"Sir?"

"Fuck." He whirled around, seeing his new XO once again in boxers in bed, staring at him. "I think you're trying to give me a heart-attack, Lorne."

"Really not, sir," he said by way of an apology.

Sighing, John started to strip, tossing his wrinkled uniform on a chair. "No, it's my fault. I really need to remember I'm sharing a room. Sorry I woke you up."

"Not a problem, sir. Wasn't quite asleep yet."

Dropping down onto his bunk, John put an arm across his face. God, what a shitty end to an otherwise okay day.

"Sir? Are you okay?" Lorne's voice was tentative.

"Just peachy." He debated for a moment. Deciding the test the waters, he lifted his arm and glanced over at the Major. "I'm going to assume you've read my service record."

"I don't have that kind of security clearance, sir," he answered, shifting in his bed, pulling his legs up so he was seated Indian-style, his back against the wall.

John closed his eyes for a moment, thinking. "Let's just say I don't have a history of doing things by-the-book, and that tends to piss off officers who do. I also have slightly different priorities when it comes to Atlantis. My first and top concern is to protect the city and her civilians. Not everyone agrees with that, and I've had more than one...argument...over it."

"While I don't…agree with having a civilian in charge of this kind of operation I'm not about ready to rock the boat…sir."

John put his arm back over his face. "I know that, Lorne, and I appreciate it. Weir is in charge because the IOA put her in charge. We had issues to work out in the beginning, but we've more or less figured out how to divide responsibilities. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to be as...gracious...about it as you are."

John heard Lorne sigh before he responded. "This is certainly…different."

"Yes. It is. And that's part of the problem. We're a civilian operation in a war zone. The expedition is scientific, not military. We're along to protect them and provide security. They're there to unlock the secrets of the universe. I know you come from the SGC, but even that's different, since it is a military base. Atlantis isn't, and can't be treated as such. Unfortunately, I seem to be in the minority in thinking that way."

"I'll do my best, Colonel, but I can't guarantee this will be the right fit for me—or others."

"I know, Major. And if you want a transfer out, I'll give you one. I hope once we're there and you can get a feel for the operations, you'll change your mind, since we need good people, and I know you have the ATA gene, which makes you even more useful. But I also don't want anyone there who doesn't want to be there."

"I appreciate that, sir."

John felt like every muscle in his body was tense—he wasn't going to be sleeping anytime soon, and he was going to be very sore tomorrow. Once again, he questioned his decisions, wondering if maybe he should have retired with Rodney. But the call of Atlantis was still strong, and the closer they got, the more restless he was getting. He had almost forgotten about the Major again when the other man spoke.

"Sir? Are you sure you're okay?"

"I will be, Lorne," he sighed again. "I'm just tired of the politics. I suck at it, and before I got here, I had to play the game. I'd much rather leave the diplomatic shit to Weir or Teyla when I'm off-world, and focus on keeping my people safe."

Lorne chuckled softly. "Yeah. I'm not much of a politics kind of guy myself."

"And it gets even better when you start getting veiled threats mixed in with the politics. God, if I didn't love my fucking city so much, I'd just retire."

"Threats?" He heard the tension racket up in Lorne's voice.

"Don't worry, it's only me being threatened, not Atlantis. I told you I'm not well-loved, and there's more than one senior officer who would love nothing more than to find a reason to toss me out of the Air Force on my ass. The fact that I'm good at what I do hasn't penetrated yet. The fuckers would rather see my people die than admit maybe my way is working."

"Still, sir. Threats are not a joking matter."

John gave a harsh bark of laughter. "Believe me, I know. Why do you think I'm so tense right now? It's going to take a minor miracle for me to fall asleep anytime soon."

"Anything I can do to help?"

Opening his eyes, John shot his fellow soldier a genuine smile. "If I think of anything, I'll let you know. Just knowing not everyone is holding their breath waiting for me to fuck up is a help."

"No, sir. That's not the case." He paused, obviously thinking twice before he continued. "A little…direction, might be a good thing, however."

Pushing himself up onto his elbows, John felt one of his eyebrows go up, along with the corner of his mouth. "Direction?"

"Some of the new soldiers are getting a little…restless. They expected some training, some lectures, something, but they've barely seen you…sir."

Training. Huh. He could do that. Actually, it wasn't a bad idea... "How much did the SGC tell you and the other new recruits about the Wraith?"

"Besides the few reports we've received, not much."

Nodding slowly, John thought hard for a few minutes. "All right, I'm going to put you to work then. Find me a place and time where we can all get together. I'm going to give you a crash course on our enemy, their weaknesses, technology, everything we've learned about them. I had planned to do it once we were back in Atlantis, but now's as good a time as any—well, tomorrow anyway."

Lorne nodded. "There's a meeting room already set up. Just give me a time and I'll inform the rest of the military contingent."

"After breakfast. Spread the word that it's more or less informal—I want everyone to ask any question they can think of, and nothing is considered stupid or basic. I want everyone to be comfortable in what to do when they come across them so everyone comes back alive."

"I'll do that, sir. Anything else?"

"Besides you, we have...four...other guys with the ATA gene? I think we'll want to schedule a meeting with them, and Beckett. Possibly McKay if he's feeling better. Part of the duty of all of us with the gene—and I include myself in that as well—is to play light-switch occasionally. Ancient tech, the way it feels, is the most intimate and downright alien thing you will ever feel. We have a few gadgets with us, we can let you get a taste that way, so the shock of arriving on Atlantis doesn't overwhelm anyone."

Lorne smiled. "I still remember the first time I touched something Ancient. It certainly sticks with you. Just tell me when you want that scheduled for and I'll put it in the calendar."

"Let's see how tomorrow goes. Depending on how many questions there are and how much we cover, I may want to break it into a few sessions. And depending how that goes, I might add a bit of a primer on Athosian stick fighting. Everyone on the original expedition has added it to their training because it's a great tool to have at our disposal—if the bullets run out, all you need is a few sticks and you're armed again. I don't require it, but I would like to introduce everyone to it. If you or anyone else decides to make it regular, I'm willing to spar on the way home, and we can set up training with either Teyla or one of the other Athosians." Now that he was thinking, John was pushing up all the basic Atlantis orientation stuff he had planned to cover. It would distract him, and would give him a chance to observe the new men under his command. "Good idea, Lorne. Feel free to suggest away any time."

He nodded again, a hesitant smile on his lips. "Some of the men were…have had too much time on their hands. I thought training might help to curb some of their curiosity and loose lips."

"I can relate. I'm bored out of my mind and I can't wait to get home again. And you—or anyone else for that matter—can feel free to bring things like this to my attention any time. I won't get angry, and I'm willing to hear suggestions. Probably been hanging out with the diplomats too long." He grinned at his XO.

"I would never say that, sir."

Laughing, John felt some of his tension ease off. He hoped Lorne could get over his hesitations about Atlantis and the civilian hierarchy. He liked the guy. "You don't have to. And I'm keeping you awake, aren't I?"

"Wasn't exactly tired, sir. Not much on board to get me tired."

John eyed him speculatively. "I'm still too tense to sleep, and I was thinking earlier I wished Teyla was here to spar with. Interested in going a few rounds?"

Lorne's eyebrow rose, but he nodded. "I haven't had a good partner in a while."

Pushing out of bed, John pulled a pair of sweatpants on, not bothering with his uniform. This was more comfortable anyway. Glancing over to see Lorne had done the same, John led the way to the small gym, glad no one else was using it at the moment. Because some of this stuff was requisitions for Atlantis, there were a few pairs of fighting sticks. John picked up a pair, and tossed another to Lorne. "Want instruction first, or want to see how much you have naturally?"

Lorne spun it easily in his hands, more or less answering John's question. "Up to you, sir."

Laughing, John fell into the position Teyla had beaten into him. "All right, come at me. Let's see how you do."

The major nodded, face falling into an unexpressionless mask as he circled John, weighing the sticks in his hands as his eyes tracked the way John moved. Good, John thought. He wasn't rushing into it, taking the time to observe his opponent.

He attacked suddenly, forcing John back a few steps before the tables turned and Lorne yelped as a stick made contact with his thigh.

John didn't give him time to recover, pulling a move Teyla always used, whirling around and bringing the stick in contact with the back of Lorne's other leg, forcing him to one knee. Then he fell back into the loose, defensive position. "I always hate when Teyla does that to me. And for the record, after a year she still kicks my ass on a regular basis at this."

"Good to know, sir," Lorne laughed, groaning slightly as he climbed back to his feet, getting into position. "Ready?"

"Always." For the next hour, neither of them said much. Lorne hadn't managed to land a single hit, but they both knew John was going easy, giving him time to recover between strikes. It wasn't until they were both soaked with sweat and breathing a bit heavy that he called a halt. "I think if we go much further, one of us is likely to get hurt. Let's call it a night. I'll even let you have the shower first." Out of habit, he made the little Athosian half-bow that always ended his stick-fighting sessions.

"You're just trying not to pummel your XO too badly before we get to Atlantis," Lorne huffed, handing the sticks to John before he headed to the side of the room where they'd dropped their towels.

John accepted the tossed towel, wiping off his face. He grinned as he worked his muscles a bit, most of the tension from earlier having been worked out. "Don't want to leave too many bruises. People might talk."

"Too late."

"People were calling you my battered XO even before I battered you? Wow, we have psychics on our team. Cool." He smiled, making sure Lorne knew he was joking as they both grabbed a bottle of water and headed back to their room.

Lorne paused on his way to the bathroom once they were both in their quarters. "And I wasn't joking about the talk, sir."

"I know you weren't." He rolled his shoulders. "But the exercise worked out the bulk of my knots, and if I think too hard about it, they'll just come back. Right now I want to shower and sleep. I can worry tomorrow."

He nodded, moving again to the shower. "I'll be quick."

While he waited, John grabbed a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt, tossing them on his bed. He knew if he sat down he was going to fall asleep—it was starting to catch up with him. So he leaned against the door, closing his eyes for a moment.

A light touch on his arm startled him awake. "Sir. Bathroom's all yours."

"God, I actually fell asleep standing up, didn't I? If I don't come out of the shower in twenty minutes, assume I've drowned." He pushed off from the door, grabbing his clean clothes.

"I’m sure the water will go cold before that."

"We can hope." John slipped into the shower, the hot water feeling great against his skin. He resolutely didn't think about Rodney in the shower, and touching water-slick skin. Making it quick, he cleaned up and got dressed, dropping into his bunk with a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Lorne."

Lorne rolled onto his side. "For what?"

John was aware he was starting to slur his words. "Being honest and wearing me out. G'night, Major."

"Night, Colonel." Lorne's words were quiet and that was the last thing John heard until the buzzing from his radio woke him.

He fumbled for a moment, managing to hit the small earpiece on the third try. "Sheppard, here."

"Colonel? I'm really sorry tae have to wake you…" Carson's voice was quiet, regretful.

"Carson? What's wrong?" John sat up slowly, feeling panic start to build in his stomach.

"I canna get him settled and could use your help. I know it's four in the morning and you need your sleep, but I'm not sure what else to do except drug him and I'm reluctant to do that right now."

Scrubbing his hand across his face, John shook himself awake. "Lemme get dressed. I'll be there in ten. Sheppard out." Trying not to make much noise, John fumbled around for a clean uniform.

"McKay?" Lorne's voice was quiet, sleepy.

"Yeah. Beckett said there's a problem. I'm going to go down there and see what's going on. Go back to sleep, Major."

"Let me know if you need to move the training to the afternoon."

"I will. Right now I'm not planning on changing it. Hopefully this isn't anything serious." Finally getting his shoes on, John headed for the door.

"Let me know either way."

"I will. Now go back to sleep before you realize just how much those bruises I gave you hurt." He grinned and stepped out, blinking for a moment in the bright light of the hallway before heading for the elevator that would take him to the level where Carson and Rodney were staying.

He knocked lightly on the door once he got there and it slid open a moment later to a rumpled Carson who ushered him inside. "Thanks for coming," he said even as John's eyes tracked to his lover who was sitting up in bed hunched over his hand, rocking slightly. "He was fine around midnight when he got up to pee. I think he started getting restless around three."

Nodding, John moved to sit next to Rodney. "Hey, buddy. You're supposed to be sleeping."

Rodney didn't answer him, but he did pause slightly in his movements.

Reaching out, John started on his lover's good shoulder, trailing his hand all he way down to his hand. "Rodney?"

When his lover didn't respond he turned to Carson who only shrugged. "I couldn’t get anything either."

John curled his fingers under Rodney's chin, tipping it up so he could see his face. "Rodney. I need you to come back from wherever you're at right now."

But Rodney wasn't there. Anything that John associated with his lover was gone, his eyes open, but glazed over, not seeing anything.

He felt the panic from earlier come back full force. Scooting closer, John ran his hands along any part of Rodney he could reach, as if he could drag him back by touch alone. He vaguely heard the alarm in his voice. "Carson? What's wrong with him?"

"I’m not sure," Carson said honestly. "I was hoping you'd be able to get through to him."

Leaning their foreheads together, John did the only thing he could think of—he started to talk. At first just asking Rodney to come back, eventually stooping to begging. Then he just let himself ramble, talking until his throat was starting to feel a bit scratchy.

All through it, he touched Rodney, stroking, touching, trying to bring him back from wherever he'd gone. He could tell something changed when he felt the first tremor run through Rodney's body.

"Rodney?" He whispered it. He was terrified that his lover had gone somewhere he couldn't follow, that he wouldn't be able to bring him back.

"John?" The word was tentative, whispered.

"Oh, god." John saw the spark of the person he loved back in those clear blue eyes. With a whimper of need and desperation, he captured Rodney's mouth, kissing him hard and deep.

Rodney opened up, whimpering a little as John pulled him close.

Breaking off the kiss, John wrapped his arms around his lover. He knew he was shaking, but he didn't care. "Rodney, oh god...please don't do that again... please," he whispered a bit brokenly.

"Hurts…" Rodney whispered.

"I know. I'm so sorry." He pulled Rodney closer, being careful not to squeeze the sorta-injured hand between them.

"Want…go away."

"No, you can't go away, Rodney. Please... Don't do that again, don't disappear like that again."

This time the answer was more emphatic, more Rodney. "It hurts."

Burying his head in Rodney's shoulder, John couldn't stop the shaking. "We can fix your hand, just don't withdraw like that again."

Rodney slid his good hand around John, cradling his left hand between them as he tried to get closer.

Shifting, John crawled further onto the bed, managing it without letting go of Rodney. He didn't know how long they stayed there like that, just holding each other, when Carson touched his shoulder.

"John? I need to examine Rodney."

Taking a few deep breaths, John moved, swinging around so he was behind Rodney, his lover pulled back against his chest. He snaked his arms back around Rodney's waist, but hoped that would be enough room for Carson to work.

Carson moved slowly, carefully, making sure Rodney saw everything he was doing. And he was fine with the check until Carson touched his hand. He yelled and pushed back into John, obviously trying to get away from the Scot and the pain he was causing.

John murmured soft reassurances into Rodney's ear. "It's okay. He just needs to check it."

"Nononononono. Let go. Stop. It hurts!"

"Rodney." John tightened his arms around his lover. "We know it hurts. But Carson can't fix it unless you let him look at it."

Carson face was tight, pinched. He'd pulled his hands away as soon as Rodney started screaming, holding them where the scientist could see them. "Please, Rodney. I need to see your hand, just to make sure—"

"What's there to make sure about? It's healed. You healed it, but it fucking hurts."

"Carson, you mentioned TENS therapy, that it might help. Can we start that now? See if makes a difference?" John tightened his grip further when Rodney started to wiggle a bit.

"You're going to shock me?! Nonononono."

"One of the nurses explained it to me, Rodney. It's not a shock. It's a light electrical current that's supposed to disrupt the way the body interprets pain in a very specific area—in this case your hand. Do you really think I would agree to anything I thought would put you in danger or cause you more pain? We're hoping this will help."

But Rodney wasn't really listening. He was exhausted and in pain, struggling to get out of John's grasp without jarring his hand.

"Rodney!" John put a note of command in his voice, hoping his lover would respond to it. "Hold still for a minute so we can figure this out."

McKay stopped fighting John, but his body curled in on itself, shaking slightly. John saw Carson's pained expression at the same time he felt a drop of wetness on his hand. Damn.

"Rodney, buddy..." John turned the shaking man in his arms, pulling him close and pressing light kisses all over his face. "I know you're in pain, and I know you just want it to stop. Believe me, we want to make it stop."

"I'll go and get the TENS device and some sedatives," Carson said quietly. "See if you can calm him down a little."

Nodding, John turned his attention back to Rodney. He didn't know what else he could do except be there to hold the other man, to make sure he knew he wasn't alone.

Rodney was sobbing nearly silently, holding his hand against his chest.

Feeling lost, John just kept repeating over and over that he loved Rodney, that it would be okay, that they would find a way to fix this. "Carson went to get the good drugs. He'll be back soon, and then it won't hurt anymore."

Rodney simply pressed himself closer to John, clutching at his shirt with his good hand, his tears soaking into the fabric at John's shoulder.

They were still like that when Carson walked back in. Looking up, John threw a desperate glance at the doctor, silently begging him to fix this.

"Any better?" Carson asked silently, mouthing the words.

John shook his head slightly.

Carson sighed, but nodded his head. He approached the bed quietly, already prepping an injection. "Rodney, I'm going to give you something to make you feel better. It should'na take long to take effect."

Rodney didn't acknowledge the Scot's words, but Carson simply moved in, tugging up the short sleeve and wiping the skin quickly with alcohol before injecting the contents of the needle into the scientist's arm. He gently rubbed Rodney's shoulder before stepping back. "Why don't you get him comfortable, John? Once it hits his system he'll be out."

Since Rodney was still in just boxers and a tee-shirt, John didn't have to undress him. Very carefully, he laid his lover down, keeping himself wrapped around the still-shaking form. "Shhh, it's okay, Rodney. In a few minutes, it won't hurt anymore and you can sleep."

"Stay."

"I'll stay until you're asleep. And I'll be here when you wake up again."

Rodney sniffled, but was otherwise quiet. It only took about five minutes before John felt the tension slowly releasing from his lover's body as the drugs began to work. Within ten minutes he was out completely.

Carson was sitting slumped on the adjacent bed, head held in his hands. "I canna do that again."

Sitting up, John ran a hand through his hair, noting that it was still shaking slightly. "I really hope we don't have to. Please tell me this TENS thing will work."

"I wish I could say it would. It works on some people, but we have nothing to lose."

Glancing at his watch, John was surprised to see it was 0600 already. He only had a few hours before he was meeting with his men. "How long will the drugs keep him out?"

"I gave him enough to put him out for eight to twelve hours. We all need the rest. I'll have to start the other medicine with his lunch. It'll take a while to build in his system, so we'll have to hope the TENS therapy works. And I might start a glucose drip so I don'na have to worry about his sugar levels."

Nodding, John climbed off the bed. "All right. I need to go change and grab some coffee and something to eat. I have a briefing with my new men after breakfast, but I'll come back to check on him after that."

"I'm going to move him to the infirmary." Carson continued when John shot him a sharp look. "He'll get better care there and I can have Sara keep an eye on him as well. Under these kinds of drugs, it's better for him."

With a sigh, John finally nodded slowly. "I can understand that. I'd rather have him where he can get better care. All right, I'll swing by the infirmary then after the briefing. I don't know how long that will take, but if he starts to wake up and I'm not there yet, radio me."

"I will."

With another glance at the sleeping scientist, John sighed. Slipping back out, he started back to his room. At the rate he was going, he wasn't going to have any clean uniforms left by the time they got to Atlantis.

Lorne was sleeping when John stepped back into the room, nearly cocooned in the covers, a brown patch of hair the only thing he could see of the Major.

Despite himself, John smiled a little. He quickly got changed, tossing the damp shirt into the bin he used for his dirty things. He quietly slipped back out again, heading for the mess. He figured he could use the time to eat slowly and gather himself again after the shock of finding Rodney so... hurting.

He was halfway through his cereal and coffee when Elizabeth slid into the chair across from him, offering a tired smile. "You're up early," she commented, eyeing his tablet PC.

"Rodney had some problems this morning, so Carson called me in. He's drugged now, and I have a briefing with my men after breakfast, so I figured going back to sleep was out of the question at that point. What about you?" He offered her a small smile.

"Drugged? What happened? I thought he was getting better."

"So did we. He woke up in the middle of the night and was fine, then woke up again and... it was like he wasn't there anymore, Elizabeth. Like he had checked out. We finally managed to get him responding again, and then he was sobbing with the pain. God... I hope Carson's drugs and therapy works, since I don't think I can do that again."

"God," she whispered, he hand touching John's lightly. "Is he going to be okay? What's Carson going to do?"

"I don't know. He has McKay on sedatives now, and should be out for the next eight to twelve hours. Beckett is going to try TENS therapy, and we hope that will work. He also mentioned starting him on an IV with stuff to keep his hypoglycemia at bay, as well as a few other pain drugs." John closed his eyes briefly.

"He's getting the best of care, John," Elizabeth said quietly. "If anyone can figure it out, Carson can."

"I know. Which is why I'm staying out of the way. It was pointed out to me that bumping up the orientation for the new guys wouldn't be a bad idea. I'm going to spend some time briefing them on the Wraith this morning, and answering questions. I also plan to schedule some time to sit with our ATA people and give them a crash-course in Ancient tech. And I'm going to give everyone a basic primer in Athosian stick-fighting. That should be enough to keep them all out of trouble for the rest of the trip."

Elizabeth's eyes widened slightly when he was talking, but by the end she was nodding, offering a smile. "Sounds like a good idea."

He turned his computer screen so she could see the notes he was making. "Have I missed anything big? I know I can't cover everything, and I hope there are a lot of questions, but I was trying to hit on the highlights of what we know about the Wraith to get started."

She looked over the screen carefully, scrolling to get to the bottom of the page as he finished his cereal. He was sipping on his coffee when she glanced up. "No. It looks like you have everything. But have you considered asking some of the science staff to attend?"

"I did, but for this first one, I want to keep it military. I want to focus on their weaknesses and how to survive an encounter, and that will frighten most of the new civilians. If we have enough interest, I'll hold a second, more general, session maybe later in the week, and open it up to anyone. At that point, I would have Carson talk a bit about their physiology, and McKay, if he's feeling better, go into a bit more detail on their technology."

Weir nodded. "Then it seems like you have everything covered."

He glanced up as he saw Lorne come into the mess, heading in his direction. "Major. Feel free to grab some breakfast and join us."

"Uh…sure, sir, ma'am," he said, nodding at both of them before sitting down, coffee in hand. "Are you up for the meeting, sir?"

"That's actually what we were just talking about. I'm all set, and Doctor Weir would like to have another general session open to anyone later in the week, if we have enough interest in our little 'How to Kill A Wraith in Ten Easy Steps' session. Are we all set?" He finished his coffee, wondering idly if he had time to get a second cup.

"We're scheduled to start in two hours. I didn't hear you come back this morning, so I wanted to make sure you would be awake for the training."

"That's what coffee is for, Lorne. I barely touched the stuff before Atlantis, now I can barely function without it." He grinned, raising his empty cup in a mock salute.

The other man chuckled and shook his head. "You have been spending too much time in the science labs."

"Job hazard. I'm actually really, really happy we have more strong, natural carriers coming on board. Beckett invents reasons to avoid the labs, which leaves me as the only gene strong enough to initialize some of the more delicate equipment. It's usually interesting, but I have to admit I'm looking forward to handing some of that off."

"I'll keep that in mind, sir," Lorne said.

"Speaking of which..." He pulled out his life-signs detector, which he usually added to his gear by habit now. You never knew when you were going to need one. "Have you had a chance to play with one of these at all?"

Lorne's eyebrows rose, a strange expression passing over his face before it closed down. "No, sir. We didn't have anything like this at the SGC."

Wondering what had caused that reaction, John handed it over. "It will be standard issue for any team-leaders with the gene to use it. It's a fairly useful piece of equipment, although we've barely scratched the surface as to what it's capable of."

"And you just…oh." Lorne's comment dropped off when the screen flickered to life in his hand. "Huh."

Grinning, John nodded. "At first we could only get it to read all life signs the same. With a little practice, I've managed to get it to distinguish between human and Wraith life signs. It wouldn't surprise me if it's capable of distinguishing between individual people, but if so, I haven't figured out how yet."

The screen flickered and another view was shown and then another. Apparently Lorne had found the main menu. "Maybe it's a setting?"

"Could be. It's all in Ancient, though, and while I've picked up enough to recognize 'Danger!' warnings, I'm not fluent yet. I just sort of play with it whenever I have the time to see what I can get it to do."

"Why don't you just get McKay or one of the other scientists to change the language filter? Wouldn't it be a software thing?"

"We have some translation tools, but they aren't perfect, and most of the people who can tweak it are involved in translating the main databases, and searching them for information. Besides, it's always amusing to go show the geeks something they didn't know. Keeps them on their toes."

"I'll keep that in mind, sir," Lorne said absently as he played with the device.

Reaching over, John put a finger on the LSD, giving it the mental command to widen the perspective, taking Lorne from the relatively small view of just the mess—he kept it zoomed in as his default—to the max range, which encompassed most of the ship. "It's pretty useful in combat situations. No surprises. Although, one of the things I'll touch on later, is that Wraith in hibernation don't show up as life signs. So you can't drop your guard completely with it."

Lorne nodded. "Good to know." He concentrated for a minute, playing with the range—zooming in and out.

John caught the edge of Elizabeth's amused look. "What? It's a really cool toy. You can't expect me not to want to show it off."

She shook her head, rising to her feet. "I'll let you two boys play then. Have a good meeting. I'll check in on Rodney before I get started with anything."

"Thanks. Beckett told me he would let me know if anything changes. Otherwise, I'll catch up with you this afternoon to continue going over the mission schedules."

"I'll look for you this afternoon." She offered a smile to each of them before heading out, topping off her coffee on the way.

Leaning back, John debated grabbing more coffee himself, but decided it was probably better for him to abstain. Instead, he watched his XO fiddle, facial expressions changing from wary to amazed to focused, depending on what he was looking at.

"This is great, sir. How many of them do you have?"

"Not an unlimited supply, but enough that we can outfit everyone with the gene—at least one per team. And each of the jumpers has one as standard equipment. Speaking of the jumpers..." John let his expression go dreamy, "They look like flying Winnebagos, but when you're up in one..."

Lorne laughed, the smile actually reaching his eyes. "I'll keep that in mind, sir."

"If you've ever wished your plane could read your mind, the Jumpers are the answer." Grinned, John stood up, taking back the LSD and tucking it away. "All right, what do you say I go teach you how to kill Wraith?"

"Good idea, sir. Seems like you have some kind of infestation on your hands here in Pegasus."

"And I really, really hate bugs. I think if we put our heads together, we can come up with a way to exterminate the fuckers." He caved and filled his coffee cup, glad to see how much looser his XO was getting with him. As they headed towards the meeting room, he just hoped everything else would work out too.

***

Carson Beckett was making a point of checking on his charge every hour, just to be on the safe side. At one o’clock, he popped in, checking over the monitors and tubes running into Rodney’s body. He had gotten the scientist started on the lowest dose of the medication and the TENS device was in place. They would turn it on once Rodney was awake and they could judge its effectiveness.

He wasn’t really expecting the man to wake up just yet, so the stirring and soft muttering surprised him. “Rodney, lad?”

Rodney didn't answer, but he shifted again, head turning toward Carson, eyes beginning to flutter slightly.

Hitting his radio, Carson kept a close eye on Rodney. "Beckett to Sheppard."

Carson saw blue a moment later—a little dazed and confused, but aware.

“This is Sheppard.”

“John, Rodney is waking up a wee bit sooner than I expected. You had wanted to know when there was a change.”

There was silence for a moment. “All right. I’m with Elizabeth now. I’ll be down there as quickly as I can. Sheppard out.”

Rodney blinked his eyes a few more times, the lids still heavy, but his gaze slowly focused on Carson.

"Welcome back, Rodney. I've got you on some medication to help with the pain, but it's a low dose. Once you're a bit more awake, we can see if that's enough or not."

The scientist shifted again on the bed. "John?"

"He's on his way, lad. We didn't expect you to wake up quite so soon. I've already called him." Carson automatically sought out Rodney's good wrist, checking his pulse.

"Okay." He was quiet for a moment, watching Carson. "How…" he started, but stopped to clear his throat. "How did I get here?"

"You had a bit of an episode early this morning. I had to give you a sedative to calm you down, and decided you were better off here, where I have access to all of the resources of the infirmary." He patted Rodney's shoulder. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"John. Said I'd see him when I woke up."

"Aye, good. And he's coming, lad. We didn't expect you to wake up for another hour, so I told him to go get some of his own work done. When I just talked to him, he was meeting with Elizabeth and said he would get here as fast as he can."

"Okay." He was quiet again for a few minutes, obviously still feeling the effects of the sedative. "Am I okay, Carson?"

"I hope so, my friend. You gave us a bit of a scare, but pain, coupled with the fact that this is phantom pain, can do odd things to people. Once you're a bit more alert, we're going to try pain-blocking with the TENS, with the hope that we can either cut down or do away with drugs."

"You were scared."

"Aye. You were'na responding to me at all, and it took a long time for you to respond to John."

He nodded slowly. "I remember that."

"Do you remember why you didn't respond? What were you aware of?" Carson had never had a chance to talk to someone who remembered being semi-comatose.

"Pain. It was overwhelming. I didn't know how to get away from it."

Sighing, Carson leaned his hip against the bed. "Let's hope the TENS works. I dinna ever want to see that again. It was like you were lost."

Rodney words were quiet. "I was."

"If you didn't have the bond you do with John..." He felt a chill run up his spine. "Well, no sense second-guessing, right? How are you feeling now? How is the pain?"

"Okay. Aches a little."

"Good. I'll want to dial the drugs back a bit, but not if it's going to leave you in that much pain again."

"It's okay right now. I know it still hurts, but it's tolerable."

Carson nodded. "Excellent." Before he could say more, there was a light knock on the door, and John Sheppard was slipping in.

”Rodney! Hey, buddy, how are you feeling? Sorry I wasn’t here, we weren’t expecting you to wake up just yet.” The soldier crossed to the bed, leaning over to brush his lips across Rodney’s.

Rodney's smile was soft when John pulled back. "Sorry. Have to get back in the habit of surprising you again."

The corner of John’s mouth quirked up. “Think of good surprises. Like covering yourself in chocolate and waiting for me to come home and lick it off you.”

Carson was constantly amazed watching the two of them together, when they felt free to openly show the depth of their feelings. Looking at them, he reflected that they fit better than perfect. He spared himself a wistful wish that someday he could find someone who cared that deeply for him.

A hand on his elbow jolted Carson back to reality as he turned, finding Elizabeth gesturing to the hallway before stepping outside.

"Ah, I did'na realize you had come as well." He smiled at her, stepping out of the way of a passing nurse.

"I wanted to see how Rodney was doing. He looks good."

Scrubbing his face with one hand, Carson waggled the other back and forth a bit. "Yes and no. He's better than he was this morning, but I've also got him on painkillers. I'll need to wait for those to work out of his system a bit more—probably another hour or two—before we try the TENS. From there, we'll have to see."

"Do you think that will help him?"

"It's hard ta say. For some people with phantom limb, it fixes the problem completely. For others it does nothing. Most fall somewhere between those two extremes. But as long as we can control his pain until we get back to Atlantis, I think it will be fine. Once we're there, I have a few pieces of equipment that should—with luck—solve the problem completely."

She nodded, her eyes drifting to the closed door of Rodney's private room—one of only a handful on the ship. "I'm sure you'll be able to get him back on his feet in no time."

"I hope so. If nothing else, he'll start to go stir crazy in a few days, since I'll be managing his pain to keep him functional as much as possible. And there's only so much the Colonel and myself can find to keep that man entertained."

Something shifted on her face for a second before it was gone, replaced instead with the concern and worry of a friend. She nodded, already moving away. "Keeping him entertained is not the issue. Getting him healthy is and I have every faith that you will do so."

"Elizabeth?" He took a step forward and caught her arm. "Are you okay, lass?"

"I’m fine, Carson," she said, easily sliding out of his grasp. "I'll check in with you later to see how Rodney's doing."

He gave her a hard look. "Aye. Once I have his pain stable, why don't you and I sit and chat over coffee? We have'na had time to do that since we came on board."

She nodded, already a few steps away. "That sounds good, Carson. Just let me know when you're free."

Shaking his head, he watched her disappear around the corner. But he just didn't have the energy to deal with whatever was bothering her and take care of Rodney's hand. He hated it sometimes, but he had to prioritize, and right now Rodney's injury was worse. He stepped back into the room, clearing his throat loudly when he saw that John had half-climbed on top of Rodney and they were joined at the lips.

Rodney squawked, obviously startled by Carson's entrance, nearly shoving John off the bed in the process.

With a deep chuckle, John got back on his feet, looking unrepentant. “I was trying out a different pain-management method.”

Grinning, Carson moved to the other side of the bed. “Aye, I saw. And how was it working?”

"Good until you gave me a heart attack," Rodney grumped, sounding like himself.

"Well, then I suppose you should be paying more attention to your surroundings then, shouldn't you?" Still grinning, Carson caught Rodney's wrist and started to count the heartbeats.

"That's John's job."

"I heard him come in. I just didn't care." Sheppard smirked.

Rodney scowled again, this time at his lover. "What's with you and the public stuff?"

Shrugging, John leaned his hip against the bed. "I don't know. I've always liked public sex. It adds a certain amount of excitement to it."

Rolling his eyes, Rodney huffed. "I've noticed."

Carson watched Sheppard snake a hand under Rodney's shirt, doing something that made the other man gasp softly. "You know you like it as much as I do."

"Like making you happy," Rodney answered quietly, honestly, his eyes holding John's steadily as Carson felt the scientist's pulse pick up.

Watching John's eyes go dark, Carson cleared his throat. Loudly. Twice. "All right, lads. None of that here. This door does'na have a lock."

It took a moment for Rodney to glance over at Carson as the doctor finally let go of his wrist, a red flush highlighting the scientist's cheeks. "Sorry." John's hand, however, didn't move from under Rodney's shirt.

Feeling his own cheeks heat a bit, Carson would never admit to being a little turned on by the two of them. The passion these two shared was more than a little arousing. "Aye, well, just... why don'na we try the TENS now. The drugs seem to have worn off enough you that you can give me a coherent account of what it feels like."

Rodney nodded, his eyes widening slightly. John's hand slid away from McKay's chest as he switched sides with Carson, moving to Rodney's good side so he could grasp his hand while his other hand gently trailed across Rodney's forehead.

Carson quickly set up the equipment, attaching it to Rodney's hand, being as gentle as he could. "All right, we're going to start with the lowest setting and we'll go from there. Are you ready?"

Rodney nodded again, gripping John's hand as Carson turned the device on. When McKay didn't complain for scream or clutch John's hand tighter, the Scot simply decided to wait. It took a while for the device to bring about pain relief, sometimes upwards of thirty minutes per treatment.

Distracting both men for the next little while proved a bit challenging, but he managed it. Finally, he figured if it was going to do anything at this level, it would be doing it. "So, how is the hand doing now?"

Rodney was quiet for a moment, his eyes fixed on the electrodes on his wrist and arm. "It might be better."

"Do you want to go up a notch and see how it does?"

"Less is more, isn't it? And what if it gets bad again and I’m at the highest intensity? I really don't want to go through this morning again. And I really don't want to be drugged to the gills either."

Patting his friend's shoulder, he sought to reassure him. "Aye, less is more, but we're still on the lowest setting—you aren't anywhere near max capacity yet. And you do still have some drugs in your system. I'd like to find a place where it's managing your pain to a reasonable level that will allow you to work, with no drugs at all. We'll go one level at a time, and I'll let you know if I think we're starting to get too high." He turned the small device up slightly.

Rodney leaned back against the pillows, closing his eyes. About ten minutes in, Carson saw his friend relax, his body melting into the mattress as he released a long breath.

Smiling, Carson patted Rodney's arm again. "I take it this setting is doing what we want it to."

He nodded once, a light smile on his face.

"Wonderful." Carson grabbed Rodney's chart and made a note of the settings. He walked both men through how to work it, how to set the electrodes, and how to charge it. "For now, I'd like to leave it on during the day so we can observe and see how you do. Ideally, you'll use it while awake, and shut it off at night."

"So it's not supposed to be on constantly?"

"No. The pain relief even after you turn it off will persist—some patients get days of the full effects after only a few minutes with it on, while others get about minute for minute—they get about as long of pain relief when it's off as they had it on. I suspect you'll fall somewhere in between, which is why we're going to leave it on for a bit and do some tests."

"Okay," Rodney nodded. "When can I go back to the labs?"

Carson rolled his eyes. "One thing at a time. Assuming you do well with no complications today and tonight, I'll consider allowing you to do light, limited work tomorrow."

"I was in the middle of—"

"I don't bloody well care what you were in the middle of. It obviously was'na good for you." He let his expression soften. "I know you don't like to be away this long. But let's get this under control so there are no more nasty surprises, all right?"

John squeezed Rodney's hand, making the scientist look over at him and his own hard expression. There was obviously some silent communication happening because McKay sighed a moment later, nodding, his eyes on John even though he answered the doctor. "Whatever you want, Carson."

Raising an eyebrow, Carson didn't comment on it. John Sheppard had quite a bit of power over Rodney it seemed. As long as he was using it to get the wily scientist to take care of himself, Carson wasn't going to complain. "Verra good."

Rodney settled himself back against the pillows with a sigh. "Anything else I need to be doing?"

"Right now? No. Just relax and let me know if there's any change in the pain. We'll leave it on a bit longer, then turn it off to see how long the effects last."

He nodded, but carefully lifted his hand, turning it over as he flexed his fingers.

Over the next several hours, they tested the limits of the device—Rodney was one of the in-between people, getting relief for about twice as long as the TENS had been turned on and active. John had had to leave mid-way through to meet with Major Lorne and go over the morning briefing he had done, but he returned just as Carson was wrapping up. "I think it's safe to say if you leave it on during the day while you work, especially through dinner and the evening before bed, you should be able to turn it off at night completely and not have it trouble you at all."

"Does it have to be on all the time or can we switch it on and off throughout the day?"

"Switching it on and off is probably a good idea—we want to give you relief, but we don't want you getting too dependent on it. Just make sure you leave it on for long enough at the end of the day that the effects will carry through the night. Otherwise, use it as needed. Just don't attempt to adjust the strength on your own. If you think it needs to be changed, come see me."

Rodney made a face, but a sharp look from John changed his tune quickly. "I won't touch it except to turn it on and off."

Chuckling, Carson patted Rodney's arm. "Keep in mind this is all temporary until we get back to Atlantis where I can fix you up permanently. Stayin' in the same room will make keeping an eye on you easier, but I also want you to check in with me during the day at least once. Now, since it's gettin' too late for work, why don't we grab dinner in the mess and then turn in so you can get a decent start tomorrow?"

"Dinner? What happened to lunch?"

"We've been at this for a long while, Rodney. And you've got to be getting peaked." He unhooked the scientist with John's help, getting him sitting up.

"I…ah…didn't notice," he admitted.

Shaking his head, Carson clucked as Rodney stood up and proved he was capable of moving without any help. "Well, we need to fix that. You've eaten either here or in our room for the past few days. Feel up to a little socialization?"

"Do I get real clothes?" Rodney asked, gesturing at the scrubs he was in.

"Do you really think I would make you wander around in those? I just wanted to make sure you were mobile first." Carson retrieved the clothes and shoes from a nearby chair.

"How do I know? You do weird…voodoo things," Rodney said, his hands waving, only to receive a scowl from John.

"Rodney. The nice doctor just made your pain go away, and did it without fog-inducing drugs." Sheppard was watching him dress with careful eyes.

"I know but—"

"Play nice."

"I always play nice," Rodney grumped, tugging on his pants. Carson helped him with the shirt so he wouldn't get the wires all tangled.

Once he was situated, Carson stood back, giving him the once-over with a practiced eye, looking for anything out of place. Rodney was grumping, but that was normal. He was still favoring the hand slightly, but it wasn't noticeable unless you were looking for it, and he was no longer cradling it protectively against his body. Good. "All right. Food, before we have yet another issue to deal with."

"I'm not hungry," Rodney said as he stood. The electrodes barely showed under the sleeves of his shirt and he seemed steady on his feet.

"Too bad. You need to eat, lad, and soon. You can start light if you want, but I want to get a bit in you. My guess is that once you eat a little something, your appetite will come rushing back."

"Maybe."

The three of them wandered down to the mess. It was past the rush, so they were able to get trays and move to a table near the back that was unoccupied. Carson watched Rodney carefully as they ate, the conversation light.

While Rodney didn't eat as much as he usually did, he was eating—which Carson took as a good sign. But by the end of dinner, his eyes were already getting heavy, his body apparently more in tune with what he needed than his brain.

"All right, you've been through a lot and that was on top of sleep deprivation. I think it's time for the two of us to head back to the room so you can get a good night's sleep. Colonel, would ya mind helping me get him that far? It would be a shame to heal him up, only to have him walk into a wall when I wasn't looking."

"Hey. I would not walk into any walls."

Carson shared an amused look with John as all three stood up and Rodney wobbled a bit. "Sure you wouldn't, lad, but why don't we let the Colonel help anyway? That way you'll have one of us on each side to ensure no side trips."

"He can help in other ways, too," Rodney said quietly, his eyes sliding toward the soldier.

Rolling his eyes, Carson took Rodney's arm, gesturing for John to take the other. "Let's get you to bed before you turn into a pumpkin. I'll give you a quick physical in the room tomorrow morning, and assuming all's well, you'll be allowed back into the labs for limited duty."

Rodney was quiet on the way back to the room, letting John and Carson lead him the entire way. Once inside, they stripped him down to his boxers and removed the battery pack and wires, leaving the electrodes attached to his skin. It would be easy enough in the morning to re-attach everything.

Carson busied himself in the bathroom, puttering, allowing John to settle Rodney into bed. From the lack of sound, they were getting physical again, and while he wished he could leave them alone, he didn't want to put John in the position to be the butt of any more rumors than necessary. After about ten minutes, he made a lot of noise before moving back into the room.

John was holding Rodney closely, kissing him deeply. Rodney's arms were wrapped around the other man, hands—both hands—trailing under John's shirt.

Carson cleared his throat again loudly, making a point of banging around a bit.

John finally broke off the kiss, Rodney moaning quietly in response. The Colonel turned to the Scot, offering a wicked smile. Damn the man. He'd known Carson was in the room and had just continued.

Carson felt his cheeks heating up, and he quickly turned to the dresser to putter around a bit, giving them a bit of privacy to wrap things up.

It was only a minute later that John was at his side, touching his elbow. Rodney was in bed, his breathing already evening out.

Still blushing, Carson dropped his voice to a whisper. "Hopefully he'll stay out for the night this time."

"Hopefully," John nodded.

"And you should follow his lead. You did'na get much sleep last night either." Carson eyed him.

"I'll be fine." John paused, glancing over at Rodney again. "I tried to drop him a little into subspace. I'm hoping that it will last through the night. He needs the sleep."

Carson felt himself flush a bit again. The casual way the man talking about their sexual games—and the way he used them even outside of sex—was both fascinating and arousing. Carson really wished he had a lady friend since he was getting awfully tired of his own right hand. "Ah, good. Go get some rest—doctor's orders. I'll call you again if there's any change."

And again, there was the hint of that wicked smile. John nodded, his face settling into its usual lazy mask. "Make sure you get some rest yourself. You need it." He moved a few steps to the door before returning to Carson's side. "And just so you know…it's not a game for us. This is…this is how it is between us. We both went into this with our eyes wide open. This is us."

Nodding, Carson tried to let him see that he did understand. "Aye. No one who's seen you together could think it's just a game, John. The dynamics of your relationship are your own business, not mine. As long as you're both happy and healthy, that's all I care about. And I think Rodney is both—more than he's been in a long time, if ever—with you."

John nodded, his eyes hooded. "I just wanted to be clear and to know if it was going to be a problem. You've been…very understanding and open-minded. More so than most."

Chuckling softly, Carson let his gaze wander over to Rodney. "When you're in my profession, you see a lot come through the doors. I'm pleased you found each other—and you are good for each other. You give him a measure of peace and contentment I'm not sure he's ever had, and he grounds you, gives you something to fight for. It's a good match."

"A lot of it was thanks to your kick in the pants," John reminded him. "It's…I wanted to say thank you."

Reaching out, Carson put a hand on John's shoulder. "You are more than welcome, my friend. Now, I meant what I said about sleeping. I'll be here keeping an eye on him, and I'll let you know if anything happens again."

John nodded, his face still shadowed. "Thanks."

"He's going to be fine. This is a good temporary fix, and once we get to Atlantis I'll fix it permanently. I know it's hard to see him like this, but I'll do the best I can. I'd let you stay here again tonight, but we both know it would'na be a good idea."

"I know. And Elizabeth is uncomfortable enough without having to make excuses for me…for us."

Sighing, Carson shook his head. "What's gotten into her? She would'na tell me earlier, and I didn't have the time to push."

"Us."

Shaking his head, Carson gave him an incredulous look. "But I know she does'na care. She was quite pleased once she had gotten over her surprise."

"She says all the right things, but…" John shook his head. "This might end up being a very short stay for us."

Carson thought about what he had seen of Elizabeth from when he had arrived back in Colorado until now. He shook his head again, slowly this time. "I don't think it's you lad—not you specifically at least. She did'na say much, but the feeling that something's off and has been there since before she knew about the two of you. Something else is bothering her."

"Maybe, you're right, but if it's going to affect our working relationship…it might be better for us just to go back to Earth."

"Don't give up on the lass just yet. Once we get Rodney squared away, I'll sit down with her and have a chat. See if she won't open up to me a bit so I can get things cleared up. Until then, don'na go bothering trouble before you need to."

"Just trying to protect Rodney. It's hard enough on him. He worries and he really respects Elizabeth—which is not something that comes lightly."

"She is an amazing woman, that's for sure. And I know for a fact that she both respects and values the two of you. So, stop worrying."

"Me worry?" John's eyes widened as he put on an innocent 'who me' expression before sobering. "When it comes to Rodney, all the time."

Patting John on the arm, Carson steered him towards the door. "Aye, and that's understandable. But in this case, I'm telling ya you have nothing to worry about. Something else is bothering the lassie, and we just need to figure out what it is."

John sighed and nodded. "Night, Doc, and thanks."

He stepping into the hallway to call out, "And if I hear you spent the night sparring instead of sleeping again, John Sheppard, I'll confine you to the bloody infirmary tomorrow."

This time John did turn around, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Sleep. That is not the same as exercising—and I will always hear about it."

John finally shrugged. "It helped me sleep."

Carson eyed him carefully, finally relenting. "Don't push it. And I mean it. You need your rest if you're going to be good to anyone."

"Yes, mother," John said, rolling his eyes. "Night."

"Good night." Slipping back into the room, Carson let the door close behind him. Checking on Rodney to be sure the man was still breathing easily. He stripped down to his own boxers and got into bed. What was good for the goose after all...

***

The next week finally settled into something of a routine—a calm one, too. Between the TENS therapy and a low dose of pain medication, Rodney finally managed to stabilize enough that Carson gave him the go ahead to go back to work…within reason.

Rodney usually ended up eating lunch and dinner with John, the other man making sure he ate regularly and didn't get too sidetracked by whatever project he was working on. At some point John had mentioned that he and Carson wanted to talk to Elizabeth—she'd been a little off, enough that Rodney had even noticed—but she managed to sidestep every personal conversation. She was far too good of a diplomat to get pinned into a corner by one of her senior staff.

Carson had also been more than accommodating, giving John and Rodney a few hours over the week for some alone time, stolen usually in the early hours of the morning. An hour here or there wouldn't be too suspicious—or so they hoped. And of course, after their first encounter and once Rodney swore his brains were leaking out of his cock, John had put the chastity device back on, only taking it off when they were together and only long enough for the two of them to come and get cleaned up.

While Rodney spent most of his days in the labs, John spent it with his men—sparring, training, lecturing, whatever was needed to keep them busy and out of trouble. The longer the trip went on, the more of a full-time job that was becoming.

A long loud sigh made Rodney glance up from his laptop, spotting John leaning against the doorframe looking exhausted.

"I thought today was lecture day," Rodney commented, raising an eyebrow before turning back to the computer. He had a few more calculations he needed to complete.

"I'm running out of things to lecture about. There are only so many ways I can say 'the Wraith are really fucked up' before it starts getting old. Actually, I was hoping maybe I could set something up with you, to talk about the technology—Wraith and Ancient. It'd be different, if nothing else." He moved into the room, pulling over a stool and sinking down onto it.

Rodney shrugged. Huh. That figure was off. His fingers tapped at the keyboard, adjusting the equations. "We could probably do something."

"Do you have any spare toys that use the gene that we know won't blow anyone up? About half the new guys either have the gene naturally or had the therapy, so a crash course in how to use it might be good. I've let Lorne play with my LSD a few times, but I don't really want to pass that around the group." John was oddly protective of the unit—it was the one he had originally found in Jumper One.

"What?" Rodney asked, finally glancing up again, feeling his eyebrow draw together. "No. I don't have anything for them to play with. Do you think that I just keep things around just in case someone with the ATA gene gets bored? I have better things to occupy my time with."

"Hey, a guy can hope. The Ancients had some weird and totally useless shit. I was hoping maybe we had a few of those sitting around. Like that paper weight that blinks like the old Simon game."

"Were on board an intergalactic spaceship. We barely have enough room on board for us and our luggage let alone useless Ancient devices." Rodney rolled his eyes, turning back to his computer.

"What about spare LSDs? So I don't have to let them use mine. Knowing my luck, one of them would find a way to break it." John had tipped his chair back and put his feet up on Rodney's lab table.

"There's several on Atlantis."

"But not on board? The city can be a little…overwhelming…the first time she sneaks into your head. I was thinking if I could give them a taste of how the tech feels, we'll have fewer freak-outs."

"Your freaking-out Marines are not my problem."

Instead of answering, John sat up and snagged one of the gadgets Rodney had strewn across his workspace. "What's this do? Anything fun? I'm still waiting to find a duplicator—press a button and out pops a hamburger. Or a turkey sandwich."

"That would be a replicator unit and no that's not one," Rodney said, rolling his eyes.

"Figured. I would have heard if we found something that cool. So what's this do? Can I turn it on?"

Rodney sighed, looking up at John again. "No. And can you see that I'm trying to work here?"

"Why not? And sorry. I'm tired, and if I leave here, odds are good I'll get jumped by Elizabeth wanting to go over mission and team rosters, Caldwell wanting to threaten me, or Marines bored out of their minds. At least here I can get a little peace for a few minutes." He bounced the small item in the palm of his hand.

"Because I said so and I’m the genius."

With a sigh, John held it out. "Got anything else I can turn on? I kinda miss Atlantis—I didn't realize how much she's there, in the back of my head, until she was gone. And the closer we get to home, the more...restless I'm getting. Maybe playing light switch for you will help."

Rodney sighed again, realizing that any thoughts he'd had about finishing what he was working on tonight were quickly going out the window—or airlock as the case may be. He saved the document he was working on before powering down the computer. The electrode on the back of his hand tugged at the skin, reminding him what happened the last time he'd played with Ancient devices. "There is nothing here for you to turn on."

John shot him a faintly wicked grin. "Nothing?"

"Nothing Ancient."

Huffing softly, John leaned back, pushing the stool onto two legs. "I thought we had a bunch of new stuff from the SGC. You guys have already worked your way through it?"

"It's in the secure lock up and is staying there until we get to Atlantis."

"Probably not a bad idea. At least there we can take precautions and have protocols already in place."

"Yes, yes. Hindsight and all," Rodney scowled, waving his good hand in the air.

"It wasn't your fault that thing blew up on you, Rodney. You're a scientist, and how many other times have we had stuff that we just had to think a little harder at to initialize? There was no way you could have known that would happen." John's gaze was steady. "Stop beating yourself up over it."

"Hard to do since I’m reminded every day about what happened."

"It was an accident. By their very nature, accidents can't be predicted." John started to say more, but suddenly he got a startled look, jerking just enough to topple himself backwards, crashing to the ground. "Ow. Sheppard here."

Rodney rushed around the lab table, kneeling down next to John. "Are you—"

John was staring at the ceiling, his body sprawled across the floor. "No, sir, I—Yes, I do know that, but—Yes, sir, I'm on my way. Sheppard out." He tapped the radio off. "God damn it. Did the SGC saddle me with every reject the Marine Corps had to offer? Help me up so I can go yell at my men. Ow."

"What happened?" Rodney asked, offering his good hand to John as he tugged the man to his feet before righting the chair.

Wincing, John rolled his shoulders and neck a bit. "Fuck. The idiots got into a fight in the mess, and it escalated. Fortunately a few cooler heads managed to break it up. The perpetrators are in the brig, and Caldwell is pissed and blaming me. Fuck fuck fuck. I'll see you later, okay?"

"I…yes, sure. Not really anywhere I can go." Rodney watched John leave at a run before turning back toward his computer. He didn't really want to turn it back on. He sighed, heading out into the hallway, his attention fixed on his feet and the thoughts running through his head.

"Whoa, careful there, lad." He nearly collided with Carson, who caught his arm and steadied him before they both fell.

"Sorry. Just thinking," Rodney replied, raising his good hand and wiggling his fingers.

"I can see that. Anything Earth-shattering?" The doctor fell into step beside him.

Rodney shook his head. "Marines got into a fight again. Caldwell hit the roof. John was a little tense before he ran out of the labs. What is it about Caldwell?"

Blinking Carson shook his head. "I have'na any idea. I know he seems to dislike Colonel Sheppard on principle, but I get the feeling our John evokes that response in quite a few officers. He's perfect for a place like Atlantis that needs someone capable of thinking outside the military box, but on Earth..."

"I know he doesn't play by the rules, but then a lot of us don't. We're a strange bunch of misfits aren't we?" Rodney turned into the officer's mess—one of the privileges of being senior staff—grabbing a tray to get dinner.

"Aye. For most of us that's not a problem, but John has to straddle both worlds—he's misfit enough to fit in with us and be an excellent military leader for our type of operation, but he has to be mainstream enough to retain his position with the U.S. Military. I'm actually surprised his blood pressure is'na higher."

"He's too laid back to get high blood pressure."

"You of all people should know that some of that's just a front." Carson shook his head, sitting down next to Rodney. "I swear, that man is better at hiding his emotions than almost anyone I've ever met. When he's with you, or talking about you, is about the only time that mask of his ever slips."

"But then it's not about work. It's about us. It's different."

"True." They both looked up as the object currently under discussion wandered in. He looked tired, and didn't seem to notice they were there, heading directly for where the coffee was kept.

Rodney knew what John needed, something they could only do in secret for an hour at a time, something they had done several days ago. He sighed, looking down at the sorry excuse for dinner and realizing he wasn't hungry and his hand was aching.

Carson called out, getting John's attention. Draining one cup of coffee, John refilled and headed over, dropping into a chair next to Rodney. "God, as clichéd as it sounds, are we there yet? These guys are going to be the death of me. I don't suppose either of you smuggled something stronger than coffee into your duffels?"

"We have strong stuff, but none of it is liquid," Rodney commented quietly, playing with his food and trying not to think about John's cock.

Sighing, John leaned back in his chair again. "Figured. But it couldn't hurt to ask. And you should be eating that, not playing with it. Won't do you much good on the plate."

"And the next time you tilt your chair back like that and end up on the floor you might actually get a concussion."

John glanced guiltily at Carson. "I was startled. Wasn't expecting to suddenly have Caldwell screaming in my ear."

"Do I have to check you over?"

Sighing, John shook his head. "I just fell backwards on the chair earlier. Hit my elbow and I've got a few bruises, but I'm otherwise intact. And you didn't have to say that where he could hear you." John shot Rodney a look that could be called both exasperated and fond at the same time.

"What's the point of saying it where he can't hear me?" Rodney asked, glancing up. "Telling Caldwell is not going to help you if you have a concussion."

"I don't have—" John was cut off by Carson standing up and gesturing at him.

“All right, into the infirmary. I agree with Rodney. If you took a blow to the head, you should get checked. You might as well come along too,” he looked at Rodney. “It’s time to do another check of your hand anyway, and if I have you both there, I can kill two birds, as they say.”

"You checked me after lunch," Rodney complained, but climbed to his feet, leaving his half-eaten dinner on the table as he followed Carson out the door.

They all went down to the infirmary, into the small private room. Carson checked John over completely, making him strip off his shirt to examine the bruises. "Aww, come on Doc. I just fell over. Nothing serious."

"Let me be the judge of that," Carson said, running his fingers lightly over the skin, yellowing in places. John would have some good bruises by morning.

John yelped at one point. "Hey, that hurt!" He glanced over at Rodney, his lip pushed out in a slight pout. "You should come over and comfort me while I'm being poked and prodded."

Rodney shook his head. "It's safer over here and I'm next. I have no intention of angering him. Who knows what kind of Scottish voodoo he'll call down on me."

John pouted a bit more, although the effect was ruined when he winced as Carson found another tender spot. "You won't even hold my hand and tell me it will all be over soon?"

"Oh suck it up, Colonel. I’m finished," Carson said, handing John his shirt as he gestured for Rodney to take Sheppard's place on the bed.

Laughing, John pulled his shirt back on. "So I'm good? Just a few bruises, right?"

"You're fine, but you'll be sore in the morning. Come on, Rodney, let's see to that hand of yours. I saw you wincing at dinner and I know it's bothering you."

"It's fine, just a little ache," Rodney protested as he sat on the bed John had just vacated.

John moved to the other side of the bed, his fingers sneaking in to tangle with Rodney's good hand. "When the TENS is turned off, does it still hurt just as much as before?"

"No," Rodney said, trying not to wince as Carson carefully manipulated his fingers and hand.

Rodney felt the ghost of warm breath against his neck and John turned his head to kiss him softly. "We'll be home soon. Just hang on a little longer."

"I know. Doesn't make it hurt less though."

"I know." John was whispering in his ear, sending little shockwaves of pleasure up and down his spine.

God. He needed John. Needed to touch him, feel him. Needed him so much.

Carson was studiously ignoring the fact that John was nibbling on Rodney's neck. That Rodney had let his head fall forward and to the side slightly to give him access. He seemed to understand that they both needed the connection. Clearing his throat loudly, he looked at both of them. "I have a few tests I want to run. Wait here. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes."

"Wait, Carson," Rodney said, managing to shift away from John.

Raising an eyebrow, Carson stopped. "Aye?"

"Can we…can you…" Rodney felt his cheeks flushing. "I hate to kick you out of your room, but…"

Carson's eyes were understanding. "After we're done here, I think I have a few things that need to be done in the lab. I'll be a bit late tonight—I'll try not to wake you when I come in."

"Can we be done now?"

Looking over both of them, his friend finally nodded. "Aye. There's nothing much more I can do for either of you right now. I'll see you both tomorrow."

"And you said late, right? How late is late?" Rodney asked, already sliding off the bed.

"A few hours." Carson gave him a knowing look.

"Really? Hours? You mean a whole block of hours and minutes?"

Smiling gently, his friend nodded. "Aye, I have some research I'm working on, and I do have a few tests I want to run. Just be careful. We're almost home, so don't get reckless now."

"I know how to do discreet. I'm not the one with the public sex fetish," Rodney said, throwing John a shy smile.

John's eyes had gone a bit dark with arousal. "Mmmm, can you imagine sex in the control room. Overlooking hyperspace. I'd tie you to the command chair..." His lover's expression took on the dreamy cast it got whenever he was plotting new and interesting ways to drive Rodney insane.

"Go already before I change my mind," Carson said shaking his head.

Snapping out of his daydream, John stood. "Thanks, Carson. Come on, Rodney, we can 'watch a movie' since I've had a really crappy day and need some distraction before bed."

Rodney could see the quote marks around those words as John tugged him forward, letting go of his hand once they stepped out of the door.

John had made a point of discussing which movie they should watch, even getting into a brief discussion with one of the ship's crew in the lift about the best ones for a few hours of escapism. But once the door closed behind them, Rodney found himself pushed back against the door hard, John's mouth devouring his.

God. He needed this so badly. Rodney moaned, parting his lips to let John in, letting him plunder his mouth and claim him once again. It had been far too long.

He could taste a bit of John's desperation, and when they parted, panting for breath, his lover stepped back, eyes now completely blown. "Strip. Slowly."

"You could do it for me."

"I want to watch. Strip for me."

Rodney held back a moan, but nodded, tugging the radio from his ear and putting it on Carson's bed after he made sure it was off. His uniform jacket came first as he pulled it from his body, dropping it on the bed on top of his radio. A strip tease was not something he did well so he settled for just removing his clothing one piece at a time. Shoes and socks were next, followed by his shirt. He disconnected the battery pack and pulled the wires off the electrodes, leaving them behind. Then his pants and boxers ended up on the floor, the chastity device, necklace, and the electrodes on his wrist the only things on his body as he stood before his partner.

John hadn't said a word, had just watched with an intensity that made Rodney's breath catch. He was still fully dressed when he finally moved again. "So beautiful. I've missed looking at you, indulging myself like this."

"I've missed you," Rodney whispered, forcing himself to remain still, his hands clasped in the small of his back.

"I know. When we get there, once the rush of settling everyone in is over, we'll go to the room in the un-used section. I'll spend the night doing wicked things to you, making you sob with need. But I won't let you come. Not for a long time. Not until the need to come is so strong it hurts. But for now—" He trailed a hand down Rodney's chest, flicking a nipple. "For now we'll take what we can get."

Rodney moaned again, pleading words dripping from his mouth.

John just raised his hand to trace the same light path down Rodney's chest again, this time flicking the other nipple. He dropped it lower, tracing over the cage. "I'm going to fuck you soon. You're going to bend over and put that pretty ass on display for me, hands on the bed. The walls here are thin, so unfortunately you're not going to be able to make those sexy noises for me."

"Please, John," Rodney whispered, needing to feel John filling him, thrusting into him, taking him.

Moving to the desk, John pulled a small Swiss Army knife from the top drawer. Rodney watched as John deftly cut through the plastic of the zip tie locking the chastity device in place, watching him pull it free. His cock immediately swelled and hardened under his lover's gaze. John purred, using just the tip of his finger to draw light circles on the very tip of the head. "Carson said we have a few hours. So you aren't going to come the first time I fuck you. You're going to wait, hard and leaking and holding back your orgasm. You aren't going to come until I'm ready to fuck you a second time."

"John, god, please, John," Rodney begged, not really knowing what he was asking, his body shivering and trembling under John's light caresses.

"Turn around, hands on the bed, legs spread as wide as you can get them."

Rodney moved, bending over and offering his ass to John, his head hanging between his arms as he shifted his stance. John, however, kicked his legs open a little further, spreading him wider.

"Hold that position. Don't move. Don't touch your dick. Don't come."

"John, please."

"You heard me." He heard the snick of a cap being opened, and a moment later a slick finger was slipping inside him.

He was tight and John's lube-coated finger was cold, making him tremble even more. He pushed back slightly, feeling John's finger slide in deeper before it was removed entirely.

"I told you not to move." There was the light sting of a hand coming down on his ass. "I don't have the resources or the time to tie you down. But you're going to behave as if you can't move. Understand?"

Rodney yelped at the strike on his ass, but he nodded, knowing John needed this as much as he did.

"Good boy." The finger was back, slipping deep inside him to stroke against his prostate.

He shuddered hard, trying desperately not to shove himself back even though he wanted to, needed to. He moaned long and low, already feeling part of him start to slide away.

As a reward for obeying, John worked a second finger in, stretching him gently.

John continued to scissor his fingers, opening Rodney, preparing him for his cock. Three fingers replaced the two and John didn't stop until they moved easily in and out. By that time, Rodney was moaning constantly, his world limited to the feel and sound of John.

When the fingers pulled free, he whimpered, but John rested a hand on his back. He heard the sound of BDUs being opened, and then John was pushing inside, claiming him. When he felt the scratch of fabric against his thighs, he realized John was still completely dressed, had just opened his pants enough to pull his cock out.

Oh god. Rodney felt him slide down again, feeling John filling him, taking him, claiming him with every stroke.

While he wasn't cruel, Rodney could tell John needed the release as much as he did—after giving Rodney a moment to adjust; he discarded his usual slow pace for a fast, hard fucking. At that pace it didn't take long until the tell-tale warmth spread inside him, accompanied by a long, low moan ripped from John's throat.

John collapsed against him—nearly sending them both to the bed but Rodney was able to stay upright. Panting hard against his back, John's uniform awakened every nerve in Rodney's body as he shifted, still sheathed completely within Rodney.

It didn't take him long to recover, snaking a hand around to stroke Rodney's rock-hard cock. He hummed his approval. "Very, very good. So fucking perfect..." Moving slowly, he stood, pulling out.

Rodney shuddered hard at John's touch, moaning low as come dripped down the back of his thighs. "Please, John…please."

A warm, callused hand settled on his back, rubbing in short circles. "Patience. I'm going to clean you up right now. You'll be allowed to come, but not yet."

"Need you, please, John." Rodney words were whispered, desperate.

Hot lips brushed against his back before John moved completely away. "Don't move. I'll be right back."

Rodney whimpered at the loss of contact, but remained in place, his body shaking and trembling with need and want.

It didn't take John long, returning with a warm washcloth and cleaning away all traces of his own come from where it had dripped down Rodney's legs and from between his ass cheeks. Then he guided Rodney to stand, turning him to kiss him gently. "Love you."

Rodney slid his arms around his still fully-clad lover, pulling him tightly against him, returning the kiss with a desperateness that surprised even him.

John's hands roamed, finding every one of his hot spots as they kissed, playing his body like an expert and driving him higher and higher while holding him back from falling over the edge.

When John hit a particularly sensitive spot, Rodney shuddered hard, whimpering into John's mouth. Nothing his lover was doing was enough to send him over. It was just enough to keep him right on the edge, driving him crazy.

Moving away from his lips, John latched on to the almost-faded mark on Rodney's shoulder, sucking and licking and nipping until it was a vivid purple again. "Mmmm, mine. So perfect. You're so good, doing so well. Just hang on for me, just let go and let me make you feel good."

Rodney shuddered again—John's voice and his touch and his words helping him to spiral downward until there was nothing except the feel and sound and taste of his lover. John carefully moved them, finally settling them on the bed, stretching out over Rodney.

John set up an all-out assault on his body, kissing and licking every square inch he could reach. Every time he moved, Rodney could feel the scratching of material against his overly-sensitive skin.

After John had ensured no patch of skin was left out, he moved back up. Rodney's nipples were lavished with attention until they were both red and swollen and even the feeling of John's breath across them sent tremors through his body.

His body shuddered and trembled of its own accord as he lost himself within the sensations, endorphins and pleasure flooding through his body and mind.

In a sudden move, John sat up, moving off Rodney. With a whimper he opened his eyes to see his lover quickly undressing, shedding his clothes and reveling lean lines and a hard body—one part in particular was slowly filling and lengthening once more.

Rodney wanted to touch, but his body wasn't cooperating any longer, no longer obeying any of his commands, only listening to John's touch, John's words.

Crawling back on the bed, John sat with his legs spread wide, gesturing for Rodney to come over. He moved slowly, unable to do anything but obey. John arranged him so his back was against his lover's chest, giving John free access to touch.

"In a minute you're going to rise up and sink down on me. You're going to ride me just like this, but because of the position, I'm the one setting the pace. You're going to move slow and sweet while I jerk you off. And you aren't going to come until I tell you to."

Rodney moaned, his fingers digging into John's thighs.

Tweaking both nipples, John didn't let up until Rodney was panting hard, fighting not to squirm away, pain and pleasure mixing into one heady rush of sensation. He was only vaguely aware of being guided up, and then he was sinking down onto John again, being filled, claimed.

He moaned, a little louder than before, only to find John's hand over his mouth, his voice whispering in his ear.

"As much as I love to hear you make noise, the walls here are a little on the thin side. I wish we had the noise-canceling collar with us, but since we don't..." He slipped a finger into Rodney's mouth, slowly finger-fucking it in time to the measured strokes along Rodney's cock.

He whimpered at the sensations, holding onto John's bare legs as he shuddered within his grasp, trapped between John's hands and his body.

"Fuck yourself on me, Rodney. Move up just enough to get me past your prostate, then sink down again, slowly brushing over that little sweet spot inside yourself. Keep doing it until I tell you to stop."

Rodney shook his head and whimpered, the sensations nearly too much for any kind of coordinated movement.

"It wasn't a request or an option. It was an order." John twisted his hand over the head of Rodney's cock.

Rodney jumped and he yelped, John's hand covering his mouth again. As Rodney's body moved and lifted up, the head of John's cock grazed his prostate eliciting a shudder and a moan.

"Good boy. Keep going." John set up a rhythm fairly quickly, getting Rodney to rise only inches before sinking back down, timing the movements of the hand on his cock and the finger in his mouth to match. Rodney found himself getting overwhelmed and lost in the sensations, his body given over completely to John.

Rodney had no idea how he was doing this, how he was coordinated enough to do this, but he didn't care. Nothing matter except John and what he was doing to him.

Almost without warning, John bit down lightly on his shoulder at the same time his grip on Rodney firmed and sped up. "Come now," he whispered.

Bright lights flashed before his eyes as the pleasure rolled through his body as he shuddered hard and came. He spilled across John's hand and his stomach, clenching down on John's cock as it filled him. John's hand was the only thing that muffled his cry of release. Even as the aftershocks continued to rock his body, Rodney felt his awareness leaving him, darkness settling over him.

When he came back a few minutes later, he was first aware of lying flat on the bed, and he wasn't sticky. A heavy, warm body was draped over him, anchoring him, fingers carding almost absently through his chest hair.

"Mmm."

The fingers still briefly before resuming the petting. "Hey, there. Welcome back." John's voice was soft and full of affection.

Rodney turned his head toward John, letting out a long contented sigh.

John brushed their lips together lightly. "God, I miss this. I miss you."

"Me, too." Rodney was still far too gone to elaborate any further.

"Soon. We'll be home soon, and not living in this fish bowl. Then we can go back to spending most nights together."

"Do we have time now?"

John sighed. "I wish we did. I'm going to have to get you decent and me dressed soon, and head back to my room to sleep."

Rodney finally managed to get his arm wrapped around John, entwining their legs together a little more. "Stay."

"Mmm, I wish I could..." Rodney could hear John caving—he wanted to stay as much as Rodney wanted him to.

"Carson won't care." At least he hoped not.

"If I'm seen coming out of here in the morning..."

"You have an LSD."

"Lorne would know I didn't sleep there. What would I tell him if he asked?"

"You'll figure out something," he said, tugging John closer as he breathed him in.

John made an almost involuntary sound, a soft purr, and Rodney felt him relax into the mattress. "I should at least get our boxers back on, and leave Carson a note."

"I think the two of us asleep in my bed will be a big enough clue even for him."

Chuckling softly, John reached around and tugged the blanket up over both of them. "True." He nuzzled Rodney's shoulder, relaxing even further. "Love you so much, Rodney."

"Mmm…love you," Rodney said, already drifting off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

John hadn't slept this well since they had left Earth, feeling warm and whole and complete, wrapped around his lover, breathing him in and feeling his heartbeat under his palm. So when he was gently shaken awake, he was reluctant to let go of the comfort of sleep. "Wassa?"

"Careful there, lad," Carson said quietly, holding the blankets in place.

"C'son? Times'it?"

"Early. Caldwell's looking for you."

That got him sitting up fast, alarm shooting through him as he remembered where he was. "What? When? Why?"

"Whoa, there," Carson said, turning his head away. "Elizabeth just called me looking for you. Something about the Marines in the brig."

Looking down, John realized he was still very much naked. Shrugging he slipped out of bed—he had no problems with his body, or with people seeing it. Hence the public sex kink. "Fuck. Where're my clothes? I knew staying was a bad idea, but damn it, we both needed some real sleep." He was keeping his voice low enough to not wake Rodney.

Boxers were shoved toward him and John stepped into them, tugging them in place. "I did'na want to wake you but Caldwell is on the early morning war path."

"Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck." Getting his uniform into place quickly, John pulled out his LSD, flicking it on with a mental command. "Does he know I didn't spend the night in my own bed?"

"I don'na know. Elizabeth did'na say much, but I'm sure he tried your radio first. It's off, by the way." Carson was apologetic, but unfortunately that didn't make John feel any better.

Slipping it over his ear, John made a face. "I turned it off last night since I desperately needed a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. Sheppard to Caldwell."

"Caldwell here. I'm still waiting on your report from the incident yesterday afternoon. I know things might be a little more relaxed on Atlantis, but I expect your reports to be submitted on time."

Rolling his eyes, John couldn't believe the man had woken him up at the crack of dawn because of a missing report. "Yes, sir. I was planning on having it on your desk this morning."

"It's morning already, Sheppard, or hadn't you noticed?" Caldwell's voice was cold, holding a note of something more.

Glancing at his watch, John noted that it was only 0530. "Well sir, I generally don't wake up until about 0600. Someone had to come rouse me out of bed. I'll get to work on that report now, and have it to you in the next hour."

"It's also interesting to know that Major Lorne didn't know where you were."

Using the LSD to ensure there was no one in the hallway, John slipped out with a wave at Carson, tucking it away once he was out of the immediate area. "Well, sir, I didn't realize my XO needed to know where I was at all times. Last I checked, he reported to me, not the other way around."

"When your Commanding Officer can't find you then your XO needs to know where you are."

Walking into the tiny space he had been given as an office, John sat down and started his laptop booting up. "I'll keep that in mind next time, sir. I'll be in my office working on that report for you for the next hour or so. Then I'll probably take a bathroom break before heading to the mess for breakfast. I had planned to run through some sparring and training with my new men after that, but disciplinary actions might displace that plan. If anything changes on my schedule, I'll be sure to let both you and the Major know ASAP." John knew he was pushing his luck, but damn it, he had been sleeping well and getting roused for this shit sucked.

"I appreciate your attentiveness to detail, Colonel. Please cc Doctor Weir on your schedule as well. Caldwell, out."

Rolling his eyes again, John opened his email program and shot off a quick email to Elizabeth, Carson and Rodney, CCing Caldwell and Lorne for good measure. He went into an almost obscene amount of detail about what he planned to do today, almost step by step. Bullshit taken care of, he opened his report template and started on his real work.

John was interrupted about an hour later when there was a knock on the doorframe and he glanced up to find a miserable-looking McKay.

"Hey. Come on in." Aware that there were people around, he couldn't say what he really wanted. Gesturing for his lover to shut the door, John leaned back, cracking his back a bit and rolling his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," Rodney said, sliding down into John's guest chair, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "Carson told me what happened when I woke up a little out of sorts."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. Caldwell was being an ass. I slept better last night than I have since we left, and I bet you did, too." John reached over the desk, holding out a hand to twine their fingers together.

"If I hadn't asked you to stay, Caldwell wouldn't be on you."

"Yes, he would have. This isn't your fault. He doesn't like me, and I'm not helping by skirting the line of outright back-talk. I'm surprised he hasn't called me on it yet."

Rodney sighed, glancing down at their fingers. "Thank you."

"Rodney... If I hadn't wanted to stay, I wouldn't have. I wanted to be there as much as you wanted me there. Please, don't feel guilty." He rubbed his thumb across the back of Rodney's hand, wishing he could do more.

"I…I brought the…thing…for you. You never put it back on last night after…" Rodney voice trailed off, his face flushing a little.

John grinned, rising out of his seat and coming around the desk. He dropped to his knees, spreading Rodney's legs so he could settle between them. "You locked the door, right?"

"Uh…no. I didn't know if you wanted—"

Rising quickly, John threw the lock before resuming his position. He slipped the buttons on Rodney's fly, humming to himself as his half-hard lover sprung out. "Mmm, blowjob in my office on the Daedalus, with Caldwell on the warpath. Kinky." His own cock gave a violent twitch at the thought.

Rodney's eyes were wide and very blue. "John, you don't have to—"

"Shhh. I want to. Didn't get to taste you last night." He licked almost delicately at the head, gratified as Rodney started to swell to full erection under his tongue.

"Oh god," Rodney whispered, swallowing his moan as his eyes slid closed.

Chuckling, knowing the vibrations would just add additional sensation, John pulled off long enough to look up at Rodney through his eyelashes. "You can call me John."

"Oh…god, John," he groaned, his body already trembling even before John started doing anything.

"Come whenever you want." Knowing they didn't have the time to draw this out as long as he would like, John got down to business, using every trick he knew to pull Rodney to completion quickly.

And the scientist didn't take long to climax, pulsing into John's mouth less than a minute later, sagging in the chair as he moaned long and low, his body limp and sated.

Satisfied, John licked him clean before pulling the chastity device out of Rodney's pocket and locking it back in place. "Perfect."

Rodney leaned forward, tugging John up before the other man could tuck everything away, kissing him wet and dirty, moaning as he tasted himself on John's lips.

John found himself panting, straining against his BDUs when they broke for air. "Rodney... Need you to... Please..."

"Yesyesyes, of course," Rodney said absently, pushing John up against the edge of the desk as he slid off the chair, his own pants still open as he tugged at the buttons on John's, finally pulling John's cock out through the slit in his boxers. Without any further comment, he took John in fully, tongue and teeth and mouth working quickly.

John let his head fall back, fighting back a moan. He wanted this to last, wanted to feel Rodney for as long as he could. So good, oh god... "Rodney..."

The Canadian paused for a moment, moving so that he was just sucking lightly at the head of John's cock. When John glanced down after a minute of this gentle attention, he saw that Rodney's eyes were closed, his hands held in the small of his back, all his attention focused inwardly and on what he was doing.

Groaning softly, John fought to catch his breath. "So beautiful. Oh God, Rodney..."

The kneeling man simply hummed slightly, slowly taking more of John in his mouth.

Breath catching, John couldn't stop himself from letting his head fall back again, hands clenching on the edge of the desk. "Oh, oh, oh..."

Rodney didn't pause, slowly taking more and more of John until the head of his cock hit the back of Rodney's throat.

Apparently, where he had done fast and dirty, Rodney was going to go with slow and insanity-inducing. Usually they were the other way around. Oh…

And then Rodney simply stopped. Not moving, not sucking, not tonguing. Nothing.

"Oh, please, Rodney..." John didn't care that he was begging. He snaked a hand under his own shirt to fondle a nipple, gasping at the sensation.

Rodney bit down lightly, getting John's attention as he looked up at him through his eyelashes.

Still fondling himself, John dragged his eyes open. "Uunng?"

The look in Rodney's eyes was clear: yours.

John had to work to bring his brain back online enough to give an order. "S..suck me. Make me come."

Rodney started slowly, carefully. Adding his tongue and teeth to the mix as he hummed around John's cock, the vibrations setting John on edge. He worked up and down the shaft, never letting John leave his mouth as he fucked himself on John. The rhythm never altered, as John hit the back of his throat with each and every pass.

Pinching his own nipple hard, John keened softly. "I'm going to... Rodney..." And then he was coming hard, pouring himself down Rodney's throat. His limbs gave out on him, leaving him slumped against the desk.

Rodney held him until the aftershocks abated, licking him clean before pulling off, pressing a kiss to the tip as he leaned his head against John's cloth-covered thigh, his breath floating over John's soft and sated cock.

"I wish every day started this damn good." John curled his fingers through Rodney's hair, petting him, enjoying the way the soft strands felt.

Humming, Rodney nodded, the tip of his nose bumping into John.

Smoothing out the mess he had made of Rodney's head, he gently tugged his lover up, tucking himself away, and then Rodney, before pulling him in for a soft kiss. "So, what's on your agenda for today? I'd tell you mine, but I already sent around an email detailing every breath I take. If I didn't care about my career, I'd revise it to include 'Spec-fucking-tacular blowjob.' Caldwell would just love that." He grinned.

Rodney sighed, leaning heavily against him. "Work in the labs. Lunch. Work in the labs. Dinner. Sleep. Repeat tomorrow."

"Got room for a movie tonight? We'll bring Carson in, and see if we can't corner Elizabeth. She needs a break, and having them both there will make sure we don't have any rumors to deal with."

"I can probably squeeze a movie in."

"Pick something light and fluffy. I know I'll need something easy to watch after today, if Caldwell doesn't get off my ass. I have to hand-deliver that damn report to him soon."

"I'll talk to Carson at breakfast."

"If I can get out of there fast enough, I'll join you guys. No promises though." John nibbled lightly on the corner of Rodney's mouth.

"I know. And I've kept you long enough."

"Mmmm. This is a good distraction. Feel free to interrupt me any time."

He felt Rodney's lips lift in a smile. "Just tell me when."

"Check your email and you can see where I'll be all day. If you need a break, come find me. Otherwise, I'll catch you tonight at dinner, and then we'll head back for the movie. Sound like a plan?"

"Would it be bad if I followed you around all day?"

John laughed softly. "I wouldn't mind it. We could snark at each other, and no one would think anything of it."

"Well, I was thinking of other services actually."

"I might regret admitting this, but the snark is actually kinda hot. Watching you berate your minions always leaves me half-hard."

"Oh, really?"

"And when you get the hand-gestures into it..." Despite himself, John twitched a little. "Very, very hot."

"I'll keep that in mind," Rodney said, and the tone in his voice told John everything he needed to know. Rodney would be using it to his benefit at some point in the future.

He couldn't help but shiver again. He might be the dominant in the relationship, but Rodney held all the power, whether he realized it or not. "You had better go before I recover enough to ravish you again. I do need to finish that report."

"That's not exactly a good incentive for me to go, you know."

Laughing again, John kissed his lover before disentangling them. "This will just give you something to anticipate for later."

"So…see you in an hour?" Rodney's eyebrow rose and the corner of his mouth tilted upward.

Swallowing hard, John claimed another kiss before forcing himself to walk back around his desk. "In an hour I'll be with Caldwell. But you have my schedule—find as many mutual holes as you can."

"I know of one that's desperately in need of some filling."

Groaning, John dropped into his chair, his dick taking an interest despite himself. "Report. If I don't get this done and delivered soon, I'll have Caldwell beating on my door."

Rodney sobered quickly, nodding as he moved to the door. "I'll see you later and thanks again."

"Love you." He said it softly, putting everything he felt in his eyes and his smile when Rodney turned to look back at him.

His lover—partner—flushed lightly, a pleased smile on his face. "Love you. See you later."

As the door opened and Rodney slipped out, John continued to smile, feeling a whole hell of a lot better as he returned to his report. He spent the next forty-five minutes finishing it, then loaded it onto a flash drive and stood, stretching. Time to find Caldwell.

John found him on the bridge bent over a tablet PC as he read some report or other. Caldwell glanced up as John paused next to the main console, but otherwise ignored him.

Still in a good mood, John let his body fall into parade-rest, staring off somewhere over Caldwell's shoulder, waiting.

It was nearly five minutes later before Caldwell acknowledged him. "You're late."

"Didn't know there was a precise time you wanted this. Sir." John held out the USB key.

Caldwell finally looked at him for a long beat before gesturing him forward so he didn't have to move to grab the flash drive. "Everything's on this?"

"Well, sir, it's my report, and the official statements from everyone involved and who witnessed it. Since no disciplinary action has been taken yet, that's not on there, so I suppose it could be considered incomplete." He didn't know why he was provoking the man, but he was in too good a mood to let Caldwell bring him down.

"And when do you plan to have it completed?"

"Well sir, since this is your ship, and your men were involved as well as mine, I thought we should probably discuss the punishments before I handed them out. I didn't think you would want me disciplining your people, and to be fair, everyone involved should get the same punishment."

Caldwell's eyebrow rose and he nodded slowly. "I'll look this over and get back to you with my thoughts."

Nodding, John let himself relax a bit. "I did list my recommendations, but I'm flexible if you have other ideas."

"Very well. Dismissed." Caldwell had pocketed the USB drive and had turned back to his computer.

With a lazy salute, John turned on his heel and headed off the bridge, his mind already jumping ahead. He had been sparring with some of his new men, but so far Lorne was the only one he had done any stick-fighting with. Maybe it was time to host a demonstration for the rest of the Marines. It never hurt to let them know that despite what he looked like, he could kick their ass if the occasion called for it.

Stepping out of the elevator on the floor where the gym facility was located, John nearly plowed into Carson.

"Whoa, Doc!" John grabbed Carson's elbow and twisted, managing to keep them both upright using his own momentum.

"Bloody hell! Where do ya think yer going in such an alright hurry?"

"To the gym to prove I can kick Marine ass when I want to. What are you doing down here?" When he was sure Carson was stable again, he dropped his hand.

"There are some labs on this level and I was doing some research." He paused, looking John over carefully. "I'm sorry about this morning."

Shrugging, John waved it off. "No big deal. I just submitted the report to Caldwell that he wanted. Rodney and I are trying to put a movie night together. If you see Elizabeth, tell her if she doesn't come voluntarily, I'll hunt her down. This is a small ship, it won't take me all that long."

"Aye, Rodney mentioned it breakfast." He glanced around tugging John around a corner before continuing. "I do have to say that I was a mite surprised to see you when I came back from the labs."

"Ah, well, we were...comfortable. And Lorne snores, so I sleep better there..." He hedged, knowing it had been a bit reckless. But he didn't regret staying.

"Aye, I saw. And I hope that you are aware that Colonel Caldwell is looking for something to get you thrown out on your arse."

"I know." John ran a hand through his hair. "Believe me I know. And I can't seem to help antagonizing him. But it won't be a problem much longer. We'll be in Atlantis and we'll only see him once every few weeks."

"And I know I've been giving you mixed signals—helping you one minute and then berating you the next…I'm just tryin' ta help the two of you and I can see how tense and irritable Rodney gets when you're apart for any length of time. I did'na think it possible for him to care about someone more than he does for himself, but you've managed it. Just be careful. We're almost home."

John allowed himself to grin. "I feel the same way about him, I just hide it better. And we do appreciate your help, even if we don't say it all the time. You've been a better friend than I think either of us had a right to expect." Reaching out, John squeezed the doctor's shoulder. "Now, want to watch me teach the Marines stick-fighting? Some of them have been dying for a chance to take a shot at me. Should be interesting."

"And watch as you injure them? No, thank you." Carson chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Besides, I'm not on call so Doctor Allen will be takin' care of those injuries."

Laughing, John let his grin turn a bit feral. "I'll see you tonight then. Don't let Rodney get into any more trouble."

"That's my plan."

With a slightly less lazy salute than he had given Caldwell, John moved into the gym, gratified to see a largish group of his new Marines along with Lorne. "All right, gentlemen, I think it's time you got an introduction to the Athosian fighting style. As I mentioned in the briefings, you don't have to pursue it, but I want everyone to at least give it a shot."

There were some grumbles from the floor and several quiet remarks, but Lorne immediately moved to the center of the mat. "I'll demonstrate with you if you'd like, sir."

Stripping down to his BDUs and tee-shirt, John picked up a pair of the sticks, and handed a second pair to Lorne. "Thank you, Major. Why don't we get started then?"

Over the course of the next several hours, John proceeded to grind every Marine who came against him into the mat. He was grateful for all those hours of training with Teyla—one guy got in a lucky shot, but otherwise he was untouched. Finally, when all the men in the gym had had several chances against him, he called a halt for the day. "Not bad. Not bad at all. Any questions?"

A hand in the back went up.

John nodded to the Marine. "Yes?"

"What does any of this matter…sir?"

"Good question. First, it's damn good all-over combat conditioning. I don't care what type of training you do on a regular basis, doing this regularly will make you ache in places you didn't know you had. Second, everyone carries firearms in the field, but you can run out of bullets, weapons can jam, or hostile natives could disarm you. If you know how to use a few branches on the ground as an effective weapon, you'll never be completely unarmed."

"And the Wraith can suck you dry even before you can get your stick up." The comment came from another Marine in the back of the group.

"That holds true for your P-90, too, but I don't see anyone volunteering to leave those behind. If the Wraith get that close to you, you're probably dead—assuming your team doesn't come to your rescue of course. However, the Wraith aren't our only enemy out there, and for the most part, even when we encounter hostile populations, shooting to kill is a last resort. If you can find a way to get yourself and your team out without killing civilians, I consider that a victory."

"Civilians shouldn't be in the field in the first place." Another comment, equally dark.

John gave him an ironic look. "I wasn't talking about the civilians with you, Adams. I was talking about the women and children living in a hut in the village that takes you captive. Odds are good they had nothing to do with the decision to take you prisoner, so killing them would be a little harsh, don't you think?"

"Not if it gets us out."

"This galaxy already has one race of beings who don't care about anything but themselves and who leave behind mutilated corpses. I don't know about you, but I don't really see a need to become known as the second coming of the Wraith."

"I guess not since rumor has it that you were the one who woke them up in the first place." Another comment floated in from the other side of the group.

John resisted the urge to flinch. That was a low blow. But maybe the truth would help, instead of letting rumors persist.

"There is some truth to that, and yes, I do take our responsibility to help extinguish the Wraith threat a little more seriously because of it. However, the truth of the situation is that we had men taken by the Wraith not long after arriving in Pegasus. Along with a small strike team, I went in to retrieve our guys. We got there in time to rescue all but one—Colonel Sumner. When I located him, he was being drained by a Wraith. I put a bullet through her to attempt to stop it, but she used Sumner's energy, sucking even more out of him, to heal herself. At that point, Sumner was all but dead. He looked like a corpse, and for all intents and purposes was one. Yes, I made a command decision when I caught his eye to put the next bullet through the bitch's hand—and his chest. I was taken captive, but the rest of my strike team got to me before I was drained along with him. We killed them to escape, only later to discover she was something called a caretaker—her death triggered the rest of them to wake up. I don't regret going after my people—I don't leave men behind. Period."

Adams and a few others looked shocked while several other men's faces hardened. John was surprised when Lorne stepped forward. "And that's all history. We're here to do a job not make judgment calls on things we were not involved with. When you find yourself in the same position, then you have the right to comment, but only then."

John shot him a smile. "Thank you, Major. Whatever you think of me, I stand behind my decisions. If you have a problem, you can find me anytime to discuss it, or you can request a transfer off Atlantis and it will be given, no questions asked. I hope you're all open enough to get some first-hand experience before you make snap decisions about me, but if not, I won't stand in your way if you want to leave. And I think that's enough information for you to digest for the day. Dismissed."

The men filtered out leaving John alone with Lorne. "Sorry, sir. I should have warned you about their mood."

Running a hand through his hair, John started tidying up the gym for the next group to use it. "It's not your fault, Major. I'm aware of the rumors about me. That's why I'm willing to answer questions honestly. I'm hoping that will quell some of them at least."

"Unfortunately with some, they're just looking for excuses."

"That's human nature. If we weren't there, we second guess the decisions made. Hell, I was there and I sometimes wonder if I made the right call. But I made the only decision I could at the time, and the burden of waking the Wraith early is mine alone to bear. I'll live with it."

"We just need to make sure they never make it to the Milky Way."

John looked directly at his new XO, letting some of the flippant mask he wore slip for just a moment. "If it comes down to it, Major, I will evacuate Atlantis through the gate back to Earth, and then blow the city into a million pieces. The Wraith Will Not make it to the Milky Way."

Lorne looked at him for a long moment before nodding. "Lunch?"

Slipping back into his lazy, laid-back persona, John grinned. "Sure. I have to get in as many turkey sandwiches as I can before we go back to playing 'guess the food group' again."

The Major chuckled. "You'd be surprised at some of the stuff we had to eat off-world. It makes the SGC commissary look good."

They grabbed their stuff and started for the mess. "Just wait until you start getting neon purple mashed potatoes and pink vaguely-chocolate cake. It keeps you on your toes."

"I'm not sure. The puke-green chocolate cake I had on MX7 has to beat that by far. Oh! And the bright, neon yellow coffee."

"At least you got coffee. I thought we were going to have a geek riot when we ran out. Regular supply runs from Earth are going to go a long way towards keeping everyone sane. Although the price on the black market is going to plummet. Serves the guys who were hoarding right." He chuckled, since he knew Kavanaugh was one of the ones who had a secret stash.

"That's one thing I learned at the SGC. Never take away coffee from the science staff. They get downright nasty."

"You have no idea. Add to that the chocolate shortage, and I kid you not, it was fucking scary for a while. These guys know how to make nuclear bombs, and they're walking around twitching."

"Trust me. The linguists and botanists are worse. And when some of them start growing their own beans…" Lorne shook his head, obviously remembering some incident or another.

Laughing, John grabbed a tray and started filling it with lunch. "Got you a little high, did they? Fortunately I've never had that happen because of one of our own, although I have had a few run-ins with weird shit off-world. Some of the rituals these people require before they'll trade with you swing between plain weird to downright creepy."

"What it is about aliens and sex?"

"Personally, I think the entire galaxy is fucking with us. They all get together and think of new ways to embarrass us. We're probably known far and wide as 'those gullible Lanteans. They'll do anything for food.'"

Lorne laughed, shaking his head. "But that doesn't apply to the Milky Way and they still have strange alien rituals."

"True. Maybe we're just a repressed planet. We need more kinky rituals involving sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll to grow as a people." John managed to keep a straight face for all of ten seconds before he had to laugh again.

"Trust me, sir. Our planet is not as repressed as you think."

"True. We did have Woodstock." John bit into his turkey sandwich—he would never, ever get tired of these.

"And Las Vegas. And Canada."

"Canada? They produced McKay, but I got the impression that was an anomaly."

Lorne's eyebrow rose at that comment. "They have some pretty liberal views on sex up there, sir. I'm surprised the good Doctor hasn't enlightened you yet."

John blinked. "Oh. That. True, I forgot about that for a minute."

"Forgot? How can you forget something like that? For a relatively quiet and polite country, they sure look at things differently."

Shrugging, John took another bite of his sandwich before answering. "Personally, I don't really care about who people choose to sleep with. So other than knowing what our regs are, I don't pay much attention to that stuff."

"Apparently not, sir."

Shrugging again, John wondered, not for the first time, where Lorne really stood on the issue. It wasn't like he could come out and ask. "Doesn't seem like it makes much difference at the end of the day, so why should we care? I know that's not U.S. Military policy, but at the same time, we work with civilians from around the world, not to mention aliens. Getting upset over who fucks who is a bit counter-productive in my opinion."

"I see." Lorne turned to his sandwich, taking a bite.

John decided it was probably a good idea to change the subject. "So, I don't suppose you're a football fan? I get nothing but grief from my team about it, so I have no one to watch the games with."

"I watch," Lorne said with a shrug. "Not really a fan of any team in particular. Moved around too much."

Sitting forward, John nodded. "Same here. But especially now that we can get some of the games included with the supply runs, it would be great to set up times to watch. We already have a city-wide movie night whenever we can squeeze something in between the various crises, but a sports night wouldn't hurt either. Wouldn't even have to be all football—I just need a break from the sappy love stories."

"Doctor Weir calls the shots?"

"When it comes to movie nights? No, none of the senior staff is allowed to choose actually. It rotates among the rest of the residents—when it's your turn, you get to choose whatever you want to watch. It also rotates between science, military and medical staff to keep things fair."

"Huh. So what, there's been a run on chick flicks or are the men just whipped?"

Laughing, John wiggled his hand back and forth. "I'd say it's a toss up. I think the women were bribing some of the men to play their movies—for a while the black market was hopping. But some of the science staff, like Zelenka, go for some really odd shit. You walk out not knowing if you just watched a romantic comedy or a horror flick."

"I’m surprised there's no porn."

"I didn't say there was no porn, but so far no one's had the balls to choose that for the main feature. All the laptops are equipped to play DVDs, so I'd imagine most of that is done in private—or with small groups. Besides, do you really want to see porn at twice the normal size? That's a little frightening actually."

Lorne chuckled. "You'd be surprised, sir."

"Porn was meant to be viewed on tiny screens while breathing heavily. I don't think I could watch it in a group of several hundred on a movie-theatre sized screen. That's just wrong on so many levels." John chuckled.

"Certainly gives new meaning to neighborhood watch."

Laughing out loud again, John finished his lunch and stood up. "You are a sick bastard, Lorne—I like you." He clapped the other man on the shoulder. "Enjoy the rest of your day."

"Will do, sir." The Major offered a smile as John walked out.

The next few days passed in a blur. There was a Wraith-made virus trying to kill his lover, trying to kill them all, and killing it proved to be a bitch.

More than once, John found himself fighting down the need to confine Rodney to his room, to keep him safe. But as much as he wanted to, this was part of McKay’s job. John wouldn’t take that from him, any more than he would appreciate Rodney preventing him from protecting his people. He would just quietly panic every time his lover was in danger, and fuck him senseless to reassure them both they were alive at the first available opportunity—not that he had gotten that chance yet.

Finally, with some fancy maneuvers—okay, he had wanted to fly a 302, but this wasn’t what he had in mind—the damn thing was dead. John set a course for the ship, checking in with the bridge before going to a private, in-ship connection. “Rodney? You okay back there?”

"Fine."

"We'll be back on board the ship in a few minutes. We'll both have to have a post-op physical by Beckett, make sure we didn't suffer any damage. I didn't bang you around too much, did I?"

"I said I was fine."

"That wasn't what I meant." He sighed, but even being unsure of his lover's mood couldn't take the absolute thrill out of flying this beautiful machine for John. For most of his life, flying had been better than sex, and while that wasn't true any longer, it was still a close second.

"I think I'm sun burnt."

"Yeah, me too. Sorry about that. It was the only thing I could think of to kill it and keep us alive. But hey, we'll be the envy of everyone that we managed to get a tan on board a space ship."

"I turn beat red, blister, and peel. It's not pretty or pleasant. Do you have any idea of the amount of radiation we were exposed to?"

"I'll put lotion on you once Beckett clears us. And a lot. But not a fatal dose." He wished he could reach back to reassure Rodney, but he needed to keep his attention on where he was flying. "God this thing is responsive. I've never flown anything like it before."

"Didn't stop you from throwing us all around creation. You could have killed us, you know."

"Even with inertial dampeners, it couldn't be helped. This actually isn't as bad as in a fighter jet on Earth. There you pull some serious Gs. But I knew what I was doing. I'm a fighter pilot, Rodney. Flying jets like this is what I was trained to do, even if I don't get to much anymore."

Rodney didn't answer and John wished he could see his lover's face.

"Rodney?"

"I said I was fine. Can we just be back already?"

"We're almost there. I'll start the landing sequence in a minute. I wish Caldwell would let me take one of these out when there isn't a Wraith virus trying to kill us. I could have a lot of fun just flying."

"Is it hot in here?"

"No. Temperature controlled." His radio crackled. "Sheppard, here."

"Sir, we need you to hold up for a few minutes. We're having some problems re-pressurizing the X302 bay. Hermoid is working on it."

"Roger that. I'll take up an orbit around the ship."

"We'll contact you when the problem is resolved."

"Roger. Sheppard, out." Well, since this was probably his only chance to fly one of these anyway... "Hey, Rodney, they're working to repressurize the bay—they'll notify us as soon as we can dock. Until then, we get to joyride."

"Are you sure they don't need any help? Maybe they could…you know…beam me out. I could help them with it."

"Control, this is Sheppard. McKay wants to know if you can beam him out of the 302 and into the ship so he can assist with repairs." He knew this was one thing he was probably never going to be able to share with Rodney, so he might as well try to get his lover somewhere he was more comfortable.

"It would take a few minutes to calibrate," came the reply. "The sensor usually used to triangulate positions was destroyed. We'd have to focus on his radio."

"How dangerous is that? I know you had to do it for me earlier, but I'd rather you didn't kill my Chief Science Officer when I've gone to all the trouble of keeping him alive the past forty-eight hours."

"Well, we'd have to get Hermoid off the other problem to get it right and I’m not sure he's in a position to be interrupted. The bay should be repressurized shortly."

"Roger that. I'll let him know he's stuck with me a little longer. Sheppard, out." He refocused back on his lover. "Sorry, Rodney. I tried. But they need Hermoid working on the bay—they did promise to have us back inside shortly." Giving in to temptation, John swooped a little as he orbited the ship, keeping it fairly easy so as not to alarm Rodney.

"Are you sure it's not warm in here?"

"I'm sure. Close your eyes and pretend we're back in the apartment. Maybe it will help you forget about being stuck in here for a few minutes."

"There's enough air, right? We don't have to worry about air? Or do we? How much air does one of these ships hold? Is it enough for two…well obviously the fighter seats two, so there should be enough air for two people, but…well, you know, there's two of us and we were flying all over…"

"There's more than enough air, I promise. We'd have to be up here for several hours breathing really heavy before it would be a problem, and it isn't going to take them that long to fix the bay. We're fine. I'm not going to crash us or put us in any danger—I'll get you back on solid ground safe and sound as soon as I'm given the all-clear."

"But we were swooping and diving and spinning before. I'm sure we had to have jarred something lose because it's warm in here but you keep telling me that it shouldn't be warm. And…and it might have knocked out an air hose."

"I have a whole bunch of sensors in front of me that would tell me if we had knocked anything loose. And there are back-up sensors for the back-up sensors. I know it's a little close in here, but just think about me okay? Close your eyes and think about me and that I know what I'm doing. I'll keep you safe."

"But you told me before that there was a limited amount of air and now it's getting hot in here so I'm just trying to figure out why that's happening. Maybe I have sunstroke. We got awfully close to the sun and I am red and I'll probably start peeling soon. And people die from sunstroke. Maybe I’m dying—"

"You aren't dying, you're just having a hard time with how small the plane is. My temperature gauge says it's a pleasant seventy-two degrees inside the cabin—and it's been steady at that since we got started. Please, Rodney, close your eyes and take deep breaths for me."

"But the air! We have limited air in here and deep breathing uses much more air and since we're already short on air, breathing deeply will just make matters worse and making matters worse is not something I want to do right now."

"We have plenty of air—enough for you to take deep breaths for a few hours if you need to. Which you won't because it isn't going to take them that long to pressurize the bay."

"Are you sure it's not hot in here? I feel hot and a little lightheaded…maybe we're already suffering from oxygen deprivation and we don't even know—"

"I've had oxygen deprivation, so I'm qualified to tell you this isn't what it feels like." John hit his radio on. "Sheppard to control. Any word on how much longer this is going to take? McKay is pretty anxious to get his feet back on the ground."

"We're still working on it, Colonel. We would have let you know if something had changed."

"Roger that. Sheppard, out." With a sigh, he went back to swooping. There wasn't much he could do for Rodney right now.

"John?" McKay's voice was quiet and John realized it had been for several minutes.

"Yeah? I'm here, buddy." He banked a little, loving the feel of the ship around him. Tearing himself away from the adrenaline rush, he put them back into a sedate orbit.

"I’m not feeling so good."

"Oh, god. Control this is Sheppard. Please tell me you stashed barf bags in these things, and tell me where they are. McKay is a bit woozy."

The sergeant laughed in his ear. "It's a fighter, Colonel."

"So that would be a no then, huh? I guess making use of what will probably be one of my only non-combat times up in one of these with a non-fighter pilot in the back wasn't such a hot idea."

"Probably not, sir, but you didn't have much choice." There was a pause before the sergeant came back on. "I have the go ahead from Hermoid. Come back home and let the good Doctor know we'll have a medical team standing by."

"Thanks, control. I'm initiating landing sequence now." He switched back over to the private channel. "Rodney? We've been given the go-ahead to land. Just hang in there a few more minutes, and we'll have you in Beckett's hands."

McKay didn't answer.

"Rodney?"

When John didn't get an answer a second time, he tried to hurry the landing sequence, but most of it was programmed in, leaving him very little—read none—wiggle room.

"Control, my passenger is unresponsive. Please alert the medical team of a possible emergency on landing."

"Will do, Colonel. Doctor Beckett is on his way to the bay and will be there to meet you."

"I appreciate it. I'll be up to debrief as soon as I'm cleared."

"Colonel Caldwell said to take your time."

"Thanks, control. I'll keep that in mind."

It only took a few more minutes to finally land in the bay, a hand signal from the controller indicating it was safe for him to pop the top of the X302. As soon as he could, John was out of his belts and kneeling on the seat, turned around to check on McKay.

His lover's eyes were open, but unfocused. He was breathing. His heart was beating. He just wasn't here.

Oh fuck. Not this again. "Beckett! Get your ass up here." He felt the edges of panic, oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.

The ladder was just now banging against the side of the fighter, Carson at his side a moment later. "What…oh damn—"

"He's checked out again. Fuck fuck fuck. Fix this. Bring him back."

"I don'na have a magic wand. What happened out there?" Carson had shoved John to the side, his hands on Rodney's wrist checking his pulse, obviously trying to ground him.

"He was starting to have a panic attack about the enclosed space. I couldn't get to him, and I did what I could to reassure him, but... I got us back here as soon as I could."

"I know you did. Let's get him out of here and down to the infirmary."

They had gotten the safety harness off and Rodney half way out of the cockpit when John noticed the first change: a small twitch of muscle. By the time John glanced up at his lover's face, he noticed Rodney's eyes were closed tightly, mouth a thin line.

He cursed the regulations that prevented him from gathering his lover into his arms and comforting him. Instead he had to settle for just being nearby. "Hey, buddy. Just relax and let Beckett take care of you, all right?"

"John?" the word was quiet, and Sheppard wasn't sure he had been imaging it in the first place or not, but when Beckett leaned in he knew he hadn't.

"Rodney, lad, you back with us?"

John moved as close as he could while they were both still in the jet. "I'm right here, Rodney. We're back on the ground—no more swooping. Just relax, let Beckett get you to the infirmary."

"Aye, listen to John. But whatever help you can give us to get you down on the ground would be good. I have a gurney waiting for you at the bottom."

They got a brief nod and Rodney took some of his own weight, making their job a little easier. He was not talking, his body trembling lightly, but he was at least responding to commands.

Once they got him out and settled, John looked around. He spotted Lorne nearby and started to turn to talk with him and get an update of what had happened while they had been on the 302, but a hand on his arm stopped him.

"We'll let you know what happens," Carson said quietly, his staff already wheeling Rodney out of the bay.

John nodded tightly. "I have to have a post-op check, and debrief. Afterwards, I'll be down to check on him."

Beckett nodded, his face closed, professional. He offered a tight smile before heading after Rodney.

John saw one of the nurses—damn, the one who didn't like him—heading his way. He ducked over to Lorne, hoping he would have a few minutes before she collected him. "Can you confirm that we killed this thing?"

Lorne nodded. "We did, sir. Hermoid reported the systems are clean. The Colonel has asked for a few repairs before we start moving again. We should be at Atlantis early tomorrow morning."

"Excellent. I don't know how long I'm going to be tied up in debrief and with McKay—he had a panic attack in the cockpit. Fortunately, he waited until everything was over, but I still want to check in on him. Put our guys on notice that as soon as I'm free, I want to have a final debrief with them before we arrive and get beamed down."

"He has good timing at least," Lorne said tightly. "I'll let the men know about the debrief."

"That's McKay for you. He'll drive himself until the job is done, then panic afterwards. He works better under pressure anyway. And good. I'm guessing it will be in a few hours. Also, after the formal debrief with everyone, I want everyone with the ATA—naturally or through the therapy—to stay. Once we're in sight of Atlantis I'd imagine she's going to want to say hello, and I'd rather have you all in one place where I can keep an eye on you when it happens."

"Who will say hello? We're already met Doctor Weir." The words were slow, Lorne's body tense.

John spared his XO a grin. "The city. Don't be alarmed if I go blank for a minute or two. She usually hits me hard when I come back after being off-world for a few days, and this has been a long enough absence that she'll want to check to make sure I'm all here and in one piece. She'll do it to everyone with the ATA, getting to know you."

Lorne's eyes widened, and he gave John a look that seemed to indicate that maybe John should be seeking some kind of professional help. "I'm going to go and tell the men about the meeting. So, about twelve hours from now?"

John grinned. His XO would just have to see for himself. "Unless you hear otherwise, yes." He saw the nurse closing in on him. "And I think my stay of execution is about to run out."

"Colonel Sheppard!"

He turned, pasting on what he hoped was a somewhat charming smile. "Ma'am."

"Doctor Allen is waiting for you in the infirmary." The words were clipped as she stopped before him, arms crossed over her chest, apparently annoyed that she had to play messenger.

"I'm on my way there now, ma'am. I just needed to have a quick chat with the Major here."

"It certainly didn't look like you were on your way."

John caught Lorne smirking out of the corner of his eye, and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. With a short salute to the Major and a small bow to Nurse Dragonbreath, John turned on his heel and headed down towards the infirmary.

John was directed to the Daedalus doctor, a quiet man with thinning brown hair. "Colonel, I see Nurse Hathaway was able to find you."

"Yes, sir. I had to stop to give a few orders before I headed here. But I'm all yours now." He hopped up onto the infirmary bed.

Doctor Allen immediately got to work, checking his lungs and heart as he rattled off questions. "Are you feeling any ill effects from your flight? Dizziness? Nausea? Double-vision? Tremors? Black-outs? An unexplained urge to fly into the sun?"

The last question startled a chuckle out of John. "Nope to all of the above."

"Good," he said dryly, already moving to take a blood sample. "Feel good to fly?"

John couldn't help the wide smile at that. "Oh god, yes. And she handles beautifully. I love my jumpers, but I didn't realize how much I missed pulling Gs until I was in the cockpit again." He started to warm up to the subject when the doctor cut him off.

"Good. You sound fine. If there's any issues with your blood-work I'll let Doctor Beckett know."

He hopped off the bed, pulling his shirt back on. "Thanks, Doc. Any idea where they took McKay? I'd like to check on him before I head to debrief."

"Ask Broom Hilda…eh…Nurse Hathaway."

Laughing, John clapped the man on the shoulder. "I'll brave it. Thanks." He stepped out into the hallway, spotting the nurse in question. "Miss Hathaway? Can you point me towards McKay?"

She glanced up and scowled. "Did he request your presence?"

"Probably. He was confused before when he woke up in the bay and asked for me. I'd like to see how he's doing before I debrief."

Hathaway's frown only deepened. "Did Doctor Beckett request your presence? If he didn't, then I suggest you wait until such time that he does."

With a soft sigh, John hit his radio on. "Sheppard to Beckett."

It took a moment for him to respond. "Beckett, here."

"I'm not allowed to come check on Rodney unless you request my presence. Would you mind letting Nurse Hathaway know that I can stop by?"

"Ah…yeah. That might be good. Beckett, out."

John was staring at the nurse for a long moment, until Doctor Allen stepped out from behind him. "Colonel? Doctor Beckett is looking for you. He's in room three."

Breaking eye contact, John threw the doctor a grateful smile. "Thanks, Doc. I'll head there now."

"Do you need directions? I know the medical facility can be a bit complicated. I'm sure Nurse Hathaway can show you the way if you need her to." Allen smiled, but the tone of his voice was clearly an order to the Nurse.

"I think I can find it. It's where Beckett had him before, right?" John didn't know why this nurse disliked him so much. He wondered what had sparked it.

"In the same area, yes."

With a nod of thanks, John headed in that direction. He figured he had another half-hour, at most, before Caldwell would start looking for him. It didn't take him long to track down Beckett, and with him Rodney. "Hey, Carson. How is he?"

Carson was standing at the bedside—with Rodney in scrubs—when John walked in. "I'll be right back, Rodney," the Scot said, gesturing John into the hall.

Blinking, John followed. "Carson...?"

"He's better. Still a little rattled, but better. I'm going to have to recommend he talk to Kate when we get back."

John ran a hand through his hair. "Was it my fault?"

"Did you purposely put him in a small space?"

"We didn't have a choice. It was get in the 302 or die when the bay decompressed. But I was, ah, taking the opportunity to fly a little while we were in a holding pattern. I couldn't get to Rodney, so there wasn't anything I could do for him. I kept it pretty sedate, but..."

"John, it wasn't you. Rodney knows he's claustrophobic and sometimes it gets the better of him."

Sighing, John glanced back at the door. "Has he come out of his trance completely?"

"Yes. I gave him a slight sedative to help calm him down. Surprisingly, his hand isn't bothering him at all. I’m going to keep him for a few hours and once we get to Atlantis I need to run a full check on him. I have to report what happened in the X302, so visits with Kate will probably be required for a while."

"Fuck." John was suddenly exhausted. The last few days had been long, and now the adrenaline was starting to wear off. "Can I see him for a minute? I'm going to have to debrief soon, and then I need to debrief my own men. And then I need to prep the new ATAs for the approach to Atlantis. I don't think they really believe me that they'll be able to feel her."

Carson sighed and nodded. "He'll be fine, John. I think he's a little embarrassed by the whole situation, too, so that's not helping."

"He has nothing to be embarrassed about. He's not a fighter pilot, and he was forced to be one for a while. He wasn't trained for that kind of environment."

"Doesna matter. He needs to work that out with Kate, too."

Nodding, John followed him back into the room, moving immediately to Rodney's side. "Hey, there. Doc says you're feeling a little better now."

Rodney opened his eyes slowly, giving John a lazy smile. "Yeah. Sorry. Kinda…" He half-raised his hand, wiggling his fingers a little.

Glancing up to make sure it was just them and Carson, and the door was closed, John leaned down, bushing his lips across Rodney's. "You did good. You solved the problem, and you kept it together until the crisis was over. No one will blame you for crashing a little after the fact."

"I sat in the back of a fighter and freaked out. Yes, I see how well I did." The words were Rodney, but the delivery was slow and soft. The drugs were certainly slowing him down.

"You're not a pilot and you had to sit back and just hold on while I did some risky flying. You did good." He worked a hand under Rodney's scrub shirt, letting it rest against his chest. They both needed the skin-to-skin contact.

Rodney closed his eyes, turning his head away. "I'm tired."

"I know. And I don't have long. I have to go take care of some things before we arrive in Atlantis, and then I'll have to settle the new guys—and you're going directly to the infirmary when we arrive. If I don't see you again before that, I'll come find you there and take you home tomorrow night."

"And Colonel?" Carson said when Rodney didn't respond.

John began to swipe his thumb in circles against Rodney's chest, needing his lover to be okay. "Yes?"

"You may want to remove…" Carson's voice dropped off, his cheeks flushing.

"Hmmm?" John glanced up, confused. "Remove what?"

"I had to change Rodney into scrubs and I noticed that he was still wearing…" He blushed again as his voice settled into a whisper.

Blinking, John suddenly got it. He smiled softly. "Ah. That. Okay, I can take it off if you need me to."

"I'll give you five minutes," Carson said, patting Rodney's arm before heading out of the door.

John didn't waste time. As soon as the door closed, he half climbed onto the bed, pressing into Rodney and nibbling lightly at his neck.

Even drugged, Rodney wasn't having any of it. "Off off off!" He ordered, his blue eyes now open wide as he struggled sluggishly to shove John off.

Sitting up, John looked at him in surprise. "Rodney? What's wrong?"

"Just…" He took a deep breath. "I can't…please."

Trailing a finger along his lover's jaw, John nodded. "Tell me what you need."

"Air. Need to be able to breathe."

Sighing, John slid off the bed. "All right. I need to take your chastity off for Carson."

Rodney nodded, gulping loudly, hands fisted in the sheets.

Using just the tips of his fingers, John touched, trying to ground his lover, give him something to focus on as he pulled the scrub pants down.

McKay shifted, his arm rising to rest over his eyes as he let out a long breath. "Sorry."

"It isn't your fault. You did a good job out there. You thought on your feet, you solved the problem. You have nothing to be sorry about—this is the adrenaline from the last few days catching up to you."

"…stupid phobias catching up."

"There isn't anything you can do about those. You manage them really well. But that was a really small space, and you had to rely on someone else to keep you safe. It's not surprising it triggered a reaction. Hell, some pilots have that reaction the first few times they go up in a jet." John carefully removed the plastic device, tucking it into his jacket.

"Hate it."

"I know. But you're safe now. Just relax and let Beckett take care of you, and as soon as I can get free on Atlantis I'll come for you."

Rodney dropped his arm, turning his face away from John, his eyes closed.

John moved around the bed, cupping Rodney's face gently and without much pressure. "I love you."

Rodney opened his eyes—bloodshot and miserable. "I'm sorry."

Kissing him so lightly it was more a sharing of air, John whispered, "Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Let you down."

"No, you didn't. I'm very proud of you, the way you handled yourself. You did a good job."

"No," Rodney said, his eyes closing as he shut himself off from the conversation. John could almost feel him drawing away. "No, I didn't."

Dragging a thumb across the scientist's cheek, John shook his head. "Yes, you did. Just because afterwards it all came crashing down on you doesn't mean you didn't do a good job. You figured out how to kill that thing, and you executed on the plan. We're still alive—you did a good job."

Rodney only shook his head, refusing to comment further.

Sighing, John kissed him again, a little harder this time. "I have to go. But it's not because I want to, or because I don't want to be here. I have to debrief Caldwell, and then prep my men for arrival."

"So go."

"I don't want to leave you like this."

Rodney chuckled humorlessly, bitterly. "Not changing anytime soon."

"I don't want to leave you thinking I'm anything except happy with you."

He sighed, opening his eyes. "Just go. You have work to do."

"Let me kiss you. Really kiss you. Tell me it's not going to make it harder for you if I do."

"It's not going to make it harder."

With a soft noise, John leaned down, sliding his tongue along the seam of Rodney's mouth, asking for permission. He wanted to take, to claim, but he wasn't willing to send his lover into another panic attack.

After a few seconds, John could feel him relax slightly, his lips parting for John.

Diving in, John took it slow, tasting and letting Rodney taste. It was more sensual than heated, and he tried to keep them both locked there for as long as he could. It wasn't until he felt a light touch on his lower back that he slowly broke the connection. "Carson?"

"Aye. Just me. I need to have Sara draw some blood."

Nodding, John brushed his lips across Rodney's one last time. "And I need to go get to work. I'll come for him on Atlantis as soon as I can get free."

"He may be mobile before that, but we're going to keep an eye on him for a few hours," Carson said as John finally stepped back, leaving Rodney relaxed against the mattress and pillow, eyes closed, his breathing not too bad.

"Sounds good. Take care of him for me." He squeezed Rodney's leg. "I'll see you later, buddy."

With another sigh, John headed out, making his way to the bridge. The next few hours were a blur of meetings and preparation for arrival, not to mention cleaning up the outstanding messes from the virus. God, this trip had sucked.

From meetings he retired to his office, completing paperwork that needed to get done, and drinking about a gallon of coffee to keep him conscious until Lorne radioed him that the men were assembled. Since he had just gotten word that they were an hour out from Atlantis, he saved all his work, packed his laptop, and headed down.

When he arrived, he noted an odd atmosphere, but was too tired to deal with it so he ignored it instead. He gave final briefing notes about arrival, and informed everyone that the official 'Welcome to Atlantis' orientation would be at 0800 tomorrow, and would include all new personnel from all sectors. Dismissing them, he turned to his ATA carriers. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, you're about to be welcomed to Atlantis. It won't be a hostile presence, so when you feel it, don't fight it. It's just the city identifying you."

John heard a muffled chuckle, but he ignored it. They wouldn't think he was a crack-pot for long.

The overhead speaker came to life, Caldwell's voice echoing through the ship. "Attention, all personnel. We will be arriving at Atlantis in ten minutes. Please prepare for departure."

As soon as the sound died, John could already feel Atlantis as they dropped out of hyperspace. It was an instant awareness of her.

Tension he didn't even know he had melted away as the city moved back in, filling in the cracks and holes. He smiled, relaxing into it, letting her welcome him home.

A muffled "holy crap" got his attention quickly.

Opening eyes he hadn't realized he had closed, John looked around. Quietly, he took in his people, who had a variety of reactions. "Welcome to Atlantis."

Lorne looked a little pale, but he moved forward confidently. "Please prepare for disembarkation. Everyone should have their orders for the next seventy-two hours."

"Myself or any of the other carriers already in the city will be available if you have any trouble. You can get someone via the radios, or got to the control room and they can track someone down for you."

As the men moved out, looking dazed, John turned to his XO. "Let's head to the bridge, Major. You're beaming down with Elizabeth and me. I'll give you the two-cent tour of the city, then I'd like you to sit in on the Atlantis briefings getting us up to speed."

Lorne nodded. "Of course, sir."

They joined Elizabeth, Carson and Rodney on the bridge, and from the looks on his friends' faces, Atlantis was welcoming them home too. The familiar beam hit them, and then with a rush they were standing in Atlantis again. Home. The new people were milling around, some looking more stunned than others. John was just glad to be back where he could control his environment with his mind.

Along with his fellow senior staff, John met Teyla and Zelenka at the top of the stairs, their smiles wide. They talked briefly, greeting each other. Rodney and Carson headed off, he took the reports Teyla had prepared for him and then moved off, collecting his XO along the way. "All right, Major. We'll run by my office, and then I'll show you around. How are you adjusting to the city?"

"Good. I think. It's…weird."

Chuckling, John nodded, smiling happily as the hallways lit up for him and the doors opened as they approached. "God, I missed this. You have no idea how many doors I ran into before I got used to having to manually open them again on Earth."

They stepped into his office—well, the one closest to the control room anyway—where he dropped off his laptop and the reports.

"The whole city's like this?" Lorne was standing in the hallway still, looking around.

"Yup. She's not exactly sentient, but she does have a sort of awareness. It's stronger in the control chair, but she's always there, in the back of your head when you're in the city."

"Doesn't it get…distracting?"

"You get used to it. Most of the time unless I'm thinking about it, I don't even notice it anymore. I only really feel it now because I've been gone so long." Stepping back out, he led the way to the transporters. "These things will get you almost anywhere you need to go. I want to hit the highlights so you can find your way around, but I'll do a more complete tour later."

"Highlights are good, sir."

John took him around the city, smiling and feeling himself relax further as the military and science personnel greeted them, welcoming him home and welcoming Lorne to the family, so to speak. This was one of his favorite ways to take the pulse of the city—by the time they were done, he had not only shown Lorne around, he knew pretty much everything of importance that had happened since he left.

The official welcome by Elizabeth in the main auditorium went well and John spotted Carson and Rodney across the room in the back, leaning against the wall as she went through the rules and regulations of the base, along with giving everyone a warm welcome to the city. Rotating schedules had already been set up for all personnel in an effort to get the new members integrated quickly. Within a week, official work schedules would be set up, but everyone had a week to get themselves settled.

It was starting to get late, and even with Atlantis bolstering him, John was starting to feel the effects of fatigue. "All right, Major. I think I had better call it a day soon, before someone has to admit me to the infirmary. That isn't exactly the welcome home I want. Any questions before I leave you to your own devices?"

"Which way to my quarters?"

Blinking, John suddenly laughed. "Figures I forget one of the more important stops. Hang on, let me check to see where you're assigned." He moved to one of the consoles in the hall, quickly accessing the database that was integrated with their own systems, and looking up the room assignments.

It only took a minute for John to find the information, noting that Lorne was a few hallways away from him, closer to Rodney's quarters than he was.

Ah, irony was a sweet thing. "All right, Major, right this way. The quarters are on the smallish side, but they're private. Right now we don't have enough personnel to need to share rooms, although we have found some bigger suites in another part of the city that may be opened eventually for anyone who wants to share."

"Good to know, sir," Lorne said, falling into step beside John. He was quiet for a minute before speaking again. "The men were surprised yesterday."

Ah. He had almost forgotten that odd mood in the briefing. "Surprised?"

"They didn't expect it of you, or McKay."

He was silent for a moment, considering. "I know people have judged me—and McKay—based on our reputations. But Atlantis—and Pegasus—have a way of changing you. Changing your perspective on life. I still don't have a lot of respect for officers who don't value their men's lives, but I understand now that there are sometimes hard choices you have to make. I hope it's made me a better commander, but I guess that's really a question for the men serving under me."

"It's certainly given most some food for thought."

Nodding, John wondered if Lorne included himself in that number. He'd like to think he earned the loyalty and respect of the men he had commanded over the last year, but the new people—it was harder, in a way, knowing that going home was an option now. "We can only hope it doesn't give them indigestion. Here's your room." He triggered the door to open as they approached.

Lorne turned to him, his eyes wide. "How did you do that?"

"Open the door? Almost all of the city has a mental component. Put your hand on the sensor—we'll key it to you so in the future unless someone with the codes overrides it, no one can open the door but you. Then I'll show you how to work the stuff inside so you can shower and adjust the lights tonight."

"So it will sense me coming and open the door?" Lorne asked as he followed John's instructions, placing his hand on the sensor.

"Not exactly. To open it now, I just gave the mental command to 'open the door'. I wasn't kidding when I said I ran into doors for a good week when we got back to Earth. And forget the lights. I still don't remember to shut them off before I go to bed, since I'm used to being able to trigger them with a thought." He told Atlantis to key this door to Lorne, and after a moment it glowed briefly to show it was done.

"Huh."

"Tomorrow I'll show you the jumpers. Those are even better." Stepping inside, John brought up the lights, pleased to see Lorne's gear had been delivered already.

"The flying Winnebagos?" Lorne walked around the room, ducking his head into the small in-suite bathroom and pulling back the curtains to glance outside. There was no balcony on this room, but the windows were huge.

"They look goofy, but since you fly them mostly with your mind, they are responsive as hell. If you want to adjust the outside light," he thought the windows opaque, then cleared them again, "you can. Lights are the same way, just think at them, and they'll adjust. After a while you'll get comfortable enough that you can kind of picture the lighting level you want, and it will adjust to it."

"Really?" Lorne's eyes were wide, a smile on his face.

Walking into the bathroom, John grinned at him. "Shower works the same way." He turned it on, staying out where he wouldn't get wet. "You adjust the temperature mentally—and hot water is one thing we are never short on. And check this out." He started to hum watching the water pulse in time to it. It was one of his favorite party tricks.

"Okay. I now know why you didn't want to leave."

John laughed, shutting off the water. "It gets better, Lorne. This is just the highlights tour, remember."

"Thanks so much, sir. We have a meeting tomorrow morning, I think."

"We do. There will be a probably extensive briefing both on everything that has happened here since we left—if you haven't already I'd suggest reading the reports we provided the SGC so you have some background—as well as going over everything from staffing changes to team assignments. Sleep well, and have me paged if you need anything."

"I've been through the files already, but I'll make sure to read the updates by the morning. Thanks, sir."

Giving his XO a salute, John grinned. "Welcome to Atlantis, Major."

Lorne took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, a broad smile on his face. "Thanks, sir."

Slipping out, John left the man to his own devices. From what he had seen, Lorne was starting to loosen up. He really did hope he would work out.

Turning to the infirmary, John headed to what he hoped would be his last stop for the night. If he was really lucky, he would get welcome-home sex tonight, and he and Rodney could celebrate their homecoming together.

***

As soon as Carson had gotten him into the infirmary, Rodney had been subject to nearly every test known to man—and then some. But, by the time Elizabeth's welcome speech had rolled around, Carson had already managed to fix the nerve damage in his arm from the Ancient device. He was finally free of the stupid electrodes and the itchy glue Carson had used to secure them in place.

And then, of course, had been the trip to Kate's office.

After the panic attack on the X302, he shouldn’t have been surprised, but between the low-dose of meds from Carson and his now regularly-scheduled chats with the resident shrink, he was free to go.

He'd managed to grab a light dinner since the lunch Carson had fed him this afternoon was pitiful at best, before he finally dragged himself to his room, nearly tripping over the luggage and boxes of crap that had been delivered and left in the middle of the doorway.

With the balcony door open, the crap shoved to the side, Rodney finally started to relax. He was home.

He knew he had to go and check in with Radek, but he just didn't have the energy. Tugging off his clothes, boots, and socks, he collapsed on his bed, letting the sounds of the water outside his room slowly ease him into a light slumber.

The chime on his door woke him up, and from the light coming in through the windows, it was late evening.

He jerked awake, wiping the line of drool from the side of his mouth as he shoved himself upright. What? It took a minute and another chime from the door to get his brain in gear. Stumbling across the room, he finally waved his hand in front of the door panel, letting the door slide open.

John was leaning against the door frame, all lean lines and lazy grace. "Hey, there. I looked for you in the infirmary, but Carson said he had released you."

"Uh…yeah. Before." Rodney rubbed a hand over his face before he ushered John inside.

Stepping in, John waited until the door was shut to slip his arms around Rodney, his hands settling lightly on Rodney's hips. "Welcome home."

"Thanks," he said absently, forcing his body to relax.

"Feeling any better?" John's thumbs were drawing circles against his skin, having worked just under his waistband.

"Overall, yeah. No more weird hand pain." Rodney finally wrapped his arms around John, letting out a breath of air. Home. This was home.

John took that as an invitation to move a little closer, pulling their bodies into full contact. "Good. I hated seeing you in so much pain, knowing I couldn't do anything to help."

"Ancient voodoo device fixed it," he said gesturing with his hand behind John's back even though the other man couldn't see it. He leaned his head against John's shoulder, letting the other man support some of his weight. "You okay?"

John nuzzled into his neck. "I am now."

"Good good."

Using his nose, John got Rodney to tilt his head, pressing kisses all along his neck. "We don't have to worry about Beckett coming in. We can spend the whole damn night together, just us."

"We can sleep, too, right?"

John's soft laugh was hot against his skin. "I don't know if I'm up to much more than cuddling and sleeping. I'm about ten seconds away from passing out."

"Mmm…okay," Rodney replied, already feeling himself fading a little.

Pulling back, John started to slowly undress him. "We're going to take a hot shower, have lazy shower sex, and then pass out until tomorrow morning."

A tingle of panic hovered at the back of his mind. "Leave the door open?"

John's eyes were understanding. "Yes. Anything you need."

"It'll help." Rodney felt his cheek flushing a little. He hated this, but it was going to take a while to get it back under control.

Pushing Rodney's shirt off his shoulders, John dropped to his knees to start on his boxers. "You have to tell me if anything I do starts to make the walls close in on you. Anything that's too much too fast, I'll stop."

"'kay," he said grateful for John's understanding. He stepped out of his boxers as John stood, gathering him into his arms again, the fabric of his BDUs rough against Rodney's skin.

John kissed him deeply, tasting like the Athosian wine—he must have grabbed dinner not long ago. "God, I've missed being able to just take my time and love you."

"Not like we ever really have time here."

"More than on the ship." John mouthed his way down Rodney's neck, stopping on the mark on his shoulder.

"True," Rodney said as John's lips grazed what was left of his mark. He shivered and moaned softly, his body reacting instinctively to the sensation. "John…" he breathed quietly, letting his eyes close.

John hummed, approval and love and arousal all wrapped up in the sound. He went to work on the spot, making it vivid and tender once more, staking his visible claim on Rodney's body.

By the time he was done, Rodney was trembling, holding into John with desperate fingers.

"M'here, Rodney. Just let go. Let me love you, make you feel good. Let me make you forget anything except right now."

"Please, John," Rodney whispered, knowing that his lover would know what he needed.

John moved, capturing Rodney's mouth in a searing kiss. He only broke it when they were both desperate for air. He started to strip out of his own clothes, pausing to kiss Rodney again and again in between. By the time they were both naked, Rodney's entire body was humming with need.

Rodney heard himself whimper, and then John was quickly shushing him, holding him.

"Fall for me. Trust me to take care of you." John very gently led him into the bathroom, triggering the shower and pulling them both under the water. He was pressed against the wall, where the kisses turned wet before John grabbed the soap and washcloth.

With his eyes open, Rodney watched John as he washed him, his face intent and focused.

No patch of skin was missed—he was turned around and the corner of the cloth was even pushed just inside him.

But through it all, Rodney kept his eyes open, closing them only long enough to blink. The open bathroom door helped keep his demons at bay and simply knowing the balcony door was open helped.

When John turned him back around, the kiss was gentle, so full of emotion that it almost made Rodney's throat hurt.

He wrapped his arms around John—one holding the small of his back, the other curled around his neck, fingers threading through his hair. A low moan rumbled in his chest as Rodney felt his eyes close.

John's hands seemed to be everywhere, his touches light and fleeting. It was random, and Rodney was so caught up in the kisses that he couldn't predict what body part would be brushed against next.

And Rodney let himself go as John touched him, held him, kissed him, loved him.

Lips lingering, John finally pulled back enough to turn Rodney around. They both kept lube in the shower, since John loved shower sex so much, so it wasn't a surprise to feel a slick finger pushing inside him a moment later.

Rodney pushed back against John's hand, feeling the finger slide in further. He moaned as John's free hand rested on his hip, fingers caressing the skin.

Kissing his shoulder and neck, even nuzzling up into his hairline, John took his time. He refused to add a second finger, seemingly content with just this little bit of stimulation for the moment.

Rodney leaned back, pressing his body against John as the other man's arm wrapped around him. Reaching back, Rodney rubbed his hands along John's legs, touching whatever skin he could reach.

John licked his ear, tongue tracing the edges. "You're so fucking hot like this. So open. So mine. I love going so slow you go a little crazy, and I get to watch you come apart for me."

"Love you so much," Rodney whispered, losing himself in the sensations.

That earned him another kiss, and a finger crooked against his prostate. "I'm going to play with you until you're boneless, so gone with need you can't talk anymore. Then I'm going to fuck you hard so you'll feel it tomorrow. And then I'll put us both to bed."

Rodney moaned, nodding. He needed this. Needed John.

"You aren't going to come until I tell you to. We have a few cock rings stashed in with the luggage—you get to tell me now if you need one. You won't get another chance."

"Please, John…"

"Please go get a cock ring, or please make you hold your orgasm back without one?" His lover pressed hard against his prostate as he asked.

Rodney moaned, his knees nearly buckling.

"Answer me." John's voice took on the hard note of command, and he didn't let up off that sweet spot deep inside Rodney's body.

He moaned again pressing back against John. "…ring…" he finally managed to pant out.

Letting up, John pulled his finger free, kissing Rodney deeply at the same time. "Good boy. Very good. Lean against the wall for me while I go get it."

He whimpered as John left him in the shower, leaving him against the wall. He slid down, his legs buckling as the water poured down his back.

John wasn't gone long, making an amused noise when he found Rodney on the floor. His voice had both laughter and deep affection in it. "How do you expect to get fucked down there?"

Rodney only shook his head, another whimper leaving his throat.

John's hands were gentle on his body. "Come on, stand back up. I won't walk away again, so you'll have me to take some of your weight."

Once upright, Rodney turned into John, wrapping his arms around him.

He felt the slick slide of one of the rubber cock rings slide over his dick, securing him even as John kissed him breathless again. "Love you."

"Please, John," Rodney whispered, needing the release.

"Mmmm, no. Not yet. I want you mindless with want first." A finger worked its way back inside him. He was stretched enough that one felt good, but left him craving more.

Chest-to-chest with John didn't give the other man a lot of room to move or much leverage, but he didn't care. Slowly, John fucked him with a single finger. He couldn't get it in all the way and the small sensation was starting to drive Rodney nuts. Panting against John's shoulder, Rodney trembled, breathing in water and the smell of John's wet skin.

When he was starting to whimper, his noises getting more desperate, John finally slipped another finger in just past the ring of muscle. Then he stilled his hand.

As Rodney opened up, relaxing around the second finger, he leaned more against John, letting the other man support him, hold him.

After a while, John very gently turned him around again, pressing against Rodney's back as he used the better position to push his fingers in deeper. He once more found Rodney's prostate, massaging against it.

Rodney leaned back again, wanting to feel John against him, wanting more. He was moaning and whimpering as John played with him, teased him, forcing every fleeting thought from his mind.

It felt like hours had gone by before John was finally pushing his cock inside Rodney's body, filling him completely.

At this point, Rodney had no words.

John continued with his slow assault, fucking Rodney almost lazily. Each time he pulled almost all the way out before gliding back in, running over his prostate almost like a caress. He could feel the muscles in John's thighs trembling with the effort under his hands as he reached back, gripping him.

He was flying and John was giving him wings, giving him the wide open skies.

John pulled him so he was leaning back as he was being fucked, his head resting on John's shoulder. His lover pressed open-mouthed kisses against his lips.

And Rodney simply took it. His body trembled with each and every stroke, with each of John's thrusts, his body opening further, letting him in deeper each time, touching him deep inside.

"Rodney." John's voice was rough. "I'm going to pull the ring off in a moment and you're going to come as soon as I do."

He whimpered.

John's long fingers stroked him a few times, smearing pre-come all over the shaft. He tugged at the ring a few times, but didn't pull it off yet, continuing to fuck Rodney slowly.

John held him, stroked him, fucked him, pulling moans and whimpers and a high-pitched keening from him. But Rodney didn't care.

Finally, without any additional warning, the ring was slipped off, and John whispered, "Come," in his ear.

And he did. All over the wall and himself and John's hand, his cock spilling more and more, John's arm around him the only thing holding him up.

John gentled him through the aftershocks and then tilted him against the wall again. "Brace yourself. I'm going to fuck you hard until I come."

Rodney barely had time to get his hands up before John was moving—hard, rough—pounding into him.

The friction against his over-sensitive skin made him shiver, sending sparks of pleasure rolling through him. When John finally came with a cry, Rodney was one massive ball of nothing but sensation.

He slumped against the wall, pressed between John and the cold tile, trembling, barely hanging on.

John leaned against him for a long moment, breathing heavily. "I'm going to clean us both up again, and then we're going to bed."

Rodney nodded, whimpering as John pulled out, hissing at the loss of sensation and the soreness of his ass.

Moving quickly, John grabbed the washcloth once more, cleaning them both off. The shower then turned off and Rodney was led into the middle of the bathroom, where John dried him with the same intense concentration he used to fuck him.

And when there was not a drop of water left on him, John dropped the towels in the middle of the floor before tugging him to the bed, kissing and caressing him the entire time. He finally settled them in the small bed, John's chest against Rodney's back, his arm draped over his hip, the blanket pulled up halfway.

John fingers moved idly, petting and soothing him. "Love you," he whispered softly.

Rodney sighed contentedly. "Love you," he replied, words barely getting past his lips as slumber threatened to tug him under.

"Welcome home." John's soft words were warm against his neck as they both slipped into a deep sleep.

Yes, they were certainly home.

Finally.

***

The End


End file.
